» Introduction & Index
» 1 Lemon Sherbet
» 2 Newsreaders
» 3 Targets: Max & Des
» 4. Goodies Turning ...
» 5. Beanz Ads
» 6. Targets: Nichola...
» 7. Goodies In Love
» 8. The Trandem
» 9. Targets: Tony Bl...
» 10. Inventions
» 11. Tim In Drag
» 12. Targets - David...
» 13. Bill's Outfits
» 14. Live Music
» 15. Targets: Mary &...
» 16. Goodies Relatives
» 17. Tim's Patriotic...
» 18. Targets: Rolf H...
» 19. Bill & Graeme i...
» 20. Sports & Games
» 21. Targets: Lionel...
» 22. Guest Stars: Pa...
» 23. Graeme's Computer
» 24. Monty Python Re...
» 25. Targets: Eddie ...
» 26. Memorable Animals
» 27. Foreigners
» 28. Targets: The Ra...
» 29. Graeme falling ...
» 30. Targets - Royal...
» 31. Tim Crying
» 32. Baddies & Villa...
» 33. Targets: Ken Ru...
» 34. Quick Change Ca...
» 35. Goodies Deaths
A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES
by Brett Allender
1. BILL'S LEMON SHERBET TRIPS
Tim's aunt may well have provided the money to get the Goodies' venture off and racing, but it's Bill's Granny that unwittingly provides the spark that allows him to take a trip to paradise without even leaving the office and helps to further the plot of several episodes in the first series.
Dear old Granny lovingly sends Bill little tubes of lemon sherbet which, in Tim's words, is "perfectly harmless, but it turns him on.". Tim also makes the observation on a couple of occasions that "sometimes (Bill) has incredible insights into the true nature of reality" while he is away in lemon sherbet land, although the Vicar in "The Greenies" responds somewhat astutely with, "I rather thought that was my job!"
These remarkable psychedelic sherbet-fuelled sights are usually for Bill's eyes only, however Graeme has the bright idea of hooking Bill up to the computer screen so that his visions are projected for all those in the room to witness and decipher.
Generally Bill's vivid visions fall into three less-than-helpful categories (for Tim and Graeme at least) – sexy girls, kaleidoscopic patterns and a secret yearning to appear on "Top Of The Pops". However after clearing away all of the chaff, he invariably comes up with a golden grain of information and inspiration that helps with the advancement of the particular storyline.
In "Beefeaters", Bill's very first sherbet-inspired vision, to his ecstatic bellows of "Oh I don't believe that!", is the well-endowed photo of a topless girl (which not surprisingly is a vision that was deftly cut from the show screenings by our very own Desiree Carthorse equivalent in Australia, good old Aunty ABC!) Her subsequent replacement with a whirl of colours and a placard of "Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible" is met with Graeme grumbling "Keep sucking, you fool!"
Bill's "Top Of The Pops" obsession is then betrayed by the brief appearance of Jimmy Savile on-screen before he ultimately comes up with a strange rebus (see photo gallery below) to help solve the question that even has Graeme's computer stumped: Who is stealing the Beefeater's beef? After some unsuccessful attemps to solve the puzzle (Tim: "Old lady with a big mouth" Graeme "My mother-in-law! … Old lady with a big mouth …" Tim: "And big ding-dongs!") the eventual revelation of "crow-n chew-ells" gives the Goodies the tip-off (the tip off what? – sorry, just couldn't resist!) that the Crown Jewels are in danger of being stolen and they venture forth to the Tower Of London from there.
In "Give Police A Chance", Bill is so traumatised by police brutality that he retreats into his lemon sherbet world ("Bye bye!") as the others are dreading a return visit from the bombastic Police Commissioner who wants the Goodies to improve the public image of the police force from its current deeply-ingrained nasty and unhelpful reputation. After Graeme's computer is again stuck for ideas, Tim goes to ask a sherbet-sucking Bill for his thoughts, only for Graeme to interject with "Oh it's no use asking him. He's tuned in and dropped off. He doesn't want to know. He's rejected society. He's escaped to a better world."
Tim's blubbering reply of "I want to go with him!" amounts to nought and Bill is still off in a world of his own when the Police Commissioner barges back into the Goodies' office and spots him.
PC: "Hang on. What's that he's sucking?!" Tim: "It's only lemon sherbet."
PC: "Oh that's alright then. I thought it might be … certain substances! Carry on Sir."
However when Bill starts having visions and accompanying ecstatic reactions to them, the Police Commissioner barks "He sees things? What things?! I want to have a look! Perhaps he's seeing obscene visions! I shall confiscate them!"
After seeing the "pleasing effect" of a kaleidoscopic pattern on the screen, Bill's next vision is definitely obscene – an image of Tony Blackburn! This prompts the Police Commissioner to snap "Who's that poof?!", before Graeme reassures him that Bill only wants to be on "Top Of The Pops". Bill's next vision of a "laughing policeman" has the Police Commissioner outraged at the undignified thought of the police being nice and happy to members of the general public ("What's he doing? Stop that! Sergeant, hit him!"), but it leads on to the Goodies becoming laughing, joy-spreading, flower-tossing members of the police force themselves.
The rarely-screened "Playgirl Club" then gives Bill's sherbet trips a notable change in direction. Tim is undertaking his first "gender bender" role as Mitzi to infiltrate the women-only Playgirl Club on a mission for one of the Goodies' clients, however Bill and Graeme are worried about his lengthy disappearance.
Graeme: He's been gone a long time, hasn't he?!" Bill: "Three weeks."
Graeme: "What do you think he's doing?"
Bill: "C'mon, what would you be doing if you were in a place like that, hey?!"
Graeme (shocked): "No he can't do that! Not when he's dragged up like Queen Victoria!"
Bill (rather flippantly): "Maybe he's told them he's really a fella!"
Graeme: "Well they'd think he's a funny looking fella dressed in a crinoline."
Bill: "Look, wire me up to the screen and I'll see if I can get him on the old lemon sherbet line, hey?"
Graeme: "Think you can?" Bill (wistfully, holding his sherbet aloft) "I shall suck it and see!"
After another pretty kaleidoscopic pattern and a fleeting glimpse of Tony Blackburn, Bill focuses in on three beautiful ladies relaxing on a couch inside the opulent Playgirl Club and starts to flip out over them. Another much plainer-looking woman parks herself in the middle of them as a turned-off Bill moans "Ooh, I don't fancy that one!" Graeme realises that it's Tim, but immediately a "censored" placard blocks the screen and their spying mission is thwarted, necessitating them to enter the Playgirl Club themselves as Wolves, the male equivalent of Bunnies.
The next episode, "The Greenies", also sees Bill's sherbet visions put to use in surveillance camera mode by wiring him up to the Vicar's TV set to enable the Goodies to eavesdrop on a top-secret army meeting at the base on nearby Penrudden Hill. Their mission is successful, hearing all of the army commander's plans, such as "There are several possibilities for this missile testing range, but this site here is completely barren. Nobody lives there, nothing grows there, nobody wants it, there's obviously something wrong with it. So we won't go there!" The bugging mission comes to a sudden halt when Bill overheats, blowing his mind ("Wheee!") and the Vicar's TV set in the process, but the Goodies are now armed with enough information to thwart the army's dastardly plans.
At the end of the first series, the Goodies were apparently requested by the BBC to drop the lemon sherbet visions from future episodes, probably because the BBC was concerned that the family-friendly time slot that the show was being screened in might have led to viewer complaints about the drug-like connotations of Bill tripping out and seeing psychedelic visions. Who knows, maybe LSD stands for "Lemon Sherbet Delirium" after all!
This seemed to work in The Goodies' favour though as they were then able to use many other scenarios for plot development rather than potentially overusing that one particular concept to kick the storylines along. While Bill's lemon sherbet visions are ultimately confined to being an enjoyable feature of the first series, he can still be seen quietly sucking away on his sherbet tube at times in later episodes such as "The Music Lovers", "Antiques", "The New Office", "That Old Black Magic" and the "A Collection Of Goodies" special. Definitely a case of "It's whatever turns you on!"
"Leave him, he's on a trip!"
Bill's "crow-n chew-ells" rebus
1/3 Give Police A Chance
Bill's getting excited over his visions!
The Police Commissioner suspects it's "certain substances!"
Psychedelic, but a "pleasing effect" for the police
"Who's that poof?!" Just Tony from Top Of The Pops!
Bill's "laughing policeman" is "most undignified" according to the cops
1/4 Playgirl Club
"I shall suck it and see!"
Bill "doesn't fancy that one" in the middle
1/5 The Greenies
Bill overheats and blows his mind ("Wheee!")
3/1 The New Office
No visions for Bill, but a quiet suck of the sherbet while
waiting for the builder to finish