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GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #15 - PLEASE LET US PLAY
(from C&G #46 October 1999)
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to this month's music review.
WHO?
Your previous host Jammy Breville was just about to pack it in and go home after 18 fruitless days searching for gold, cream and old tins in the wild wild west of Cornwall when the removal of his tent pegs uncorked a gusher of strawberry jam and scones (and no, I'm not going to set off yet another mindless argument about how to pronounce the ruddy things. That's just silly ... we all know that Tim's right! And Graeme ... but not Bill!)
Rather than filling his rucksack and taking a stubborn mule ride back east to enjoy countless tasty morning teas, he foolishly challenged Greedy Graeme to a winner-take-all card game at the OK Tea Rooms in Pennenink, fell for the old "toaster under the table" trick and then got gunned down with a tomato sauce squirter in the Bunfight for good measure. The moral of this story: Butter avoid a sticky situation, or it'll ketchup with you eventually!
And now it's over to the "Goodies - Almost Live" concert and your dancing DJ Pan's Grandpa <AKA Brett Allender> for his splendid rendition of the Festering Ferret, but more importantly a review of "PLEASE LET US PLAY" by The Goodies.
WHERE? WHEN?
On the 1997 CD 'Yum Yum - The Very Best Of The Goodies", the 70's album 'The New Goodies LP' and in episode 6/7 'the Goodies - Almost Live'.
WHAT?
Lyrics: sung by all three Goodies
I want to be a Rock and Roll singer (You?!)
That’s what I’m longing to be (No chance!)
How about you - if you fancy it too
You can accompany me (Yeah)
We’ve not got very good voices (Duh)
But that doesn’t matter a bit
If they let us
then I’m sure we could get us a hit
What a load of rubbish!
Please let us play (No! No! No!)
Please let us play (No! No! No!)
Please let us play (No! No! No!)
Please let us play (No! No! No!)
We don’t want money
Just don’t send us away
I can freak out on my drum kit
I can pick a funky banjo
We’ve got a man who’ll play a hot triangle
Come on everybody lets go! [ding]
We’ve got to get a big time record
It’s gonna get us on the hit parade (Yes, we see)
But anyone who hears us
Covers up their ears and says
“What a load of rubbish!”
Please let us play (No! No! No!)
Please let us play (No! No! No!)
Please let us play (No! No! No!)
Please let us play (No! No! No!)
We don’t want money
Just don’t send us away
Hey, hit me with a heavy guitar
Lay down the brass
Feed me some funky fiddle
Now we’re Rock and Roll singers
Now we are superstars
We look so cute in our beautiful suits
And nobody knows who we are (Ooh)
We’ve still got terrible voices
And we still can’t play, we admit
But everyone who hears us
Stands up and cheers - “it’s a hit!”
What a load of rubbish!
Please let us play (Yes! Yes! Yes!)
Please let us play (Yes! Yes! Yes!)
Please let us play (Yes! Yes! Yes!)
Please let us play (Yes! Yes! Yes!)
We’ve got money
And they don’t send us away
[REPEAT ABOVE CHORUS]
Tim wants to be a rock 'n roll singer, that's what he's longing to be. And with a bit of help from Bill and Graeme, despite them not having very good voices or being able to play anything, he's sure "we can get us a hit" The one fatal flaw to this little plan however is that the audience responds to their plea of "Please let us play" with a resounding "No, no, no!!", despite the lads not wanting money for their efforts, just an opportunity to strut their funky stuff.
With Bill on the drums, Graeme picking the banjo and Tim playing his hot triangle, their hopes of getting a big time record on the hit parade should be on the improve, but the audience cover their collective ears and shout "What a load of rubbish" and an even more emphatic "No, no, no" - a rebuff which would surely reduce Tim to blubbering tears on most occasions. Finally though with the help of some glittering costumes, heavy guitar, swinging brass and funky fiddle, the lads are transformed into superstar rock 'n rollers and despite still having terrible voices, also have their request of "Please let us play." granted with a fervent "Yes, yes, yes." from the crazy crowd.
WHY?
The Goodies previously encountered a similar problem with wanting to become a famous band but not being able to play anything in 'The Stolen Musicians' and solved it with a memorable electric guitar burst of 'Land Of Hope And Glory'- at least until the Music Master sent Gerald to kidnap their pretty glee singers and tell the Goodies that they "ain't good enough!" Four series later and nothing has changed, with an ungrateful audience giving the lads the big thumbs-down at the start of the Almost Live concert. Looking back at the footage nowadays, most of the folks in that studio audience should have been sent away themselves by the fashion police for crimes against good taste in clothing!
There are probably just two chances left for the Goodies to play to an appreciative audience that won't shout for them to be sent away. They could be the follow-up act at a Max Bygraves concert, as all of the audience would be asleep by then anyway (though why anyone would want to turn up to one of his concerts in the first place, other than as a desperate insomnia cure, is rather disturbing really!) The second option would be for the lads to perform at Kitten Kon next Easter, where a plea of "Please let us play" would get a unanimous reply of "YES, YES, YES!!" for sure!
HOW!
Using the black pudding rating system:
MUSIC: III Goody Goody Yum Yum
SINGING/LYRICS: III Goody Goody Yum Yum
HUMOUR: II Fair-y Punkmother
ALL TOGETHER NOW: II 1/2 Fair-y Goodie
THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III - Goody goody yum yum.
II - Fair-y punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.
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