Goody Gallery
 Contact Us
 Club T-Shirts


 Members Online
Last visits :
Online :
Admins : 0
Members : 0
Guests : 23
Total : 23
Now online :

 Joining the Club

Instructions for joining the club & getting our newsletter can be found in the our FAQ.

 Requesting Goodies Repeats

Suggestions can be found in our FAQ.

  Survey for Goodies Repeats

Fill in The Goodies Uk Audience Survey.

JessPix's Journal
Public Journal List | Search Entries

JessPix's journal
New Journal Entry View Journal
33 Journal Entries
17244 Journal Views

2007-03-02 10:04:42
Popping in
Just a quickie because I'm knackered and don't have a lot to say anyway except boring work-related things that I don't even get paid for (a.k.a Uni). Grrr. Still, I'm carrying on. Just.

I've also been busy about something else. But a good thing to be busy about. A new Goodies site that will (hopefully) cater for Brit Goodies/Clue/ISIRTA/Tim/Graeme/Bill etc. fans. Find it here:

It's been fun and there's plenty more to do, so keeping checking it out. 

I was a bit miffed to see the new Clue series is all darn sarf. D'oh. Still, mustn't grumble, it's ace enough to hear the show on the radio - recording's are a bonus. However, I have a grand plan for the first London show, so we'll see what happens about that come March 14th when tickets go on sale. I think I'll need all the luck I can get!

All the best everyone.

Mood - Bit bored
Music - Pink Floyd - Money
Edited - Never

2007-02-14 02:17:16
That's it Stouffer, you help...
I'm going to do a change from my last few journals and make this one at least a teensy bit interesting. I'm actually not in a overly good mood, I think it's third year blues or something, it's uncommon for me to be a bit glum, but never mind.

I've quit the gym after a whole two sessions. Hurrah! It's not that I didn't enjoy it, just that I get easily bored. Also I'm still eating chocolate and crisps like nobody's business, so it doesn't feel like I was making much of a difference anyway! Ah well.

Went out to an Italian restaurant on Saturday evening with family friends, which was nice. Naturally I managed to do something silly, I always say the wrong thing and instead of asking for a margarita pizza I asked for a mozzarella one (which was the name of the restaurant too, in case it couldn't sound anymore idiotic!) It got worse when the waitress couldn't hear me because I was at the far end of the table, so I put my head back so she could see me and I banged my head on the wall behind me. Worse still, no one had even seen that, they were laughing at my saying 'mozzarella', so when my dad asked what was so funny I pointed out that I'd hit my head on the wall, which I thought was what everyone was laughing at anyway. It turns out no one saw that, so they laughed some more. It can only happen to me.

I've been watching a bit more TV than usual, but the only thing worth watching is 'Harry Hill's TV Burp', which is absolutely hilarious. He's appeared on Clue a number of times and been similarly brilliant. I think I mentioned last time about my Harry trauma when I saw his live show - well I've since typed up my handwritten scribbles and will now relay it to you:

Date: April 1st 2005

Venue: Bradford St Georges Hall. Front row.

Harry pointed at my brother’s hair and said, “Dull lifeless hair!”

Harry got my brother to say ‘quack’ when he gestured. Harry gestured and my brother went quack each time until he was quacking constantly. Harry then got a bread loaf and started throwing pieces at my brother. My brother threw some of it back, which made Harry throw a whole slice at my brother (which missed by miles).

Harry got out a stabiliser wheel with various dolls heads attached to it. He asked me for my name and asked me what Jessica was short for. With each answer to the question he counted each of the doll’s heads once for each letter. He then asked me what I do for a living, I said I was a student and he mocked the way I said it (damn my stupid Yorkshire accent). He then asked me what I studied and when I said film he had a field day. He asked if I had to go in at all or if I just watch Richard & Judy and Wife Swap all day (I shook my head in shame). Finally he asked me what my favourite colour was (blue) and when he’d counted round the doll’s heads, going B-L-U-E, he landed on the one that looked like Harry Potter and said, “That’s what you look like!”

He later talked about Sudan 1 dye (news at the time) acting as a hallucinogenic in jumbo sausages and explained it all to me, concluding that me and fellow students can get off our faces for 55p. It was then time for the interval and he asked me how long the interval should be - “a month?”

After the interval he asked my dad whether he remembered the olden days and if he’d ever been murdered. It wasn’t long before I came back into the picture. Stouffer arrived and was sick (it was really shaving foam - sorry to shatter the illusion) - a tiny bit of which landed on me. He then proceeded to contact the dead - asking if there was a John in the audience (dad kept quiet), a Jack? A Bill? A Jessica? Everyone cheered. I sank into my seat. Stouffer asked if I’d lost a relative and told me a Victorian relative was watching over me and how lovely that was.

A little while later he started to sing The Killers song, ‘Somebody Told Me’ (“that you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend”) and stopped to ask me, “is that true Jessica, hmm? Is it?” He then sung, “I see you baby, shaking that ass” to me, wiggling his botty (with a lot of VPL) before turning to me and yelling, “You slut Jessica! You slut!” - But in a comical way (at least I hope it was!)

Later on he nearly got his dummy Gary to throw up (shaving foam again) all over me and my brother, but thankfully he was just teasing. Didn’t stop me from cowering though! He also said something (forgotten what) and stared at me really intensely for ages - it was terrifying - I still remember it now!

That was the end of it. What a great show. I was a bit miffed I didn’t get a free Stouffer but the people who did had to go on stage to do stuff. I’m glad I could stay where I was and die of embarrassment a little more privately!


Oh, happy days!

To end with, some 'Initial Responses' (although these are words, not initials, but it doesn’t matter). I should warn that they’re a bit naughty, but here goes...







I'd hit it:


Tim Brooke-Taylor:






And last but by no means least:



Feel free to try them yourself, they're fun!

All the best

Mood - Frustrated feeling to be in limbo
Music - T.Rex - 20th Century Boy
Edited - Never

2007-02-04 02:42:38
I'd like to be in programming planning but unfortunately I'v
Hello all!

I'm intending not to ramble too much today. We'll see how that goes.

My journal title (if you can see it all, if not it's, "I'd like to be in programming planning but unfortunately I've got a degree") is from Python, I really need to watch those again. It's coming out on DVD in the next month or two but the extras are very hush-hush. David Morgan (author of 'Monty Python Speaks') used to have lots of lovely rare clips on YouTube but he removed them, which is making me wonder if they'll soon end up on DVD. Here's hoping. I don't think I'll be able to afford the DVDs for some time though, not with the impending hectic-ness of this year. I won't dwell on that though.

My grandad's in a nursing home now, which is good. He was in hospital for a few weeks so it's good for him to be out of there and somewhere far more comfortable. I saw him when he moved in, it was the first time I'd seen him in a few weeks and he was certainly a lot better, which was a huge relief. He was very bright and laughing and joking a lot, it was lovely to see. He ate all of his tea (beans on toast) unassisted, which thrilled my mum and grandma to bits. He was a bit of a rogue (as my grandma kept saying) with the nurses - he loved all the female attention he was getting! He turned to me at one point and said, "You're a beautiful girl!" which was sweet, then when we left he was getting hugs and kisses from my grandma and mum, then he saw me and said "Come here you!" and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. He's ever so sweet.

My mum's made me join a gym. Argh! I was first given the choice last weekend and was pondering it (well, more thinking of a way to say no) and so my mum took the liberty of signing me up. Luckily my mum's offered to pay for it and even went and bought me some gym clothes. I've only been twice and it's pretty good, though I take it very easy! It's women-only and very quiet, the busiest it's ever been is 3 other people being there. It's not too bad I guess, trouble is my mum's gone all health-conscious now, but I can't be bothered. I'm not overweight so I don't see a need to change my diet, I still eat Maltesers like nobody's business! If anything else I need to build my fitness, I'm not particularly fit. I'm supposed to give it a whirl until summer so time will tell as to what happens over the next six months.

Uni's started. Yippee. I only have four hours of classes A WEEK! That's mental. I just have to go in on Wednesday and Friday, so it's really not bad at all. The only trouble is all the work that will come with it re: essays. I'm not moaning about them again though. I also have to do two 20 minute presentations - one about documentaries on TV, the other about Crime Fiction. I'm hoping I can get the presentation on 24. I have to email my tutor anyway so I'm hoping to 'bagsy' that one because it's the only crime series I watch (Kiefer Sutherland has nothing to do with it...). That's the excitement I get from Uni these days!

I saw Omid Djalili the other week - he was hilarious. I've seen him once before in Edinburgh, it was fantastic, and again he didn't disappoint. He's testing out new material for his upcoming BBC show, and the new stuff was fantastic even though it was still a work-in-progress. I'll look forward to that series immensely. The only other thing on TV worth watching at the mo is Harry Hill's TV Burp. That's absolutely hilarious, easily the funniest thing on TV. I've loved Harry Hill for years now, and about two years ago I saw his tour and he terrorised me the whole night, he even got my name from me so it got to the point where he'd say it and the whole theatre cheered. That story's for another time though. In fact, it was in Bradford at the same theatre I'll be seeing The Goodies. Not only that, but I’ll be in the same seats too. I'm going to die!

Me and my chum have been researching New York hotels and found a completely mental one described as "cheap chic" - that sounds perfect for us. The decor is madness, it seems great - we're hoping to go there from the 1st to 8th September. Fingers crossed.

I should be doing some form of work now but I'm not. Again. Oh well.

I'll be off now. Once again I've managed to ramble about nothing but crap. It's a skill, it really is.

I've been binging on Scissor Sisters lately - they're ace.

Take care all!

Mood - Procrastinating like a bastard that's very good at procrasti
Music - Scissor Sisters - Better Luck
Edited - Never

2007-01-17 11:21:54
Come on everybody hold it up high, everyone ready for the cu
Guess which song I'm listening to? 

First off, ta for the kinds words about my grandad. Things are improving slightly but he's clearly still not at all well. The main relief is that it doesn't seem quite as "short term" (for want of a better phrase) as was first feared, but my grandma has now had to accept that he'll never be able to return home. I still haven't seen him but probably will shortly. Anyway, I won't dwell.

I've handed in one of my essays. Hurrah! Now I just have one more to go and it's basically done, but there's a spare 8 words if I want to use them. Lucky me. Other than that I still need to get my arse into gear with this damn final project. I still plan on writing something to give to my mentor upon returning to Uni, but I am the Procrastinating Queen and will no doubt do sod all. It doesn't help that my mentor will also be one of my module tutors next semester so I'll have a hard time avoiding her. D'oh, I guess it means I'll have to do some work after all (seeing as I'm too much of a coward to risk getting into trouble!)

Today I got the module handout for one of my modules, 'Documentary & Reality'. In theory it sounds like it should be very interesting, but reading the module handout had me petrified - it sounds like so much work. I'm a bit spooked by it all but am hoping it's just because I haven't started it yet, once I do I'll probably be fine. It was like that in second year - in the module handouts we were told we'd be writing something like 2 x 2000 word essays and making 2 short films in one semester. That's a hell of a lot of work - and was - but it seemed managable while doing it, it's just the prospect that's daunting. It doesn't help I'm a fretter anyway, argh!

The wind got so bad at the weekend that a bit of the roof (the gable and a few tiles) fell off. That was fun. It only just missed my dad's car by a couple of inches, so that was very lucky. It was while we were catching up with all the 'Planet Earth' episodes we'd recorded, it's a fantastic series. I was traumatised, however, by David Attenborough talking about frogs and said, "The bigger the better", followed by, "He scores!" The horror.

Myself and a chum are plotting to go to New York for a week in the summer, which would be grand. It'll probably be at the beginning of August, so just before my birthday (which is on the 23rd, nudge nudge, wink wink). It'll be an excellent way to celebrate between 21 (well, almost 21 for me) and me finishing my course - while my friend can laugh at me as she's got another year left. We both went on holiday together with two other friends way back in 2004 and it still amazes us how we managed to survive. We were practically bed-ridden by the end of it - through choice - having a great laugh while eating Pez and those mini-cereal boxes. It was the best holiday ever. It was a mad summer though as one night after getting home I was jetting off again with the fam to Florida for 3 weeks. It seems like the same will happen again this summer but Florida first and then a holiday with my chum after. Wow.

I have a strange notebook in front of me that has interesting facts about me. Apparently my favourite pie is cherry and my favourite cream is double (well, that's the publically acceptable answer anyway! ) My favourite animal to eat is cow "(MEAT!)" and when I was very little I called my Aunty Louise and Uncle Geoff, "Louse and Git". I used to call the song 'Smooth Criminal', "Booshy Whim" and think Phil Collins was known as "Foreign Coins". Clearly I was a derranged toddler. When I was two I had pneumonia and my parents didn't know until they got a letter to say that I was cleared of it (they thought it was just a chest infection) and the best part I was ever given in a school play was a reindeer that couldn't dance. As you do.

I was always destined to be popular and cool.

One last thing before I go. A hip hop video. Don't get me wrong, I can't stand any of that shite, but this is perhaps the single most hilarious thing I have ever seen. It's supposed to be a "hip-hopera" and it's by R Kelly and called "Trapped in the Closet". The funniest thing is that it's 100% serious, but it's absolutely ridiculous. It only lasts 1:49 and I'm sure it'll make you laugh, you can't not laugh at it:

If you like that you should try Parts 10 and 11. Also hysterically funny.

Ok, I'm going to stop now. My powers to ramble clearly know no bounds!

Take care

Mood - Excited about April! :D
Music - The Who - Overture (after Custard Pie, naturally)
Edited - Never

2007-01-13 05:57:19
Here, there and all over t'shop
Hello all!

It's been a bloody long time since I wrote here, so I'll just go over the basics. Christmas Day was lovely, it was just me, my parents and brother for the whole day and we had a nice time. The only downside was my brother accidentally spilled the entire bowl of turkey fat all over the cooker top and kitchen floor. Yeesh. That was a bit of a bugger to clear up. Other than that it was a success, everyone was happy with their presents, the turkey dinner was ever so scrummy, and we all had a good chat and giggle. My dad made so many "As the actress said to the Bishop" jokes that I can't remember them now, though my brother said when we were clearing up and he was about to take out the rubbish, "I'll use the back door - as the Bishop said to the actress!" and my dad cheered with delight, I don't think he's ever been so proud of his son. They make me laugh though, perhaps a little too much, my parents are beginning to realise I'm not all that innocent minded. Bless 'em.

From Boxing Day onwards I've been cracking on with essays, which have been a pain, but also quite interesting. I handed in an essay today so that's one done, one more to go. The other one’s due in on the 23rd and I've done most of it because it was originally due in today as well until the lecturer moved the date back. Hurrah. I don't like the subject but luckily it only lasted for one semester and the assessed work is just two 2500 word essays. No exams - phewf. I got the mark back for my first essay (which I thought was complete crap) and it turns out I got a 2.1 (upper second) for it. Yippee. Anyway, that's all really dull stuff.

Still not done any work for my final year project. I plan on writing something next week before I start the second (and last ever) semester. I figured I'd better have something to show my mentor by the time I return seeing as I completely avoided her before Christmas because I'd done sod all. Oops.

As usual, I did nothing for New Year. We never celebrate it and I don’t see the big fuss. In the evening I watched my Mighty Boosh Live DVD (which I got for Christmas) and when I saw the clock on my mobile reading 11:59pm I figured I'd best wander into the living room to see what my parents were doing. It turns out my mobile phone clock is 2 minutes slow so I missed midnight. Ah well. We watched the fireworks in London (on TV, of course) and then saw the neighbours trying to blow up the street. As we live quite high up on a valley we can see the other side of the valley from upstairs, so we could also watch the fireworks going on over there. It's a very pretty sight, and much cheaper and more comfortable than doing your own fireworks. So, yeah, that was another fun New Years over. I have no resolutions, I don't do those.

On the 2nd was my brother's 18th birthday. It was quite a subdued affair really. I got him a Family Guy game that he wanted and my parents bought us all tickets to see Omid Djalili on the 20th, which my brother was chuffed about because he didn't know he was touring. I'm looking forward to that. Family members popped around through the course of the day and my little cousins were running about and making a lot of noise, consequently driving me a bit mad as I was trying to work, but in the end I gave up and went to socialise. My dad then got me to show off my Wii (tee hee) and so I did whilst trying not to send any little cousins flying. I love my Wii (tee hee), it's great fun and I've now figured out how to use it without getting tennis elbow. Yay! I still feel like a bit of an eejit on it though, flailing my arms about when I'm sword fighting and the like, but it's all good fun and very clever stuff. Anyway, in the evening my brother wanted to go to his favourite pub so we did and I had to contend to sitting next to someone who was smoking the whole time. Yuck. It was nice though, my mum made me scan in some embarrassing baby pics and send them to my brother’s friend who then printed them out and stuck them around the pub. They wanted to include a pic of my brother in drag as an Ugly Sister for the school panto but I vetoed it, saying my brother would kill them if they did. My brother found out about it later and was very happy I’d done that. My brother’s got a cleaning job now and he bought me the new Who album (which is very good). He’s so sweet.

The past week has not been particularly good. My grandad (who's 88) and already not well took a turn for the worst when he had a fall at home and went to hospital. I'm not going to go into the details but it's been a pretty hard time lately, especially for my mum, grandma and aunts and uncle. I've only seen him once in the past week and that was on Saturday. It was deeply sad. At first he was very shaken and asking my mum when he would be going home, then he kept trying to get out of his chair even though he's injured himself quite badly. My mum held his hand the whole time and chatted to him about when he was in the army (he was in World War 2 and was even at Dunkirk, I believe he was there for 3 days until he got rescued), and then was feeding him when his tea arrived. It was heartbreaking. My mum was then telling him who I was but he didn't recognise me. I gave him a hug goodbye and he said I was lovely, which was extremely sweet. As I say, I haven't seen him since but I probably will in the next few days. The trouble is that he's been having up and down days and it's difficult to know what's going to happen. It seems like the hospital he's now at aren't doing enough for him, so my mum (a social worker) and her sister-in-law (a nurse at a nursing home) went to the hospital yesterday to make sure he was being well looked after. It seems like things are improving slightly but it's still being taken as one day at a time. It's very difficult to know what will happen in the near future but it's such an awful feeling knowing that he's not at all well and extremely confused and how much pain the rest of the family are going through. It's also horrible that it doesn't seem like the next few weeks/months/years will be anyway easier. Sigh.

Anyway, I'll stop going on about it now.

Take care all.

P.S. This is a bit rushed so apologies for any errors.

Mood - Dreading what's to come
Music - Greenday - Warning (not my choice, my dad's just put it on)
Edited - Never

2006-12-24 04:11:25
I knew I wanted to include something in my new journal, but I can't edit it, so here's a second entry (aren't I a lucky girl, well, it is Christmas after all...)

Anyway. Unfortunately the Sunderland Clue episodes didn't include a really hilarious game called 'Intial Responses', which involved Humph asking questions which the teams had to answer using their initials. You'll see what I mean - it was filth. This isn't all of them, just the ones that we remembered afterwards - well, we made sure we wouldn't ever forget them. Enjoy!

•“What’s in your pockets?”
o David Graeme Garden: Dirty Great Gooseberries
o Tony Gordon Hawks: Two Great Handfuls
o Tim Julian Brooke-Taylor: Tim’s Jolly Big Trousersnake (*dies*)

• “What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen?”
o Tim: Two Juicy Big Tits

• What’s your favourite sport?”
o Graeme: Downhill Granny Gliding

• How do you want to be remembered?
o Graeme: Doing good grumpily
o Tim: The Just Brilliant Tim (we clap, Tim says thank you)

They were brilliant. Tim was possessed that night by the devil that goes by the name of Kinky. It was extremely exciting. I was very happy to hear Tim's line "Noisy sex on the garage roof" stay in the show, I swear the man is trying to kill me!

Until next time and, once again, Merry Christmas!


Mood - In pain from slapping my forehead
Music - The Beatles - Polytheme Pam
Edited - Never

2006-12-24 03:43:43
A quickie
The title of this journal reminds me of my grandma and how she used to say on the phone, "Can I just borrow your dad for a quickie?" and I'd have to stifle a laugh. BLlss her. Now, however, she confuses me for my mum. Tsk. Anyway, I digress.

Heehee, 'Funkytown' has just come up on my iTunes playlist - the shame of it. I was gutted to find out this song is from 1980 - I always thought it was perfect naff '70s-ness. Ah well, it's still great (for it being appalling).

I'm pretty much ready for Christmas now. I've wrapped up my parent's presents and written all my cards, as well as send Christmas wishes to all of those who I haven't done cards for. I'm starting to feel ever so slightly festive now. Yay. About time. Tonight we have guests coming round for dinner, tomorrow we're popping around to see various family members, as well as collecting the big feck-off turkey from my grandparents (you can tell I've been watching a lot of Father Ted recently), and on Monday it'll just be a quiet Christmas with my parents and brother, stuffing our faces with plenty of food and playing with our many shiny presents. I can't wait.

I've been terrible with my Christmas work - I have two 2500 word essays to do for the 12th January and I only just made a start yesterday. Even then, all I did was type out the heading, question, add page numbers and do a rough plan of what I planned to write about. As well as that I have to make a start on my final project, which is going to be a script. Trouble is, I don't really have any ideas. Argh. Oh well, I hope to come up with something in time. I just need some motivation. Anyone?

Merry Christmas to whoever reads this - hope you all have a lovely time.


Mood - Festive
Music - ISIRTA - Julie Andrews
Edited - Never

2006-12-17 04:33:27
Ah-bidets are here again
I thought I'd title this journal after a very silly Graeme quote from ISIHAC's 'Bathroom Songbook'. For some reason I've been saying it a lot to myself lately, and with it being the happy time of Christmas, I thought I'd go for a cheery title. Doesn't that all make perfect sense...

I haven't done a huge deal lately. I think that's my catchphrase - I never do anything! But that's just how I like it. I'm a lazy, anti-social sod and proud. Since being off Uni I've done bugger all work, I have my books piled up on my desk (with my Goodies DVDs on top, which is odd, I haven't watched those in ages), and my Christmas cards from Peej and Carrie on top of them. They're lovely cards - cheers chucks. I've only just got around to writing my Christmas cards and so far I've done 7, aren't I popular? I have more to do as well. Wow. I've bought sod all in the present department though, except for Peej and Kirstyn - they're getting the same thing and I had to ask them whether they had it, so that's the element of surprise buggered. Sorry, hope the filthy Christmas cards heading your way make up for it!

On Wednesday I went to Manchester Evening News Arena for the first ever time - huzzah. Myself and my parents were there to see Madness, who were fantastic. We've seen them once before (in Sheffield) and they were amazing, this time round was slightly disappointing because the Sheffield show was so good, but when you don't compare (and I don't like comparing things anyway) then it was brilliant. I was a bit naughty and took a lot of pictures with my flashy (geddit?) digital camera which I got for my birthday but haven't really made proper use of yet. I intend to take more pictures from now on - ones that aren't just me pulling stupid faces and then wincing at the thought that that's how I probably look all the time - posing or not. Dear oh dear.

I'm rambling now, I am a terrible rambler. I can't be stopped. I don't understand why this journal has so many views, seriously, who actually reads this stuff? You poor sods! 

Anyway, Madness. They were great, they did a lot of their hits (and there's a lot to get through) as well as some lesser-known tracks, so it was all good. Sadly we were in Manchester and the place is full of eejits - on the way into the arena a woman was hurling abuse at staff for them randomly searching people's bags, then a bloke started getting pushy with another steward, who nearly backed into my mum. Then on the way out towards the car park some doors burst open and a group of people were having a scrap. I think it was a family, everyone was having to restrain each other. Arses. In the car park some daft prat nearly drove into a wall and then did a quick reverse, nearly into the back of our car and several others before speeding off. It was a multi-storey car park and with each level he was trying to cut the queue, but when he tried cutting my dad up he'd have none of it and moved ahead. Heehee, nice one. The arse then started tooting his horn (not a euphemism) and other cars started following suit. Don't you just love Manchester...

We nearly didn't get to Manchester to see the concert for two reasons. First of all, both my parents were feeling quite poorly over the weekend, my mum especially, but then they recovered in time. The second reason is that on the way out we'd lost the tickets. We immediately accused my brother as it's the sort of thing he's done before but he denied it and, for once, was telling the truth. My mum then remembered she'd been on one of her mad cleaning sprees and, surely enough, one root around in the bin later and the tickets were recovered. Dear oh dear.

Today me and my mum went to the local football ground to get a present for my grandad (who's a lifetime supporter of the team). We went to the club shop (i.e. a metal shipping container) and bought a scarf. The young lass who worked behind the counter was busily writing away and then looked up and yelled "Jessica!" - it scared the bloody life out of me. I was sort-of friends with her at school, so we had a brief chat and on the way out she yelled my name again (which scared me again) and invited me to her birthday party. Huzzah. We were on our way out of the ground and who should pass through the turnstiles, yes, my grandad. My mum freaked out as we'd just bought his present, but he didn't get suspicious and we had a chat. He's such a laugh - he's the most Yorkshire person ever. Leaving the car park, a football player walked by and he had the smallest feet in existence - it's a miracle he was able to stand up. My mum was in hysterics the whole way home which was a bit worrying considering she was driving, but she couldn't get over how small his feet are. I have to admit, they were abnormally small!

I'm enjoying my Wii (heehee, I said Wii). The only trouble is that after the first day I played it I got a really bad elbow for the next couple of days - I think I was a little too enthusiastic. In case you're not aware (again, who's really reading this?), the controllers for the Wii are motion-sensitive, so you control the action on screen by moving around the Wiimote (geddit? Isn't that clever?) I've read reports of people claiming insurance for new TVs and windows because they’ve been so enthusiastic with their playing that the Wiimotes fly out of their hands and break things. Heehee, fools. I only have two games for the Wii, the sports one that comes with all the consoles (and the one that hurt my arm), and Zelda. The only trouble is that I've just started the game and already I'm stuck, it's driving me bloody mad. I'm having to go fishing to catch a fish (well, duh) for a cat, and I can't do it. Grrrr. It doesn't help that you have to use both hands (steady....) and I can't seem to cope. I just look like a loony with the way I flail my hands about, and I don't look much better when I'm playing Zelda either. Boom boom!

Ok, this really should stop and stop now. I don't know if I'll do a journal before Christmas, if not, Merry Christmas!

Until next time
Jess (a.k.a. The Queen of Rambles).

P.S. Some pictures of Madness (if anyone's interested)

They threw big balloons into the crowd for the encore, here a big black balloon is covering the guitarist's face:

And some bonus pics (how lucky)

Me as a nipper looking vacant once again:

And an exercise book from primary school, clearly I was an evil child but I can't help but laugh - even if the sad thing is that my drawing skills haven’t improved:

Mood - Happily insomniac
Music - Beach Boys - Little Saint Nick
Edited - Never

2006-12-07 11:58:43
Randomoid Boogie
Well well well.

I thought it’d been a long time since a journal, but it’s only been just over a week. Actually, that’s quite a long time. Hmm.

I’m not sure what to say really. What have I done lately? I’m so bad at remembering what I’ve been up to. Well, the other week I saw a friend who lives in York. That was nice. We went to a Christmas shop which was oh so pretty and then we went to see ‘Casino Royale’, which was surprisingly good. I haven’t seen many Bond films in my time but I was impressed by this. Daniel Craig made an excellent Bond and I was happy to see that many of his scenes consisted of either being topless, running, getting wet, running while being wet, etc. Wallop. A week later, after spending a morning in the university library looking at Victorian photo albums of rickets, hair lips and syphilis, I met with another friend in Bradford to see Borat. It was highly amusing, I was glad it didn’t disappoint. I was laughing far too loud in a cinema that only had four other people there, but it was great, everyone enjoyed it. So, after not being to the cinema for ages I see two films in a week. What a life.

On Saturday I went to Manchester to see a friend and hit the Christmas shopping rush. By Gad. I’m not looking forward to doing my shopping - and I don’t even know who I’m buying for or what they want. Eep. Speaking of Christmas, however, my Christmas present should be arriving on Friday - it’s the new Nintendo console, the Wii (pronounced ‘wee’). I’m very excited about it, mainly because I love telling people that I’m having a Wii for Christmas. I’ll also never forget the look on my mum’s face when I told her I wanted a Wii for Christmas. How I amuse myself.

I’ve broken up for the Christmas holidays now. The last day was fun, we go to go to the MEDIA museum in Bradford. I was gutted to see it’d changed its name because it used to be called the NMPFT (National Museum of Photography, Film and Television) - surely the least catchiest name for anything, ever. Actually, it’s not as bad as a banner I saw today for something called the highly original, ‘The Inventive Group’ - I’m sure there’s something ironic about that… Back to the museum. We were taken on a tour of the behind the scenes stuff, the archives, which was all very exciting. They have a room full of old TVs, it’s brilliant. All their stuff is free and you don’t have to have a reason for going to look at all the stuff, so long as you book by appointment. It’s quite tempting to go back and look at all the exciting, shiny things they had and trying not to break them.

I’ve been to Bradford far too many times for my own good recently - I also went last Friday to book my Goodies tickets (front row - huzzah) and the man asked me, when he heard my surname was Pickles, if my dad was a magician. I had to ask him to repeat it because I was so baffled, then I laughed and said, “No”, but I really wish I’d gone, “Yes, he’s here right now but he’s invisible” or something equally amusing/idiotic like that. The thing is, after I answered the guy said, “Oh right, it’s just I know someone, actually, I don’t know them…” What the hell?! Even if I’d have said yes it would have been null and void. Tsk, some people. That’s the trouble with having such a local name, everyone thinks you’re related to someone they know. Grr. Having said that, it does have its perks. The Goodies episode ‘Animals Are People Too’ has the following piece of dialogue between Tim and Graeme:

Graeme: Would you like some Pickles?
Tim [eyes closed]: Ooh, Pickles, yes please!

Ok, they’re talking about eating a dog called Pickles but, when you forget the context, it’s really quite exciting. Well, it is for me. Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t admit these things.

It’s my mum’s birthday today. Hurrah. I don’t think we’re doing anything special for it though, but I thought I’d just mention it.

Yesterday I looked through some baby pictures of me and scanned in some of my favourites. Admittedly, most of them are of me looking extremely vacant and/or not wanting to have my picture taken. Here’s just a few of my favourites (I’ll just post the links so you can view at your own discretion):

New born:

3 months old (normal):

3 months old (vacant):

4 months old (cruising in my wheely dove thing):

6 months old (in baby walker):

8 months old (with Ladybird pram):

1st birthday:

Being messy (nothing changes):

About 3 years old, being scary with my brother (who takes over the role of looking vacant):

I think that’s enough for now.

Take care

Mood - Dying for a Wii
Music - N/A
Edited - Never

2006-11-29 06:47:14
Sunderland Clue
Hi all!

Peej/Im_A_Teapot has done a write up about the other events of the Sunderland weekend, including the fire alarm debacle in the hotel - tsk. Luckily we were still up and about when that occured, but were miffed we couldn't be in the room watching Goodies and saying rude things. I (rather proudly) can claim to have made Kirstyn spill her Coke & Jack Daniels all over the floor because we watched 'Goodies in the Nick' and at the moment where they were escaping from prison with a ball and chain around their ankles I happened to mention "balls" and "tossing" and all sense of control was lost. Heehee. 

Anyway. The show itself was fantastic, if absolutely filthy. Tim was possessed, he was filth-personified and all the better for it! He kept saying things and then burying his head (minds out of the gutter) in his hands at what he'd just said. I hope those rude lines get broadcast, if not, I'll have to share what I can remember. For the time being, I'll keep this spoiler free, but you're in for a treat.

Tony Hawks was the guest and he was fantastic, listen out for his Pick Up Song, it included plenty of helium! Oh, and John Naismith (a.k.a. Alan Bennett's love child) had a new joke. Wow!

Rightio, stage door happenings. All in bullet-point form because I'm a lazy git. We wrote this together on the night and I don't think anything's been left out. It was all very brief anyway. Here goes:

• PA woman asks me if I was in Southport, I say yes, she says it’s nice to see fans turn up.
• Camera crew there to film Humph signing autographs (for The South Bank Show - they filmed the recording too)
• People form an orderly queue for getting Humph’s autograph - Peej and K queue, I wait to the side as I have nothing to sign (take pictures instead).
• Peej: Can I have your autograph please?
Humph: Who’s it to?
Peej: PJ
Humph: Oh, just like that! [but not in a Tommy Cooper voice]
[Humph signs]
Humph: Did you enjoy all of that?
Peej: Yes!
Humph: Oh good, I’m glad
• Kirstyn then meets Humph who has her Humph book (not bought at the show)
• Humph: Ah, this one hasn’t been signed
Kirstyn: I got it last week
Humph: Excellent! And your name is?
Kirstyn: Kirstyn
Humph: How’s that spell [Kirstyn spells it] is that your name?
Kirstyn: Yes, it’s my name [in non-sarcastic way]
Humph: That’s a very nice name!
Kirstyn: Thank you
Humph: Is that what people call you?
Kirstyn: Yes
Humph: Not Kirsty then?
Kirstyn: No, that’s a different name altogether!
Humph agrees.
• Humph looks at me and says hello, I say hi back.
• Humph starts talking to Iain Pattinson about Humph getting picked up by an ambulance or hearse after recordings as a precaution (mentioned because a paramedic went into the theatre). We listen in and giggle quietly. Kirstyn says, “I want to say something but I don’t know what!” and Peej replies, “We’ll just listen in then!” So we do.
• PA woman says, “I’ll go and round up the guys!” as Humph finishes signing. Lucky woman.
• Everyone else (including Colin, who makes a speedy exit) arrives at the same time - people accost them in the doorway while we hang back.
• Tim looks around and then spots us - he waves and goes, “Hi girls!”
• Tony approaches and Peej hands over her paper, “Can you sign my scrap of paper please!” Tony happily signs. He looks at me and Kirstyn and smiles, we smile back.
• Graeme approaches and says hi. He smiles and says to me, “Haven’t seen you since Manchester!” and I reply, “Yes, it’s been a whole week!” I then say, “The Minx sends her love!” and Graeme does the ol’ raised eyebrows look and sly smile, “Oh, does she?!” Heehee.
• Kirstyn asks if she can get a photo with Graeme, he says, “Of course!” and they pose - Peej takes the picture.
• Graeme [to Kirstyn]: How are you then?
Kirstyn: I’m very good thank you, how are you?
Graeme: I’m fine thank you
• Kirstyn asks Graeme for a hug but a guy approaches and pushes his autograph book towards Graeme, Kirstyn says, “Go ahead” so Graeme signs for the fan and they shake hands.
• Tim approaches and gives the usual cheery hello.
• I say, “Tim, I’ve got something for you” (oo-er!) and put my carrier bag on the floor and bend over to get the picture out. At this point I realise I’m at crotch level. Moving on...
• I get the photo [from the Manchester convention] out of the bag and say something like, “Do you remember this? I remembered to bring it!” Tim giggles at the sight of it and takes it to sign.
• I say thanks for the picture and he says “It’s the least you deserve!” At the time I 'awww' but later think, 'hang on a minute....' and mysteriously end up feeling miles away.
• Peej says she really likes the picture and Tim mentions something about a waistcoat, which we don’t understand, but later realise he was referring to the picture and that he’s wearing a waistcoat in it. Duh.
• Kirstyn says to Peej, “I’m just going to go and nab Graeme!” Peej asks what she said and Tim then looks up, “What did she say?!” Peej says, “You don’t want to know!”
• Kirstyn approaches Graeme, “Can I have a hug please?” They hug, he attempts to kiss her on the cheek but her glasses get in the way. Graeme heads for the taxi and says, “See you next time!” (I didn’t get a Graeme hug - damn!)
• I thank Tim for signing the picture and he giggles cheekily. I try to read what he’s put but can’t make it out, Kirstyn later realises what it says and we gasp and giggle that Tim put, “Hi Jess, Be on guard”. Eep. Either he's referring to the pose in the pic or he's being a kinky devil. Please be the latter!
• I put my bag down and say, “Tim, can I have a hug please?” Tim grins with delight and exclaims, “I thought you’d never ask!” We hug extremely close, so much so that my cheek is against his hair - it’s so soft. He gives me double-backing rubbing (but not quite as dirty as the Manchester hug) and I reciprocate.
• Peej then asks for a hug, Tim says, “You don’t even need to ask!” then Kirstyn asks for a hug and Tim says, “Yes please!”
• Tim leaves and I say, “That was the tenth hug!” and do a cheesy thumbs-up. Tim laughs a lot and makes some sort of 'way-hey' noise (I can’t remember what exactly, but he was pleased). He blows a kiss and waves goodbye.

The End

Mood - Zombified
Music - The Beatles - Get Back (Love album)
Edited - 2006-11-29 07:23:27

2006-11-22 08:33:37
Manchester Giddy Adventure
This is a fair amount of what happened on Sunday - I won't waffle on because it's a long read. Enjoy.



I arrive just after 12 and go to the café to meet Carrie via Tim and Graeme’s signing desk. I see Graeme in his purple shirt, brown cord jacket and the scarf he wore at the London Clue. Phwoar. I then see Tim in his blue jumper and mutter a very rude word at the sight of it (hope no one heard). Kill me! I meet with Carrie and buy an orange juice and Kit Kat and we chat. We wander around the stalls feeling too afraid to approach Tim and Graeme just yet. Tim spends ages talking to a mysterious man that turns out to be an old chum and also the guy that played Boba Fett in Star Wars (Jeremy Bulloch). We see Graeme getting up and walking down to the very end of the row of desks to leave for lunch. We walk parallel to Graeme and then stand a little further away from where Graeme is, he starts to walk right towards us and the giggles start.

Graeme: Hello, how are you both?
Me and Carrie: Hi, fine thanks
Me: Are you alright?
Graeme: I’m alright! How long have you been here?
Me: Since about 12

Graeme then starts mentioning all the places where we’d seen them and me and Carrie say, “we’ve been everywhere!” etc. while adding yet more places to the list. Carrie asks if Tim’s ok and Graeme says that he’s having a lot of fun, and then we all look over towards Tim who’s still chatting to Boba Fett. Carrie says that Tim is next to Miranda Otto (from Lord of the Rings) so he’ll be happy. Graeme turns to me:

Graeme: I’m sorry to hear about your YouTube site - Tim found out and was furious about it!
Me: Awww, that’s sweet of him [Graeme giggles] I wasn’t happy about it either, I’ll have to go and have a good moan to him about it
Graeme: Yeah, you go and have a moan to Tim, he’ll like hearing from you. Are you going to come and see us?
Carrie: Yes we will do later
We chat some more and begin to walk down towards the green room where Graeme is going for some lunch, passing by Leslie Philips giving a talk. We walk by a big, bearded guy and Graeme says he looks like the Comic Book guy off The Simpsons, also mentioning that he’s one of the organisers of the event. Graeme then theorises that they based the Comic Book Guy on him! We hang around by some stalls and chat idly until Graeme leaves for lunch. Graeme approaches again on his return, this time with a can of coke. Carrie asks if he had a good lunch and he says he had cheese (with what? Who knows!) but He does say, however, that he dined with Francis Matthews, a.k.a. Captain Scarlet. More idle chat. A fan approaches and asks if he can have a picture with Graeme, which Carrie offers to take. They pose for the photo and Graeme cheesily holds up his can of coke. Graeme then says he should head back, “I hope you’re going to come and see us, you should come over and have a moan to Tim, moan about anything, and I’ll look forward to hearing it!” He goes back to the signing desks as we wave and say bye.

Eventually, we summon up the courage to approach the signing desks to see Tim and Graeme. Graeme says hello and Tim looks thrilled to see us. Tim says hello and momentarily stops signing
Tim: I was really sorry to see your YouTube videos go, it’s so annoying, I can’t think why they would do that
Me: I know, I was really annoyed too
Tim: It’s annoying because there’s a lot of Python stuff still there, I wonder why that is?
Me: I don’t know, probably a copyright thing…
Tim: Yeah, or maybe no one cares about them!
Me [with disdain]: Yeah, probably! [Tim laughs]
Graeme [to me]: Maybe you had too many hits and were too popular?
Me: Yeah, maybe
Tim: But I still don’t understand it - at least I saw it though
Me: Yeah, I’m very grateful for that
Graeme: Do you still have all your own copies of the episodes?
Me: Yeah I do, so that’s alright!
Graeme [to Tim]: We should come to her for the DVD extras!

Me and Carrie start looking at the pictures that they’re signing. One of them is the Funky Gibbon with them all pouting and looking camp. Me and Carrie giggle at it.

Tim: I haven’t seen this picture before, there’s another one from the same time that’s more famous, but I prefer this one.
Carrie: You all look a bit camp in that one!
Me: Yeah!
Carrie: But your hair looks nice
Me: Yeah, very nice side parting
[Tim giggles]

Tim signs a stack of photos of him in his Union Jack waistcoat, looking as though he’s about to punch the camera.
Tim: I haven’t seen this picture before but I like it, I like how I’ve got my hand in front of my chin to hide it [he demonstrates - phwoar!]
Me: It’s very nice

We chat some more. I get my camera out and pass it to Carrie, she asks Tim if I could have a photo with him. Tim obliges and stands up, putting his arm right around me, I put mine on his back.
Tim: Try and be happy now!
Carrie takes the photo (ta muchly!) and I have a look at it and show it to Tim. Tim takes a look and goes, “Blimey - how long have we been married?!” I giggle stupidly. Graeme says, “Let’s have a look” so I show the picture to Graeme and say, “That’s me and Tim - in case you didn’t know” which makes him giggle while I feel like an idiot. Graeme goes, “awwww, bless!” at the picture and grins at me. Graeme gets out his mobile and begins to look through it, he then finds a picture and holds it up for me and Carrie to see. It’s a picture of Tim with some Storm Troopers. Graeme says, “Tim saves the day!”

Tim [to me]: Are you doing alright being in Manchester, having come from Yorkshire and all?
Me: Yeah I’m managing alright!
Tim [explaining to Graeme]: She’s from Yorkshire and now she’s in Lancashire!
Graeme: Ah I see, well I always preferred Lancashire pudding to Yorkshire pudding
Me: No, no, no, no…
Graeme: Yes, yes, Lancashire pudding, definitely, always got to go for a Lancashire pudding, that’s much better!
Carrie: All there is from Lancashire is Hot Pot, all you do is throw in any old rubbish and boil it up
Me: Yeah, it’s true!
[Graeme giggles and carries on signing - we won that one! ]

A bit more chatter occurs. Tim and Graeme continue signing busily, we decide to leave them to it and say bye but they don’t hear us, so we leave and wander around. We return an hour later (once again when we’ve summoned up the courage) and there’s no queue. We say hello again and they look pleased to see us. Graeme asks Carrie what she’s bought and she shows off two Depeche Mode CDs.

Carrie: It’s Depeche Mode
Graeme: Who?

Carrie pretends to be about ready to slap Graeme which Graeme giggles at and raises his eyebrows. Tim says, “Ooh she’s touchy!” When he stops laughing he says, “I didn’t hear what you said, that’s all!” Carrie then repeats that it’s Depeche Mode and Graeme says, “Ah, the second best band ever!” and Carrie says, “Scissor Sisters are first” while Tim says, “The Goodies are first” - which I laugh at. Oops. We once again go back to looking at the pictures, still being indecisive. We look at a picture of them on the trandem (the airborne one with the blue screen background) and show an interest, Tim says that if we buy it we should cut it ‘there’ and puts his hand over Bill. We agree with him and he giggles. You can’t beat bitchy Tim. Tim sees that I’m still keen on the black and white photo of him and hands it to me saying, “You can take that and I’ll sign it when I next see you!” and I say, “ooh yes, Sunderland next Sunday!” which Tim laughs at and looks pleased about (I hope). Graeme offers Carrie his picture for free, but they tell us to hide them from the organiser people who are keeping tabs on sales. We do so. Tim mentions that the last time they did a signing in Manchester they had to call the police, not because of them, but the fans started going out of control, “but that was a very long time ago, and it was all good for publicity!”

Jeremy Bulloch/Boba Fett approaches for yet another chat. He makes sure he’s not interrupting us and starts talking to Tim, who laughs a lot. Tim introduces him as, “he was in Star Wars and played a character with a dustbin on his head!” Jeremy Bulloch has a chat and giggle with Tim while we nosily listen in.

Tim mentions the banana skin left on the table and says that they used to have to sign loads of bananas for fans. Graeme’s assistant then takes the banana skin and puts it in the bin, which makes Graeme sulk and go, “that was the comedy banana!” to which she replies, “but it was starting to go off!” Graeme pulls us a sulky look. Aww. A man who’s the official journalist for the event asks if he can get quotes from Tim and Graeme, they oblige, so we leave, waving bye to Graeme as Tim speaks to the journalist. Graeme waves back. Carrie hears Tim say, “What do you think, Graeme?” and Graeme stops waving and goes, “Oh sorry, I wasn’t listening!” Heehee, oops.

We wander around for another 30 minutes. We see Tim walk down to the end of the row of desks, however, it’s not the end where there’s a door but to a dead end instead. He sits on the table, puts his legs up, swivels around and jumps down over the other side. It was extremely exciting (not that I was watching...) We wander around some more and spot Tim now talking to Jeremy Bulloch at his desk. They’re inseparable! Graeme’s got no other company so we go over to say our goodbyes. Carrie is brandishing the Harry Potter wand she just bought and Graeme asks what it is, when Carrie explains he buries his head in his hand and laughs a lot, asking, “What did you buy that for?!” He’s very amused. Carrie then says that she was hoping it would help magic some hugs our way, so Graeme gets up and gives Carrie a nice hug. I follow suit and Graeme smiles at me afterwards. He says his goodbyes (with saucy looks) and he asks if we’re going to go and say bye to Tim, we say yes and Graeme encourages once again, “Go and get Tim to give you a hug!” Graeme leaves. We approach Tim and say that we’re leaving. Tim thanks us for coming and showing our support and Carrie asks if we can have hugs, but Tim doesn’t know whether it’s logistically possible with a desk between us. Carrie says, “It’s alright, I did it with Graeme - and got a hug!” which Tim laughs at. Carrie then puts her bags down but makes it look like she’s going to climb under the table, which amuses me. Tim and Carrie hug, which involves grinning from Tim and back rubbing. After the hug when they part they take each other’s hands ever so briefly and swing their arms - it’s remarkably cute. I then ask Tim if I can have a hug, which involves double back rubbing! He has both hands going in opposite directions, it‘s not only vigorous but copious. Wowee, I was hand-ravished! Carrie later says that she was tempted to go, “get a room!” and worried that Tim would be arrested, it was filth! Once again he thanks us and says it’s lovely to see us, he then semi-blows a kiss at Carrie and blows a kiss at me. Tim says again that he’s annoyed about YouTube and begins shaking his fist, going “Damn!” I say that when I found out I did the fist shaking in front of my computer screen (and demonstrate thus) which Tim giggles at. Tim says we should go and protest to the BBC together. I’m game! He says that it’s a shame but was good while it lasted, I say that it lasted for nearly a year and Tim’s surprised, “you kept that quiet!” and I reply, “Indeed I did” and tap the side of my nose again (someone stop me!) He waves us bye bye and says, “Bye girls!” and we walk away feeling giddy.

In the lobby Carrie collects her suitcase and puts her carrier bags into it. Tim passes by and says hello, then he asks Carrie, “Have you got any bodies in there?!” and giggles, then he says “Cheers!” and waves bye again as he leaves the building.

The End

And, sorry, but I can't resist:


Mood - Hugged out :)
Music - Bonzo Dog Band - We Are Normal
Edited - 2006-11-22 08:43:48

2006-11-17 03:53:25
The Gonzo Bog Doobrie whatsit
Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - Manchester Apollo November 15th 2006

After spending forever defrosting bread to make sandwiches, me and my dad set off at 5.25pm and made the journey to Manchester. On the motorway there was a sign saying “Animals on road, slow down” but we were very disappointed to then see the sign, “End” and no sight of any animals. We then got onto the M60, a big ring road that goes around Manchester, and looked out for junction 17. We first saw junction 19 and I said “wouldn’t it be funny if the next one was 20…” I spoke too soon. Nevertheless, my dad’s sense of direction is good and my mum’s advice of, “it’s the junction after Staples” proved invaluable, I never knew two people could get so excited at the sight of a Staples. We arrived in the Apollo car park at 6.45pm and ate our packed tea while giggling at the license plate of the car in front which ended with “WTF”. My dad put the car headlights on for me so I could take a pic of it with my mobile phone camera. We ventured into the theatre at about 7.10pm and I (thanks to Peej’s advice) bought a goody bag for £10, which had the tour programme, calendar, key ring, mug and poster, and your very own Bonzos carrier bag to put them in. Bargain. We found our seats in the stalls - very good seats they were too except the distinct lack of leg room. Me and my dad chatted and I tried to assure my dad that it’d be alright and he could always use this against me in future if he wanted, I didn’t mind because I knew I was in for a treat. The show started (10 minutes late) and was a joy from the very start, Neil was doing the twist to ‘Cool Britannia’ - from then on I knew this would be a brilliant night. The songs were all fantastic - I adored them all, although I could perhaps have lived without hearing ‘The Sound of Music’!

The band was all hilarious, and Adrian Edmondson and Phil Jupitus were superb. I adore ‘Legs’ Larry Smith, he was hilarious giving his monologue as Mr Wonderful (a cheesy American lounge singer “I’m not a bit like you, I’m a super showbiz star!”) Mr Wonderful talked about flying in from Vegas and his driver telling him to look out of a window to see a dead fox on the pavement with half of its head smashed in, a condom tied around its tail and resting on an empty Dominos pizza box. In its paw was a pen and with the pen it had written its last three dying words….”God Bless America”. Legs kept coming back to do bits and pieces, namely as Mabel for ‘Hello Mabel’ (including tap dancing). He also went to sort out Phil Jupitus when he was heckling through a megaphone from the circle. We couldn’t tell what he was saying but everyone started chanting “Larry, Larry” as he ran through the stalls and out of the back door, then appeared up in the circle to wrestle Phil to the floor and then attach a rope round his neck and throw him off the circle. We couldn’t see the fight going on but we saw the dummy (ooh, what a giveaway) being chucked over the circle - it was funny.

‘Jazz, Delicious Hot, Disgusting Cold’ was a treat - Ade did a trumpet solo (“I’ve been practicing and now know how to work both valves”…”but there’s three valves, Ade!”) but he was surprisingly good, except he couldn’t get any noise out for the last few notes and he laughed about it, it was going so well! The solos during the song were all fantastic but you could never hear the start of them because of all the clapping. Sam Spoons’ spoon solo was genius - no one plays spoons like him. Vernon’s ‘Falling in Love Again’ was also brilliant - who’d have thought you could play the saw as a musical instrument and make it sound so beautiful? It was actually quite moving!

Roger brought out his theremin leg and got a lady on the front row (with interesting hair, a bit windswept from driving on the M62, apparently!) and made her stroke the leg, which she did, and the noise got more and more high-pitched the more she stroked, it was very naughty! Roger then spent a long time trying to set it so the leg wouldn’t keep making noises and, at last, managed to get the leg into its upright position and quiet enough while he introduced the song (‘Noises from the Leg’), he finished the song with a “bum note” by standing on a chair and sticking his botty onto the leg for some more interesting noises. It was amusing. Roger was great, he likes to make robots and for the second half he brought on three robots: one blew bubbles (while the band sung “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles”), the other one, a lady robot, was accompanied with stripper music while its rude bits lit up, and the last robot had foam bursting out of the top of its head. Brilliant. Roger also managed to successfully press his trousers during ‘Trouser Press’ but, naturally with the Bonzos, the machine let off a lot of a smoke and had to be taken off stage. Roger also kept trying to do trumpet solos but as soon as he was about to start two trumpet policemen (his sons) would stop him and take him off stage. Ade would also usually come on stage with a truncheon and smack Roger over the head with it. When Roger and Legs did, “Le Deux Calapsos” they were arrested by French police! With Le Deux Calapsos they were doing very silly things like managing to jump once in-synch (wow!) and also setting up a seesaw for Roger to jump on while Legs stood on the other side, but it breaking when Roger jumped onto it from his chair. It was a tad worrying because they were both in berets, stripy tops, neckerchiefs, and extremely tight dark grey trousers. I think they might have been actual tights. Weird!

Phil Jupitus did ‘Big Shot’ (brilliantly) but was sitting at the table, pouring himself drinks while the band kept playing the intro over and over. Neil got up eventually, grabbed a mic for Phil and passed it to him - it was very funny (if staged!) They ended the first half with Tent and during a pause in the song they stood like statues for close to a minute before carrying on again, it was very funny. It doesn’t compare, however, to Ade’s insanely long finishing note on ‘My Pink Half of a Drainpipe’. There was a cunning moment where Ade was given some breathing time, but nevertheless he kept going and going while the stage went dark and there was just one spotlight on Ade. It must have been at least a minute long, maybe two minutes, it was insane. Needless to say, it brought the house down when he finished.

Neil introduced ‘I’m the Urban Spaceman’ as “and now for our medley of hit!” it was great to hear but by no means their best song. After the song Neil explained that the inspiration came from Manchester when he looked out of a window and saw loads of construction sites called “urban spaces” and said, “if there’s urban spaces I thought there must be urban spacemen - so thank you Manchester!” That was a nice moment.

In the first half there was a fair amount of banter between songs, including the classic, “are there any heterosexuals in the audience?! The trouble with men and women is that they know how to get the maximum frustration out of one another using the minimum effort!” My favourite joke, however, was “The difference between men and women is that women generalise and men don’t”. Neil Innes, I bow down before you! In the second half most songs usually followed on from one another so there wasn’t much breathing space, their energy was amazing. I particularly enjoyed ‘Monster Mash’ for Sam Spoons playing the ‘electric’ spoons - he’s fantastic. He was also very good with boxes, where he had three boxes and juggled them about (difficult to describe!) and then the middle box got stuck to the front of his bright orange dungarees, hee hee. The second time he got the boxes was during ‘Keynsham’ - he was trying to stack them on top of one another while holding them but he couldn’t reach to put the last box on, so Roger got him a chair and then he could reach. Sam then managed to turn all the boxes round to spell out ‘Keynsham’. Sam was used as a ventriloquist dummy for Bob Kerr doing ‘Little Sir Echo’, who started smoking on stage (sticking up two fingers to us all in the process) and when Bob came back on stage with Sam on his knee he couldn’t get any more from his cigarette, so he dropped the cigarette and Sam opened his mouth and smoke came out! Sam then sung the song but was all garbled (he was a dummy after all) and when Bob started drinking Sam started making glugging noises. It was great. Sam then came galloping on stage with a horse’s head during the ‘Equestrian Statue’ chorus - that was funny.

Ade Edmondson came on stage dressed as a parrot for ‘Mr Slater’s Parrot’ and looked right at the front row from the edge of the stage “you know what’s coming, did you think you could buy front row seats and be safe?” Ade then went into the crowd and got people to say “hello” until Phil came down the other aisle with a blow dart and started falling Ade back to the stage, where Ade was killed by Phil. One of the last songs was ‘Canyons of your Mind’ with Phil Jupitus being carried on dressed in an Elvis suit. He performed it so well, and then went into the crowd (actually climbing/crawling over people) to sing to a girl in the audience - including flashing his chest and making lots of drunken noises in the music breaks, it was hilarious. The set finished with the ‘Intro & Outro’ where the band were introduced (including Phil on guitar and Ade on triangle), culminating in a standing ovation. They came back to do ‘Music for the Head Ballet’, which was funny, then the second encore was ‘Busted’, which was very well done. Vernon still kept going with his musical saw, playing a Christmas carol of some sort (might have been ‘Silent Night’) and it was very moving to see them all standing in one corner of the stage watching Vernon continue. For some reason the bass player was now dressed as a gorilla, it was highly confusing! They then took a bow while Phil called them “old fuckers”, said he had spotted Sam sniffing a line of Horlicks before the show and claimed that the reason they hadn’t been together in so long is because they were secretly Slipknot (“well who else would dress like that?!”) They were greeted with a second standing ovation as they left. Roger then sneaked back on stage with a trumpet, was about to play a note, then the lights went. It got a big laugh, he never got a trumpet solo after all! What a fantastic night, I want to see it again!

The set list (in a very vague order)

First half

• Cool Britannia (Neil)
• By A Waterfall (by David Catlin-Birch a.k.a Paul in the Bootleg Beatles)
• My Brother Makes the Noises for the Talkies (after the minute cacophony) (Neil)
• Look At Me I’m Wonderful (Legs)
• I Left My Heart in San Fransisco (Legs)
• Falling In Love Again (Vernon)
• I’m Bored (Ade)
• Look Out There’s A Monster Coming (Phil)
• Noises for the Leg (Roger)
• Mr Slater’s Parrot (Ade)
• Big Shot (Phil)
• Jazz, Delicious Hot, Disgusting Cold (all)
• The Sound of Music (Ade)
• Rockaliser Baby (Neil and Phil)
• Tent (Ade)

Second half

• We Are Normal (Neil and Phil)
• The Strain (Ade)
• Hello Mabel (Neil)
• My Pink Half of the Drainpipe (Ade)
• Trouser Press (Ade and Roger)
• What Do You Do? (Neil and Phil)
• Keynsham (Neil)
• Mr Apollo (Neil and Phil)
• Rhinocratic Oaths (Ade)
• Equestrian Statue (Neil)
• Jollity Farm (Neil)
• Sport (David, Neil, Ade, Phil)
• Little Sir Echo (Bob and Sam)
• Urban Spaceman (Neil)
• Monster Mash (Legs)
• Canyons of your Mind (Phil)
• Intro & Outro (Neil)


• Music for the Head Ballet (all)
• Busted (Neil, Phil and Ade)

Mood - Jolly
Music - Bonzo Dog Band - Look Out There's A Monster Coming
Edited - Never

2006-11-13 01:39:02
A silly, silly quiz
Peej (Im_A_Teapot) posted this ace quiz in her GROK journal and I felt inspired to steal it and answer it for myself. Here goes:

(first pet and current street name) ...

Splash Washer (that's sick!)

Errr I’ll take this as first pet bought and my mother’s maiden name (it usually is and I don’t have a street name)

Heehee, this one's even worse, it's Splash Miles

(grandfather/grandmother on your Mum's side,your favourite candy)

Jean Caramel

(first Initial of first name, first three letters of your middle name/surname)

J-Lou (that's not good)

(favorite color, favorite animal)

Blue Elephant

(middle name /surname, city where you were born)

Louise Halifax

6. Your Star wars name: ...
(the first 3 letters of your last name,
first 2 letters of your first name,
first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and
first 3 letters of the town you grew up in.)


(first name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled

Acissej Selim

("The", your favorite color, favorite drink)

The Blue Lemonade (haha, thrilling!)


Give it a go yourselves, it's great fun!

I don't have much else left to say. I'm off to see the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band on Wednesday - can't wait! Then in two weeks I'm off to Clue in Sunderland. Yay! Life is good when it wants to be.

Take care all,

Mood - Excited for the Minx seeing the chaps tonight
Music - Bonzo Dog Band - Don't Get Me Wrong
Edited - Never

2006-10-27 07:22:45
Southport report (post-show happenings)
Gosh, I haven't done a journal entry in ages. Dear oh dear. I can't think of much to update on anyway, so I'll just crack on with this report. It's only the post-show happenings, I haven't got as far as writing up the show itself, but I hope to get around to it at some point.

Anyway, here's my very exciting report post-show for now. Happy reading.



• Find the stage door easily and see Barry chatting to someone while smoking. John Naismith is talking to the crew people and rushing around frantically. We stand at the bottom of the small steps by the stage door and wait patiently.
• Barry comes downstairs and signs books for the boys at the front; he then approaches me and Peej and asks for our names (twice, having not heard us correctly the first time). He signs our things with cigarette in mouth and we say thanks and bye.
• Graeme comes down the stairs and gives us a smile of recognition.
• Tim emerges at the stage door (but at the top of the stairs) he chats to someone while fondling with the top of his trousers to readjust them (like he did in Edinburgh *all* the time) - I’m sure he’s trying to kill us.
• Tim comes down the stairs and sees me and Peej by the wall. I smile and say “Hi Tim!” Tim says, “I know these two girls!” Tee hee.
• Wander by Graeme while he gives Spev a hug, he’s looking into the distance and smiles, but he then sees me from over Spev’s shoulder and his face lights up. I grin back.
• Me and Peej end up right behind Tim while he signs the girl’s things. Peej: Oh look, we’re right behind Tim! Me: Yeah, but it’s a nice view though! Me and Peej blatantly stare at Tim’s botty but then snap out of it. Filth.
• Tim approaches to chat with me (major paraphrasing alert).
o Tim: I found you on YouTube
o Me: Oh, er, right!
o Tim: I saw all the work you’ve done on there - it’s great!
o Me: Oh, thanks, I’m glad you like it
o Tim: It’s great! I saw the news of Google taking over YouTube and I’d never heard of it so ‘I thought I’d have to investigate this’ so I looked it up and I found you and all the things you have there - thanks!
o Me: Well that’s good to hear because I did fret about what you would think with all the copyright and all that
o Tim: It’s really good for promotion [might not have said that - can’t remember] so thanks!
o Me: You’re welcome!
• I then ask, “Tim, can I please whisper something to you?” Tim giggles and says “Yes” so I cup my hand over his ear (which includes surreptitious touching of cheek, ear and *gulp* hair) and ask, “Could I please ask you to say to me, ‘I’m moved, completely moved’? (According to Peej and Spev I looked extremely cheeky and flirty. Oh dear.) Tim giggles a lot and I giggle too. I then stand upright and Tim turns his back to everyone so that he’s facing the wall, I look down so that I can’t see anyone else, Tim leans in close and says into my left ear, in the style of ‘Please Tease Knees’ from ISIRTA “I’m Moved [sexy ‘Wild Thing’-style pause] Completely Moved…” I giggle a lot (actual, “Heeheehee” noises, dear me) and thank him. Tim giggles too and looks at me in a “you liked that, didn’t you?” way. Damn right I did!
• A PA woman approaches Tim and says the taxi’s waiting.
• When Tim’s signed people’s things I go “Tim…” and hold my arm’s out. Tim dutifully does the same and we hug. I have my bag between my feet so I can’t move in close, but Tim pulls me as far as I can (with my legs very far away from the rest of me!) and mutual vigorous back rubbing occurs. Phwoar. The PA woman goes ‘awww’ at the hug.
• See Graeme in the distance and squeeze through a couple of people to approach him. Graeme is supposed to be going to the taxi but sees me approaching and waits for me, smiling and waiting for my arrival.
o Me: Hi Graeme!
o Graeme: Hello again!
o Me: I have to remember to say that Kirstyn says hi
[Graeme nods and smiles]
o Me: And also The Minx says hi and sends her love
• Graeme gives a slight ‘whaaa?’ look and then grins and raises his eyebrows, “Oh, does she now?!” He nods and smiles quietly to himself.
• I ask, “Can I have a hug please?” and Graeme hugs, accompanied with a kiss, but it went in my hair - dammit! A lovely hug nevertheless.
• Peej approaches and says “Kirstyn says hi!” and I mention that I’ve already said it. Graeme says, “Thanks for the scrapbooks” and me and Peej say he’s welcome. Graeme then says, “And Kirstyn did mine didn’t she?” and I say, “Yes she did!”
• Graeme starts heading towards the taxi:
o Graeme: So I suppose we’ll see you again when there’s another Edinburgh [giggles] or something like that?!
o Me: Oh, we’ll be at Sunderland!
o Graeme: Sunderland? Are you coming to Sunderland?! [beams]
o Me: Yeah, anywhere remotely north and we’ll be there!
• We say bye to Graeme as he heads towards the taxi
• Tim walks past and says bye, I say bye back.
• Tim is in one of the two taxis and talks to the PA lady, he points to us while talking. The taxi moves away and Tim waves as he passes by, me and Peej wave back.

The End

Mood - I'm wearing a hat, I'm happy
Music - The Rutles - Love Life
Edited - Never

2006-10-10 23:15:35
Catching up
Wooooh, I'm in Uni in a computer cluster typing this, how exciting. It's a little difficult to be on GROK discreetly thanks to the bright custard yellow background, but oh well.

Right, what has happened in my exciting life lately? Well, last week I had my lectures and seminars, which were quite dull, but I just about survived. On Friday I had a seminar where there were supposed to be about 14 people but only 4 of us showed up. Then, to make things better, there was a fire drill, so we had to spend a while standing in a muddy graveyard waiting to be allowed back in. We cinema types share the building with the engineers and particle scientists, so I blame them entirely for setting off the drill. Grrrr. After that I went home and wanted to fall asleep, but ended up for MSN for hours on end instead, I can't help it, Giddy chatter is addictive (and deadly) stuff.

On Saturday I got a surprise phone call from Spev asking if she wanted to meet me in Leeds that afternoon, so I hopped on a train and met her. One giant hug later (we're suffering Goody hug withdrawls quite badly) we wandered around some shops, including WH Smiths, where we spotted a copy of the Robert Ross Goodies book. We spent a good long while flipping through it, looking at the pretty pictures, and making an array of shameful noises at the sight of them. Some poor young lass was trying to reach up to the book and her dad was helping her when me and Spev saw a pic from Scatty Safari where Tim's in his navy blue vest and Graeme's in his grey jacket with his hands on his hips, and we both happened to "PHWOARRR" in an extremely loud fashion at the sight of it. I think we scarred the poor child for life. Oh dear oh dear.

We then went to the Hard Rock Cafe for tea and plenty of Giddy chatter persued. Being a tee-totaller, and Spev the designated driver, it was quite worrying that we were saying such things quite loudly (only to talk over the music) and without any feelings of shame. Tee hee. I'm not going to give examples because it would incriminate both me and Spev, but it would appear we both know what we like about our Goodies. Oh yes...

The next day (Sunday) me and my mum went to a cafe in town called 'Paint a Pot' - whereby you sit in a cafe and do ceramic painting. We each bought snowmen, mine was a plate and my mum's was an ornament, and we spent well over an hour painting them, it was good fun. I need to go into town on Thursday to collect them, because you leave them at the place and they glaze them for you. Hopefully they turned out alright.

EDIT: I forgot to include a rather amusing story when I originally wrote this, so here goes. After going to the cafe on the Sunday my mum needed to go into a shop in the middle of town so she did so and I waited in the car. My mum locked the car doors but, a couple of minutes later, the car alarm went off. No matter what I tried I couldn't get the bloody thing to stop, but after about 30 seconds it did. I thought that'd be it, but the alarm went off again. it stopped after 30 seconds, but, surely enough, it went off for a third time. By this time I phoned my mum, who was just over the road in the shop and could see the car through the window, and I told her "Er, mum, the car's all kinds of freaking out" - so she did the remote control car lock thingy (I don't know my jargon) and unlocked the car. Phewf. I relaxed a little, until the car locked itself and the alarm went off another two times before my mum returned. She found it all rather amusing, but I was a tad huffy and, I think it's safe to say, turned as red as my coat with stress and embarrassment. I think I'll go in the shop with her next time!

Yesterday was a day off Uni for me, but I didn't do a huge deal. I had a "To Do" list and managed to get most of it done, so I was suppose it was an alright day in all. I spent about 6 hours trying to read a 19 page 1850s document about photography, but failed miserably after getting far too distracted by things like MSN and Graeme as a Clanger acting out *that* scene from 'When Harry Met Sally' - by gad. I've also been watching a few early Goodies episodes lately, which have been fun, mainly because I can't remember them. I watched "Lost Island of Munga" and managed to spill an entire bag of Malteasers all over my bedroom floor. Damn those sailor suits, that's what I blame, nothing to do with my clumsiness...

I think that's all for now. I have a lecture in 20 minutes that I should think about heading to. Or, at the very least, I should gear up to having my arse bored off by a man that looks like the Cowardly Lion in 'Wizard of Oz' - I refuse to back down from that conspiracy theory of mine. It helps to keep me entertained while my brain melts.

I don't have time to proof read this (well, I do, but I'm lazy), so I'll leave it as it is and check it again in the evening when I get home. I apologise if you happen to read this pre-editing, no doubt I've made plenty of amusing typos and Freudian slips. If you spot any, please share!

Bye bye for now

Mood - Psyched up to be bored
Music - Scissor Sisters - Mary (on iPod)
Edited - 2006-10-12 10:00:29

2006-10-04 05:39:08
Yawn yawn bloody yawn
Despite the title I am in a good mood. Today's second lecture of the day, mind, was so bloody dull that I was very quickly losing the will to live. It lasted 90 minutes (non-stop) with the lecturer, who's a nice bloke (even if he does look like the Lion from Wizard of Oz) but he doesn't half drone on about the most boring stuff. It didn't help that he's very quiet and doesn't use a microphone, so with being close to the back (rebel I am) next to a window with a window blind that was constantly blowing about in the wind, I didn't know what was going on. Then, to top it all, the lecture finished at 4.45pm, which meant getting to Leeds train station at the start of rush hour. I had to stand on the train for 20 minutes, only getting a seat for the last 10. I sent my mum a "I hate rush hour, grrrr" (not in the sexy Graeme 'Wild Thing' way, in an angry 'grrr' way) and she very kindly picked me up from the station. Despite that, I'm still in a good mood. I don't know how I do it. 

I think my cold has pretty much go...oh wait, I just sneezed. Ignore that. Well, I still feel better than I did at the end of last week, so that's good. I just tried throwing a tissue in the bin, which is a foot away, and I missed. I was never destined for sporting greatness. Besides, it involves things like fresh air and excerise, pfft, who needs that?

Not long before Clue now, hurrah! Can't wait to see my Cuddling Gods once again!

Wow, it's 9.05pm already, where has the evening gone? I'm doing my usual routine, listening to music, including the new Scissor Sisters album, which I've finally listened from start to finish and adore, and chatting to Carrie on MSN. So far we've avoided perversion, gosh, we must be ill!

I think that's all for one day.

Until next time

Mood - Bit of a headache but still rather grand
Music - Scissor Sisters - Might Tell You Tonight
Edited - Never

2006-10-01 07:55:50
Sneezy McSneezaton
I have a cold. Damn.

I'm not feeling too bad today, mind, I was in a right state yesterday though. I had a sore back, which is always a sign for me that I'm going to get some sort of virus, but it's stopped being sore now so I'm hopeful I'll get nothing more than this cold. Phewf. I think it's mostly down to lack of sleep, but I slept well last night and felt all the better for it. I'm not back in Uni until Tuesday so I imagine I'll be well enough to make the trek to Leeds for my very exciting lectures. Hurrah.

I have a To Do list somewhere but I seem to have lost it. Oh dear. Even though I haven't been set any work as such, I'm still supposed to preparing myself for what's to come, but I haven't yet. Hmm. I am a hard worker but I don't tend to do things unless I'm told to and given a deadline - otherwise I'll just sit here and type meaningless rubbish which, funnily enough, I'm doing right now. You wouldn't think so, would you? (Don't answer that).

*Sigh* It's sad to see that Mr September has gone, but hurrah for Mr October. He does look rather good in a top hat, scarf and red underpants, doesn't he? Tee hee.

My mucus-filled mind is struggling to think of anything interesting to say, so I'll call it a night.


Mood - Bunged up
Music - Queen - You're My Best Friend
Edited - Never

2006-09-27 23:48:56
Nose Back to the Grindstone
Yesterday was my first day back as a third year student. Huzzah. My alarm was set for 9.15am and I made the most pathetic whining noises when Virgin Radio came blasting out of it - I hate hearing my alarm go off in the morning. I was back into the normal commuting habit soon enough by taking a nice trek up the 'Hill Of Not So Evil'.  There are three hills near to me which are steep and cobbled so I have named them according to certain degrees of evilness. There's the 'Hill Of Evil' which was the one I would have to walk up to get to school, then the 'Hill Of Not So Evil' which is the one I have to walk up to catch buses, then the 'Hill of Not Particularly Evil But Still Not Very Nice' which is rarely used unless my brother somehow manages to persuade me to go to the shops with him. I hate that hill and always end up lagging behind, damn him and his regular-person strength.

Anyway, I digress.

I got the bus into town then walked to the train station where I got my pass - £51.50 for unlimited bus and train travel in the county - craziness. Luckily I was armed with a copy of the Metro (how I missed it) which kept me entertained. It's usually good for me to read on the train because if not I start getting what can only be known as 'commuter rage'. I don't have a go at people (I'm far too shy for that), but I do start saying things in my head about how idiotic and annoying people are and how I wish I was brave enough to say something to them without the fear of getting thumped. Ah well, I'll just quietly continue with the quiet, smug-git persona for now. Heehee.

Leeds seems to get more and more posh every time I visit. It's really quite lovely. I got to Uni on time (as ever - ha) to attend my first lecture, which is: Photography & Society, 1839-1914. It sounds jolly interesting to me, I'm looking forward to that immensly, especially as the lecturer said that none of it will be based on the technology - huzzah! I then had a 90 minute break so I decided to pop into Leeds for a spot of shopping. I'm a lazy bugger and caught the bus, even though it's only about a 5 minute downhill walk. I went to HMV and got very excited by the big pink lettering spelling out "Sale" - but didn't buy anything, only some blank DVDs to make perfectly-legit discs for some Giddies. I then wandered into Smiths and Virgin before ending up in Next, where I bought three tops. One is a thick, red long-sleeved t-shirt with jumper-like tendancies, another is a red zip-up sweater, and lastly is a rainbow-striped sweatery-pullover-type-thingy. I'm so clued up on clothes speak it's untrue.

I then wandered (by bus) back up to Uni for my second and final lecture of the day, which is in a nasty place at the top floor of a building, where getting to the theatre involves going up what I call, 'The Stairs of Evil'. I'm quite good at finding these evil things. They are extremely evil, everyone who climbs up them is on death's door by the time they reach the top. They're not nice at all. The lecture was a tad dull but the subject matter should be intersting, it's called 'Understanding the Audience' and quite psychological and analytical. We were also assured that the course won't involve number-crunching or anything scary like that. Phewf. We were given a break of 10 minutes so I indulged myself with some Hula Hoops (of the salt & vinegar variety, smashing) and my copy of the Metro, then looked up near the end of the 10 minute break to find that most people had left. Apparently the lecturer had announced that we might as well call it a day but I was too lost in my own world to notice. Typical me.

I got the bus to the train station but it was at school-leaving time, so it meant standing up and clinging on for dear life. As the bus route is nearly all right-angled corners, it was difficult to stay on two feet, and one bloke involuntarily went running into the door, but luckily managed to put his hands out to avoid injury. We all had a good giggle about that. I then got the train and saw a friend boarding and sitting at the seat across the aisle from me. I was at the window seat and a man was sitting next to me meaning my friend couldn't see me, so I sent her a text to say "Look to your right - mwahahaha" - or words to that effect - and waited patiently for her to notice. The man next to me must have read my text because he was looking at my friend as expectantly as I was. The nosey bugger. Anyway, we managed to have a chat once the nosey bugger got off the train and it was nice to catch up.

I got to tell her about some of the bizarre things that happened at the weekend. For starters, on the Saturday my dad had wandered out of the living room and into the kitchen, then walked back into the room and found a neighbour's cat there! My mum had left the door open because she was doing some gardening, but the cat soon left without any chasing necessary. The cat belongs to the couple who live directly opposite, and said cat spends all day sitting at the window looking at our house. I have the theory that it must have been thinking, "One day, when they least expect it, I'll get into that house..." and, surely enough it did. What amused me is that my dad saw the cat and it gave him a, "What do you think you're doing here?!" look. It spooked him completely. How I wish I'd seen that.

On Monday night we were eating tea at the table and having a good old chat and laugh. My dad and brother started having a mock argument about something, I forget what but it was all very jovial, so my dad threw his water (almost a full glass) over my brother! My brother and I completely cracked-up, then followed by my dad who said in most ecstatic and relieved tone ever, "I've wanted to do that for years!" My mum, however, couldn't help but call my dad a silly bugger time and time again while supressing giggles, and then ordering my dad to clean up the mess. My dad got a clean kitchen towel for my brother, to which my mum said, "Never mind him, dry the walls first!" Tsk, mothers, they know their priorities!

Other than that, there's not much more to say. I think this has gone on long enough as it is. I wore all my hats the other day (it turns out I have 7, though not all of them are suitable for public showing) and my mum said I had a "hat fetish". God I love her!

Giddies chatter is getting ruder and ruder these days. I don't think I can say anymore on the grounds that I may incriminate myself!

I'll draw this mammoth entry to a close. Toodles for now!


Mood - Flattered
Music - The Who (Live at Leeds) - Shakin' All Over
Edited - 2006-09-28 01:20:21

2006-09-21 06:52:30
A month ago today...
I feel like being nostalgic tonight. I know I won't shut up about Edinburgh, I apologise, but it was lots of fun and I still can't believe that most of it happened. A month ago today was when I went to see the Goodies show with my friend as my birthday treat. Is it a worrying sign that I still remember that day (and most of the others) really well?

I won't go through the whole account of what happened because I've already done that, but nevertheless I hope you'll indulge me when I say, "Heehee, birthday hug", "Heehee, whiskers kiss", "Heehee Harry Shearer!" etc. Thanks, glad I got that out of my system.

I'm still in shock about Harry Shearer, I find it difficult to watch The Simpsons now without thinking, "I sat near him, he laughed at the same jokes I did, me and Tim looked at him and then each other with 'wow, it's Harry Shearer' looks on our faces" etc. It was bizarre. I was half-tempted to say hello to him but as he was only there for the show I thought it would be rude to bother him. I probably would have embarrassed myself by asking him to repeat some obscure Simpsons quote. If I had, I know which one, it would have been as Reiner Wolfcastle/McBain, saying, "On closer inspection, these are loafers..." I don't know why, but it always makes me laugh! Actually, one bit I forgot to include in my write up was Tim, bless him, looking very nervously at Shearer when he had to do an American accent. It looked like Tim was getting quite embarrassed at his attempts to do it (the accent, that is), so eventually he gave up! Awww.

Anyway, I shall stop going on about Shearer now. In the queue for the Goodies show I saw Rich Hall a couple of times, standing outside for a cigarette (tut tut) and I also spotted Dominic Holland a few times too. I also saw both of Paul Merton's shows, 'Silent Clowns' and 'Impro Chums'. Silent Clowns was excellent, I really like silent comedy and the series Paul Merton did for BBC4 was fascinating. At the end he showed a silent Laurel & Hardy film called "somethingorother Business" - I can't remember its title now (could you tell?), but it was great. Impro Chums was also brilliant, except my friend made us sit on the front row and I was petrified. I adore Paul Merton, but he terrifies me. He seems to have mellowed a lot over the years but in the Angus days of Have I Got News For You he was quite aggressive and it used to really scare me. Anyway, he was great and I now feel like my sitting on the front row at the show (thus sharing the floor with the Impro Chums, there was no stage) helped a great deal in overcoming my fear. I also feel great that I made Paul laugh, but only because I laughed extremely loud at him acting like he had a flute stuck up his arse (don't ask). Ah, happy days!

In other not-quite-so-self-indulgent news: I went to Leeds on Tuesday. Hurrah. I'm a student at Leeds (but still live at home) and so I hadn't been into the city for ages, and the last time I'd been up to Uni was to see The Who (on June 17th, like I could ever forget...what was I saying earlier about being not-quite-so-self-indulgent?) I went with my friend round town, visiting the shops, getting the new Clue Live CD with my shiny new student discount card (huzzah) and then wandering into clothes shops (surely a mistake for me?) and getting very excited at the sight of stripy jumpers. Some serious purchasing may have to be done in the near future. In the mean time I've occupied myself with some very pretty stripy gloves that are magical. Well, they're magical in the sense that they're fingerless gloves, but when you pull the flaps over, ta-dah, they're mittens! Ah, the excitement never starts...

Today I had to get up at 9.20am for the electrician to fix our outdoor light that's been on for two nights straight since we had a power cut on Monday. I bet the neighbours across the road haven't been all too happy about it, but, two minutes later, the problem was fixed and that was that. I didn't get the chance to change properly in time for the electrician's arrival so I managed to change into some jeans and then put a blue sweater over my pyjama top, which, incidentally, is long and pink (please stop thinking naughty thoughts). As such, you could still see the pinkness poking out at the bottom (stop it!) but it actually didn't look all that bad, perhaps I've discovered some new fashion trend? Hmmm, perhaps not.

Other than that, I haven't done a great deal. Only six days now until I start third year, so I've been feasting on MSN of late, mainly chatting to Carrie and Peej. All completely filth-free, of course...

Oversized carrot!

Oh, what a giveaway!

Until next time

Mood - My back hurts - ouch
Music - The Who - Young Man Blues
Edited - 2006-09-21 08:49:53

2006-09-17 01:51:57
The Giddies Way Outward Bound
Hello all!

I'll try not to ramble quite as much as I did last time. It's been nearly a week since my last journal entry and I haven't done a great deal in the mean time. On Wednesday I had to accompany my brother to the orthodontist, he's 17 but needed to be with a "responsible adult", which had to be me. How we all laughed. It was all hunky dory though, they only need an adult around in case they have to pass on any information - clearly my brother can't be trusted at the moment to do that (and they'd be right, regardless of his age!) So, that was thrilling. It unfortunately involved a long time in the waiting room, I don't think I've ever read the Radio Times so thoroughly in a long while. What fun. Then we had to go to a photo booth for our new passports. I don't like photos anyway, I'm hardly photogenic as it is, and those booths are enough to destroy anyone's feelings of self-worth. I had about 10 tries until I had the courage to hit the 'OK' button and to get the photos printed. Needless to say, they're awful. Somehow I look insanely pale (which I am anyway) and my hair has severely darkened. Added to the stoney-faced look I'm giving, I've decided I look like I work for the KGB. That's going to be fun when I get to passport control in America next year!

Ok, I'll stop being so silly now.

Aside from that, I've spent most of the week catching up with my fellow Giddies. Huzzah. Peej is back from her cycling holiday (which means I now won't keep getting visions in my head of Michael Palin in a red bobble hat and buckle shoes repeatedly saying, "The pump caught in my trouser leg!") and Spev got a bit of internet access last week, so it's been a bit of an MSN feast of late. It's been great fun to natter about this and that, usually reliving August and other Goodies/Giddies bits and bobs, often including certain degrees of trouser tightness. Ahem. It's all been good fun. Heehee.

Last night we said bye bye to Kirstyn, who is now on her way to France as I type. Even though we're all scattered about the country, doing nothing more than typing a few words onto MSN, it was strangely very emotional. I think we were all wiping the odd cyber-tear away by the end of it. Hopefully it'll only be a few days until Kirstyn returns to us in internet-form and The Giddies are back in business.

What did I say about this not being a ramble-fest? Seems like I can't help it.

I have a note in front of me that reads, "Spaghetti Hoops!" because I was reminded of how scrummy they are. I must buy some...

"Responsible adult" - heehee, still makes me chuckle.

Until next time.

P.S. I now have an Opinated Badge - huzzah. What does it actually take to get that badge, because I'm not really all that opiniated on this board, am I? Well, I might be when it comes to opinions on a certain blonde brute and glasses-wearing God, but still, who here doesn't? 

P.P.S. Meaty parts. I felt compelled to say that. How I miss hearing those words...

P.P.P.S. That's what the traffic warden said!


Mood - Strangely not tired after only 5 hours sleep. Hmm.
Music - Madness - It Must Be Love
Edited - 2006-09-17 01:59:20

2006-09-11 02:41:52
Ramble ramble
I apologise in advance. It's Sunday afternoon, therefore I'm bored, so I've decided to ramble.

Why are Sundays so dull? I don't tend to do that much different from what I do every other day of the week (i.e. sit on my arse going on the internet or watching TV) so I don't understand why Sundays are particularly special. It's odd. I also find I sleep worse on a Sunday night too, which can knacker me up for the rest of the week. Well, it would if I actually had something to do during the week!

It's coming to the end of my summer holidays from Uni, only a couple of weeks now. I've been off since 22nd May and done bugger all during that time, except seeing Paul Merton, Clue, The Who, and The Goodies seven times. Doesn't sound like a bad summer really, but when I haven't been doing those things I've been psyching myself up for them and then reliving the happy memories for ages after they've finished. Oh well, this time next year I'll be a graduate and entering the big, wide, real, grown-up world. Eep.

My third and final year of Uni shouldn't be too bad. At the beginning of summer I was terrified though, because a stupid new online system for enrolling modules promptly buggered up and wouldn't let me sign up to things, saying they were all "full". I emailed just about everyone in the department and they said there was nothing they could do and I would have to contact the department's secretary. I emailed her a number of times and got no response, so I was advised to leave it until early September. Left wondering for most of the summer if I was going to be able to do the modules I wanted, I emailed the secretary again at the beginning of September and she said ever-so-casually, "Oh yes, fine, not a problem, I've enrolled you to the modules you wanted." Bloody Uni.

I'm also supposed to start thinking about my final year project, where I've opted to write a script. I've written two scripts for my Uni course and I got firsts for both of them, so I'm leading onto the assumption that I should manage alright with this last one. The script I wrote for my second year project was extremely difficult because I opted to do a comedy. It ended up being a complete rip-off of Goodies & The Beanstalk with a bit of Kung Fu Kapers thrown in. I even called one of the characters Tim (well, I couldn't resist). Luckily they didn't spot this plagarism and gave me a generous mark. I was even advised by my mentor to keep on polishing it and to send it out to people. I don't know if I dare - I'd have to pay Tim, Graeme and Bill royalties for a start! Heehee, oh well.

So, I'll be off now to enjoy my last few weeks of freedom until Uni begins. It's going to be a busy year, so I'm going to have to rely heavily on the two upcoming Clue recordings and the Goodies tour to keep me sane. As soon as it's all over next summer, me, my parents and my brother are going on one last family holiday to Florida for three weeks. We'll be doing the theme park rounds and all that, my dad's a bigger kid than me and my brother. Bless.

After that, I'll definitely have to have a serious think about what I want to do for the rest of my life. Well, I should be thinking about that now, but sod it. I've only just left my teenage years behind, I'm not ready to grow up yet!

Until next time.

Mood - Hygenic (just had a bath)
Music - The Goodies - Winter Sportsman (aww)
Edited - Never

2006-09-08 21:32:39
You know me so well
At bondgirl's request (and who am I to say no), here's some Tim one-liners from the ISIHAC game, "Chat Up Lines":


Is that a pillar you're holding Samson, or are you just pleased to see me?


I don't just lay bricks you know


Fancy doing it human style?

Sit! Lie down! I wish it was always this easy


Please kneel...and while you're kneeling...


Is that a conger eel in your trousers, or are you just pleased to see me? - I hope it's a conger eel, 'cos it keeps eating my sandwiches!


Do you think it's better in a bed, or up against the wall?

I suppose a fork's out of the question?


Give me your chassis number, & if you're free next week, I'll book you in for a service.

You've just put the lead back in my petrol


Was that a quaver, or are you just having trouble with your crotchet?


Personally, I think two in the bush is much better than one in the hand

One swallow doesn't make a commitment


It's alright - I said V.E.

Is that a spike on your helmet, or are you just pleased to see me?


I listened to all the Chat Up Lines yesterday and they're extremely filthy. I noticed that Graeme laughs an awful lot during those rounds, usually you don't hear him laugh out loud in Clue, but he seems to enjoy the rudeness of that round. He must have a very naughty sense of humour!

Oh, here's an honouary one from the round "Complete Chat Up Lines"

Humph: Is that a ladder in your stocking, or is it the stairway to Heaven?

Tim: It is the stairway to Heaven, but I've already got an arse up there

...I cleaned that up mid-sentence!

So, so rude. Tut tut tut (heeheehee).

Even though this news is a couple of days old, I still feel compelled to write about it. I have a friend from Finland on a Britcom forum that I introduced to The Goodies (mainly thanks to YouTube) and she wrote letters to Tim, Graeme and Bill to say how much she loves the show. So far she's only received a response from Graeme, and it's the nicest response you could ask for. He wrote her a love letter and, much to my surprise, it included me. When my friend was telling me about the response I had no idea that I'd been included in her letter in the first place, so it came as a huge shock.

What he wrote was:

I'm sure Jess or the Goodies Rule OK forum will keep you informed if and when dates are announced. (Yes I have met Jess, and she's very nice. She and some friends made brilliant scrapbooks for us after the Edinburgh stage shows.)

What a sweet, adorable thing to say. I did spend at least a minute staring at my monitor and going "awwwwwwwwww" and, highly unusual for me, I even came quite close to tears. I'm such a soppy git aren't I!

Anyway, I shall stop going on about it now. Bless you, Graeme.

I think that's enough filth and soppiness for one entry. Until next time!

Mood - Up an hour and already sleepy, this isn't good...
Music - N/A
Edited - Never

2006-09-07 09:30:17
I felt like titling this entry with a joyful cheer, as I have now got my first journal badge. Yay!

Right, what have I been up to today? Hmm, well, I got to sleep last night at 3am, then was woken at 8.30am by my mum yelling at my brother to get him up for school (he's only been back at school for two days since the summer holidays, and he's already back to his old ways. Tsk). I then got out of bed at 10am and went on the internet, where I remained until 6pm. Surely that's not good. Damn you MSN and all your goodness.

Then me and my mum went to the cinema, as we had two free tickets thanks to our eating excessive amounts of Maltesers (oh, the chore). We went to see 'Snakes on a Plane'. I've been reading about the hype for a long time so I was highly intrigued, and it was surprisingly not too bad a film. The knack is not to take it too seriously. If you really believe that a poisonous snake can be hiding in your airline sick bag then seek medical help immediately.

I have a bit of a headache now, but I'm back on the internet again. I'm addicted. I'm watching TV through my PC thanks to the wonderous gadget called a Slingbox. My dad's a gadget buff, so he likes to buy lots of shiny and exciting things, and this new thing is something I'd never heard of. What it is, is it connects to your Sky/satellite box, and that connects to the internet, so when the Slingbox software is put onto your computer then you can control your satellite box through your computer to stream live TV. My brother sometimes takes the laptop down to his room at night and we've had a fair few battles with the controlling of the Slingbox. It's bloody annoying but quite good fun too. My dad though, bless him, told me the override code, so I can take over the control of the Slingbox whenever I like. Mwahahaha.

Ok, that's enough of snakes and Slingboxes. I am a bit of a geek. I'm awful at all the jargon, but I do quite like shiny and exciting things.

Sh-shiny things.

Had to slip in a Goodies reference somewhere.

Until next time.

Mood - Sufficiently geeky
Music - Watching 'The Story of Light Entertainment'
Edited - Never

2006-09-06 11:15:22
So sleepy, this cannot be good
Why do I always go into such a funny mood in the wee hours? It must be the lack of sleep, but does anyone else go quite so nutty when deprived of some decent kip (see 'Tim knickers festish' thread, if proof were needed)? Please tell me I'm not alone and desperately need to seek medical help.

My eyes hurt. Why am I here? Dear oh dear. Wow, that just rhymed.

I've got vivid images of Tim with knickers on his head and it's stopping me from sleeping. How can anyone have knickers on their head and make it look so adorable? It's not fair.

Oh no, Tim singing Mr Boombastic has just come on my playlist. I now have a picture in my head of "Notorious Tim" (as Phil Jupitus once said) with knickers on his head. Help me. I can't cope anymore!

I really should go to sleep, but is it wise to fall asleep with such an image in my mind?

"With my sexual.....physique"


Isn't Tim's donkey laugh the most adorable thing? I don't know if that's the correct way to describe, but I do, and you can hear it in Clue a lot when Tim is particularly amused by something, his laugh turns into a donkey sort of noise. It's adorable beyond words. My ambition is to make Tim laugh so much he does a donkey laugh.

Maybe I could if I turned up to Clue with Mornington Crescent knickers on my head? It'll be autumn, I'll need to keep warm somehow...

No, I couldn't pull it off.

Argh, I just heard Delilah by Rob Brydon (best Pick Up Song ever, surely?) and Tim said, "We're going to have to throw all these back now". I rest my case. The man is knickers obsessed.

Love it!

Ok, I'm definitely going to call it a night now. Bye bye everyone.


Mood - Not quite here...
Music - The Who - I Can't Explain
Edited - Never

2006-09-03 23:16:41
Back to normal (sort of)
Well, it was this time last week that I was on the bus in Edinburgh, on my way to Kirstyn's, all raring to go for the final night. How time flies. Now that I'm home and still have a few weeks to go before I start my final year of Uni, I'm not sure what to do with myself. At the moment I tend to spend most of my time on the internet and giggling randomly or watching TV and giggling randomly.

I'll get over it eventually, honest.

Maybe those who have met The Goodies can tell me if this is normal. I've found that since meeting Tim and Graeme, I can't bring myself to watch a full episode of The Goodies. It's because, whenever I see bits, I'll turn into a girlish giggling heap and think:

- Heehee, I've hugged him
- Heehee, he's kissed me
- Heehee, I've felt his whiskers
- Heehee, he touched my bottom
- Heehee, he put Spev's knickers on his head
- Heehee, he brandished a kazoo at me
- Heehee, he gave me a round of applause
- Heehee, he blew kisses at me
- Heehee, he patted me on the back
- Heehee, he wished me happy birthday
- Heehee, he said hello and waved to me on the street


Ok, maybe it's just me being too giggly. I've been watching some episodes of 'Bodymatters' lately and I've just about coped, but it's still difficult to watch them without a very silly smirk on my face. Is anyone else the same?

I've stuck pictures on the wall behind my monitor, so now I can always look at Tim with stubble from GROK, Graeme going 'grrr' in Wild Thing or Graham Chapman with a giant false chin and big plastic tongue.

....Sorry, I was miles away....

How is it only the third day of September and already the weather is grey, cold, wet and generally miserable? Come back summer, all is forgiven!

Random quote to finish, it's been stuck in my head for ages.

ISIHAC - Gardener's Chat Up Lines

Graeme: Come into the potting shed, it's where I prick out then harden off.


Bye bye!

Mood - Cloud nine (still)
Music - Cricklewood Shakedown - The Goodies
Edited - 2006-09-03 23:32:22

2006-08-31 07:15:41
The Goodies - the final night
I'll keep this bit very short because what's to come is insanely long. But, here it is, my write up for the final night. I hope you enjoy it and don't find it too rambly. I sent this to Peej and Kirstyn and they told me where I'd gone wrong or forgotten bits, so I don't think this account is going to get any more accurate from our perspective.

Once again, I can't say it enough, thanks to everyone who sent in their contributions for the scrapooks, they were superb, and I'm sure Tim and Graeme will love them. They were certainly thrilled to bits with the books, which I shall now tell you all about, so brace yourselves for all of what's to come!

Good luck, and all the best.


Date: Sunday 27th August 2006

Before the show: I arrive at Kirstyn’s at 2.45pm and set to work straight away on making a cover for Graeme’s scrapbook while Peej and Kirstyn do last minute gluing. Get ready. Me and Peej leave at 3.30pm, feel very self-conscious. My Tim (a.k.a ‘Les Dennis’) badge falls off on the bus and onto the floor as we’re getting off, as it’s Tim, I bend over quickly to pick it up. I don’t think anyone was behind me (I hope not - for their sake). We get to the Assembly Rooms for 4pm - we see Clair and Kate and meet Helen (‘Sosia’). We chat in the queue, though feeling very tired and nervous. Graeme walks past, he grins madly, but we don’t know at what (perhaps it was the dresses, me and Peej didn’t dare look and pretended to find her phone very interesting instead).

Tim walks past at 5pm, Peej sees him but I don’t. How does he do that? Kirstyn arrives by taxi at 5.15pm. We see a man near the back of the queue with a giant Ecky Thump cap and black pudding. John comes up to us and asks if we’re still on for meeting upstairs afterwards. We go into the theatre and get front row seats.

The Show: Tim and Graeme catch sight of us early on, the grinning and ogling begins. When Tim is introduced by Graeme, Tim blows kisses at the three of us. Aww. In the dark (but also when the lights were on - they weren’t subtle) we catch both of them looking at us, but Graeme was more obvious, like it was his birthday and Christmas all at once (see pic, it really was the spitting image, we're not making it up).

At the beginning of the show Tim is fluffing his lines a lot and, interspersed with ogles at us, we come to the conclusion that we’re putting him off! Graeme tells the wasp anecdote and for a long time after he carries on mouthing “A wasp, a wasp!” and putting his finger up his sleeve. He does it to each of us and Tim, sounding jealous, says, “That’s enough!” Heehee. Graeme keeps sitting in compromising positions on his chair, and Tim does the “three wasps and a small snake went up my trouser leg” gesture right to the very top - it was so rude. Again, lots of Tim trouser fondling was involved, and a bit of leg was on show. Not that I was watching.

Graeme says the “meaty parts” line and waits for our giggling, he does mock eye-rolling, but he loves it really. I giggle particularly dirtily so he looks at me. Sorry, I can’t help it. They make the Germaine Greer joke very rude:
Graeme: What was it that made her want to bite your head off?
Tim: Don’t go there!
Graeme: Is that what she said?
Tim: No! …It’s what the traffic warden said!
We gasp in shock, which makes Tim and Graeme giggle. Graeme controls the Bill puppet - Tim tries to make him laugh by adding in lines. Graeme has far too much fun with the puppet, making it do silly things, like putting his hand over its eyes and pretending to make it look into the audience at us. We laugh so much that Graeme makes it bow at us - so honoured - laugh a lot. Tim says “ungelievagly” at the end and he tries to do it high-pitched but his voice breaks up. Cute. I cheer the carrot undies (alone) and Tim smiles at me. After the clip Tim says it was his “Oversized carrot” that got Mary Whitehouse. Oooh! Tim looks at us when he says it, trying to impress us, perhaps?! Graeme gives us a look of shock and disgust in response to Tim, who giggles naughtily. Tim and Graeme look at us a lot when reading out the censored lines and Julie Andrews bit. I cheer the Scoutrageous shorts too. Me and Peej both go, “Phwoar” at Tim in the black karate uniform from ‘Ecky Thump’. Tim tells the Prince William anecdote and pulls his crying face more than ever - so very cute. Graeme brandishes his kazoo at us. Cheer Lady Constance, Tim is very grateful and makes a rude joke in Constance voice (I forget what - argh), which makes Graeme turn around and look at us, shocked. When Tim is introducing Constance his pyramids become less pyramid-like than ever, they’re abnormally round and cupping is involved - we laugh a great deal and Graeme turns to us once again, looking shocked. Tim looks/stares at me twice during the ISIRTA sketch because I’m laughing so much. Tim gets his swannee whistle stuck on his microphone wire, but continues nonetheless, what a trooper. At the end they ask for a favourite Goodies episode, someone shouts out “Watership Down” (a.k.a ‘Animals’ from series and Tim goes “Yes!” in a pleased way. He really must know them all off by heart. Start getting extremely nervous while “The Movies” clip plays. Once again, Graeme gets covered in the party popper stuff, poor thing!

After the show: As arranged, we wait in the upstairs foyer bar. I stand closest to the theatre door, Peej and Kirstyn are behind me, I try convincing them to stand nearer to the front but they don’t. Eep. Every time the door opens I get terrified. I’m now really nervous, it feels like we’re having to wait forever. After about 5 minutes, the door opens and Tim pops his head around, he goes, “ooh, Hello!” and Tim and Graeme walk out to see us, saying hello. Graeme sees me and gives me a silly wave, which touches me greatly, so I give a silly wave back and Graeme smiles. They put their bags down, clearly expecting something. Tim makes small talk, saying how much he loves the dungarees and asks us if we can do Funky Gibbon for him. We’re far too nervous to oblige.

Peej goes, “erm, ahh…” and I look at Kirstyn and Peej, terrified. Peej says, “Don’t do that!” when Kirstyn tries pushing her forward. No one seems to want to say anything, so I have to. Tim and Graeme look at me and smile expectantly, help! Although we didn’t notice at the time, but it was caught on video, Tim had the cheekiest face and did “come here” gestures to us with his hands. So glad I didn’t see that at the time, I would have died. I don’t make eye contact and look to the ceiling going “Um, well, we thought that....” and Tim says, “Look at us while you’re talking! You’re acting just like me!” (I didn’t hear that last bit, but how sweet of him to say that). I shriek, “I can’t!” and bury my head in my hands and bend over forward (not a good idea, given the dress). I then give the speech another go, this time looking at each of them in turn. Graeme smiles the whole time and gives nods of encouragement in an, “it’s alright, you can do it,” sort of way, which is a huge confidence boost. Tim does the same but looks more like he’s trying to suppress giggles, as he knows that something’s coming and he’s excited. I reach into my bag in preparation and Graeme’s eyes go straight to the bag, but I don’t get the scrapbook out just yet. His face lights up though. The anticipation is building, but thankfully they don’t lose their patience with me.

Rough translation of what I said: “Well, as a way of congratulating you for Edinburgh, we thought we’d make you some presents, and so we put these together and everyone on Goodies Rule OK has helped [Tim and Graeme go, “ooh!”], so, [turns to Peej and Kirstyn] Is that it? [Turns back to Tim and Graeme] Yeah, that’s it!”

Tim gives me a round of applause; I don’t know who’s doing it so I bow in a general direction. The clapping fades out when no one else joins in. Aww, bless you, Tim. I get the book out of my bag and hand it over to Tim, saying “That one’s for you!” Tim goes “oh, wow!” and his face lights up, “Thank you so much!” He excitedly tries to get into the book but it’s tied with ribbon. Graeme says, “Er, Tim, you’ve got ribbon on yours!” and Tim glares at Graeme with mock-anger, then unties the book and opens it. He flinches slightly as he does so, then looks up and says, “Oh, I thought something was going to pop out at me!” I giggle and say, “Aww, I wouldn’t do that to you!” Graeme then gets his book (Kirstyn couldn’t get it out of her bag for a few moments). His face similarly lights up and he looks at it. They both show off their books to each other and are very appreciative.

Peej nudges me and goes “DVD, DVD!” I quickly get out the Tim DVD and say, we also put together a DVD of clips and Tim goes, “Oh, fantastic!” Graeme gets his DVD too and he looks very impressed. I then get out the Ness toys. I say, “We also got you these as a silly little present - that’s for you…” and give Graeme his cheeky ness toy, which makes him laugh. Tim is intrigued, but I haven’t managed to get Tim’s out of the bag yet. I get it out eventually and give it to him, and he laughs. Graeme grins madly and says proudly, “I’m cheeky ness!” Graeme asks what Tim is, Tim shows him, “I’m Pretty Ness - I’d rather be cheeky ness!” Tim giggles and says thanks again. Tim asks, “You must have spent ages on these, did you have a lot of late nights?” and we three all go “YES!” which takes Tim back. I add, “I’m so tired!” in a silly voice and rub my eyes.

Peej holds Bill’s book and asks, “Could one of you also please pass this on to Bill?” Tim looks up from his book and says, “No!” jokingly, and Peej has a panic attack. Both Tim and Graeme are far too occupied with the books to notice Bill’s. Peej continues panicking. Tim says, “I’m already going to have to pay for my excess baggage!” and I go, “Aww, I’m sorry” - not realising it was meant to be taken as a joke, I was a bit high-strung. Tim asks, “Graeme, can you take it?” but Graeme is far too involved with his book to notice. Tim then says, “John, can you take it? It’s for Bill” and John comes in and takes the book happily, promising that he’ll make sure Bill gets it. He was already behind Tim and Graeme, looking over their shoulders at the books and sounding very impressed. He says, “I’ll pretend to be Bill shall I?” and crouches down, making himself smaller than Tim and Graeme. We all laugh. John looks through Bill’s book and says, “Wow, cool!” Tim and Graeme say, “I know, they’re great aren’t they?” Graeme turns to the ‘Making of the Scrapbooks’ and we all go “Oh no!” and bury our head in our hands. Graeme laughs and goes, “Tim, look at this!” and they both have a good giggle about it while we die of shame. Graeme points at a cheesy picture of Kirstyn and then looks at her, smiling, she’s very embarrassed. Tim asks, excitedly, “So did you do these in your room late at night?” and I say, innocently, “Yes, very late!” The guys continue to look at the books, completely absorbed. They then look up and realise that people want autographs and hugs, so they start to put their things away. Graeme puts his book in his bag and says, “I’ll read that on the plane”. Tim looks around, lost, not sure where to put his things, so I say, “It’s alright, I’ll hold them for you!” Tim giggles and says, “Thank you! It’s not that I don’t want them, it’s just…” and I say, “No no, it’s alright!” Tim smiles at me then runs along to have fun. I feel like his mum, holding his things for him while he goes off to play. Graeme takes off his coat and picks up his bags, he’s not sure where to put them so he comes over to us and puts them by our feet. He must trust us. He says, “Wait here” to the three of us while he goes to sign autographs and have photos. We do what he says (well, you would) and wait patiently.

Graeme comes back towards us so I ask, “Would it be alright if we have a photo?” Graeme looks to those who are still waiting, so I go, “Oh! Sorry!” and Graeme smiles at me and goes back to the others. We wait a bit longer, Peej, Kirstyn and artyclarty have a quick look through Tim’s book while I’m still holding it for Tim. Tim thanks me again as he takes his things back. Peej asks for a group photo, and the guys are more than happy to oblige. John takes Peej’s camera, I hold out my camera in the hope that someone will adopt it, Sosia very kindly obliges. Peej goes to Graeme, Kirstyn goes to Tim (surely the wrong way round?) I, once again, am extremely lucky and get to go between Tim and Graeme. I, again, say how lucky I am to be in such a position. Everyone puts their arms around each other and we all look, quite scared, at the huge line of cameras before us. I say, “Ooh, it’s like being famous!” - forgetting that I’m sandwiched between two Goodies (that’s how much of a daze I was in!). All the cameras go off and it’s a bit startling, but exciting. Everyone’s enjoying it very much and has their arms around each other, even if they are in dodgy places. Graeme (for once, heehee!) is the least innocent of us all, but is still leaning back, looking like a pimp (don’t say what that makes me and Peej). Peej’s arm around Graeme is missing in action (did Graeme groping occur? We may never know), Graeme has his hand on my shoulder/back, I have my hands on Tim and Graeme’s shoulders, and Kirstyn has her arm around Tim. Tim, however, has his hands in naughty places. For Kirstyn, he didn’t put his hand on her shoulder, but lower down, and his hand was reaching right around to the front. To be blunt, cupping looks to be involved. With me, Tim had the scrapbook in his hand, so he had a proper excuse not to have his hand on my shoulder, but nevertheless, the arm was low down. Very low down. The scrapbook was firmly in his grasp, but fingers which did not need to be holding the book were not wasted, instead, they were extended, and firmly touching my bottom. Tim is a very, very naughty man. Heehee.

After all the photos are taken we get out of the pose. Graeme pats me on the back, which I thought was a lovely gesture. I get out of the photo pose, but Tim still holds onto Kirstyn saying, “I could stay like this forever!” As I leave his side he gives me a, “And where do you think you’re going?” look, so, like any girl would, I jump back in and put my arm around him, patting his back and generally enjoying it. We stay with our arms around each other while Tim talks (I don’t even know what he was saying anymore, I was miles away), and as soon as I was back by his side, Tim’s hand went back onto my bottom. Tee hee.

We part after about a minute, and this is when my memory gets incredibly blurry. Either artyclarty or Sosia (I forget who) asks for a photo with Tim and Graeme, but we’re all still behind Tim and Graeme so we try to get out of shot. Peej and Kirstyn manage to get out of shot, but I have nowhere to go and time is running out, so I duck down right behind Tim and Graeme. Though I didn’t think about it at the time, I realise afterwards that it was a good thing that Tim and Graeme didn’t see me behind them like that; it would have taken a lot of explaining otherwise! We each get our Tim hugs. Tim tells Kirstyn that the hugs are a great morale boost and make him feel young. He also says, 'It'll be a sad day when we have to ask you for hugs'' Kirstyn says ''No, that'll never happen'' and Tim says, ‘‘Well if it does, just give me a slap!'' I then ask for a hug, which Tim, as usual, rushes in excitedly to do. We squeeze tightly, rub each other’s backs and hug longer than the average hug usually lasts (as Tim always does, which is why he’ll pull you back in if you try to break away too soon). Tim also makes lots of ‘awwww’, ‘mmmm’ and ‘heeheehee’ noises. While hugging I say, “Aww, farewell hug!” Tim hugs Peej and says, “You’re always a good hug!” Ooh, lovely.

We then wander over to Graeme and get our hugs and kisses. Graeme hugs Kirstyn, then they pull apart, Graeme looks at her and kisses her on the lips, then they hug again. Wow. Peej gets her hug next, he kisses her on the cheek and she kisses him back. After the hug he says, “Thanks for coming and showing your support.” I get the final hug and, after I ask, Graeme looks at me for a moment, grins devilishly, and moves straight in for the cheek, where I get a kiss. The hug is the longest Graeme hug yet, and it’s very warm and comforting. He has one arm around your shoulder and another further down. Bliss. After the hug he says, “Thanks for coming and showing your support” and I, giggling from the hug, say “It’s been a pleasure”.

People start to come into the next show so we can’t move. Graeme is stood by the wall next to the three of us and says with mock-disappointment, “It looks like I won’t be able to go yet” and we say, “Oh, what a shame!” Kirstyn asks for a photo with Tim and Graeme because she’s never had one with them both before, Tim asks, “Are you sure you haven’t?” Kirstyn holds her bottle of water in one hand and her camera in the other. Me and Peej watch and wait for her to hand over the camera, but Kirstyn, in a daze, passes Peej the bottle of water by accident. I take action and take the camera. Peej laughs and pretends to take a camera with the bottle of water, but hopes that the boys don’t notice. I take a photo with Kirstyn’s camera and Peej takes one with her own camera, but it’s accidentally set to red eye reduction. As such, the camera flashes three times, and Tim, highly confused/over-excited, jokingly has a go at Peej for all the flashing (oo-er)!

We each see that our bags have been left on the floor and we stare at them, we realise that we can’t pick them up, especially not in front of the boys, due to the shortness of the dresses. Tim and Graeme laugh at this realisation and yet keep on watching, clearly waiting for us to make our move. How naughty. Whilst Graeme laughs he says, “It serves you right for wearing such short dresses!” and Tim says, “Well I can bend over, watch me bend over!” and demonstrates. Oh I say! Tim then shows us how to bend over in a lady-like fashion, and does it twice. Each time it looks like the Chartered Accountant in the 1948 Show removing his wet bathing trunks. I miss the first part of the conversation and am highly confused as to what Tim’s doing. I ask, jokingly, “Are you alright, Tim?!” The second time that Tim does it I ask, “What’s he doing?” It took a while for me to figure it out. Graeme also demonstrates that he can bend over and pretends to pick up his things, he says, ''Oh I think I'll just bend over and pick up my stuff” in a teasing fashion - Kirstyn watches him for a long time while he does so, tut tut (heehee ). Tim asks us once again to do the Funky Gibbon and we’re still too embarrassed, so Tim does the Funky Gibbon pose, with one arm down and the other up in the air. It was amazing. Peej and I copy the pose, but Peej is holding Kirstyn’s bottle of water so she says she looks more like the Statue of Liberty. Tim laughs. I then say, “I can’t remember how the rest of it goes!” which Tim laughs at, and then I start doing the “Doing a dance that could be the rage” move and Tim laughs again. Tim then goes over to his bags and sneaks back around to behind Kirstyn, he holds his ‘pretty ness’ toy over Kirstyn’s head so Graeme can see. Everyone else notices what Tim’s doing when I turn around and go “Ooh!” Kirstyn is at oblivious to what’s happening and so she turns round to Tim, who says, “You like that don’t you, Graeme?” Was it some kind of in-comment we’re not supposed to know about? Graeme smiles but gives away no secrets. Intriguing. Tim is trying to get some things that he left next to Graeme’s so Graeme helps. Graeme picks up Tim’s DVD and says; “is this yours?” and Tim replies, in the most sarcastic tone ever, “Yes, because it says “Tim” on it!” Then he looks at us in a “Dear me” sort of way. Graeme says, “Well I didn’t read it!” So cute. Tim disappears again to his bags which are on the table a few feet away.

Graeme looks back at the size of the queue and then says, “It looks like a good show”. Peej asks Graeme if he’s enjoyed Edinburgh and his face lights up as he says, “Yes, it’s been great fun!” Graeme then asks, “How many times have you seen the show?” and Peej answers “Ten” and buries her head into her hands with shame. Graeme, however, is impressed and smiles, “So you must be the record holder then?” Kirstyn then mentions that she still doesn’t understand the praying mantis joke and Peej says, “But I explained it to you!” Graeme asks, “What’s this?” and I say, “The Germaine Greer bit,” but Graeme still seems to be confused. Peej says, “I’ll explain it later!” Kirstyn asks where Tim is and I say, “He’s sitting over there” and point to Tim sitting at the table, putting things into his bag (why must he always be rummaging through his bag and making it look so cute?) We all, including Graeme, watch Tim put his things away. Tim then fastens up his things and says ‘bye’ very quickly and walks out towards the staircase, even though people are still coming the other way. We all look slightly bemused and turn to Graeme, Graeme says, “Aww, Tim doesn’t seem to like saying goodbyes much.” As we’re all in a daze we don’t make much of it at the time, but afterwards we nearly cry because it’s the most adorable thing in the world. Poor Tim, he must care about us. John is the next to leave and says bye and waves. What a guy, he’s so lovely.

Graeme puts on his coat, picks up bag and says, “Well, this is it” in a sad tone. He tries to draw out the goodbye for as long as possible, clearly not wanting to go. He looks at the three of us and says saucily, “Bye girls”. He blows a kiss at us, but it was pretty much aimed at Kirstyn, then he gives us grins and raised eyebrows (difficult to describe, but it was highly saucy) as he says ‘bye’ to us individually. He then says bye to the others and makes his way out towards the staircase. And that was that. Sigh. The whole experience lasted about 30 minutes in total, but it felt more like 5. It was like a dream. I miss them already, but what a night.

The End

P.S. Did I mention that Tim touched my bottom?

Mood - Yawny
Music - Spacehopper - The Goodies
Edited - Never

2006-08-24 06:25:58
The Goodies in Edinburgh - Part 2
Yes, I am a greedy guts and just spent another week in Edinburgh, where I got to see The Goodies show twice more, as well as attend the book signing. I've written up all that happened (or, at least, what I managed to remember afterwards) and this time I wasn't lazy and wrote it up properly. Whether it makes sense is another thing, so we'll see about that!

In the meantime, I shall go back to celebrating my birthday and working on the Tim scrapbook. On last count, I now have 76 pages for the book, and there's more to be done. Thanks ever so much everyone, that's a lot of brilliant work, I'm sure Tim will love what you've all done.

Enough of my rambling. I hope the mammoth memoir that's to come isn't too mind-numbing.

I apologise in advance for the amount of typos there are!

All the best


Goodies in Edinburgh - Part 2

Friday 18th August

The two hour bus journey takes three. The show starts at 5.30pm and we get off the bus at 5.15pm and run to the theatre, only to find that the audience have already gone in. We go into the theatre; most people have already found their seats. We see Carrie (nezangel) and find two seats on the front row, but one seat has a jumper over it. I ask the man if anyone’s sitting there, no one is, so we get front row seats. How lucky can you get?

The show starts. Tim and Graeme recognise me early on and smile. Plenty of eye contact throughout the show. During the censored lines bit, Tim says “Upside down with a goat”. I had completely forgotten about it and very loudly went, “Oh God!” as though I was reliving some sort of traumatic experience I once had. Tim and Graeme stop to look at me and smile, but I feel deeply embarrassed. Me and Celia cheer the Scoutrageous shorts, so does Carrie, so we each get dirty grins from Graeme. Heehee. I cry with laughter at the Julie Andrews bit, the man next to me is in a similar state for some time after. I cheer Lady Constance as soon as her name is mentioned and do the first ‘yay’ when she comes into the sketch. Tim looks at me at the end of the sketch and beams at me. Graeme explains ‘The Movies’ clip and when he says that Tim is trying to make an epic film, Tim does an athletic/epic/Charlton Heston-esque pose. Call it what you will, it has to be seen to be believed. Most of the audience giggles, but I let out a terribly loud laugh, so loud that Graeme stops mid-sentence and they both look at me. Graeme says, “Yes he did” and I laugh even more.

Once again, it was a great show. We meet up with Carrie and go to wait in the theatre lobby, hiding round the corner slightly. Carrie looks up the stairs and squeals as Graeme emerges. Celia tries to look up the stairs but Graeme’s already next to us, she yelps with surprise! I smile at Graeme and wave in a highly silly way (as I always seem to with Graeme), but Graeme, bless him, did the same silly wave back. It was great. Graeme walks over to us but a middle-aged couple approach, asking for their programme to be signed. The couple give Graeme a biro but it doesn’t work, so I get out my marker pen. Everyone notices this but Graeme, so I keep calling out to Graeme until he notices. He looks at me for a few moments, smiles, takes the pen and says, “We have the technology!” He signs the programme and the couple say how good the show was and that The Goodies should come back, we unanimously say, “Yes definitely”.

Graeme then turns to us. He looks at me and says, “You’re back!” with a smile. He signs my Criminal Records book and, to make sure, says, “Jess?” Me, Celia and Carrie all go, “Yes, heehee!” at the fact that Graeme still remembered my name almost two weeks later. So chuffed. Graeme then signs Celia’s programme. Carrie asks when Tim will be here, Graeme says he should be on his way and, surely enough, Tim appeared. After the autographs I asked Graeme for a hug and got one. How I missed them. Then Celia and Carrie got their hugs. Graeme then headed towards the bar, passing by Tim who was chatting to the middle-aged couple. As he passed Tim, he stopped to put him out to us, complete with loony grin. We giggle at Graeme and wait for Tim.

Tim approaches and says to me, “You’re back!” in the same way that Graeme did. He then turns to Celia and says, “Wow, it’s your first time!” and starts advancing towards her, which scares Celia slightly, but it was all very jovial. Tim signs Carrie’s Goodies File, whilst trying to ignore a creepy man leaning on his arm and rambling to him, and then Celia’s programme. After the little fright moments earlier, Celia couldn’t remember her name! I started to fan her with my book. I then asked Tim to sign my Criminal Records book and Tim said, “Surely you can’t have anything more for us to sign, Jess?!” He said my name for the first time - heehee. I said, “Oh, I have something for Sunday” and Tim giggled.

Next were the Tim hugs. Just as I asked for a hug another man approached, so Tim said, “Hang on, I have priorities!” He hurriedly put his marker pen (with the lid still off) into his jacket pocket and gave me a hug. The Tim hug was a slightly strange one, I accidentally stood on his feet, just a little (so sorry, Tim) and couldn’t help but rub his back whilst hugging. Then, due to hunger (I’d only eaten two crumpets all day), my legs started shaking. I didn’t realise how much I missed those hugs! Celia got her’s next, which was brief in comparison, and Tim said, “The more times you come, the longer the hug!” Then Carrie got her Tim hug. The man who approached Tim prior to hugging was giggling at our antics. Tim then went to chat to the man, and we made our way out of the theatre. We went to a bar and had a nice Goodies chat until Carrie had to leave. We then got the bus home, which wasn’t as hellish as the first one. And that was the first day over.

Saturday 19th August

Arrive at the shop at 1.30pm; join the queue, about 6th in line. Queue for 30 minutes and flip through the book (not just to look at the pretty pictures…) Tim and Graeme arrive from the upstairs café, Tim is on his mobile phone. They sit at the table along with author, Robert Ross, and pose for press photos. The first few people go ahead, but a lady collapses on the café stairs. Everything stops and members of staff rush over to help. Graeme gets out of his chair and goes over to see if there’s anything he can do, there isn’t so he returns to his seat and the signing continues. Celia pushes me to go first, so I approach Tim with my book. Tim says, “Hello again!” and takes my book.
Me: Hi! Could I possibly ask you to put, ‘happy birthday’ please?
Tim looks right at me, I stare into his eyes and discover they’re a beautiful deep turquoise blue colour. I’m now miles away.
Tim: It’s not today is it?
Me: No, Wednesday
Tim: So sometime this year then! (Signs)
Celia (hands her book to Tim): It’s not my birthday! (Tim laughs).
Tim passes my book to Graeme. Graeme reads Tim’s messages then looks at me and smiles.
Graeme: Hello! Happy birthday Jess!
Me: Thank you
Robert Ross: Is it today?
Me: It’s on Wednesday
Graeme: But celebrating now
Me: Yes, and tomorrow when I come to the show (Graeme looks pleased, I feel like an idiot).
Me (to Graeme and Robert Ross): Thanks, bye!

It was all over very quickly, but never mind. Still a good day, and it’s a great book.

Sunday 20th August

Start queuing at 4.30pm. Befriend a very nice Aussie lady and her English beau whilst waiting in the queue. Get front row seats. Another Aussie man, on his own, sits next to me, complete with Criminal Records book ready for signing afterwards. I lean to the left to see that I am only three seats away from Harry Shearer. Wow! Whenever I hear him laugh during the show I think, “Wow, Mr Burns is laughing”. I’m sad. After Graeme’s Pets Corner sketch I’m sure I heard Shearer say, “He’s a genius!” How amazing is that?

Anyway, the show started and when Tim and Graeme came on stage Tim looked at me and mouthed “hi!” How sweet. From the beginning, there was lots of trouser fondling from Tim. I had explained Tim’s tendency to do this to Celia prior to the show, and she was highly disappointed in me for noticing it. However, after seeing it for herself, she said she completely understood! Once again, my loud and annoying laugh knew no bounds, which got me quite a few looks from Tim and Graeme on stage. I laugh in a very dirty way at the “meaty parts” line and Tim and Graeme look at me, so I sink into my seat and mouth “sorry”, which makes Tim and Graeme chuckle. A baby is in the audience and when Graeme talks about the Footlights the baby makes a very loud gurgling noise, so much so that everyone cracked up and Graeme said, “Yes that’s right!” which nearly killed me. Tim looked my way because my laugh was so loud. Tim tells the Prince William story and pulls his crying face, which makes me go, “Awwwww, Tim” very loudly. Why must he have this effect on lasses? I clap the carrot undies, which gets a giggle from Tim, and me and Celia cheer the Scoutrageous shorts, which gets us a devilish grin from Graeme. I know it’s shallow, but it’s worth it. Me and Celia also cheer Lady Constance, to which Tim modestly says, “thank you”. Lovely. Graeme brandishes his kazoo at us. How exciting. Once again, I make the first ‘yay’ for Constance, and Graeme turns round to see me and smiles.

After the show. We wait with the Aussie lass and her beau and the Aussie chap. I assure them that Tim and Graeme are more than happy to do autographs, photos, hugs etc. Tim and Graeme arrive together and they sign everyone’s things. Me and Celia have nothing to be signed so we wait patiently. Tim is talking to the Aussie lass, I don’t know about what, but Tim then says, “Jess will tell you!” which made me giggle, only because he said my name. Celia then asks if we can get photos, which Tim and Graeme are more than happy to do. The Aussie lass goes first, then the Aussie lass and her beau, so I take the picture for them. Tim says, “Nice one Jess!” as I’m about to take it, which makes me giggle again. Hopefully the picture came out alright for them! Then I get a pic with Tim and Graeme, so I stride towards them in the only silly way I can and say how lucky I feel, to which Tim replies, “Well, you’ve earned it”, which makes me go “awwwwww”. Celia is struggling to work out how to use my camera.
Tim: I think we need help
Me: Oh, just open it there and then press the big button thingy on the top
Tim: All the technical terms
Me: Oh, I know them all.

Me and Celia then get a pic with Tim and Graeme together. Then the Aussie chap gets a photo with the boys. I then approach Tim, he sees my camera.
Tim: Ooh, that’s fancy
Me: Yeah, it’s lovely
Celia: The other day I threw it in the bin (true story - though it was an accident)
Tim: And you’re still talking?!?!
Me: Just about!

I then say to Tim, “There’s only one more thing I want” and hold my arms out. Tim dutifully did the same and we hugged. I, in a very silly way, went “Heehee, birthday hug!” during the hug. I was then ready to part but Tim pulled me in even closer and squeezed me very tightly. Back rubbing was involved too. Bliss. After the hug:
Tim (giggling): What did you say?
Me (blushing): I said, ‘birthday hug’
Tim: Is it toady?
Me: Wednesday
Tim (laughs): Oh, I should have known that by now!

The Aussie lass then asks Tim for a hug and Tim says, “How did you know to ask?!” and looks at me, to which I reply, “Sorry, it’s all my fault”, which makes Tim giggle. While my Tim hug was going on, Celia had asked Graeme for a hug but then the Aussie chap had started talking, so he and Graeme had a chat whilst Graeme kept his arm around Celia. Needless to say, she was on cloud nine and dutifully rested her head against him. After the conversation Graeme said, “And now, the hug” and gave Celia a hug. Lucky devil!

Tim and Graeme then picked up their bags and started to say their goodbyes. I still hadn’t got my Graeme hug so I stepped forward and very apologetically said, “Graeme, sorry, can I have a birthday hug please?” Graeme giggled, dropped his bags and held his arms out. When we hugged he was still giggling and asked, “Is it today?” I say “Wednesday” - so Graeme plants a big, wet, loud kiss on my cheek. It was so big, I felt whiskers! And that was it, what a way to end it!

Mood - Happy birthday to me...
Music - Rob Brydon - Delilah (ISIHAC)
Edited - Never

2006-08-15 20:21:38
I'm going again...
That's right, it's back to Scotland for me. Tomorrow I'll be off again to see The Goodies twice (and other things, like Paul Merton, twice), so I'll be away until the 22nd, when I'll be getting home at about 10pm. Then the next day is my birthday, the big 2-0. Hurrah.

This weekend I've been busily working on the Timbo scrapbook. On last count, the numbers of pages I now have for the scrapbook is an impressive 40. Thanks everyone for all the great contributions, keep them coming!

I'm glad everyone enjoyed my lazy write ups of Edinburgh. I'll be sure to do the same when I'm back there this week, and will certainly keep you all informed about the last night.

Take care,

Mood - Nervously excited
Music - The Who - Baba O'Riley
Edited - Never

2006-08-14 05:07:41
Edinburgh - 7/8/06
Ok, this is the last of my Edinburgh write ups from last week. Time goes so quickly. I hope you've enjoyed reading it. Next week when I'm back up there I'll be sure to fill you all in with any details.

Now I'll get back to working away with the Timbo scrapbook, which, I think, is coming along ok, so thanks everyone for your contributions.


Fourth night - 7/8/06


• Dressed in Goodies costumes. Spev = Graeme, Peej = Tim, Kirstyn = Bill, Me = Ecky Thump/Black Pudding Bertha (call it what you will).
• Me and Spev go flat cap shopping while Graeme walks by - luckily he didn’t see the other costumes. No sign of Tim - must have found a secret entrance.


• Tim and Graeme on stage - see Goodies costumes and crack up - smiling or corpsing all the way through the show - nothing less.
• Tim forgets to do the ‘B’ at the start of ‘BLIMPHT’, cracks up along with us.
• Lots of eye contact, mainly from Tim. Tim stares at me during the whole of Graeme’s Pets Corner, seems to laugh at my laughing.
• Tim and Graeme say lines just to us to make us giggle, and then they giggle at our reactions.
• Made Germaine Greer anecdote incredibly rude, Graeme: What did you say that made her want to bite your head off? Tim giggles, we gasp in complete shock.
• Tim stands right next to us on the stage and puts his hand on the top of his trousers - me and Peej instinctively (and quite loudly) go, “Ooh! Oh my!” Hopefully they didn’t hear us.
• Two young girls on the front row laugh a lot, Tim watches them and very endeared by them. Cute.
• Graeme controlling puppet Bill, Tim adlibs, “What made her so ungelivagly shocked?” Graeme bursts out laughing, turns his back and then goes, “It’s me doing it you know!” We cheer.
• Cheer the Scoutrageous shorts (has to be done), Tim laughs out loud, Graeme looks at Kirstyn and gives her a very dirty look (in best way possible), I only see the end of it, he was grinning madly.
• Cheer Lady Constance, Tim goes into Constance voice, “Thank you, it’s a pleasure, I hope I still have it when I’m 90!”
• Tim and Graeme are laughing all the way through ISIRTA sketch. During Swannee Kazoo they can’t look at us at all, either look down or close eyes. Tim loses track because he’s giggling so much.
• Tim says toffee line, “So don’t feed them to your grandmother” directly to me. I nod in agreement and he smiles at me.


• Watch them come down the stairs - brave - usually can’t bear to. Graeme stands next to me - he always seems to - Aww.
• Tim: “Bloody hell it’s Graeme!” (to Spev) Spev is cowering behind pillar, feels mortified and says she’s so sorry. Says it took her months to grow the sideburns, Graeme says, “It took a long time to grow mine too” - Aww.
• Graeme looks at me, I say, “I’m Black Pudding Bertha” - he nods and smiles.
• Peej asks for a group photo - John says he’ll take it and everyone else get into shot, Tim and Graeme say, “Just the four of you!”
• Pose for the photo, Kirstyn steals Graeme, Peej steals Tim (surprise, surprise), I think what the hell and go for the middle, “Am I the lucky one that gets both?” Tim and Graeme let me through and put their arms around me before I get chance to put mine around them - manage to do so though, pulling muscle in arm when trying to get arm around Graeme.
• Spev goes to the front as Graeme, too embarrassed to look up, Tim: Head up Graeme! Come on young Graeme! I repeat it. Two photos taken. I say ‘cheese’ - how embarrassing.
• Can’t get out of photo pose, me Tim and Peej stuck together. Tim and Peej try to get out of photo pose at the same time - doesn’t work, Tim nearly falls over, has to bend right down to get out of pose, I say in horrible Yorkshire mumsy fashion, “Ooh, you alright?” which makes Tim laugh more than he ever has with me. I made Tim laugh a lot, heehee. So chuffed.
• Graeme talks to us, “So you all have homes to go to then?” Spev says she’s going home tonight and Graeme looks bemused, Spev explains she’s going to stay at Peej’s tonight then travel home in the morning, Graeme: “Oh, well that’s alright then!” He cares, Aww.
• Graeme asks if any of us are coming back, Kirstyn says we’ll be back on the last night and his face lights up. I say I’ll be back in the middle of the month and he nods and smiles.
• Graeme pulls in Spev for a cuddle, whispers, “Come here you silly thing” and draws her in. Spev says she whimpered/made an unusual (probably dirty) noise!
• Go up to Graeme and ask for a hug - get one, including a kiss on cheek (well, hair, because it was in the way!) After the hug he says, “Thanks for your support” and I say it’s been a pleasure.
• Spev goes, “Tim” and Tim immediately goes, “Oh right, yes” and moves in for a hug! Tim to Spev, shouting loudly whilst laughing: “Oh no I can’t hug Graeme!” whilst wrapping his arms around her.
• Peej to Tim: “How about hugging yourself?” Tim: “Now that I can do!”
• Ask Tim for a hug, he doesn’t hear me, I drop bag and stretch my arms out, Tim goes “Ooh!” and giggles. Hug. Aww galore! (As all my Tim hugs are). Say thanks to Tim, he says, “It’d be wrong if we didn’t!” Me: “Yes, it’s true!” Tim laughs.
• Say bye and leave while Tim, Graeme and John go to the bar.

Mood - Productive
Music - The Goodies - Taking You Back
Edited - Never

2006-08-13 03:14:17
Edinburgh - 6/8/06
Right, here's my note-form version of events of the third night. Enjoy!


P.S. I now have a book for Tim's scrapbook. Hurrah. I've done the introduction page, I'm finally making progress. Yippee.

Right, now Edinburgh:

Third night - 6/8/06

• Go to buy Polos - see Tim walking the other way down the pavement. The only ones around. Both spot each other at the same time and go, “Ooh, hello!” in same voice and wave in exactly the same way. Quite unnerving that we did the same thing, but very cute.

- Spev, Peej and Kirstyn: Bounce for Britain
- Me: Sh-Shiny Shoes (sparkly and everything, it's great)

• Press night. Tim really nervous, shaking and fluffing lines. Graeme super confident and very flirty. Reserves all the rude lines for us and looks at us when we giggle naughtily. Also brandished kazoo at us with eyebrows raised and stroked the ISIRTA microphone whilst looking at us. Each time with a, "You like that don't you" look on his face. Naughty man.
• During BLIMPHT Bill throws paper off camera and supposed to appear on stage, but the paper goes down the back of the curtain. Tim tries to reach for it but can’t so he goes to his chair, but then another piece of paper thrown, we all shout “Tim, Tim!” and point,  he eventually notices, picks up paper and gives a thumbs up.
• Start a round of applause for the severed glove during Pets Corner.
• Graeme looks straight at me when he says; “Barbequed badger balls” and I laugh a lot. I mouth, “Sorry” and Tim and Graeme giggle.
• Saturday Night Grease clip starts while Tim’s still talking, Tim shouts, “Plan B, Plan B!” to make it stop. Bill puppet bit. Graeme still talking as the Bill puppet when Saturday Night Grease clip plays again, he quickly wraps up with, “Let’s have a look” and pulls an “oh dear!” face. Tim looks ticked off and looks towards stage wing. Soon cheers up.
• I get the giggles really badly, especially during, “Saturday Night Grease”, so much so that Peej asks if I need water.
• All cheer the ‘Scoutrageous’ shorts.
• Tim forgets to get out swannee whistle in time, whistles to fill in gaps - how cute.

• Mrs Brooke-Taylor is there. Tim comes down the stairs and says, “There were 11 of them [journalists]”. Aww.
• Wave to Graeme - he smiles back.
• Apologise to Tim for being so giddy, he laughs.
• Tim, Mrs Tim and John Pinder go to the bar, Graeme stays outside with us. How sweet, he could have gone with them if he wanted.
• Me and Kirstyn ask him to sign our t-shirts. Kirstyn asks first, Graeme giggles and says, “You shameless hussy!” and signs. Then signs my shirt, say “Ta very much” in terrible Yorkshire way.
• Chat for a little - I forget about what - but we tell him tomorrow’s our last night. Graeme then wraps up the chat, says, “Bye girls!” and wanders off. Wow.
• Very happy afterwards, band down the road merrily, lots of skipping, hugging etc. Ace.

Mood - Chirpy
Music - ISIRTA - Directory 999
Edited - 2006-08-13 03:16:28

2006-08-12 21:30:47
Edinburgh - 5/8/06
Ok, here's the happenings of the second night. Again, my apologies for it being in note-form, I hope it still makes sense.


Second night - 5/8/06

• Peej has Tim badge - man working at theatre asks, “Is that Les Dennis?” - almost lynched by us
• Today’s t-shirts:
  Me - I’m Moved, Completely Moved!
 Peej - Punkety Punk!
 Spev - ‘Ere, Bob-A-Job Chief
 Kirstyn - I’ve Danced - Mixed - At Disco Billius

• Tim sprays disinfectant onto Bill’s chair, but accidentally sprays himself in the face instead. Taken back by it and tells Graeme what he just did. Every girl in the audience goes ‘Aww’ for him. Poor Tim.
• Cheer Lady Constance, “Oh, you’ve all been trained!”
• No Wild Thing

• Wait at bottom of the stairs. Tim sees us and rummages through his bag, he gets out the, “I’m A Goody” knickers and puts them on his head!! Has the cheekiest schoolboy look on his face ever. Lots of laughing. Graeme does mock eye-rolling.
• Spev tries to grab the pants off Tim but he quickly puts them back in his bag.
• Wave at Graeme - he smiles back
• Clair and Kate ask Tim about where Wild Thing was, poor Tim is all apologetic and feeling guilty. He explains that the show had to be cut down because they were told off on the first night for it running too long, and that Wild Thing is quite embarrassing so the easiest thing to drop. The four of us reassure him by saying “It’s ok, it’s still a brilliant show” etc. Tim says that when they tour next year they’ll definitely be able to do it next year - Graeme chips in that they *might* tour - no promises at this point.
• Get Goodies programme signed by Tim - can’t read it, pen’s too thick.
 Tim: It looks very artistic
 Me: Yes, it’s beautiful!
• Tim sees my “I’m moved, Completely moved!” t-shirt, laughs and says, “Very good!”
• Ask Tim coyly for a hug, Tim says, “Yes!” and have a hug - best one ever. Both of us go “awwww” and “heeheehee” and Tim gives me a vigorous back rub whilst hugging. Heaven. Lots of thanks!
• Go to Graeme - signs programme - “It’s Jess isn’t it?” Me: “Yes! Heeheehee”
• Spev asks about ‘A Man’s Best Friend Is His Duck’ and it being performed with a Preston accent. Graeme explains he was born in Scotland and then moved to Preston when he was about 4, and that his mum still lives in Preston. Aww. Graeme: “So people that come from Preston are now me, Nick Park and you.”  Spev says she used to work in a vets lab in the same area and that she’d have to type out long medical terms, “At least I now know how to spell diarrhoea”. Graeme cracks up, “Yes, that is quite a talent!”
• Kirstyn gets a hug and kiss from Graeme, even a whisper of “Cuddle up close”. I approach, “You can’t leave me out now, Graeme!” Graeme gives a “come hither” gesture with his head - we hug. Heehee. Spev gets next hug, see Graeme, he looks very content.
• Back to Tim - talks about the press coming tomorrow night - nervous - wants lots of support and cheering from us. Aww. Tell him we’ll do our best.
• Tim looks at Peej’s t-shirt and badge, loves the t-shirt, Spev asks him about the badge, “Who is that handsome brute?” Tim: “I don’t know, heehee!”
• People coming into next show, keep getting told to move to the side, poor Tim acts all apologetic whilst moving over, bless him.
• Wait to the side while people go past. Tim talks to two middle-aged looking people, Graeme stood to the side looking bored and chewing. Tut tut. Would go and chat to Graeme but couldn’t get around to him.
• Peej wants something signed, I want a photo, I’m in front so I have to go and stop them. Nearly chicken out but end up being super brave and saying, “Sorry, can I be very greedy and have a photo, please?” Neither of them mind at all and grab me from either side, I want to put my arms round them but I’m too squashed in (damn, just my luck…). I say, “Ooh, it’s my lucky day”. People going to the next show watch and smile.
• Spev pushed towards Tim for a photo, Tim very sweet about it, “Any excuse for another cuddle!”
• Tim and Graeme say their goodbyes to us and then to each other. Tim goes to the theatre bar, Graeme leaves the building.

Mood - Not too bad, now I think about it
Music - ISIRTA - My Baby's Become A Folk Singer
Edited - 2006-08-12 21:31:41

2006-08-12 08:25:55
Edinburgh - 4/8/06
Ok, I've spent a long time today copying up what happened in Edinburgh, but I'm so lazy that I only did it in note form. Sorry. Nevertheless, here's what happened on the first night, at least from what I can recall (which is probably not much).


First night - 4/8/06

The Queue
• Begin queuing at approx 4pm (show starts at 5.30pm). Meet Clair and Kate and their friend Emma. They hold the queue for us while we go to eat at the Hard Rock Café.
• Meet John Pinder, the director with amazing yellow-framed glasses. Gives us a badge each for being the first in line. I get a Union Jack one which says, “Goody Goody Yum Yum”.
• Buy programme - £5 - read through it and look at the pretty pictures.
• Wearing t-shirts:
 Me: Timbo's Cheeky Little Jumbuck” (red with yellow writing)
 Peej: “Timbo’s Glee Groupie” (turquoise with pink writing)
 Kirstyn: “Grae’s Wee Tatty Bogle” (green with red writing)
 Spev: “Grae’s Saucy Gibbon” (black with orange writing)

The Show
• Next to Peej and Spev. Front row to the left.
• Peej sees Tim reading my t-shirt - didn’t notice (probably a good thing).
• Cheer for Lady Constance - Tim very happy about it (and I think Graeme smiled).
• Graeme asks for favourite episodes near the end - points to me, I say, “Almighty Cod” (why?) and Graeme says, “The Movies” - I get very confused, but then realise it was part of the joke that everyone’s asking for ‘The Movies’. Silly me.
• Wild Thing performed - Oh My God. Tim straddles mic stand more than I’ve ever seen in my life while Graeme makes unspeakable gestures towards the audience with his toy guitar while going, ‘grrrr’. Graeme gets too embarrassed to look at the audience, turns his back for the last ‘grrr’.
• At the end of the song Spev throws, “I’m A Goody” knickers on stage, which land face up, Tim and Graeme completely crack up. Tim rushes to pick them and walks off stage twirling them round his finger.

• Wait outside the theatre (wrong place). Emma finds Tim walking down the stairs and calls us inside.
• Stop Tim on the stairs (he’s with two other people, no sign of Graeme). Tim beams, says, “You were all brilliant”. Says he saw all our t-shirts and couldn’t look more than once or else he’d laugh. Made specific mention of mine and Peej’s, when he points at mine I do a ISIHAC-style thumbs up, which makes everyone laugh, including Tim.
• Tim says the t-shirts were a great morale boost. Aww.
• Spev asks Tim for her knickers back - he laughs but doesn’t. Naughty Tim.
• At bottom of stairs - Tim signs my Goodies File book (Lots of Love, Tim Brooke-Taylor and huge kiss. Heehee.) I then stand there with arms outstretched in ‘Gender Education’ style, Tim sees me, laughs, and goes, “Ooh, ok then”. I then (though I don’t remember it myself) make two huge stride over and hug. Heehee. I remember it this time, unlike the ISIHAC hug which I completely forgot about. It was so nice.
• Tim signs Peej’s poster, when she says her name’s P.J he says, “Oh I remember you all from Clue in Halifax” - so chuffed.
• Tim struggles to write with the pen he’s got, says he has a better one in his bag and puts it on a stool to rummage. Takes ages, so cute. Have the great urge to help him. He finds it eventually and signs Peej’s poster.
• Kate mentions ‘healing hands’ comment to Tim, he cracks up. Kate wants me to validate, I say, “I’ve heard it once, I don’t need to hear it again”. However, we do tell him it’s become legendary on GROK. Kate asks how much it'll cost to find out about them and to repeat it - he doesn’t.
• Graeme appears from the bar.
• Graeme tells Spev, “I love the glove” (she’d made a Funky Gibbon glove, it was ace).
• I approach with Goodies File.
 Me: (like Lady Macbeth in The Movies): Hello Graeme!
 Graeme (in similarly cheery fashion): Hello!
 Me: Could you sign this for me please? (hands Goodies File)
 Graeme: Sure, what’s your name?
 Me: Jess
 Graeme: Jess? Ok [signs]
 Me: Thank you very much
 Graeme: No problem [smiles]
• Tim disappears the wrong way, Graeme wonders where Tim’s gone and asks us (though I wasn’t around at this point). Tell Graeme that Tim went the other way and Graeme goes, “Ha, the fool.”
• Graeme goes back into the bar.
• Tim soon wanders back towards the bar, says bye to us all on his way.

• Text parents at 10.30pm to say I’m staying for the first four nights. Heehee.

Hope that didn't bore you all too much!

Mood - Ish
Music - The Who - My Generation Blues
Edited - 2006-08-12 08:29:14

2006-08-11 10:05:26
About bloody time
1.30am cannot be a good time to create an online journal (my first ever online journal too, wow), so I apologise to anyone who happens to read this and finds that I cannot type to save my life. Especially when I'm in my piggy jim jams and wearing my Ecky Thump hat. I live the high life.

So, yes, watch this space, I suppose.

I'll keep it short for now, I really should be doing more important things like sleeping, but I'm still buzzing from the Edinburgh joy. This evening I spent a good long while writing it all out and I think I have pretty much everything I can remember down on paper. Having said that, I can't trust my brain, I had to insert new bits I'd completely forgotten about, like Tim putting Spev's knickers on his head and me bumping into him on the street on my way to buy mints. See how all this excitement has affected me? Dear oh dear.

Anyway, when I get chance I'll definitely decipher my scribbles and type up everything and perhaps use this very journal to post my memories. I suppose that's what this place is for after all.

In the meantime, so many other things to do, namely the Timbo scrapbook. Eep. I need to get moving along with that, I've had plenty of wonderful contributions from all you lovely GROKers so I'll do my very best not to let down all the great work you've done. Time will tell. I'll keep you all posted on the progress with that, too.

I think that's all for now. There. That wasn't so bad now, was it?

Night night

Mood - Ready for sleepy bobos
Music - My computer whirring
Edited - Never

Public Journal List

Goody Calendar 
<<< Nov 2020 >>>
01 02 03 04 05 06 07
08 09 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 01 02 03 04 05

The Goodies - The Complete BBC Collection (DVD) 
ORDER HERE! or here

An Audience With The Goodies DVD 
Order Here or Here

The Goodies: The Complete Collection (BBC & LWT Series) 
Order Here

The Goodies:The Cricklewood Tapes 3x Disc CD Set 
Order Here

Clarion and Globe  
How to Sign up to the Newsletter

To subscribe, send an empty email to
and reply to the confirmation email.
You will be added to club's mailing list and you will receive our newsletter every month.
Latest Newsletters
C&G 230 November 2020
C&G 229 October 2020

C&G 228 September 2020

You can also find back issues of the Clarion and Globe in the Articles and Guides section

The C&G also has a Facebook Group. The Goodies Rule OK Fan Club - Clarion and Globe News Press

Editor Contact Details

Jenny Doyle:

Other Online Goodies Resources 
* The Goodies Podcast
* The Goodies Pirate Podcast

* Bill Oddie's twitter feed
* Graeme Garden's twitter feed

Goodies' Official Sites:
* Bill Oddie's official website
* Official I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue website

Other Fan Sites:
* The Goodies Facebook Page
* The Goodies Illustrated Guide
* The Goodies At No Fixed Abode - Uk Fan Club

Powered by 
phpWebThings powered

 This website was created with phpWebThings 1.5.2.
© 2005 Copyright , The Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club 

Website Security Test