» Introduction & Index
» 1 Lemon Sherbet
» 2 Newsreaders
» 3 Targets: Max & Des
» 4. Goodies Turning ...
» 5. Beanz Ads
» 6. Targets: Nichola...
» 7. Goodies In Love
» 8. The Trandem
» 9. Targets: Tony Bl...
» 10. Inventions
» 11. Tim In Drag
» 12. Targets - David...
» 13. Bill's Outfits
» 14. Live Music
» 15. Targets: Mary &...
» 16. Goodies Relatives
» 17. Tim's Patriotic...
» 18. Targets: Rolf H...
» 19. Bill & Graeme i...
» 20. Sports & Games
» 21. Targets: Lionel...
» 22. Guest Stars: Pa...
» 23. Graeme's Computer
» 24. Monty Python Re...
» 25. Targets: Eddie ...
» 26. Memorable Animals
» 27. Foreigners
» 28. Targets: The Ra...
» 29. Graeme falling ...
» 30. Targets - Royal...
A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES
13. BILL'S OUTFITS
Throughout the entire run of the show, all three Goodies have ample opportunities to dress up in an array of weird and wonderful costumes depending on the surreal flight of fancy that each particular episode is undertaking. These will be looked at in more detail in a separate article, especially the outfits emanating from the trips into the quick change cabinet, but the focus for the moment is on the everyday "civvies" that the Goodies wear around the office much of the time and often out and about when duty calls as well.
While Graeme is generally clad in variations of his brown suit (which he slips on in one piece like a pair of overalls in Snooze and Kitten Kong) and matching brown tie (with an "I'm A Goody" badge in later series), and Tim invariably has his navy blue 3 piece suit with a light blue shirt and tie (and trademark Union Jack waistcoat from Series 5 onwards), Bill is the fashion plate of the trio, sporting a sequence of different memorably funky outfits which change in various degrees from series to series.
Bill's standard garb in Series 1 consists of runners, dark-coloured jeans, thick brown studded belt, dark brown vest, a long necklace and yellow t-shirt with "The Goodies" emblazoned in large red print on the front. His outfit during Series 2 is virtually the same except for his yellow t-shirt sporting a brown "I'm A Goody" logo and his vest being a brown leather one in latter episodes.
His attire is the subject of the following exchange in "Freedom To Live" after he has posed as a "militant sister" and dobbed Graeme and Tim into the Women's Liberation movement for having "male chauvinist pig" attitudes towards Graeme's hot date, Debbie. Upon barging into the Goodies office, Barbara, the Women's Lib inspector, demands to know who has sent for her: "I was called by a Militant Sister!" Bill: "That's right. That's me." Barbara (looking at his jacket, beads etc): "Hmm, should have guessed by the uniform. (laughs) I say, I like the beard. That's really what I call equality!" Bill (slightly indignantly): "I'm not a woman." Barbara: "Well what are you doing dressed up like one then?" Bill "I'm not dressed up … (compares what they are wearing) … oh I see what you mean actually, yes. Anyway I am a man, but I'm on your side."
A relaxed but rather scruffy-looking Bill lounging in his bean bag is given a dressing-down by Tim at the start of "That Old Black Magic" in Series 3. Bill noisily protests: "Oh! Get off me will you, for heaven's sake" as Tim vigorously whacks him with a duster while doing the housework, only for Tim to snap back: "Well what if a client came in and saw you, hey?! What would they think? Ooh you are a grubby grotty little scruffpot!" B (sarcastically): "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but please don't hit me, will you?" T (disgusted): "Look at you! Ooh. You can't even dress properly! Why don't you wear ties and suspenders like everyone else! And look at your shoes … they're disgusting!" B (somewhat miffed): "Those are my feet!"
Perhaps Bill's most memorable outfit is the one that he wears for much of Series 3 and for few episodes of Series 4, which consists of purple jacket (with "I'm A Goody" patches on the elbows) and flared jeans with white striped panels, a long necklace and a yellow Goodies t-shirt (with a red and black drawing of the three Goodies aboard the trandem holding a banner with "The Goodies" printed on it). This eye-catching combination serves him well until "Hospital For Hire" but it's then his "weekend leisure attire" of a tight-fitting crimson top, matching flares, and heaps of beads and necklaces that invokes Tim's scorn in "The Stone Age". Finding themselves stuck inside the stomach of a prehistoric Tyrannosaurus rex underneath the office during a less-than-successful potholing mission, Tim and Bill resort to entertaining themselves with a game of imaginary football. After Bill's team of Chelsea substitutes have scored an exciting 3-2 victory over Tim's Derby County thanks to an unlikely hat-trick from the boot of Hayley Mills, and Bill is sprung wolfing down a juicy piece of chicken while the others are surviving on a meagre ration of two beans a day, the verbal sniping begins.
T (to B, annoyed): "You pig! You common little oik!" B (aggravated): "Don't start getting at me again! Just 'cos I'm not a smoothie like you, in'it?!" T: "Shut your gob!" B (mockingly): "Ooh, shut your gob! Well, so much for Winchester and Cambridge! Ooh hoo. Tell you something mate. We only keep you on 'cos you can type." T (offended): "Ooh! That's not true. I do the washing up as well! Which is more than you do, you … you … oh, get your hair cut!" B: "Hair!! What about your hair?! You look like Susan Hampshire!" T (snapping back): "Maybe … maybe, but at least I don't dress like her! Trouser suits and necklaces!" B: "Yeah well, I've seen you get dressed, haven't I, yes. And I happen to know that you tuck your shirt inside your underpants! (chortles) You do!" T (embarrassed): "Only in the winter." B: "You're a sissy!" T: "Lout!" B: "Nancy!" T: "Cow!" B: "Bitch!" T (utterly offended): Oooh!! Ooh, that does it! If you want me I shall be in the spleen!
Bill's Series 5 outfit in episodes such as "Clown Virus" and "Cunning Stunts" consists of an unbuttoned brown long-sleeved shirt with various patches and other badges (including "I'm A Goody", an anchor and some hippy-style flowers) over his yellow Goodies t-shirt, coupled with maroon flares that are also adorned with several badges and patches. Tim has a less-than-subtle swipe at Bill's appearance and attitude in "Cunning Stunts" as he reads his advertisement aloud after he and Graeme have sacked a useless, lovestricken Bill: "Wanted ... third Goody to share. Grotty little hairy frustrated pop stars need not apply." Bill's only major departure from this look is in "The End" where he is wearing a very eye-catching bright purple Goodies t-shirt throughout the episode.
By Series 6, the transformation of the Goodies from helping guest stars solve problems to creating their own bizarre escapades to solve is well and truly complete. The Goodies therefore spend a considerable amount of time in various costumes or clothing befitting their particular situation rather than in their regular "office wear", but Bill can still be seen in episodes such as "Hype Pressure" wearing a black and white tracksuit top (with "The Goodies" printed on the back), white Goodies t-shirt (with a full colour drawing of the Goodies on the trandem holding an "I'm A Goody" banner) and blue jeans.
Bill's Series 7 gear is a little different again, consisting of a blue zip-up jacket (with a prominent "I'm A Goody" badge on it), light blue t-shirt and blue jeans. In "Earthanasia" after Bill has unsuccessfully tried to cure Tim's belly button inhibitions by posing as Tim's Mum (only to find that Tim's inhibitions stemmed from his Mum having a beard just like Bill's!), we see Bill re-entering the office just a few minutes before the world is due to end at midnight, dressed in suit, tie and shiny shoes and, most surprisingly, with no beard. B (holding a razor in his hand): "Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything silly with this." G (stunned at the sight of a beardless Bill): "You already have done! Why have you done that?!" B: "It's all for Tim. I know for all these years he's thought of me as uncouth and unkempt, well, before he goes I just wanted him to see the real me." G: "You vicious swine! That's not the real you, is it?" B: "Yes it is. All these years I've been living a lie. I'll tell you something … (points to his thick mop of hair with razor) … I haven't finished yet." G (horrified): "Uh uh uh, That's virgin forest there, mate. Don't go in without a guide.!" B (with resignation): "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity", as he removes his wig which turns out to be a long-haired Peruvian gerbil. G: "Well now that it's off your chest … off your scalp, I suppose you're off out to have fun, are you?" B (horrified): "Are you joking? I'm not going out looking like this!" G: "Well why the suit and the shiny shoes?" B: "I told you, it's all for Tim, isn't it?! I want to be there with him at the end, and I just want to be to him the mother he never had." Of course, Bill's noble sacrifice is abjectly wasted on an obnoxious, free-speaking Tim, who returns to the office free of his inhibitions, flaunting his belly button for all to see and greeting the new-look Bill with a derisive "Oi Baldy, you don't half look ugly now you've shaved your beard off, you DREARY LITTLE WART!" B (offended): "You certainly know how to hurt a man!" T: "I do. Knee to the groin!" *THUMP!*
Bill enters his "commie worker" phase at the start of Series 8 in the episode "Politics" where he is clad in blue jeans and a red shirt with heaps of different badges adorning it. He also wears a different red shirt with just a couple of badges on it in other episodes in the series such as "A Kick In The Arts" and Animals.
With the move of The Goodies from the BBC to ITV for Series 9, Bill sports a new look for the final series, wearing a yellow jumper with a prominent "Anything Anytime" in purple print on the front of it, coupled with a blue shirt and jeans. At times he also wears a black jacket with a large red "G" and various badges on the front of it.
In the 2005 special Return Of The Goodies, the trio try to recall which one of them was the "dashing debonair babe magnet" of the show all those years ago. After Tim (B: "No, you were the flaxen haired fop with the double-barrelled trousers and the Union Jack underpants!") and Graeme (T: "No you were the loony scientist with the computer and the glasses and the guinea pigs crawling up your chops! Ooh and you were a megalomaniac!") have had their bids at babe magnet status shot down by their fellow Goodies, Bill proudly states " So by process of logical elimination, *I* must have been the dashing, debonair babe magnet, right?!" G: "That's right" T: (incredulously): "Wait a minute! You were the ugly …" B (frustrated): "Alright, alright, alright! I was the scruffy yet strangely loveable little oik!" G: "You were not loveable!" B (even more frustrated): "Alright, I was just a little oik then! Are you happy?!" We Goodies fans certainly are at any rate – Bill's scruffy, yet funky and yes, even strangely loveable ever-changing getup is a real feature of the show over the years, especially his array of Goodies t-shirts and badges.
From "Gender Education"
Front and back view of those amazing striped flares from "The New Office"
"Dressing like Susan Hampshire" in "The Stone Age
Front and back view from "The Clown Virus"
Purple Goodies t-shirt from "The End"
Front and back view from "Hype Pressure"
Bill revealing his true self in "Earthanasia"
The commie "worker" in "Politics"