GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #40
(by Linda Kay)
(from C&G 116 – July 2005)
6th October, 1973 No. 63
The battle between the establishment and long hair was still very much in people's minds in the early 70's, and the Cor!! comic we will be reviewing this month takes advantage of that situation to present a purely humorous take on the subject.
Header: THE GOODIES TRY TO CATCH A PHANTOM BARBER - IT'S HAIR-RAISING!
The Goodies are walking down the street where they see numerous posters and signs promoting haircuts and protesting long hair outside a building. A hippie is being grabbed off the street by someone inside the doorway.
BILL: What kind of a *hair-brained campaign* is this?
Within seconds the hippie is booted back onto the street, clean shaven and completely bald! The Goodies eye this with concern.
MAN INSIDE DOORWAY: Done - next, please!
GRAEME: Back to the office, lads - this is worth looking into!
Back in their office, the Goodies watch television as a bald newscaster tearfully explains the situation.
NEWSCASTER: The Phantom Barber today continued his protest campaign by shearing dozens of innocent citizens including *me!* Sob!
TIM: What we need is a lead - just one pointer!
A toy suction cup arrow with a note attached to it lands squarely on Tim's nose.
GRAEME: Wow! A message from the *Phantom Barber* himself!
Graeme holds up the Phantom Barber's message to the others. It reads "I am about to collect my most prized trophy - Santa's beard! Goodies - do not interfear intafeer *get in my way!*
GRAEME: By george, he means business!
The Goodies don winter gear and ride the trandem to the airport.
TIM: To the airport, chaps - Santa's beard is first priority for protection!
HOURS LATER ...
The Goodies, still in their winter coats, are sweltering on the crowded airplane. Bill is looking out the window with a pair of binoculars.
BILL: I don't know whether that's Scotland or Alaska down there - all I can see is a moose!
TIM: It won't be long now - I hope!
A beautiful stewardess with a dazzling smile makes an announcement, motioning to the Goodies. The Goodies eagerly climb out of their seats to follow her.
STEWARDESS: Passengers for the North Pole?
BILL: C'mon - that's us!
The Goodies find themselves being pushed out of the airplane by the still perky stewardess with only one parachute to cling to. They hang on to one another for dear life as they plummet from the plane.
STEWARDESS: We don't exactly land at the North Pole - count up to ten and pull the rip-cord!
The Goodies roughly float to the ground, or rather the icy water next to a glacier where they see a bald polar bear shivering in the cold and a set of footprints leading away.
TIM: Look - the Phantom Barber has got here before us!
GRAEME: Quick! Follow those tracks, men!
They follow the footprints in the snow which leads them to a small igloo. There seems to be a commotion coming from within the ice structure.
GRAEME: Listen - what's going on in there?
VOICE FROM IGLOO: Ganga wota helinbak!
Bill quickly consults his handy Eskimo Phrase Book as the ruckus inside the igloo continues with a WHACK and SNIP! Tim looks at the igloo in confusion.
BILL: -Mm! Ganga wota helinbak - is Eskimo for - stick your - snipping instrument - up your furry jumper!
A hand with a pair of scissors appears from the top of the igloo. Realizing they have cornered their target, the Goodies grow excited and urge Bill to dive into the igloo to catch their man.
TIM: It's the Phantom Barber!
GRAEME: After him, Bill!
A huge struggle ensues as the igloo breaks more and more apart, fists flying from within.
TIM: You show him, Bill!
GRAEME: Go on, Bill!
At last Bill emerges from the crumbled igloo, the hood of his coat pulled around his head and face, but he has the masked Phantom Barber in tow. A happy (and partially shorn) Eskimo stands behind them.
BILL: *Puff! Pant!* Got him!
GRAEME: Good! Get him on to the Eskimo's sledge!
PHANTOM BARBER: I - I only did it 'cos I always supported the Injuns in the movies!
The Goodies take the Eskimo's dog sled and as they head home they pass a large igloo with a sign out front that reads "S. Claus Esq. - Annual Vacation - Back in 3 months." Bill points to this as they drive by.
BILL: *Grr!* After all the fuss, we needn't have bothered - *look!*
GRAEME: Er - no need to get so upset, Bill lad!
Bill pulls the hood from his head to show he is completely clean shaven and bald, much to Tim and Graeme's shock.
BILL: Oh, no? I didn't come out of that fight completely unscathed, you know!
Sign-Off Line: The Goodies Will Be "Hair" Again Next Week!
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
IIII - Officially amazing.
This entry into the Goodies Cor!! comics really gets back to the deeply detailed panels we've come to hope and expect. The first panel is almost *too* busy with the numerous protest signs the Phantom Barber has erected; they read "Barbers of the World Unite! You have nothing to lose but your scalps!", "Keep the barbers IN work," "Down with long hair," and "Get a Haircut - in fact get 'em ALL cut!" A little street sign on one pole even shows it is a "No Shaving" zone. The hippie who is snatched off the street is carrying a small transistor radio and is wearing beads and a peace sign necklace. A poodle passing by is carrying a sign which reads "Unfair to poodles." And a small child with long hair is standing against the wall of the building reading a Cor!! comic book.
As the Goodies are watching the newscaster on television (who is sporting a rather unprofessional style suit with a large polka dotted bow tie) we can already see the arrow with the message approaching from outside the window, having been shot from a window across the street. As the Goodies ride the trandem to the airport they pass a business man with a bowler hat and umbrella and also a very effeminate long hairstyle which a pair of hands with scissors and comb are reaching for (another kid is watching as this happens). A military man passing by in the background also sports a very long hairstyle.
On the airplane there is a small call pipe in the back marked "Engine Room." The man sitting next to Bill is trying to eat his meal but Bill's posterior is hitting him on the side of the head as Bill looks out the window with binoculars. We can see the moose Bill has spotted in the distance below (there also appear to be a set of fingers barely visible which are clinging outside the window of the plane!). A man sitting in front of them is reading a newspaper and the headline reads "Where is the Phantom Barber? By our special hairdressing cor-respondent, Dan Drough." A map above the seats resembles a map of the Underground but in the middle where it indicates "You Are Here" it points to the North Pole (try playing Mornington Crescent with that!).
The plane's stewardess has a smile which literally sparkles. Bill knocks over the meal and crushes the man seated next to him as he crawls over the seat in his haste to get to the stewardess. A sign above the windows further down reads "Do not lean out of the windows." As the Goodies are pushed out of the plane we see a small sailboat in the water below. We can also see the airline is Package Deal Tours, Inc. and a small wind-up key on the side of the plane reads "Auxiliary Motor." Nuts and bolts also seem to be flying from the engine of the plane.
As the Goodies land near the naked polar bear there is a seal on an ice flow behind them balancing a spotted ball on its nose. When they reach the Eskimo's igloo there are numerous sled dogs standing around. In the background is a clothes line with some frozen socks and a frozen parka on it. A television aerial on the top of the igloo is also frozen solid. As Bill consults the phrase book we can see Graeme's glasses are completely frozen. The Eskimo Phrase Book is marked as the Pocket Edition by I. Sickle.
As Bill struggles with the Phantom Barber in the igloo we can see a pair of eyes peering out from within. One of the sled dogs in the foreground has stuck his paws in his ears and clenched his eyes. As Bill leads the Phantom Barber from the wrecked igloo we see the man himself is mostly bald. Outside Santa's igloo there are several penguins lazing about, a couple of milk bottles in the doorway, a frozen mail drop box and a small chimney on the far side of the structure with a frozen note above (presumably from the artist) which reads "Practice Only."
This comic obviously pre-dated the episode Earthanasia by some time, using the idea of the clean-shaven and bald Bill Oddie as its key joke. As the Goodies would find out themselves when applying this joke the audience was simply too stunned to laugh. The same could be said of this comic ... it's a bit jarring to even see a cartoon Bill this way! The dialogue is not as strong in this outing but the overall idea and execution (and especially the artwork) is so well done it deserves praise as a full and satisfying episode.