GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #22
(by Linda Kay)
(from C&G 94 – October 2003)
2 June, 1973 No. 45
On an episode of the Goodies television series our heroes became art thieves in an oddball attempt to actually help the National Gallery retain a classic painting. In this Cor!! comic outing the tables are turned as the Goodies are hired to guard some valuable paintings from art thieves. It's a safe bet that Monarch of the Glen is not one of the paintings they are transporting.
Header: THE GOODIES MAKE AN EXHIBITION OF THEMSELVES TRYING TO SAVE SOME PICTURES!
An artist enters The Goodies office with several paintings tucked under his arms. Bill examines one with a magnifying glass as Tim scowls from behind a copy of Cor!! and Graeme stands in front of the desk.
ARTIST: Get these valuable paintings of mine to the gallery, Goodies! A gang of rival artists are out to steal them so that they can have *their* work exhibited instead!
GRAEME: We'll give them the brush-off, sir!
The Goodies mount their trandem, leaving Bill to hold all of the paintings on the back seat.
TIM: Keep your eyes open for an ambush!
BILL: 'ambush? Since when has food been growing on trees?
Suddenly a group of artists appear (obviously artists since they are all wearing berets, smocks and are carrying paint pallets). One squirts a tube of paint at the Goodies as they pass.
BAD ARTIST #1: They've got the paintings! *After them!*
TIM: That must be the gang of rival artists!
The Goodies race into an alley then smash into a crate at the back of it (sending a black and white cat flying).
TIM: Quick, take off your braces! I've an idea how we can fool them!
BAD ARTISTS (off panel): They've disappeared!
The Goodies remove their suspenders as Tim begins writing words on the back of the canvasses. Bill holds his pants up with one hand.
BILL: Ooer! I've a feeling this idea is going to be a 'let down'!
TIM: Ssh! I'm writing slogans on the plain backs of the pictures!
The Goodies emerge from the alleyway wearing the canvasses like sandwich boards, each with one in front and one in the back held up by the suspenders. On the boards are faux advertisements such as DINE AT FRED'S NOSHERAMA and READ COR!! The artists stand reading the adverts and looking confused.
BAD ARTIST #2: Come on, try this way!
TIM (whispering): They think the pictures are sandwich boards - you must admit it was a real 'artful' idea!
GRAEME: Let's get on our way!
It begins to rain as the Goodies walk down the street. They hold the paintings over their heads to protect themselves from the downfall as they approach a construction site.
GRAEME: At least these pictures are useful for *something* - keeping off the rain!
TIM: And we'll soon by home and dry - I think we've given those artists the slip!
But the artists are coming down the street behind them, shouting. The Goodies, who are around the corner, hear them approaching.
BAD ARTIST #2: They can't have got far!
TIM: Oh-oh, sounds like they're after us again!
BILL: It's alright - I've had a brainwave!
Tim and Graeme are confused as Bill instructs them to form a box around themselves with the paintings while he dumps a bucket of dry cement on his head.
BILL: Hold the paintings in a square and hide inside them while I pour this cement powder over myself!
TIM: Eh? Bill must have flipped.
GRAEME: Let's do as he says - what have we got to lose?
The artists come around the corner where Bill is now standing on top of the makeshift "box", posing as a statue with the cement covering him. The artists are befuddled.
ARTIST #2: We'll take a short cut to the art gallery and lay in wait for them!
BILL (thinking): Ooer! That will *pose* another problem!
GRAEME or TIM: Hope they soon go - I'm cramped in here!
When the artists have left, Graeme and Tim gather the paintings and started to leave the alley. Bill is lying on the ground in the position he had been posing in.
GRAEME: Come on! I'll think of *some way* of getting past them!
BILL: Hey, don't leave me here! *The rain has set the cement!*
As the Goodies approach the final corner to the art gallery, they pass an abandoned building. Graeme and Tim are carrying the still hardened Bill on their shoulders.
TIM: The art gallery is just round the corner - but that gang will be waiting for us!
GRAEME: Into this building. I know how to dodge them!
Using some tools they find in the building, Graeme works on connecting the canvasses with planks of wood while Tim works to chip Bill out of his cement encasement.
GRAEME: I'll turn the paintings into wings by nailing the frames together!
TIM: I might as well chip Bill out!
Graeme climbs a ladder to the roof with the newly formed "wings" attached to his arms using Tim and Bill's braces as they watch on (holding onto their pants again).
GRAEME: Upon the roof - it's going to be 'plain sailing' now!
BILL: Huh, wasn't worth putting my braces back on!
Graeme launches himself off the roof and toward the art gallery as Tim and Bill watch (their pants now down around their ankles).
BILL: Graeme's really un*flap*pable at times!
Graeme crashes through the glass roof of the art gallery as the artists scream and shout on the street far below.
BILL: He's made it! He sure proved too fly for that mob!
TIM: We should get a nice reward for this job!
And indeed the artist enters the Goodies office carrying three Picasso-esque (and very ugly) paintings of the Goodies, which Tim, Bill and Graeme recoil from.
ARTIST: Well done, Goodies! I've painted these pictures of you as a gift!
TIM: That's us?
Finally the Goodies, dressed as artists, are seen standing on a street with other struggling artists who are trying to sell their paintings, only they're trying to get rid of the paintings of themselves. A sign on their stall reads "Paintings for Pinching - PLEASE TAKE 'EM!!!"
TIM: Those art thieves *must* be around *somewhere!*
Sign-Off Line: Our T.V. Chuckle Champs Return in Next Week's Super Issue!
Additional material from this issue:
The Cor-ments section of this issue includes a photo of The Goodies upon their trandem which is accompanied by the caption: THE GOODIES ARE RIDING HIGH!
This letter from a fan follows:
"I think The Goodies are *great* so please, *please*, PLEASE print a picture of them in Cor!! News!
KATHRYN ASHTON, MARKET HAYBOROUGH."
Cor!! responds this way:
"Your wish is our command, Kathryn, so here's a snap of Bill, Graeme and Tim enjoying a spin on their crazybike. You can follow their zany adventures every week in COR!! - Ed."
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
III - Goody goody yum yum.
This particular comic adventure is a real mixed blessing. Artistically speaking it's very rich and the situations which are represented are quite imaginative and fun. Unfortunately the dialogue isn't always up to par, often used to simply describe what is happening visually. Some panels contain no jokes at all, while others contain jokes which are almost unbearable (in particular the 'ambush joke, which is pretty weak by any standards).
What *is* fun about this comic are the background details, which are numerous and clever. In the same panel as the aforementioned terrible pun is a funny gag where a painter is standing in front of a field of bulls painting a can of corned beef. An unappreciative bull is charging the unwary artist. The black and white cat which has made several appearances in previous Goodies Cor!! comics makes several here as well. Not only is he in the alley when the Goodies crash into a crate, but he's in the Goodies apartment with a question mark above his head when the artist brings them their portraits, and he also reacts violently to the paintings in the final panel.
Graeme's sandwich board, just barely visible behind the others, reads "The End of the World." An office around the corner from the construction site is a domestic agency headed by the name "Hiram Cheep." The construction zone contains some subtle jokes . . . the Men at Work sign shows a man leaning against a shovel and sleeping. A sign on a doorway reads "Liam Regis Irish Sweep" and is a chimney sweep shop. One of the paintings they are delivering is of a can of Brown Windsor Soup. The sign on the door of the abandoned building reads "FOR SALE - This desirous condemned warehouse - 900,000 pounds inc. VAT. & dry rot." A couple of mice go running as Tim starts to chip Bill out of the cement. Graeme scares away a couple of birds as he takes off from the roof. And the artist with the booth next to the Goodies in the last panel has the words "Struggling Genius" above his paintings and asking prices such as 4,000, 2,500 and 10,000 pounds for his artwork. All in all this comic balances out to be a fun and creative outing, certainly worth of a good rating.