» Ride My Pony
GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #25 – RIDE MY PONY
(from C&G #131 October 2006)
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to another Goodies Music Review.
Emperor Caligula (aka Brett Allender) and Peaches Stiletto (aka Linda Kay) were still merrily doing the bounce for Britain until it sprang to their attention that they needed to leave the country quickly – Peaches to escape the repressive puppet government (particularly Sooty and his infernal xylophone playing) and the Emperor to escape the barrage of rotten fruit directed at him after his infamous "bad Czechs bouncing" pun! So they set off bouncing around the globe in opposite directions aboard their ambiguously anatomied spacehoppers, and they were going ahead in leaps and bounds until they both reached beautiful Sarth Effriker at the same time and had to pass each other at a zebra crossing. Peaches hopped on the white lines and the Emperor was supposed to bounce on the black ones but somehow they crashed in the middle, knocking each other senseless (it was a very minor collision!) and now we've got no idea where they have hopped off to. The Emperor was last seen being cooked up as human clear soup by the Bu-boom tribe in Sevenoaks (lucky they're not fussy!) while Peaches was sighted in Nepal being bombed by a giant goose … or was she being goosed by a bombed giant?! Who could tell with Eddie Waring commentating?! Anyway like all Goodies episodes (very much!) it doesn't really matter what horrible fate befalls our heroes at the end of an episode because they're always back again in mint condition for the start of the next one, so it's over to Tally Ho Towers and your dismounted DJs for their review of "RIDE MY PONY" by The Goodies.
"Ride My Pony" can be heard on the 1970's album "The Goodies Sing Songs From The Goodies" (later re-released as "The World Of The Goodies") and in the episode "Hunting Pink"
Lyrics:sung by Bill
I've worked the whole week in the city, with a pencil in my hand
And a rolled-up umbrella and a big black bowler hat
But when I get out at the weekend, I slip a horse between my legs
And when I jump into the saddle, well I feel like I'm a superman
Ride ride ride, ride my pony
Ride ride ride, to run over you
Ride ride ride, ride my pony
There ain't nothing that you can do
Oh when you see me come a-hunting, you better hide yourself away
I'm gonna flatten your flowers, gonna wreck your nice white fence
Lock your garden, hide your children, I'm a big bad hunting man
And I havent got a worry, and I haven't got a lick of sense
Ride, ride, ride (REPEAT x3)
[REPEAT FIRST VERSE & CHORUS]
Ride, ride, ride (REPEAT x8)
Life's kind of dull when you're stuck in the big smoke all week, with a pencil and umbrella in your hand rather than something infinitely more interesting like an ill-disciplined penknife, a tomato sauce squirter or a black pudding that you can wreak havoc with. And if you're the horsey type, your only weekday pleasures come from watching reruns of 'Rock Fillies' or 'Ponyrama' with Dobbin Day in the evening, providing that the Royal Family have conveniently taken over the BBC programming department for you. So when the weekend finally comes along, it's time to ditch the suit and bowler hat in favour of the "six foot scarlet lavatory brush" look, head off to see your Uncle Butcher (than most) at Tally Ho Towers, jump aboard a horse, cow or army tank and set off destroying the countryside in the name of hunting to relieve the pressures of city life. Bagging a fox or a rabbit is simply a bonus, as everything is fair game for destruction: fences, vegie gardens, kids … anything that's within range basically. And even if you miss what you're aiming for, you can sing along with this tune until you feel a little hoarse (though you can get locked up for that, y'know!) while if you happen to snuff it from the sheer ecstasy of actually hitting your target, you'll at least be carried back to Tally Ho Towers and promptly mounted (preferably by the wardrobe-clad Honourable Lady Amanda Barrington Phipps Ponsonby Ponsonby etc … the one known to her friends as Big Knockers!)
I'll try to rein in the horsing around in this review and get right to the point, yes sire! This little filly . . . uh, I mean ditty . . . follows the story of a businessman who longs to escape the confines of his stuffy city cubicle and go riding on the weekends. A euphemism for other kinds of horse play perhaps? Get your minds out of the manure, people! You may balk, but whatever activity this gentleman is partaking in he is clearly a rogue. The retribution he must wind up paying innocent country-folk for their broken fences, gardens and whatever else he deems to destroy upon his cantering quadruped must be more than just a few bucks. It just goes to show (or place) how much stress he is saddled with in his weekly work week to make all that hay worthwhile. But maybe this rider should try a new tack? It's a cinch! Instead of making the non-city residents cry foal, he should bring his little horse to work instead. He can pommel his co-workers and boss at the mane office with his irrational riding a bit. Turn about is mare play, after all! Nothing like a bit of dam mucking about to keep the blues at bay!
Without wanting to nag too much, it's all very well having stable employment, but being (fet)locked up in a city office all week in a bowler hat and a suit that isn't tweed is just right ruddy boring. So to escape his rough trot, this not-so-gentle man has decided that whinny gets his weekends free, it makes perfect (horse) sense to gallop off to the countryside and stirrup a pile of trouble, no matter what the neigh-bours might think. He's big, he's bad, he's mad and he's not going to bother jockeying for position either – he and his horse are simply going to (steeple) chase and flatten anything small enough and silly enough to get in their way by the (photo) finish of this suitably inspiring tune. The only mystery is why he bothers waiting until the weekends to slip a horse between his legs before hoofing around the place. Instead he could buy a hulking 4WD vehicle and charge around the city streets with that exact same attitude every day of the week like (hay) stacks of other urban cowboys do, but I suppose that he knows his oats. Time to get off my hobby horse though, and onto a real one instead – saddle do the trick!
Using the Black Pudding Rating System:
III Goody Goody Yum Yum (Peaches Stiletto)
III Goody Goody Yum Yum (Emperor Caligula)
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III - Goody goody yum yum.
II - Fair-y punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.