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C&G 99 Mar 2004
#99 Mar 2004 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 08/12/2006


» #99 Mar 2004

Issue No. 99                      12th March 2004
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Newsletter enquiries:
General enquiries:
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
- Brett Allender
- Lisa Manekofsky
- David Piper-Balston
- Linda Kay
C&G CONTRIBUTORS: Jodie van de Wetering, Cheryl
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - Club ideas and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "I'm off all this newfangled rubbish. I am into neolithic man."
(a) Which Goodie says this quote?
(b) What was the response to it?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "War Babies"
(d) Which boarding school were the baby Goodies sent to?
(e) Why was the school chaplain extremely upset?
(f) What did Winston Churchill ask the Goodies to fetch from Germany?
(g) Who did Churchill bear an uncanny resemblance to?
(h) What were the Goodies rewarded with for helping to win the war?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for
bob-a-job week. E-mail <> with your comments, ideas or suggestions.
(by Jodie van de Wetering)
Potential get together for Southeast Queensland fans:
What: A get-together, video day, mini-convention and knees-up. We'll work out a group rate with a motel so you won't have to drive home that night after festivities.
Where: Redcliffe, unless anyone's got a better idea.
When: Open to discussion. We'll sort out what works for everyone who wants to come.
Who: If you're interested in coming, or have a suggestion for the day, please drop me a line at so I can start talking to motels and what-not.
Just in case you haven't noticed, this is the 99th edition of the C&G since it was first sent out to just 23 fan club members in November 1995. Our 100th edition is due out on April 12th and we plan to make it a special one with a review of some of our top stories, new feature articles and also a look at what's in store for the next hundred editions, among various other things.
Most importantly we'd like your contribution, so if you've got any Goodies-related articles for publishing or would like to give us some feedback on the C&G topping the ton, then by all means send it in to <>
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
(by Cheryl - Goodies-l - 21st February)
I usually buy a monthly Australian magazine called "Netguide". This month's issue (nominally March 2004 - but it went on sale Feb 11) has a feature on retro sites titled "The Way We Were". Amongst their listings of websites for TV shows (What We Watched), on page 73, is listed: "The Goodies" right between Gilligans Island, The Golden Girls, Green Acres and Gunsmoke.
(by David Piper-Balston – Goodies-l – 6th March)
Taken from spotted by mylovely wife Louise. :-)
Genuine bit of comedy news here: remember Comedy Connections? The doco series about sitcoms? Not the one with Dawn French on a sofa; the good one with all the excellent, nerdy details...
Well it's back again for a new series and will be bringing us the juicy inside stories of the nation's most successful comedies.
The eight comedies in the new series are: The Goodies, The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin, Father Ted, Birds of a Feather, Red Dwarf, Hi-De-Hi!, The Young Ones and Keeping Up Appearances.
Whether you like a particular sitcom or not, with this series it is still interesting to see just what was involved, which egos clashed with which, who was a whisker away from landing the leading role...
The producers, directors, commissioners and actors (and the show's distinctive 'comedy pipe' graphics) will trace the genesis and legacies of all these shows.
Personally, I can't wait for the Goodies one.
The Comedy Connections producer tells me, despite being only three weeks into production, they have already bagged interviews with Tim Brooke-Taylor, Bill Oddie, Geoffrey Palmer, David Nobbs, Graham Linehan, Arthur Mathews, Rob Grant, Paul Jackson and Robert Llewelyn. This list will grow and grow.
We also got a hint that there are one or two very big and very unexpected figures lined up - but the production office will not confirm names. Watch this blog for more news.
4. 2001 AND A BIT
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more details available on the club website),as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
* Taking us all by surprise, the showings on Saturday afternoon are in actual fact a new series of History Hunters. This means the show has switched from BBC1 to BBC2 for the premier showings but maybe they will be repeated in their traditional BBC1 daytime weekday slot. February 14th saw Bill's contestants investigating Wimbledon and February 21st will be in Manchester.
(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 15th February)
* Bill's "Mastermind" appearance will be repeated on BBC2: Thursday 26th February at 8pm. Bill was competing against Germaine Greer, Julia Somerville and Charlie Higson.
(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 15th February)
* "Bill Oddie's Best of British" gets a repeat run starting from 29th February BBC2 5.40pm.
"Bill Oddie picks out highlights from six years of his wildlife series. He has a close encounter with an otter, sees the largest gannet colony in the world on the island of St Kilda, and looks for crayfish in the Lake District."
(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 25th February)
* "Bill Oddie's History Hunt" BBC2 on 28th February at 1.15pm is set in Shrewsbury looking at its history, Tudor courting practices and Victorian shopping .
(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 25th February)
* Graeme Garden's May 1997 appearance on "Quote Unquote" will be repeated by BBC7 ( ) on Wednesday, 3rd March at 12:00 and 19:00.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 1st March)
* Graeme Garden will present a programme called "There'll Never Be Another" onBBC7 Sunday 21st March from 11:00 to 12:00. The show is about the comedian Max Miller, "highlighting his bawdiness and outrageous jokes."
Since this is being broadcast on BBC7 it is probably a repeat from several years ago but I don't have any info about the original air date.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l – 8th March)
"Laughter in the Air" will air on 22nd Feb at 11:00 and again on Monday 23rd Feb at 1:00 am). According to the 19 Feb. issue of BBC7's newsletter: "the excellent and informative Laughter in the Air continues with 'The Cambridge Connection'. Presented by the late Barry Took this episode looks at the effect the Cambridge set had on the comedy circuit, the clear link between the BBC and Cambridge Footlights and the advent of topical humour. An interview with David Hatch (a BBC 7 veteran and star of our first ever 'Radio Heads' programme) makes this a fascinating listen." I suspect "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" will get a mention.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 19th February)
* The first episode of "You'll Have Had Your Tea", which aired earlier today, is available on BBC Radio 4's Listen Again service. It should be available for a week, until the next episode airs.
You can find the show on the Listen Again page:
and on Radio 4's Comedy/Quizzes page:
Here's the listing for the first episode:
23:15 You'll Have Had Your Tea
Hamish and Dougal, the two elderly Scotsmen played by Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden made internationally quite well known from their appearances on the panel game "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue", appear in their own series, alongside Mrs Naughtie, a cleaning lady cum housekeeper played by Alison Steadman, and a local laird played by Jeremy Hardy.
1/6. The Vampire of the Glen.
In this episode, our heroes' suspicions are eventually alerted after the laird asks them to dig a hole in his underground allotment big enough to fit a coffin-shaped wardrobe.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 25th February)
(by Brett Allender)
Series 7, Episode 5
First screened: 6th December 1977
The London Palladium is packed for another glittering Royal Variety Show and the Queen makes a suitably dignified regal entrance to the hall (at least until she opens the door to the gent's bog and forces an embarrassed Graeme and Bill to hurriedly close it again) and settles in the Royal box along with other members of the Royal family (and a horse for good measure!). Tim is the host of this stupendous evening, but a procession of dreadfully boring acts like Val Doonican, Dickie Henderson and Charles Aznovoice soon have the Royals nodding off to sleep - except that Bill and Graeme pelt them with fruit, tap them with canes and blast them with fire hoses in a bid to keep them awake.
Tim dresses up in the robes of an Earl (complete with knobbly knees, much to Graeme and Bill's mirth) and fully expects to be rewarded by the palace for his services, but instead finds out that the Royal family is most displeased. By being kept awake during the Royal Variety show for the very first time, they actually saw how bad it is and to avoid being bounced around by the Beefeaters, the Goodies are commanded to provide a second show with entertainment like royalty used to be treated to in the good old days.
The second concert is a resounding success, with Graeme enthusiastically overseeing the torture and humiliation of a number of thoroughly deserving so-called entertainers (like Max Bygraves, Rolf Harris and Rudolph Nureyev) to a delirious audience of well-to-do lorded gentry. Tim is ashamed at such behaviour, so packs away his robes and even shocks Bill with the revelation that he would now send an OBE back if he received one. However Graeme enters the office triumphantly, as he has been appointed as the 'Queen's Own Master Of Entertainment' and reveals that the Royal family have decided to enter showbiz in a small way - by taking over the BBC! All programs are soon replaced by various horse racing and showjumping themes, but Graeme's idea of 'The Amazing Tumbling Royals' equestrian thrills on ice is a complete flop when the members of the Royal Family break every bone in their bodies and are laid up in hospital swathed in plaster and bandages.
Tim nervously visits the Royals in hospital and is astonished to hear that they will be out of action for a while and require stand-ins to perform their duties. He gracefully takes over as Queen (despite not being able to do the voice or fit into her dresses properly), but Graeme can't decide whether to be 'him' (in Prince Philip's jacket) or 'her' (also in Princess Anne's dress and doing appropriately silly walks for both characters) before he finally settles on being 'her', while Bill initially disguises as a corgi (in his Cuddly Scamp suit) before he has to be 'young him' (resplendant in a crown with gigantic ears flapping on it!), as a wooden dummy eventually suffices as Prince Philip.
In a special newsflash, the Chancellor Of The Exchequer (aboard a horse which jumps over obstacles as a reporter runs behind in hot pursuit) announces that there will be a rerun of the coronation next weekend (to screw more money from tourists in the Jubilee year) and the Royal family is happy for the Goodies to stand in, as the Queen missed watching it on tv the first time around! However, after they watch the Goodies greet the masses (with Tim in his Union Jack waistcoat, Graeme in his Olympic trial gear (who heaves an annoying corgi off the balcony!) and Bill in weird clothes from Charles' own wardrobe), the Royal family are far from amused when they realise that Tim really will be the Queen following the new coronation ceremony and they charge into Westminster Abbey in their plaster and bandages and disrupt the ceremony.
Tim snatches the crown from the Archbishop and flees on horseback as the royals climb on a coach to the roar of a cannon to start the race. A steeplechase which features dummies of politicians proves to be a major hurdle for the riders (as Graeme comes a cropper on top of Maggie Thatcher!) and Tim puts his ceremonial orb to good use as a hand grenade to stop the royals in their tracks. However his crown is stolen by a royal on the coach, but Bill flaps his big ears and jacket, spins his propellor bow tie and launches above the crowd-lined streets to unhitch the horses from the coach, which crashes and sends the crown spiralling up into the air and back onto Tim's head, as he sits disconsolately on a park bench. And so, Tim is the new Queen of England, but the former Royal family members aren't totally out of work, as they star in 'The Royals' aboard a four seater trandem with training wheels!
* Tim (hosting the Royal Variety Show): "Well all good things must come to an end. And so has this!"
* Tim (pompously): "These are the robes of an Earl"
Graeme: "Glad to be rid of them, I dare say!"
* Tim: "I'd be happy to be an OBE. Best of all, an Earl and an OBE."
Graeme: "You'd be an earlobe!"
* Graeme (hosting the second variety show): "And who better to begin our return to the good old days than that paragon of perky patter and comical cantillation ... (loud murmurs from the crowd, but puzzlement from the royal box) ... He sings and tells jokes Ma'am!"
* The Queen (about Rolf Harris): "Off with his didgeridoo!!"
* Tim: "Are they (the Royal family) really cross, Bill?"
Bill: "Well put it this way. One is not amused. ... Two are bloody furious and the other just wants Harry Secombe's autograph!"
* The grand entry to the Palladium by the Queen, with people cheering, waving flags, bowing and curtseying and presenting her with flowers, only for her to walk up the stairs and open the door to the gentlemen's loo, prompting rapid evasive action from a stunned Bill and Graeme who were otherwise occupied!
* The Royal family frequently dozing off due to a succession of appallingly boring acts only to be awoken by Bill and Graeme trying everything from tapping them on the shoulder and pelting them with fruit to firing guns and drenching them with water hoses in a bid to get them to pay attention.
* Graeme crooning that "Earls are made to love and kiss", telling Tim that his robe is very sexy and asking for a kiss, with Tim all set to oblige ("I'm just an Earl that can't say no!") until a knock on the door stops things from getting any kinkier!
* The entire second Royal Variety show, with a packed audience of enthusiastic lords and ladies gleefully lapping up entertainment like in the good old days, including Max Bygraves rapidly disappearing through a trapdoor, Rolf Harris having the Queen's decree of "Off with his didgeridoo!!" carried out by Bill wielding a huge spear, Rod Stewart extending his repertoire ("It's only rack and roll!") by performing 'I Am Stretching' on the torture rack, Brotherhood Of Man crooning 'Save All Your Kisses For Me' before being hauled away by nooses around their necks, Rudolph Nureyev performing his final rendition of the 'Nutcracker Suite', with Bill chasing him carrying an enormous set of pliers (eventually followed by an agonised squeal backstage!) and finally the bumptious backbencher Willie Hamilton being boiled in oil to the delight of the crowd, egged on by Graeme's superb performance as Master Of Ceremonies.
* The taking over of the BBC by the Royal family with their partiality to horse racing borne out by the tv schedule being filled with gems like Dad's Cavalry, Rock Fillies, Ponyrama with Dobbin Day and Stars On Sunday coming from the Hickstead equestrian centre with Moira Anderson singing 'Bless This Horse' (followed by a loud "Damn!" when it fails to clear a jump!) and an honourable mention to Bill's suggestion that the Royal family's new show should be called "Windsor Takes All"!
* The character portrayals of the Royals by the Goodies, with Tim making an elegantly bossy Queen (even though he just couldn't manage to get the "My husband and I" voice right!), Graeme doing a brilliant defying, haughty, horsey Princess Anne and Bill as a cheeky, chucklesome Charlie (with the added help of a crown with a huge pair of ears attached to it!)
Ricky Newby, Terry Denton, Ernie Goodyear
A very good first half, especially the two Royal Variety shows (and accompanying celebrity bashing), however "one is not amused" nearly as much at the remainder of the show, particularly the rather lengthy (and at times tedious) chase scene.
III     Goody Goody Yum Yum
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III   - Goody goody yum yum.
II    - Fair-y punkmother.
I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.
April Episode Summary – Earthanasia
(by Linda Kay)
Issue 162
7 July, 1973 No. 50
There were many instances when The Goodies would incorporate American culture into their humour ... institutions such as the military and medicine shows weren't safe on either side of the pond in the hands of the trio's biting humour. Country / western themes were also played upon in their songs "Cactus in my Y-Fronts" and "Good Ol' Country Music." I'm not certain how popular (if at all) rodeo's were or are in England, but that didn't stop Cor!! comics from giving this cowboy theme a go.
COVER ARTWORK: The Goodies are seen in their "western" gear; Bill dressed as a cowboy, Tim as an Indian chief and Graeme as an old west doctor. Bill is riding a bucking bronco, which has "bucked" Tim high up in the air (the two hoofprints on Tim's behind are evidence of this) and Graeme runs for cover. Above them are the words "Bill's Horsing Around" and below the horse a caption reads "See - The Goodies Inside!"
The Goodies are in their office when a man dressed very similarly to Buffalo Bill Cody barges into their office (the door hangs on a broken hinge so he must have made a very dramatic entrance). He is holding his two six-shooters at the trio, who throw up their hands.
RODEO MANAGER: Ah'm staging a *rodeo* but ma riders have *walked out*! Kin I persuade you Goodies to take their place?
GRAEME: Er ... if you put it like that - we do anything and we need the cash!
The Goodies are next seen riding their trandem to the rodeo. They have outfitted the bike with huge longhorn steer horns in place of the handlebars. Bill is dressed as a cowboy, Tim as an Indian chief with a full feathered headdress and Graeme is in an old-fashioned suit with a top hat. A startled housewife waiting at a station stop reacts with shock (or perhaps it's the arrow embedded in the sign above her head which has startled her!).
BILL: What are you dressed like that for, Graeme?
GRAEME: I'm *Doc Happyday*! You may need me, lads!
The Goodies watch as a wild bucking bronco kicks off a rider. Bill is approaching the horse to ride next while Graeme squirts glue from a bottle onto the horse's saddle.
ANNOUNCER: Now the bucking bronco event! The daring rider must stay in the saddle for a minute!
GRAEME: You do just that, Bill! My super-stick glue should help!
BILL: M-me? *Gulp!*
Bill climbs into the saddle and the horses bucks wildly, trying to throw him. Bill stays firmly in the saddle, although the saddle is flying wildly into the air. Graeme and Tim stand watching safely on the sidelines.
BILL: Ooer! S-someone show me the brake!
GRAEME: At least Bill can't come out of the saddle!
The strap holding the saddle on the horse snaps in two and Bill goes flying in the air toward Graeme and Tim. Graeme calmly removes his top hat.
TIM: No - but the *saddle* can come off the horse - and it *has*!
GRAEME: Time to bring my special opera hat into play .. !
Graeme sets his hat on the ground and Bill lands head-first on it with a BONK! The hat springs back up and launches Bill back into the air with a BOINGGG! toward the horse, which is now grazing quietly.
TIM: My hat! Your topper sure springs a surprise!
Bill lands backwards on the horse's back with a BONG! The horse is too startled to react.
BILL: *Hey!* The minute's up - I've done it!
Graeme next pushes Tim toward a corral with a longhorn steer inside.
GRAEME: The next event is throwing the steer - in you go, Tim!
TIM: Ooer ... reckon I'm going to "beef" about this!
The longhorn steer bursts through the corral fence with Tim barely hanging onto its horns.
TIM: YEEAAGH! How do you *steer* this thing?
Tim pulls off his large Indian headdress.
TIM: Perhaps I can solve this *ticklish* problem!
Tim begins tickling the steer with the feathers of his headdress. The steer falls about laughing, rolling onto its back.
BILL: A submission ... that's won the steer wrestling match!
TIM: Bully for me ... that's a *feather in my cap!*
Finally the Goodies each man a covered chuck-wagon; Tim and Graeme facing one direction and Bill facing toward them. The rodeo manager stands to one side with a pistol, ready to start them off.
ANNOUNCER: Now for the exciting chuck-wagon display! Watch them thar wagons thunder past each other with inches to spare!
RODEO MANAGER: On yo' marks! ... git set .. !
The rodeo manager fires the gun into the air as the wagons race toward each other. A confused rabbit sits in between the oncoming wagons.
GRAEME: Gulp! Guess who forgot to measure the width of the wagons?
The wagons slam into each other with an enormous KER-RUMP! Wheels, parts and Goodies fly in all directions, Bill taking moment to a sign an Insurance Policy. The rabbit now cowers beneath the flying debris.
BILL: Hold your horses!
Before they know it, the teams of horses have taken off in opposite directions, each dragging a Goodie behind them sans wagon!
GRAEME: *Eek!* We're being taken for a ride - without a wagon!
When the Goodies get back, looking bedraggled and beaten, they confront the rodeo manager.
GRAEME: We give up, we retire! But we've learned one thing .. !
RODEO MANAGER: What's that .. ?
The Goodies ride off on their trandem, moaning in pain upon the seats of the bike.
GRAEME: Why you call this lark a *RODE-OH ... OH!*
TIM: *OW!*
Sign-Off Line: Our T.V. Chuckle Champs Return in Next Week's Cor!!
III - Goody goody yum yum.
This is a fun outing which really benefits from some outstanding and energetic artwork. It's always fun to see the Goodies in costume and this strip takes good advantage of the rodeo setting to put them into some wildly imaginative outfits which work well with their personalities. The background jokes aren't as numerous in this comic, although in the first panel a wanted poster (held up by an arrow) hangs in the Goodies office and reads "Wanted: Notorious Nigel Blenkinsop alias The Terror of Tunbridge Wells," so the cowboy theme is established immediately.
The horse and steer are particularly well drawn as are the Goodies in the panels with these animals. The chuck wagon dash is also beautifully depicted, as is the resulting crash. Another funny subtle joke is that the rodeo manager's pants fall down when he fires the starting pistol into the air. The puns work well and overall the theme is played out in a clever manner. All in all this is a very enjoyable episode.
To view these strips online, you can visit this page:
We'll post the currently reviewed issue plus the two previous issues for latecomers.
(a) Graeme Garden
(b) Bill asking "Is that legal?!"
(c) The Stone Age
(d) Highbrow Hall
(e) One of the brainy brats proved that God doesn't exist
(f) A nice box of German cigars
(g) Adolf Hitler
(h) A lollipop each
8    Goodies fan supreme
7    Mastermind of the year
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0    Rolf Harris!
NEXT C&G EDITION: #100: 12th April 2004.
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2004. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
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For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail <>

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