GOODIES COR!! COMIC SYNOPSIS #47
(by Linda Kay)
(from C&G 123 – February 2006)
November 24th, 1973 No. 70
The British military certainly wasn't a taboo subject for the Goodies. Neither was cooking! But when the two combine you have a unique set up for a Cor!! comics entry which satisfies the soldiers ... but will it satisfy the reader as well?
Header: THE GOODIES HAVE A "CRACK" AT FRYING EGGS FOR THE ARMY!
We find The Goodies in their office (playing chutes and ladders, apparently) when an Army Sergeant-Major bursts in through the front door. Graeme jumps with fright, spilling his coffee, and Tim leaps to his feet and salutes.
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Atten-shun, Goodies! Stand by your beds!
The Goodies stand at attention as they listen to the Sergeant-Major explain his problem (his voice is so loud it is making Graeme and Tim's ties blow straight out!).
SERGEANT-MAJOR: I've got a company of hungry soldiers arriving back from manoeuvres, and it's your duty to provide them with a meal! They'll be here at 1600 hours!
TIM, GRAEME AND BILL: Yes, Sergeant-Major! Right-away, Sergeant-Major!
After the Sergeant leaves the Goodies get right to work. Bill has donned a chef's hat and apron and Tim looks confused while Graeme struggles to pull an enormous frying pan from a closet.
TIM: It's all very well for him to give us orders, but how are we going to cope?
GRAEME: No problem! I always knew this giant frying pan would come in useful! I was saving it for the next *gold rush!*
Graeme sets aside the frying pan and brings out a cement mixer as Tim carries dozens of eggs and a dozen bottles of milk from the larder.
TIM: Like Mother Hubbard, our food cupboard is now bare, *sob!*
GRAEME: Never mind - it's all in a good cause! Make way for my cement mixer!
Bill and Graeme work to dump the eggs and milk into the cement mixer, which churns it all together as Tim adjusts the mixer.
GRAEME: That's it! We'll soon have the world's biggest omelette!
TIM: B-but how are we going to *cook* it?
TIM SOON FOUND OUT ...
The Goodies take the pan and cement mixer out to a construction yard where a couple of workmen are sitting beside a fire pot. They set the pan on the fire and Graeme uses a shovel to stir the omelette around inside as it cooks. The construction workers sit back and enjoy the aroma of the cooking eggs.
BILL: This'll save our gas bill! Ta!
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS: Sniff! Yummy! Drool!
Once the omelette is done on one side, there arises the question of how to turn it over . Tim and Bill are holding on to the handle of the pan while Graeme cheerfully runs up a ladder and leaps off toward the handle.
TIM: How do we turn it?
GRAEME: Easy! We *toss* it! Ready, steady,
Graeme lands roughly on the handle of the pan which flips the huge omelette high into the air. Bill ends up being used as the fulcrum, while Tim gets the handle flying up into his nose.
GRAEME: . . . GERONIMOO-OO!
Graeme stands with one foot on the handle of the pan (Bill has been forced down into the ground and is beneath the handle *and* Graeme's foot) and looks up into the sky. Tim is watching the frying pan itself in anticipation.
TIM: Strange - it hasn't come down yet!
GRAEME: Well, it was very light!
All three Goodies look up at the sky where they see the omelette flying away from them.
TIM: Too light! The wind's caught it!
They Goodies jump onto their trandem and ride after the wayward omelette.
GRAEME: Follow that omelette!
BILL: We don't have time to make anything else ... it's almost 1600 hours!
As the Goodies ride down the street they pass the home of a militarized old man whose yard looks like he's been preparing for World War III since World War II! He raises an antique rifle and fires at the huge omelette (as he does so his pants fall down).
OLD MAN: Gad! We're being invaded by *flying saucers!* I won't be found wanting when my country is in danger!
GRAEME: Hey! That's our omelette, you old nit!
The gunshot sails past the omelette without hitting it (although the shot does hit the tail end of a bird).
ONE OF THE GOODIES: He *missed!* Thank goodness!
But right behind the bird comes a Royal Air Force helicopter, and its blades are spinning right toward the unsuspecting omelette.
BILL: I can't watch!
The helicopter blades obliterate the omelette, sending egg flying in all directions and raining down all over the Goodies heads with a SPLOT!, SPLAT! and PLUFF!
BILL: Looks like everyone in Cortown is going to have egg on their faces - *urgh!*
This gives Graeme an idea.
GRAEME: On their faces! That's it! Play the "Pied Piper" to the soldiers - and I'll tell you where to bring them!
The Goodies are on their trandem again and heading back to their offices where the soldiers are waiting. They can hear a loud rumble around the corner.
TIM: Is that them marching?
GRAEME: No! That's all their tummies rumbling!
Graeme stays at the far end of the street as Tim and Bill approach the soldiers. Tim commands them in true militaristic fashion.
TIM: On the word of command, you will face left and open your mouths!
Graeme has approached the open window of a bakery and begins jeering and mocking the bakers inside.
GRAEME: Yah! Can't bake for tuppence! Rasp!
BAKER: *Cheek!* Sauce!
As the soldiers march by and face left the bakers are hurling pies, donuts and other baked goods at Graeme, who is on the other side of them, so the baked goods fly into the passing soldier's mouths.
TIM: FACE LEFT!
BILL: On target!
GRAEME: See - feeding the army is a piece of cake!
Sign-Off Line: The Goodies Will Be On Target Again Next Week!
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
III - Goody goody yum yum.
Okay, now this comic really is a lot of fun and most importantly you could actually see the Goodies attempting something like this in one of their episodes! While they might not normally be so enthusiastic about helping the military, this task of simply feeding some hungry soldiers is believable. Brought into play are some wacky items (a giant frying pan) and the use of normal, everyday items in a very unusual way (the cement mixer to mix the omelette and a shovel to stir it). Also the idea of a giant omelette flying over Cortown is pretty inventive.
There are also a number of smaller site gags to note. Tim and Graeme's ties flying in the breeze of the Sergeant-Major's bellowing is quite funny. When Graeme produces the cement mixer, Bill's chef's hat jumps up off his head in surprise. Tim has also apparently dropped one of the eggs inside the larder. The workers at the construction site are characteristically sitting back and doing nothing really.
The entire omelette flipping scene is extremely humorous and cartoonish! The omelette's flight is handled well and the amount of militaristic stuff in the old man's yard really lets you know his character in one quick panel! And who doesn't want to see a giant omelette thrown into a million directions by a helicopter's blades?
When the Goodies hear the rumbling of the soldier's tummies around the corner they aren't the only ones. A woman and little boy with a teddy bear cower in fear as the building next to them shakes, its chimney crumbling and windows shattering. And it's fairly amazing how well the soldiers catch the donuts in their mouths, while Graeme is pelted with what looks like a particularly hard scone.
All in all this comic really delivers. There aren't a lot of puns or verbal jokes but what few there are work very well. And visually it's just a treat for the eye and really takes advantage of a situation which would be hard to recreate in real life ... not that the Goodies themselves wouldn't have tried it at some point!