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101 Classic Goodies Quotes
Wacky Wordplay - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 11/08/2006


» Introduction
» Tempting Targets
» Loony Logic
» Wacky Wordplay
» Ratty Rants
» Crazy Concepts
» Wise Words
» All Quotes





28* Bill: "I've done a jingle!" (for Snooze bedtime drink)

Graeme (patronisingly): "There's a good boy!"

(1/2  Snooze)



29* Tim (at Ye Olde Shepherd's Restaurant): "Come on, we're leaving"

Waiter: "But, your sweet Sir..."

Tim (flattered): "Ooh, thank you very much!  But we're still leaving."

(to a look of bemused revulsion from the waiter)

(2/9  Food)



30* Tim: (horrified at the sight of Bill's vulture) "What's that on your shoulder?!"

Bill: (ruefully) "Oh, he hasn't done it again, has he!"

(3/5  For Those In Peril On The Sea)



31* Nasty Person: "Gerald, a word in your ear ..."

Gerald: "Oh, is dere boss?!"

(taps his head and sticks his finger into his ear!)

(3/5  For Those In Peril On The Sea)



32* Tim (as court jester, with backing from Bill): "Once a knight, always a knight.  Twice a night and you're doing all right!!"

(4/1  Camelot)



33* Bill (examining the hayfever-suffering Minister for Health's foot): "It's a corn."

Bill & Tim: "Oh, no!"

Minister for Health: "A corn!"

Tim: "Wheat!"

Graeme: "Barley!

Bill: "Rye!"

All in unison: "Hay ... YATCHOO!!"

(4/3  Hospital For Hire)



34* Graeme (preferring archaeology over modern-day entertainment):

"I'm off all this newfangled rubbish.  I am into neolithic man."

Bill (suspiciously): "Is that legal!?"

(4/4  The Stone Age)



35* Bill (supposedly shouting for help through the dinosaur's mouth): "She was only the caveman's daughter, but you don't know what Dina saw ... bu-boom!"

(and a bit later): "If you can't send help, then at least send us a good ventriloquist!"

(4/4  The Stone Age)



36* Graeme (giving Tim driving lessons): "First, the clutch is depressed."

Tim (sympathetically): "Ohh, cheer up little clutch!"

Graeme: "The gears are engaged"

Tim (excitedly): "Congratulations gears!"

(4/6  The Race)



37* Bill (about great silent comics): "Keaton, Chaplin, Harry Langdon, Lavatory Meadows ..."

Graeme (incredulously): "Lavatory Meadows?!"

Tim: "He means W.C.Fields."

(5/1  The Movies)



38* Major Cheeseburger (upon hearing that the Goodies ate the 'tomato soup'): "Well I'll be hornswaggled!"

Graeme (firmly): "Your personal life is no concern of ours!"

(5/2 The Clown Virus)


39* (Graeme and Bill are looking at a framed photo of Tim on the wall after he has left them)

Bill: "You know, I reckon I'll miss him."

Graeme: "Not if you aim carefully!"

(Bill then hurls a cricket ball at the photo, smashing the glass panel for a 'bullseye'!)

(5/3  Chubby Chumps)



40* Bill: "Allow me to elucidate"

Graeme: "You do and you clean it up yourself"

(starts cackling, almost cracking Bill up)

(5/7  Kung Fu Kapers)


41* Graeme (about the Goodies being stuck on the lighthouse for five years): "I admit, it's my fault.  I just misread the advert, that's all.  I thought it said a little light housekeeping!"

(5/8  Lighthouse Keeping Loonies)



42* Tim (reading sign): "South African Tourist Board.  Through door and turn white."

(5/11  South Africa)



43* Tim (about Bill being drunk): "Pay no attention to him.  He's pissed."

Graeme: "Has he?!"

Tim: "Yes!"

(5/13  The End)



44* Tim (pleading, while the Goodies are trapped): "I want a son.  I must have a son.  Graeme, you're a doctor!"

Graeme (looking stunned): "Sorry, it can't be done!"

Tim: "But a man isn't a man unless he exercises his right to fatherhood!"

Bill (chuckling): "You can exercise it all you like, but you won't find much use for it here!"

(5/13  The End)



45* Bill: "Is it anything to do with food, hey?  Am I getting warm?"

Tim (getting ready to cannibalise him): "You soon will be!"

(5/13  The End)



46* Tim (about the dodo at the pet shop): "Was it going cheap?"

Graeme: "No, it was going 'ERRRKKK!!'"

(7/2  Dodonuts)



47* Tim (reciting the boy scout oath): "He does not indulge in woggle jokes such as "Have you seen his woggle?  No, but it's a good trick if he can do it!""

(7/3  Scoutrageous)



48* Tim: "I'd be happy to be an OBE.  Best of all, an Earl and an OBE."

Graeme (wryly): "You'd be an earlobe!"

(7/5  Royal Command)



49* Tim, as Timita (consoling two common factory workers who are worried that she mightn't win the election):

"Don't cry for me Marge and Tina!"

(8/1  Politics)



50* Tim (shocked): "You've been gambling!"

Graeme (innocently): "No!"

Tim: "Bet you have."

Graeme: "How much you bet ... ooh what a giveaway!"

(8/3  A Kick In The Arts)



51* Graeme: "In fact, I could sell you a few dozen of these (EBGB robots).  You could open up a string of cafes up and down the country."

Tim: "Oh, like McDonalds hamburgers?"

Graeme: "Not much!"

Tim: "Neither do I."

(8/4  U-Friend Or UFO)



52* Bill (angrily, after Tim and Graeme have sacked him): "All right, I'm going. But I'm going to take industrial action. And I'll tell you, you've got right up my nose!"

Tim: "And what are you gonna do?"

Bill: "Picket!"

(9/1  Robot)



I think that #8 is wrong.  Wasn't that Hospital for Hire, and not Invasion of the Moon Creatures?
Posted by:zaphod


date: 26/08/2006 11:37 GMT
Yes, that's correct.  A Wig Spotters badge for you and a sip of the magic elixir for me!  I'll fix it up right away.
Posted by:bretta


date: 29/08/2006 17:04 GMT
In #71, I was under the impression that Graeme says "padgy-jim jams" not "piggy-jim-jams"  at least that's the way my entire fabric of existence has been constructed upon.
Posted by:Aefgoth


date: 17/10/2006 10:00 GMT
I think so too, Aefgoth
Posted by:Flippa


date: 01/01/2007 00:10 GMT
goodies radio is the best episode!EVER.
Posted by:prins_namor


date: 10/01/2007 05:14 GMT
It's been a few months since I've opened up this file to check the comments, so sorry about the late reply Aefgoth and Flippa.  I've just had a very close listen to the episode sound track (with my ear glued to the TV speaker!) and "piggy" it is, I'm afraid.  Sorry to deconstruct your entire fabric of existence!
Posted by:bretta


date: 22/02/2007 07:21 GMT
some great quotes-even some i'd never heard!
Posted by:giantdougal


date: 11/07/2007 10:32 GMT
Posted by:prins_namor


date: 08/06/2008 02:35 GMT
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