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Series Six
6/7 The Goodies Almost Live - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 24/09/2006


» 6/1 Lips or Almight...
» 6/2 Hype Pressure
» 6/3 Daylight Robber...
» 6/4 Black And White...
» 6/5 It Might As Wel...
» 6/6 2001 And A Bit
» 6/7 The Goodies Alm...



6/7     (#56)     THE GOODIES - ALMOST LIVE




A concert which features many of The Goodies' best known songs:
* 'Please Let Us Play'
- In their normal Goodies attire for starters, Bill and Tim "want to be rock and roll singers" (despite having "terrible voices" and not being able to play anything) but upon Graeme's urging, the audience refuses to let them play (loudly shouting out a chorus of "no, no no!"). Bill decides to "freak out on my drum kit", Graeme can "pick a funky banjo" and Tim plays a "hot triangle", but the audience still shout "no, no no!" (upon Bill's urging this time" as Tim and Graeme plead "Please let us play.") With Bill on guitar (and then fiddle) and Tim and Graeme on brass, the Goodies have better success and they finally become rock and roll "superstars" in snazzy red and silver sequined tops and electric blue pants, with Graeme (also sporting Dame Edna Everage- style sunglasses) and Tim playing electric guitars and Bill on the drums. The audience then finally allows them to play (with a resounding "Yes, yes, yes") as Tim gets to gently tap his triangle as a finale.
* 'Good Ole Country Music'
- Cowboy Graeme (dressed in country-style shirt, bandanna, hat and boots) can't stand listening to "Strauss or Tchaikovsky" and admits that even the Beatles "don't mean a thang to me." He hates to hear an "out of tune" Bing Crosby croon, but just loves to hear the "DOOOOWN home country SOOOOUND" of a "coyote howling to an off-pitch slide guitar" in a howling tribute to his favourite country & western music.  Graeme the yodelling yokel is backed up by Bill, who sings harmonies (rather monotonously from a music sheet that only contains one note per page!) and makes the silly noises that Graeme is so fond of, such as "a dog in pain" and "a chicken being flattened by a train".
* 'Cactus In My Y-Fronts'
- After he is introduced to the stage by cowboy Graeme as the "Midnight Cowperson" (only to unceremoniously shove Graeme out of the way upon stepping up to the microphone), Tim the pink-clad "Two Gun Pierre" starts off with a call of "Fiddler, have you got your bow?!" (with the fiddler in the band sporting a lovely big pink bow in his hair!) and then relates the sad tale of his loser status after a much-needed leak at Cripple Creek unintentionally leaves him with a "prickly pear" in his pants.  His new spike-encrusted strides prove rather unpopular with guys, gals and horses alike (though his girlfriend did "run off with a porcupine" afterwards!), leaving him with "a jockstrap made of leather", "pants of PVC", "high-heeled horseshoes" and a broken "buckin' back" for good measure!
* 'Poor Old Soul'
- "With an introduction of "Ladies and gentlemen, it is funky time!", the Goodies (dressed in sensational black-trimmed pink tuxedos with blue lacy shirts and black bow ties) request various funky dances with backing provided by two female soul singers. The dancing starts off with the "funky chicken" at Bill's request (until Graeme says firmly "I do not want to do no funky chicken!"), so the Goodies take turns to request various bizarre dance routines such as the "slimy toad" ("C'mon man, get with the slimy toad!"), "loony moth", "festering ferret" (after Bill has "a predilection" to do it), "disgusting three toed sloth", "belligerent bee" (aggressively performed by a feisty granny Tim), "incontinent elephant" and the "dead dog". All dances are acted out by the funky dancing trio of "Pan's Grannies" (the Goodies dressed as old grey-haired pepperpots) who make a remarkable spectacle of themselves in their old coats, flowing shawls, granny-style dresses and voluminous applecatcher knickers!
* 'Funky Gibbon'
- At the end of all of the way-out dances in 'Poor Old Soul', Bill suggests that the next one should be the Funky Gibbon. Despite the backing singers' shriek of "The Funky Gibbon?! … No, no, no!" and the song being dismissed as "juvenile" by Tim and "rotten" by Graeme, Bill's cry of "C'mon everybody, it's gibbon time!" is enough to get the audience to "be like that monkey" and "get a little funky" as they sing and bop along. The Goodies (dressed in those amazingly distinctive '70s dungarees with the big 'G' on the front and colourful long-sleeved shirts underneath – an early influence for 'The Wiggles' perhaps!) perform their best known song, 'gibbon' a bit of help from footage of various other primates going ape as well and it is the perfect opportunity for all concerned to "B, just like that gibbon, O, and feel the rhythm" and finish with the urge to "Tie a yellow gibbon round the old oak tree!"
* 'Sick Man Blues'
- Filmed in sepia vision with backing footage of cotton pickers and river boats from long-ago days in New Orleans, Bill and "Blind Lemon Timbo" honour "the blues singer", who despite "the hopes, the fears, the doubts and the sorrows", always manages to "find cheer in his music, even in the depths of misery and sickness." The somewhat sozzled duo fulfil their duty by singing the blues about all of the weird and wonderful people and places that they have spewed up on ("I've thrown up in California, thrown up in Timbuktu. Now come on over here baby and I'll throw up all over you!") in a soulful song of sickness as Graeme considerately does the rounds and hands out barf bags to members of the audience!
* 'The Inbetweenies'
- A very catchy lament that the Goodies are trapped in the musical 'generation gap' between screaming teenagers and old time rockers ("Too old to be a teenager, too young to be a mother's pet, are we just the Inbetweenies, that everyone tries to forget?"), as the three of them remove their vivid red capes to reveal Tim and Graeme being half-clad in business suits, then turning side-on to show themselves half-clad in sequined rock gear – a very cleverly-designed costume. 
* 'Black Pudding Bertha'
- In flat hats, braces and Ecky Thump t-shirts (and each menacingly brandishing a black pudding), the Goodies sing of their love for big bloated Black Pudding Bertha, their queen of northern soul ("When she tries to dance she shimmers like a plate of tripe And cow heels, tripe and cow heels") in another rocking tribute. Although "her greasy lips taste a bit like fish and chips", they're happy to "bah goom, 'ere she comes, yum yum, shake ya bum" with Big Bertha anyway, as "Ooh, she can shake, like an earthquake, and everybody knows she goes like dynamite!"
* 'Nappy Love'
- With Tim and Graeme (in white suits and brown shirts with enormously wide collars) using cute hand puppets to provide the "boom sha la la" backing, Bill does the lead vocals which tells of his first romance at kindergarten, which sadly turns out to be merely a case of "nappy love" that "just like a safety pin, it holds our emotions in." The song concludes with a plea of "I need you and I want you (ah ha) with all my nappy love" and an impossibly high-pitched note from Bill (that sounds like he has accidentally sat down on one of the aforementioned nappy pins!)
* 'Bounce'
- Following on from getting the whole of Britain bouncing in the 'Goodies Rule - OK' special, the Goodies (resplendent in their Union Jack waistcoats) leap madly around at the microphone (urging "Come on everybody, and that means you, we've got a little thing, that we want you to do, it's so easy, bend your knees, and you and me can do it together"), while the audience bounces balloons and footage screens of the PM Harold Wilson and his dog bouncing merrily in time as well. Graeme (in Scottish tam-o'shanter" urges everyone to "do the boonce, och aye!" during the song before he reprises his 'Radio Goodies' alter-ego and firmly demands of everyone that "You vill do der bounce!" at the end
* 'Last Chance Dance'
- "It's the very last dance of the evening", and a rather dishevelled Bill offers Tim all sorts of helpful instructions on how to find a dance partner in a very melodic performance ("It's nearly the end, so quick, find a friend, there's still time to make her your own, oh oh oh oh), while Graeme has to shake his baton to cool it off after he has feverishly conducted the band. Tim eventually gets his pretty girl (despite Bill's less-than-romantic instructions of "Now you let your hand slip down slowly, quick you shove your nose in her ear, take a deep breath and scare her to death, with the words she's been waiting to hear" and Tim then asking her "I suppose a ****'s out of the question?"), but he is somewhat upstaged by footage of a regal duo who perform a last-chance dance of their own!
* 'Wild Thing'
- The Goodies start off as three pinstripe-suited businessmen who hum a tune while they wait for their bus, but soon transform into screaming rock 'n rollers who deliver a truly memorable rendition of this rock classic. Graeme's menacing "grrr"'s , Tim's walk to the audience and subsequent squeezing of a fan, and Bill's final plaintive wail eventually ends to a slow round of applause from a scruffy cleaning lady who sits alone in the deserted concert hall.
'The Goodies Theme'
- The Goodies then reappear on stage to perform a lively rendition of their theme song while the credits are being rolled, with many of the musicians and singers being featured as well.
* Graeme (singing 'Good Ole Country Music'): "I love to hear ... a dog in pain. Or a chicken ... bein' flattened by a train!" (as Bill provides the appropriately silly sound effects!)
* The lyrics of 'Cactus In My Y-Fronts':
My name is Two Gun Pierre
I wear rose buds in my hair
And a chic-chic pink bandanna round my neck
I came down from Tennessee
With a cowboy on my knee
And a pair of leather chaps around my legs ... hold on boys!
I was down in Cripple Creek
I was dying for a leak
So I dropped my pants behind a cactus there
When I fastened up my belt
I can't tell ya how I felt
But I knew the meaning of a prickly pear ... ouch!!
Oh I've got a cactus in my y-fronts and a vulture round my head
I've just been kissed by a Tennessee miss and I wish that I were dead
I've a jockstrap made of leather and pants of PVC (ee - ee - ee - ee - ee - ee)
The cactus in my y-fronts make a loser out of me!
In Californ - i - a
Where the rustlers are so gay
I bought a gentle gee-gee name of Jacques
But he livened up a lot
When he felt my prickly spot
And that buckin' bronco broke my buckin' back!
So I walked up to Nevada
Where the gals try so much harder
And I met a beefy belle called Caroline
But when she felt my prickles
She cried "Oh Lord, that tickles!"
And now she's run off with a porcupine
Oh I've got a cactus in my y-fronts and a vulture round my head
I've just been kissed by a Tennessee miss and I wish that I were dead
Do you like my high heeled horseshoes, I got them from Paree (ee - ee - ee - ee - ee - ee)
The cactus in my y-fronts make a loser out of me!
* Graeme (singing 'Funky Gibbon'): "Tie a yellow gibbon round the old ..."
Bill & Tim: "Tie a gibbon round the old oak tree."
* Tim (singing 'Wild Thing'): "Let me hold you tight .... not quite that tight! Oh I'm moved, completely moved! Aaaahh!"
* Graeme in his cowboy gear singing monotonously away, (apart from the increasingly frequent and manic wails about "HOOOOW" he loves that "good ole country SOOOOUND"), with Bill singing an equally monotonous backing harmony from a music sheet with just one note written on it.
* The utterly hornswaggling performance by the "Midnight Cowperson" singing of the fearful fate of copping a cactus in the crotch, which is covered in more detail in other sections of the review.
* The 'Poor Old Soul' dance, as the resplendently attired Goodies perform all sorts of funky dances with the show-stopping help of the delectable Pans Grannies! Particular highlights include a very silly "funky chicken" dance from all three 'grannies', an appropriately kooky "loony moth" sequence with flowing shawls which climaxes with Bill headbutting the camera, Tim's "belligerent bee" (a honeycomb effect with multiple Tims giving two-fingered salutes and showing lots of bad attitude!) and Graeme's "incontinent elephant" which makes a very hasty and embarrassed exit off-stage.
* Tim following Bill's 'Last Chance Dance' instructions to the letter, especially holding his pretty date near to him, letting his hand slip down slowly (much to her reluctance), shoving his nose in her ear and then asking "I suppose a **** is out of the question?!", with Graeme going berserk and energetically conducting the band in the mean time.
* The incomparable rendition of 'Wild Thing', especially Tim taking the long walk to the audience, flinging his hat and jacket into the adoring crowd and embarrassing the daylights out of one lovely young lady (by asking her to "hold me tight ... not quite that tight" and then letting her know that "Oh yes I'm moved ... completely moved, ahh!"), and Bill's huge wail as the song builds to a massive crescendo, only to be followed by the big letdown of lukewarm applause from the cleaning lady, who is the only person left in the audience. Friends and relatives who wouldn't know a Goody from a Gumby have agreed that it's the best cover of 'Wild Thing' that they've ever heard, so that's high praise indeed!
Musicians: Dave McRae, Ron Aspery, Simon Burns, Paul Keogh, Richie Hitchcock, Chris Mercer, Barry Morgen, Brian Odges, Alan Parker, Graham Prestcott, Chris Rae
Singers: Jacquie Sullivan, Joy Yates
This episode seems to be not rated very highly by some fans (perhaps because it reminds them of the sort of clothing and hairstyles that they used to sport in the '70's themselves!) but in my view it's the ideal showcase of The Goodies' unique brand of comedy pop music. Short, snappy renditions of a collection of fun songs, well-chosen video clips and memorably daggy '70s costumes (which were in turn outdone by many of the enthusiastic groupies in the audience, who would all be locked up by the fashion police nowadays!) are all enjoyable features. This is also the only source of some of the Goodies' best musical moments, like 'Poor Old Soul' and the ripping version of 'Wild Thing' towards the end of the show, as the Goodies CD contains the version from the 'Goodies Rule – OK' special.





"Please Let Us Play ... yes yes yes!"

"Hooow I love that good ole country sooound!"


Bill sings the one-note harmony for good ol' Graeme

"Fiddler, have you got your bow?!" 

 It's the Midnight Cowperson!

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's funky time" with 'Poor Old Soul'

Pans Grannies dance the Loony Moth and Belligerent Bee

"The Funky Gibbon?!"

"Do, do, do, the Funky Gibbon!"

"The Funky Gibbon!" - Graeme and glove

Bill has fun singing the Goodies' greatest hit song

Tim and Bill have "got those Sick Man Blues"

Graeme considerately hands out sick bags to the audience

"The Inbetweenies that everyone tries to forget"

"Bah goom, shake ya boom" - it's Black Pudding Bertha

Tim and Graeme bop to 'Black Pudding Bertha'

"It's only Nappy Love"

The audience enjoys the chance to "do the bounce, whee!"

"Do the Bounce, och aye!"

"You vill do der bounce!"

Graeme madly conducts the band during 'Last Chance Dance'

"First you let your hand slip down slowly, then you shove your nose in her ear!"

"Wild Thing, you make everything groovy"

"Wild Thing, I think you move me, but I wanna know for sure!"

One of Graeme's "Grrrrrs"

Bill's final full-blooded wail

Just the cleaning lady left in the audience at the finish

The Goodies finish with their theme song




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