Saturday, September 02, 2006 help me if you can i'm feeling down...
No, that's not true. I just feel crook. I'M GONNA HEAVE. Ohhhohohoho. I'm sufferin' and it serves me right. Thought it would be a grand idea to sit up after tea and eat a 200 gram packet of Kettle Chips and then a block of Lindt dark chocolate -70% cocoa but still it has sugar in it and I'm not supposed to touch sugar. Frig. Then thought it would be a good idea to have a litre of water with a lemon squeezed in it. Now my stomach is fit to burst . I'm in the death agonys and no hope of going to bed like this so I have to sit here on the computer and type this twaddle even though I'm tired as buggery. Why would someone do this to themselves?? And next thing I'll probably put back the kilo accidentally lost over winter. Having lead- up -to- birth stomach uncomfortableness. MY GUT IS FIT TO BURST. I think that the general idea has been conveyed. I swear it looks like in the golden book of the saggy baggy elephant when he's in the water and you see his protruding gut. I still remember that book. It's looking abnormal.
Speaking of guts, I've been reading about Henry VIII(is that how you write it-not up with roman numerals) - one of the op-shop pile of books beside the bed- and it seems that he had a fair gut on him as well. High Five Henry -you and me , buddy. Have come to the conclusion that Henry was naught but a glutton with an ulcerated leg who should've kept things in his trousers. And I don't mean a supply of snacks.
Trivia for the day. Well, you know how one of Henry's wives was Jane Seymour? The actress that we know as Jane Seymour was actually born Joyce Penelope Wilhelmena Frankenberg and changed her name to Jane Seymour -obviously. It helped her get her foot in the door in the acting world as people felt that they knew her from somewhere. Good move, Joyce! What about this- anyone with a death wish could change their name to Anne Boleyn. Or simply eat too much and writh around in the death throes.
It hurts. mummy,mummy.O.K. distraction.What else.Oh while eating too much I was watching Robin Hood. Hadn't seen it since it came out 15 years ago. I am always impressed with the acting of Alan Rickman. Loved him in Sense and Sensibility as well - the way he won Kate Winslet's character over with his quiet perserverance. Ah, wouldn't it be good to go back to those times when men were men and they knew what their role was(lean back in chair -blagghhh). I wonder if anyone else ever does this silly thing. Surely at this age people should know their stomach capacity. Was I so busy medicating myself with food that I didn't notice?
Another thing I'm not supposed to have is corn. Still had some biscuits containing corn in the cupboard from ages ago and felt the other day that I was going to eat them so I had to go pelt them out to the dogs - ooh they thought they had it made and were grinning like idiots as they ate them. So that's the solution then. Next time I get in this silly situation -well before it goes that far- I will go tip out whatever it is to the dogs, the perambulating garbage disposal units. Better them than me.
What you need Dafty is the elixer from the Goodies Medicine Show having said that haven't we all over indulged and regreted it , some of us more often then others unfortunately ....who me? I'm sure I don't know what you mean miss???
To subscribe, send an empty email to
and reply to the confirmation email.
You will be added to club's mailing list and you will receive our newsletter every month.