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C&G 71 Dec 2001
#71 Dec 2001 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 10/11/2006


» #71 Dec 2001

Issue No. 71                       16th December 2001
Newsletter enquiries:
General enquiries:
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
- Brett Allender
- David Balston
- Kay Dickinson
- Lisa Manekofsky
- Linda Kay
- Claire Hobson, Martin O'Gorman, Ian Boucher, Roy Ellaby, Daniel Bowen
1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
2. SPOTTED!!!  - The latest Goodies sightings
3. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
4. GOODIES 'COR!!' COMICS SYNOPSIS #1 - a new feature of the C&G! 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
Here is an important announcement ... or two! It probably wouldn't even have needed a "backsliding, revisionary, paper hyena" to put about a believable rumour that the C&G was closing down, especially given that the last edition lobbed in your in-boxes way back in October. However I'm no longer quite so "overloaded" and I intend to make up for being an "ineffectual, petty, interfering, unimaginative, useless little lackey" by putting out two editions of the C&G within just over a week of each other!
This edition basically covers all of the news which would have been included in a November 12th edition if I hadn't been bang in the middle of shifting from one disused railway station to another at that stage, and also features the first in a fabulous series of Goodies 'Cor!!' comic reviews by U.S. member Linda Kay.
There will then be a special Christmas edition of the C&G sent out on the 24th which will feature all of the great contributions which have been sent to me since November 12th, a quiz and quote section and a boffo Earthanasia word finder puzzle by Lisa Manekofsky for you to complete before the world ends at midnight, or 30 seconds later if Graeme plays a silly joke and puts the clock forward again!
Those of you with long memories may recall that one of the main stories from the previous C&G in October was the resignation from the club presidency by Catherine Carter and the fact that GROK had lost at least 5 of its committee members since the staging of Kitten Kon at Easter 2000.
There were concerns at that point that many of the club's activities would be curtailed due to the lack of people power on the committee; however there was a considerable flow of e-mails, ideas and discussion among several club members in the following weeks and it's Goodie to be able to announce that we now have a new committee of very keen Goodies fans who are already revitalising GROK with their enthusiasm, energy and commitment to the cause.
The new committee consists of:
President:                              Kay Dickinson
C&G Editor:                         Brett Allender
Website Admin.
and Aust/NZ Rep:                Tim Aslat
UK/Europe Rep:                  David Balston
USA/Canada Rep:               Lisa Manekofsky
Merchandise:                       Richard Nolan
General Committee:             Alison Bean  (Founding President)
General Committee:             Linda Kay
It's a pleasure to officially welcome Kay Dickinson as the new GROK President (a position which is now also known as "T' Grand Master", a reference from the Kung Fu Kapers ("Ecky Thump") episode of The Goodies. Kay is not only our first British club President, but also hails from Bury, which is merely a scOnes (scones!) throw away from the home of Eckythump in Rochdale, Lancashire, so she truly is a Grand Master and has proved it already with her fabulous enthusiasm for all things Goodie.
Brett Allender and Tim Aslat both intend to continue working on their current GROK commitments of the newsletter and website respectively. Tim is also the rep for any enquiries from our Australian and New Zealand members. Anyone who hasn't been to the club website at  for a while is encouraged to take a look at it regularly, as Tim has put a power of work into updating and improving it. A proper review of the new website and its features will be included in the Christmas edition of the C&G.
Richard Nolan has kindly rejoined the committee as Merchandise Officer and is expertly handling the ordering and distribution of the club's Goodies t-shirts. New-look merchandise will be on the way in the near future and further details will be published in upcoming editions of the C&G.
David Balston continues his good work as the rep for our UK and European members, and it's also a pleasure to welcome our super C&G Ace Reporter Lisa Manekofsky onboard as our new rep for the USA and Canada, while also thanking outgoing US rep Marf Shopmyer for her wonderful and dedicated assistance with members enquiries since the club was first formed in 1996. David and Lisa will also soon be able to distribute GROK merchandise (t-shirts, summary books etc) locally so that members in the UK and USA will be able purchase items in their local currency without having to pay extra for currency conversion and overseas postage, however this system isn't in place just yet - again further details will be provided in future newsletters.
It's also great to welcome a third new member to the committee - Linda Kay, whose "Hooked On The Can Can" video clip has already assumed legendary status among Goodies fans! Linda, along with Founding President Alison Bean, provide tremendous support to the other committee members and truly allow us to do "Anything, Anytime"!
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
(by Daniel Bowen - posted to Goodies-L on November 8th)
This page has a short description of The Goodies, as well as links to clips of the Goodies titles (which cuts off midway through), a performance of Funky Gibbon on Top Of The Pops, and a bio from TOTP.
(by Claire Hobson)
Believe it or not, the usually dull city of Nottingham, in the U.K. recently proved not to be so dull as one of its cinemas screened three episodes of The Goodies on 27th October. (I couldn't believe it when I saw this on the GROK message board - a Goodies event here in Nottingham?!!) The cinema was getting on for 3/4 full and it was very encouraging to find that the people there were of such varying ages. Quite a few children had come along with their families so I was pleased to see people younger than myself attending as well as members of generations that remembered the good old days when The Goodies were being shown on U.K. television.
The three episodes shown were: The Tower of London, Kung Fu Kapers and The Goodies Rule - OK? I, personally, had never seen any of these so was really looking forward to it.
The Tower of London, being the first ever episode, set the scene nicely for anyone in the audience who was unfamiliar with the programme. The Fairy Puff ad was certainly appreciated and my friend could not stop laughing about it!
The favourite of the three seemed to be Kung Fu Kapers. What with Nottingham being only about 100 miles from Lancashire, I think many audience members were able to relate to the Northern England theme. The eating of Black puddings produced a loud "Eurrrrrgghhhh" from a few people around me and much laughter was generated from the radio-controlled black puddings towards the end.
The special, The Goodies Rule - OK? got plenty of laughs but, due to the 25 year gap between now and when it was made, I suspect that some of the audience didn't recognise and/or know of a lot of the stars and characters in it. This was my favourite, though. The beginning, where they take off various groups, was very funny and I think very popular with everyone there. Another bit that created good audience reaction was when Bill and Tim passed the two Gumby characters on Skid Row.
All in all it was a triumphant afternoon and, of course, a joy to see The Goodies getting some public screening. Fingers crossed, they'll do another!
(from information contributed by Martin O'Gorman, Ian Boucher, Lisa Manekofsky and Kay Dickinson)
Bill is in the new issue of MOJO music magazine in the UK (November 2001 issue, with Pink Floyd on the cover), in the Enlightenment Q&A section, replying to a query regarding his sessions with Mitch Mitchell, John Paul Jones and The Grease Band. In the mag there are 2 pictures of Bill from the 70s, one with the letter and one on the contents page. A copy of the letter can be found at Jon Hicks' excellent Bill Oddie website at:  and the text is reproduced below:
Goodies Times
Reader B3 enquired: about the musicians on Bill Oddie's 'On Ilkla Moor Baht At' single.
Ever anxious to prove my hipness, despite turning 60 (ouch!), I was browsing through Enlightenment in a recent MOJO when I recognised my own name. See, I'm not that far gone! I am touched that anyone would remember, let alone care about, the illustrious musicians that I gave a leg up the ladder of fame back in the olden days. For the record, the band featured on Ilkley Moor Bah Tat was indeed the actual Grease Band. I also did a session when the musos included John Paul Jones, Rick Wakeman and Mitch Mitchell. It was produced by George Martin, but I don't have evidence of the final result.
It may literally have been a demo back in the days when, oh dear, I thought I might have been an almost serious songwriter - pre-Funky Gibbon, which proved I wasn't. Much to my embarrassment, but slight amusement, I do recall presuming to teach Mitch Mitchell - the wearer of a nice knitted tie and a smart herring-bone suit - how to play the Bo Diddley rhythm. Naturally, after such tuition, he went on to play with Hendrix. Oh, and by the way, The 'Goodies Beat Up John Peel After A Bad Review' story is, alas, totally apocryphal. We may have been hurt, but he wasn't.
--- Bill Oddie, by post
3. 2001 AND A BIT
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays.
(by Lisa Manekofsky)
There's something of interest for Goodies fans in two new US Monty Python DVD releases. Among the extras included in the special edition of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" are the film's original theatrical trailer plus the trailer from its 2001 US re-release. As many of you know, Graeme Garden appears briefly in the original trailer for the film; since the 2001 trailer is just the original trailer with a few extra seconds tacked on the end Graeme appears in that one as well.
Because Graeme's clip also features Terry Jones it's believed that the footage came from one of the pre-Goodies & pre-Python shows in which both actors appeared (possibly "Broaden Your Mind" or "Twice a Fortnight"). Please note that you don't have to buy this DVD to see the trailer; currently it can be downloaded from both the Internet Movie Database ( ) and the Pythonline website (go to  then click on the "Grail Theatrical Re-release page" link).
Another brief, although significant, Goodies mention appears in the new "Monty Python Live!" DVD set. The first disc of this set includes the film "Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl". While there are no writing credits on the "Hollywood Bowl" film, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Marty Feldman are listed during the film's end credits on the "With Thanks To" screen, presumably in recognition of their having co-written the "Four Yorkshiremen" sketch which was used during the Hollywood Bowl performance (the sketch was originally performed in "At Last The 1948 Show").
(by Ian Boucher)
Graeme presented a late night half hour show 'Jeremy Hardy Speaks To The Nation' on the Beeb radio 4 on October 19th, which is odd as the show is normally presented by the man himself. (Jeremy Hardy is very.funny and been known to be a worthy guest on ISIHAC). As mentioned, the show is usually presented by Jeremy Hardy in front of a live audience, but this time Graybags was a studio link between snatches of previous shows, with the premise being the JH had been kidnapped or something
(by Lisa Manekofsky - posted to Goodies-L on November 5th)
The new series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" is scheduled to begin next Monday, 12 November, on BBC Radio 4 at 18:30-19:00. Each episode repeats on the following Sunday at noon.
For those who can't receive Radio 4 broadcasts, please note that it is available over the internet. Go to  and click on the "Listen Live" button. Please note that the audio will be sent using Real Player; if you don't have this software you will be given the option to download it (there is a free version).
Here is Radio 4's listing for the first episode of the new series: "The comedy comes from the Grand Theatre in Wolverhampton, where Tony Hawks joins regulars Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and chairman Humphrey Lyttelton."
(by Kay Dickinson - posted to Goodies-L on October 22nd)
Tim and Graeme appeared in another recording of the fabulous "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" on Sunday 21st October in Wolverhampton, along with Barry Cryer, Humphrey Lyttelton and guest Tony Hawks.
As ever, a hilarious night, which involved the audience singing songs for the panel to guess, one of which was The Funky Gibbon.... "is this possibly the best pop song ever written?" mused Tim....
The teams were photographed with the audience for the Radio Times - "I didn't know they were still going" said TBT.
Photographs from the show (some are a bit blurred) are on  - look in the "Wolverhampton show" section of the ISIHAC folder - and there's one photo of Tim with the award from last year's Cult TV, the only official recognition of Superchaps Three's 30th anniversary.
(by Lisa Manekofsky - November 5th)
The latest Mornington Crescent publication news:
Hot off the presses is the paperback edition of "The Little Book of Mornington Crescent". Compared to the hardcover edition, the paperback version of "The Little Book of Mornington Crescent" is, well, littler. Measuring only 5 7/8" high x 4 1/4" wide x 3/8" thick (15cm high x 11cm wide x .95cm thick), this edition is the perfect size to put in your purse, backpack, or under the leg of that only slightly wobbly piece of furniture.
While the paperback edition of TLBOMC is not yet available in the US, retailer does sell the hardcover edition; they recently enhanced their web page for this title by adding scans of 15 pages from the book. Viewable on the website are the front and back covers, the inside flaps of the dust jacket, plus 11 pages from inside the book (including the very amusing 2-page index).'s page for TLBOMC can be found at
The other cause for excitement among Mornington Crescent fans this past month was the publication of the 2002 edition of "Stovold's Mornington Crescent Almanac". Stovold's can always be relied upon to present a diverse and fascinating range of information related to the Great Game; the 221st edition is certainly no exception. While it's hard for any recent volume to reach the heady heights of the special 200th edition, readers will be pleased to find that the topics included in the latest publication include MC facts and figures, profiles of great players, 2002 horoscopes, a complete listing of London Tube stations (A-B), reviews of books of interest to MC enthusiasts, annual rule changes and much more.
It is slightly disappointing that the editors chose not to mention the unfortunate incident involving the vicar at the Hampstead quarter-finals, but this is hardly surprising given the conservative nature of Stovold's and the event has already been written about extensively in the Mornington Crescent Society's newsletter (issues 647, 650, and 652-655). "Stovold's Mornington Crescent Almanac 2002" will stand up well among any collection of fine books (and if it doesn't you can always prop it up with something heavy!).
(from information contributed by Roy Ellaby and David Balston)
The Goodies were featured on the BBC2 "celebrity" pop music game show 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks' on November 5th.
A new round within the show was entitled "what's the dance"? This involved three people dancing a particular dance but to the wrong music!
One chap was quite obviously bounding around like a monkey and the the team led by Phil Jupitus, along with icon Kiki Dee and a Canadian comedian (that I've never heard of!) correctly guessed it was the Funky Gibbon. A clip of "the boys" singing the chorus was then shown.
Host Mark Lamarr followed it up with "Bizarrely in the late seventies there were persistent rumours that Stephen Spielberg was interested in doing a film with the Goodies. However as history has proved Ralph Fiennes and Ben Kingsley were a much more logical choice for Schindler's List." Now there's a thought!!
(by Ian Boucher)
A Christmas Gala with the Manchester Concert Orchestra & various soloists including works by Tchaikovsky, Puccini and Delibes was to be presented by Tim Brooke-Taylor on.December 9th at the Bridgewater Hall, Manchester, England.
(by Kay Dickinson posted to Goodies-L on October 22nd and 23rd)
(22nd) Very short notice, but hope someone catches this - Bill Oddie will be one of the guests on the Nicky Campbell show on BBC Radio 5 tomorrow (Tues 23rd) morning between 11 and 12, promoting his "Great Nut Hunt" - which I assume is something to do with wildlife and nothing to do with naturist clubs! ;o)
(23rd) To summarise this for those who either missed it or couldn't get it, Bill is promoting something called "The Great Nut Hunt" - which is presided over by the Grand Nutter. Unfortunately, it's not a hunt for customers for Dr Garden's Funny Farm, but a project run by the Mammals Trust UK where they are trying to find out the whereabouts and numbers of the rare Dormouse in Britain. Apparently, the mice nibble distinctive circular holes in hazelnuts, and people are asked to look for the nuts and send them in to the Grand Nutter (who isn't Bill!). If anyone is particularly interested, there's a website (to prove I'm not making it up!) on and a phone number for info packs - 020 7498 5262.
(by Linda Kay)
First published by IPC Magazines Ltd. on June 6th, 1970, Cor!! was a weekly collection of comic strip madness featuring the likes of such regular characters as Gus the Gorilla, Ivor Lott and Tony Broke, Rat-Trap (in which readers were asked to submit ideas for trapping the rotten Dr. Rat), Jelly Baby, Wonder Worm and Jasper the Grasper, among others.
The comics were similar to other popular publications of the time, following in the footsteps of such established comics as The Beano, which Bill can be seen reading in early Goodies episodes before switching to Cor!! itself, and The Dandy (featuring Bananaman, which The Goodies voiced in animation). Whizzer and Chips, Shiver and Shake and Whoopee were other British comics of the same genre.
These collections of comic strips were an imaginative mixture of wild sight gags involving grotesque or silly characters spouting puns and jokes, many of which probably date back to the earliest of music hall routines but were undoubtedly fresh and clever to a brand new audience of impressionable juvenile minds hungry for irreverent and outrageous humor.
In 1973 The Goodies were added to the list of comic characters to grace the pages of Cor!!, published every Monday. Apparently licensed for just the one year, The Goodies were unique in the fact they were the only adapted characters featured with the comic's pages with copyright credit being given to Bill Oddie, Tim Brooke Taylor (sans hyphen) and Graeme Garden. According to Robert Ross' book "The Complete Goodies" the strips were all authorised and approved by The Goodies prior to publication and Tim still displays an original Cor!! strip in his study.
One of several photos of the Goodies appeared along with the words "We Do Anything Any Time" in the first panel of every entry with each strip running two pages. As was typical with these compilation-style comics no artists or writers are credited. It's apparent from the varying styles in which The Goodies are rendered that several different artists took turns drawing the strips. As this series of articles progresses I shall attempt to note which strips seem to be drawn by the same artist. No titles are given for the individual strips and I will not make any attempt to name them myself in this series. The strips will be identified by issue number and date instead.
When I recently purchased a number of the comics from a dealer in London the gentleman I spoke with on the phone asked, "How is it a woman in sunny California comes to be interested in an old British comic like Cor!!?" In truth I've always been fascinated by comics, so when I found out The Goodies had been immortalized as such I became interested in finding out more about them and collecting the various issues. I thought fellow fans may enjoy summaries of the series as well as interesting notations, tidbits and things to look for in the various issues, so it is in that spirit I'm offering the first of a hopefully continuing series of articles to the C&G.
The Goodies Cor!! Debut
Issue 136
6th January, 1973. No. 24
The comic strip Goodies are featured in color on the front cover wearing safari-style outfits and riding their trandem (inadvertently over a cliff, unfortunately) as a snake, a lion and two gorillas look on. (This same drawing was also used on the cover of The Goodies Fun Book, another IPC publication released in 1977). "Goody-Goody! It's . . . The Goodies! Follow their fun-filled frolics - Inside!" hails their introduction to the pages of Cor!! Another new feature called Five-Minute Wanda was added to Cor!! in this same issue.
Each strip was introduced at the beginning with a header line and concluded with a similar sign off line.
The Goodies are seen riding their trandem past a country estate, but they are being rudely halted by Lord Lolly, a gentleman in hunting pink wearing a top hat and riding upon a horse. Lolly's horse leaps over a bush toward them, causing them to come to a quick and messy stop (but just in time to keep them from running into a cowering bunny).
LORD LOLLY: "I say! GOODIES! Whoa there! I've got a job for you!"
The Goodies, now toppled, listen as the gentlemen explains his predicament. Graeme and Tim sit on the ground near the fallen trandem while Bill, already jumping up to action, rounds the horse eagerly with a can of striped paint.
LORD LOLLY: "Mine is the only stately home in the district that has no safari park! So ... you Goodies get off to jolly old darkest Africa and bring me back a load of wild animals! Hurry now - I've got the programmes printed already!"
Graeme and Tim have remounted the trandem and look confidently at Lord Lolly, whose horse seems confused.
GRAEME: "We're no slouches, Lord Lolly. We provided you with one "wild" animal already - you're sitting on it!"
Lord Lolly is surprised to find his horse is now a striped zebra, thanks to Bill's quick paint job. The Goodies peddle off, leaving Lord Lolly very pleased and his horse very confused.
LORD LOLLY: "I say! You're jolly well right! *A zebra!*"
HORSE'S THOUGHT BALLOON: "Boy, I am *wild!*"
GRAEME: "Goodies, forward - to darkest Africa! Er . . . after a rummage through the wardrobe."
SO ...
The Goodies are seen coasting downhill on their trandem. Tim is wearing a full safari outfit, Graeme is in a Legionnaire's-style costume and Bill sports a pith helmet.
TIM: "No use going to darkest Africa - no lights on the bike! We'll stick to England."
They ride through the front gates of a zoo.
TIM: "First we'll kidnap a couple of giraffes ... we'll decoy them out of the zoo!"
Bill attempts to attract the attention of the giraffes with a bun, but their heads are so high they aren't even visible within the comic panel (Graeme is attempting to see their heads with a pair of binoculars).
BILL: "Oy, you lot up there! Look - a *bun!* Oy! Come down and follow me and the bun! Oy - it's useless! They can't hear me way up there!"
As Graeme works to tie the bun to the tail of an elephant with a string (everybody needs string!), Bill sticks an air pump into the animal's trunk and begins to pump him up.
BILL: "Suppose we'll have to send the bun up to them!"
The elephant floats into the sky with Bill sitting on his trunk, still pumping away. Tim and Graeme watch happily from below while a passing aviator looks startled.
BILL: "WAHAAY! We have lift off!"
As the elephant passes over the heads of the giraffes they spot the bun dangling from its tail and begin drooling. Tim stands at the gate of the zoo, pointing the way as the giraffes and a camel stampede across a zebra crossing after the drifting elephant.
TIM: "*Follow that bun!*"
Graeme and Tim ride out of the zoo atop a rhinoceros which has been fitted with a steering wheel on the tip of its horn (Tim is driving) and four tires hanging on its sides to make it look like a car.
GRAEME: "Terrific - what a round up! We're doing well - would you ever believe "disguise" a rhino?"
TIM: "The job's as good as done!"
BUT ...
As they pass a circus, Tim brakes the rhino with a screeeechh and Graeme leaps off, heading for the big top.
GRAEME: "Wait a minute! LIONS! We haven't got any lions!"
Graeme rushes into the tent where a lion tamer is in the midst of his act.
GRAEME: "H'mm - this could be a problem! The lion act is on!"
LION TAMER: "I weel perform the impossible!"
As the lion tamer bends down, preparing to place his head into a lion's mouth, Graeme reaches through the bars brandishing a pair of false teeth.
LION TAMER: "I weel put my 8 - 7/8" head down Leo's 8 - 3/4" throat!"
Graeme snaps the false teeth shut on the lion tamer's posterior with a GNASH!, ripping the man's trousers and causing him to leap high into the air.
The lion tamer dangles from a trapeze above the lion's round cage, looking downward with concern.
LION TAMER: "OOH! AAGH! EE! Hey! Leave that cage alone! OOH! OY!"
As the lion tamer watches in startled surprise Graeme uses the round, barred cage, now on its side, like a running wheel, the lions and himself inside and running (the lion's eagerly chasing him) to give it forward momentum.
LION TAMER: "Bring back my lions!"
As an amazed Lord Lolly and his horse look on, The Goodies arrive at his estate, Bill still riding the floating elephant, Tim driving the rhino car and Graeme rolling along with the lions.
GRAEME: "We've made it - Hoi, Lord Lolly! The job's done - nearly!"
Lord Lolly stands looking very pleased.
LORD LOLLY: "Those Goodies did a very good job ... crowds of folk are pouring in to see ...
The final panel shows The Goodies inside the round cage with a large crowd of tourist types of all nationalities (Australian, Dutch, Spanish, French, Indian, American and German are among them) stand staring at them. A sign reads "Do Not Feed The Goodies."
TOURIST: "Cor!! They're wilder than any wild animal I've ever seen!"
Additional material from this issue:
The Cor!! News-Sheet, a section of the comic devoted to news and reader's letters, mentioned their new additions in this manner:
"NEW YEAR GREETINGS, girls and boys - you'll be pleased to learn the COR!! team have made their own special resolution ... to make the best comic around even funnier and brighter.
"To prove we're as good as our word, we're giving COR!! a New Year boost, with the introduction of the two funtastic new features: THE GOODIES of television fame, and FIVE-MINUTE WANDA - a real "craze-y" kid.
"Happy reading ... Ed."
III - Goody goody yum yum.
A very good start to the series! It sets the tone of the comic adaptation well, incorporating many Goodies standards - their clothes are accurate, the trandem is well represented in this and subsequent strips and the use of inventive visual gags is true to their live action comic style. It's clear their characters are going to translate perfectly to the comics page.
(by Brett Allender)
Series 4, Episode 6
First screened: 12th January 1974
A bunch of cyclists feverishly pedal along a narrow country roadway towards the finish line of the Tour de France, egged on by an excited crowd of patriotic fans in berets and striped clothing wildly waving croissants in the air. Up ahead, the Goodies cruise along on the trandem in holiday mode (and in extremely lairy hippy clothing), but are forced to pedal furiously to escape the horde of racers which rapidly descend upon them. The Goodies cross the finishing line just before the pursuing throng and are hailed as winners, although they were initially trying to cycle to Skegness rather than France!
Bill enjoys a taste of fine French cuisine and eats a snail (shell and all) before he realises his error and scoops it out of its shell (then throws the snail away and crunches on the shell!), but Graeme decides to enter the Goodies in more races while in France to win more prizemoney. Tim agrees and delivers a rather racist speech about the Common Market countries competing with the Empire and getting too big for their boots and claims that they shall win for Britain, even by cheating if necessary!
Graeme's struggle with the French language and the ignorant race organiser over the telephone sees the Goodies entered for the "Lemons Vings Quaters Hurs Race" - the Le Mans 24 Hour Race, which happens to require a motor car and a licenced driver, of which the Goodies have neither. However Tim is soon licenced to drive after he masters a car that consists of a plate, a spoon, a mirror, two chairs and Bill's feet as foot pedals, so Graeme designs an absolute motoring masterpiece out of scrap metal and bits of furniture (which looks nothing like the sleek racing car in the blueprint) and might work once all of the obstacles are removed from under the bonnet (like Bill checking the points of his French maid and a stray cat which purrs louder than the engine). The patented Sudsy Wudsy windscreen washer (with unbreakable windscreen - no glass!) certainly works a treat and drowns Tim in a cascade of suds, as he is powerless to turn it off.
The list of race entries includes other weirdly named drivers from Spain, America and Japan, but the late entry of the villainous French nobleman (from County Cork) Baron O'Beef causes much concern. The Baron cruises by in a black car with an evil smile on it and chokes the other entrants with a trail of exhaust fumes, then gradually proceeds to nobble all of the other cars during the practice session. He throws a match in the petrol tank of the tiny Japanese car (complete with Ever Leady battery!), then forces the Spanish driver to brake suddenly and hurtle out of his car into a pile of tyres and eventually the entire engine of the Goodies car falls out onto the track after lots of sly tampering.
It seems as though the Baron will be the only entrant in the race, but Graeme claims to have converted the disused railway station into a car and Tim takes it for a drive around the track (just as Bill is ringing the funny farm to have them collect Graeme!). The starter's gun goes off (with the Baron returning fire at the starter) and the Baron and the Goodies engage in an enthralling battle as both camps climb in and out of their moving vehicles in a bid to dispose of the Baron's hand grenade (which eventually detonates on the desk of the excited race commentator).
The Baron crashes into the rear of a car still stalled at the starting line which puts him out of the race and provokes a flood of tears from him. However the Goodies are also out of the race as they have run off the track and Graeme's taunt of "you can't even steer a disused railway station" gets Tim in a huff and he refuses to drive. There is mass panic over whether Graeme has fitted a brake, and even more panic when he holds it up in the air yelling "Here's the blasted brake!", so they climb onto the roof and attempt to throw a rope around something solid.
A men's urinal doesn't exactly do the trick (except for an incontinent gendarme standing beside the roadway!) and after they collect a poster man, crash against an overpass and scatter some can-can dancers, they head out of control towards the cliffs. Graeme's emergency switch is the last hope and after his long-winded speech and the ruddy thing being temporarily stuck, it activates just in time for a huge set of wings to sprout from the station as it hurtles over the cliff and carry them off into the sunset.
* Tim: "That's the last time I let you navigate."
Bill: "What's the matter with you. Didn't you like France?"
Tim: "We were trying to get to Skegness!"
* Tim (in patriotic speech mode): "Good old John Bull will never bow down to these greasy wops, frogs, krauts and Luxembourgians!" ...... "We shall beat these cocky foreigners - them and their garlic bicycles!" (to bemused looks from Bill and Graeme)
* Graeme (on the phone to the Le Mans organisers): "We are the Goodies. Le Bon Bon."
Bill (indignantly): "That's the Sweeties!!"
* Graeme (still on the phone trying to explain that they are British): "Grande Brittania! No ... avec la football, la roast beef, Her Majesty La Queen, It's A Knockout, Eddie Waring ... (launches into babbling impersonation) ... yeah, that Grande Brittania!"
* Graeme (giving Tim driving lessons): "First, the clutch is depressed."
Tim: "Ohh, cheer up little clutch!"
Graeme: "The gears are engaged"
Tim: "Congratulations gears!"
* Graeme (on his car components): "Italian made ... German made ..."
Bill (randily): "French maid!" (ushering her out from under the bonnet!)
* The opening scenes where they are cruising along on their trandem in very hippyish clothing and have to pedal like hell to get out of the way of the Tour de France cyclists, winning the race themselves in the process.
* Graeme trying to enter a cycling race over the phone, following up a stream of French gibberish with "yes, we are foreign", then having great difficulty in explaining that they are from Great Britain before eventually entering them for the Le Mans 24 Hour Race for motor cars, despite them not having a car and not being licenced to drive one either.
* Graeme teaching Tim to drive using kitchen implements and chairs, with a prostrate Bill having his right foot used as the accelerator and his left foot as a brake, and being horrified when Tim thinks about planting his foot on the clutch in the middle! After some terrible jokes, rapid gear changes (giving Bill cramp in his clutch) and some basic road sign recognition (Graeme:"Recognise this?" Tim: "It's a road sign!"), Tim receives a licence from the French driving examiner and zooms off up the road in the makeshift 'car', with Bill still laying on his back and having his feet used as pedals.
* The indicators on Graeme's specially designed car with an outstretched hand extending from either side for "turning right" and "turning left" and a hand with a two finger salute raising in the air for "turning nasty"!
* The final ad in the 'Heenz Meenz Beenz' series (apart from the one in 6/5 It Might As Well Be String) where the kid finally gets it right, only to have the backdrop crash down onto his head.
* Any of the multitude of clips from the practice session and the actual race (set to the thoroughly infectious 'Motorway Madness' tune), especially the Baron exploding the Japanese competitor's tiny car, Graeme pumping up his pants (instead of the car tyre) which eventually explode with a big bang, the exchange of a hand grenade between the Baron and the Goodies which involves some brilliant stuntwork with the moving car and railway station and the finale of the railway station sprouting wings and flapping off into the sunset.
Bill Weston
Motorway Madness
Heenz Meenz Beanz - "What I Like Best To Eat"
Air Hostesses
A constant stream of brilliant visual effects and some very funny dialogue combine to make the episode one of their very best. A great lead-in to their excellent 5th series.
IIIII         Superstar
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III   - Goody goody yum yum.
II    - Fair-y punkmother.
I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.
January Episode Summary - The Movies
NEXT C&G EDITION: #72: Christmas Edition - 24th December 2001.
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