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C&G 165 Aug 2009
August 2009 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 12/08/2009


» August 2009

             ( )
Issue No. 165                   12th August 2009
- Brett Allender <>
- Lisa Manekofsky
- Linda Kay
- Wackywales, David Balston, Linda Kay
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "Thirty for Edward Heath … forty for Mary Whitehouse!"
(a) Which Goody says this quote?
(b) What do the numbers represent?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "Radio Goodies"
(d) What is Graeme busy designing at the start of the episode?
(e) How does the GPO Department Of Broadcasting's return letter begin?
(f) What is the name of the Goodies' boat moored outside the five mile limit?
(g) What does Graeme propose that homing kangaroos be used for?
(h) What is Bill's retort to Tim saying that a drowning Graeme " … would have wanted it this way."?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
Just a reminder that everyone can visit the GROK's official YouTube Channel at  We post a new, rare video every week featuring one, two or all of our favorite trio on or around each Friday. And to keep up with the videos we post more easily, be sure to subscribe!
(Linda Kay)
Last month's poll concluded in our very first dead heat (well, the first one for at least one year, seven months, four days ... a hell of a long time anyway!) with a further dead heat for third place for good measure. The educational option of a conveniently located Eskimo phrase book and the naughty option of an uncut Goodies gender education film just couldn't be split and will now have to form a coalition government - at least until Desiree Carthorse starts shrieking "Stop it!" and has them both blacklisted.
Which item would you desperately like to add to your book, music, or video collection?
An Eskimo phrase book (ah, here's one!)       5 votes
A Walk in the Black Forest Top 10 Remix    16 votes
The Julie Andrews Album of Rugby Songs      8 votes
Mixed Dancing with Tim Revolta & Olivia      7 votes
Macbeth Meets Truffaut the Wonder Dog       9 votes
Torrid Nudes of Grope City DVD                16 votes
Goodies Gender Education Film Uncensored   23 votes
Little Book of Wise Ecky Thump Sayings       23 votes
other                                                         0 votes
Best of Rolf Harris CD (w/nothing on it)     5 votes
Total                                                        112 votes
This month's poll is your opportunity to dish out some hypothetical Goodies-inspired punishment to those lovely people in charge of programming at the BBC, ABC and commercial TV stations who seem to continually recycle various other British comedy shows from the 1970s and load up the scheduling with endless boring reality and crime shows, but have stubbornly refused to rescreen The Goodies on free-to-air TV for decades now. So prepare your black pudding and sauce squirter, make sure that your sheep (and hamsters) are hungry, find the long-lost key to Rolf's cell, go to the website and let 'em have it! You know it makes sense.
How should TV executives who refuse to repeat The Goodies be punished? 
Squirted with lethal tomato sauce
Off with their didgeridoos!
Encased in a 350 ft block of concrete
Thrown to the sheep (or hamsters!)
Ecky thumped with a black pudding
Banished to the Jolly Rock Lighthouse
Given 2 nights out with Tony Blackburn
Beheaded ... twice ... very slowly!
Locked up in a cell with Rolf Harris
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
(Lisa Manekofsky – 19th July)
The World's Funniest Island Festival to be held on Sydney, Australia's Cockatoo Island October 17-18, 2009 will feature The Goodies (with Tim & Graeme appearing in person and Bill on screen). Producer John Pinder has written a piece about the festival for the fan club; it can be found in the July 2009 issue of our Clarion & Globe newsletter at  .
The festival producers have arranged a special two day Goodies fan pass which will cost $199.00 (two day passes normally cost $209.90 while a single day pass costs $119.90). The discount offer runs from Monday, 20 July to Sunday, 2 August 2009.
* Get the PASSWORD by logging in to  . Once you are logged in you will see the password in a box on the lower left of the your browser window. (If you haven't registered on the website you can find instructions at  - registration is free!)
* Then (starting 20 July) either book
- BY PHONE/IN PERSON via Ticketek on (132849) quoting the special password.
Full details about the festival can be found on its official website at   
4. 2001 AND A BIT
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Large files (such as scans of articles or photos) for posting on the club's website can be sent to us at:
Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
* BBC Radio 7 has again repeated the "Yes Minister" radio episode which includes an appearance by Graeme Garden. It can be heard through next Thursday evening (London time) from the BBC iPlayer at  
(6th August)
* Thanks to wackywales for posting the following in the  forums:
Tim will be compering a Last Night of the Proms concert in November in Buxton. There are further details in the Derby evening telegraph -  - including the following excerpt:
Tim to compere patriotic evening of entertainment
BUXTON Opera House will stage a special gala fund-raising concert, A Night At The Proms, later this year.
The flag-waving, fund-raising evening in aid of Buxton's Children's Theatre Appeal is on November 21 at 7.30pm and will be compered by Buxton's own Tim Brooke-Taylor
(27th Jul)
Goodies star Tim Brooke Taylor to re-open Post Office in Cookham Dean
Comic actor Tim Brooke Taylor has added to Post Office campaigners' cheer by announcing he will be the star guest at the re-opening of the Cookham Dean amenity.
Villagers have welcomed the move for the service to move into the Jolly Farmer pub in Bigfrith Lane - just 400 yards away from where the amenity was based until it closed in February.
Goodies star Mr Brooke Taylor will be the star guest at a celebratory re-opening, which will take place on Tuesday August 11.
(David Balston – 29th Jul)
* I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue producer Jon Naismith appeared on last Friday's edition of BBC Radio 4's "Feedback" to talk about the experience of returning to the airwaves without Humphrey Lyttelton.
The show can be heard worldwide from the BBC iPlayer at  until Friday, 31 July at 2:00pm London time.
(29th Jul)
* The dates for the 2009 I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Stage Tour have been posted on the show's official website at .
We are continually updating the show information in the fan club's FAQ ( ) to provide additional details where possible such as links to the venues' websites, URLs for booking tickets, box office phone numbers, & ticket prices.
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.
Following the previous music review of the "Elephant Joke Song", Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) had retreated to t'meditation room (t'air heavy with mystic scents) and was quietly pondering how he'd know if he ever passed an elephant, only to realise that had already done so when he couldn't get the toilet seat down! Meanwhile Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay) was entertaining herself by recreating Hannibal's feat of crossing the Alps with an elephant, but unfortunately none of the offspring survived. (bu boom!) While in an inquisitive mood, they also wondered … How many giraffes can you fit in a Volkswagen car? The answer: None, it's full of elephants! It's also full of two somewhat squashed and rather dread-filled DJs who had foolishly hopped into the passenger seats beforehand, so it's an ideal time to cross back over to them for their music review of "PANIC" by The Goodies.
"Panic " can be heard on the 70s albums "The Goodies Greatest" and "Best Of The Goodies, as a single and on the 90s CDs "Yum Yum - The Very Best Of The Goodies" and "Funky Gibbon – The Best Of The Goodies"
Lyrics: sung by all three Goodies
[introductory music] (Hurray!) [music] (England!)
Everything is heading for a crisis
The country's going broke but don't be blue (boop boop she boop)
Remember friends, that all of us are English
And when we're down, we look around, and this is what we do
We … panic (oooh), panic (aaagh), panic all over the place
Panic (oooh), panic (aaagh), wipe that smile off your face
Nothing is getting better, doesn't it make you sick
It's like a bad dream, so have a good scream, and panic (aaagh) [music] (boo hoo)
Yesterday you had to beg and borrow
Today you only stand around and curse (groan drat darn)
But you should all look forward to tomorrow
It's not so late, just you wait, it's gonna get much worse
So … panic (oooh), panic (aaagh), panic all over the place
Panic (oooh), panic (aaagh), wipe that smile off your face
Nothing is getting better, doesn't it make you sick
Throw your hands in the air, have a good swear, and panic
All the great men of history (panic) did what they had to do (panic). What did Caesar do with Cleopatra (panic?) and Napoleon at Waterloo (panic!). Now presidents and prime ministers (panic) are rapidly learning how (panic). The leaders of today, show us the way, all together now.
Panic (oooh), panic (aaagh), panic all over the place
Panic (oooh), panic (aaagh), wipe that smile off your face
Nothing is getting better, doesn't it make you sick
Holler and shout, let it all out and panic
[Repeat chorus again]
(Peaches Stiletto):
While some songs lose their relevance over time, the Goodies had a knack of creating songs that are truly timeless. The Funky Gibbon speaks to its audience as much now as it did before. Black Pudding Bertha could just as easily shake her booty as the Queen of Northern Soul in 2009. And never has the song Panic been more important to us as it is now. Folks, take this review seriously . . . within this song lies the answer. The cure for everything that ails us is right here and waiting to be followed if we only heed its significance. Economic bleakness? Global warming? Political discourse? The end of the world as we know it? Does the answer really lie in stimulus packages? Carbon credits? Internet blogs? No! No, I say! The answer is simple . . . panic! That's right, that's all there is to it. Just panic! It's the easiest, most affordable and most practical solution to everything! Can't lose weight? Panic! House being foreclosed on? Panic! Insurance impossible to afford? Panic! And the truth is we're so good at it already! Even without realizing that this is the be-all and end-all answer, people are already worked up into a wonderful state of panic. If only our leaders could follow suit, drop their calm exterior reserve and realize there is really just one solution. Who wouldn't love to see Barack Obama running around with his hands in the air and screaming in a complete panic after one of his teleprompters breaks down? Gordon Brown all higgledy-piggledy when he reviews the latest Labour Party polls? Kevin Rudd totally freaking out over global warming speculations? If more elected and despotic leaders around the world spent more of their time in a panicked state they might actually be able to accomplish less and stop mucking everything up. And if the populace spent more of a time in unadulterated panic we would be so pre-occupied we wouldn't have to worry over all these problems. So let's follow the Goodies lead . . . let's take a page out of history and learn to cope with things in the most base and simplistic way . . . let's learn from history . . . let's all just flat-out panic, shall we? You know you want to!
(Emperor Caligula):
Share prices and superannuation funds are tumbling ... interest rates and unemployment are spiralling upwards ... panting, wobbleboard-playing Rolfs are breeding up in plague proportions across the countryside ... Max Bygraves' new album can't even be smashed to pieces with a black pudding ... ! Aaaargh! Whatever your crisis is, it's nice to be able to take fright and become unnerved in your own special comforting way. Now Tim always preferred to go to pieces with panache, sticking a hand on the hip and a hand in the air, and shrieking "I'm a teapot, I'm a teapot!" Tim's method worked on the theory that no matter the nature of the horribly frightful thing that was causing all of the alarm and mayhem around him, it would always consider that he was far too loony to disturb and not bother him any further, and indeed this was the subject of another Goodies song altogether. However for those of us who are far too terror stricken to remember any neat little routines and recitations when confronted with the overwhelming feeling of sheer gut-wrenching fear at impending disaster, this time they're playing our song! Trombone-playing aliens about to grab you by the UFOs? Have a good scream (especially if they connect!) and panic! Simple. An angry t-rex crashing up through the floor of your disused railway station? Throw your hands in the air (if he hasn't bitten them off already!), have a good swear and panic! Any fool can do that. And I did! Nicholas Parsons rather belatedly accepting his invitation from "Cunning Stunts" to become the replacement Goody for Bill? Panic? You betcha, that'd be a genuine Code Red catastrophe! So panic, panic, panic all over the place in freestyle mode to the tune of this rather nifty little anthem for all bad situations.
Using the Black Pudding Rating System:
IIII Officially Amazing (Peaches Stiletto)
III 1/2 Amazingly Goody (Emperor Caligula)
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially Amazing.
III   - Goody Goody Yum Yum.
II    - Fair-y Punkmother.
I     - Tripe on t' Pikelets.
(by Brett Allender)
Here's a new Goodies crossword for fans of the superchaps three to puzzle over.
As with my previous crosswords, if you're not familiar with a number of the Goodies episodes listed, the information in my Goodies Episode Summaries (in the "Articles/Guides" section) should help you solve the clues.
There is also a copy of the grid and clues in a print-friendly Word format in the "Articles/Guides" section of the website at  along with the solution on a separate page. The solution will also be printed in next month's newsletter.
. C 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 C .
R . . . . . . . . . . . . . . R
1                             1
2                             2
3                             3
4                             4
5                             5
6                             6
7                             7
8                             8
9                             9
10                             10
11                               11
12                             12
R . . . . . . . . . . . . . . R
. C 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 C .
Row 1, column 1 (5 letters) - The name of the witch (That Old Black Magic)
Row 1, column 8 (5 letters) - Bill drinks it to help him burp (The End)
Row 3, column 3 (6 letters) - The Goodies help the Minister from this department (Hospital For Hire)
Row 3, column 10 (3 letters) - Tim wears one in the shape of two hands (Change Of Life)
Row 4, column 1 (3 letters) - Emperor Tim relaxes in one of these (Rome Antics)
Row 5, column 4 (9 letters) - Bill cooks this up to save himself from being eaten (The End)
Row 6, column 1 (3 letters) - Graeme and Bill spot this to earn a badge (Scoutrageous)
Row 7, column 3 (2 letters) - Goodies song: Cactus ?? My Y-Fronts (Goodies Almost Live)
Row 8, column 1 (3 letters) - The Goodies cycle to Skegness ??? France (The Race)
Row 8, column 5 (6 letters) Tim delivers a very patriotic one (The New Office)
Row 9, column 3 (3 letters) - The Scottish martial art of Hoots Toots Och Aye The ??? (Kung Fu Kapers)
Row 10, column 1 (3 letters) - Mock ad: The Goodies Tea ??? (Beefeaters)
Row 10, column 5 (6 letters) - Uncle King Arthur heads there for his holidays (Camelot)
Row 12, column 1 (4 letters) - Bill describes Tim's as "boring and unamazing" (Punky Business)
Row 12, column 9 (5 letters) - One of Graeme's two new entertainment inventions (Rome Antics)
Column 1, row 1 (10 letters) - The Class D consumers, bless 'em! (It Might As Well Be String)
Column 2, row 10 (3 letters) - The world will end on Christmas ??? (Earthanasia)
Column 3, row 3 (2 letters) - "?? ??" – The Scoutfinder General's expression of glee (Scoutrageous)
Column 3, row 6 (6 letters) - The Goodies prefer to call him a "ruddy midget" (Goodies & The Beanstalk)
Column 4, row 1 (3 letters) - The lady whose measurements are everywhere – surname (Winter Olympics)
Column 5, row 8 (4 letters) - Tim does this after Tony Blackburn is shot (Scatty Safari)
Column 7, row 2 (10 letters) - Bill: "2000 years it's sat there and it still doesn't fly!" (Rome Antics)
Column 9, row 5 (5 letters) - Bill sends one through the screen at Graeme (The Movies)
Column 10, row 1 (3 letters) - The Goodies do this to the bank (Goodies In The Nick)
Column 10, row 10 (3 letters) - Classic Goodies song from Goodies In The Nick
Column 12, row 1 (6 letters) - The Goodies ancestors are sold off as these to the BBC (Alternative Roots)
Column 12, row 8 (5 letters) - Graeme plays this instrument as he enters the office (OK Tea Rooms)
(a) Bill (as Justice Once)
(b) The number of years in jail that they are being sentenced to
(c) Goodies In The Nick
(d) A transmitter for the radio station
(e) "Dear Goobies"
(f) The Saucy Gibbon
(g) Parcel Post
(h) "No he bloody wouldn't!"
8    Mastermind Of The Year
7    Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0    Rolf Harris!
- #166:    12th September 2009.
- Sep/Oct: A Collection Of Goodies Themes – Bill's outfits and costumes
- Oct/Nov: Goodies Music Review – I Wish I Could Get High
Updated to C&G 162 (May 2009)
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2009. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail
E-mail <> requesting transfer to the Word mailing list.

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