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GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW #13  -  STUFF THAT GIBBON

(from C&G #41  May 1999)

Hi there pop pickers and welcome to this month's music review.

WHO?

Your previous hosts GRRRaeme GRRRden and Mildred Make-Everything-Groovy AaH have become so moved (completely moved, aaaah!) over the rocking rendition of Wild Thing that they have gone off to do something stupid and have entered the Eurovision Raving Loony Contest. For those of you who haven't read the Radio Times (and let's face it, who the hell does!), they have naturally been installed as favourites by Katie Pimple, although they are still holding each other so tight (not quite that tight!) that they could have great trouble winning the "falling down" competition!

And so we return to the headquarters of the Tillingbourne Folk and Madrigal Society where you can varnish your voles, rattle your chickens, rollerskate over your bushbabies and look out for the RSPCA as we join Eammon Old Gibbon Tickler (AKA Brett Allender) and Miss I.M.A. Gibbon, stamp specialist (AKA Alison Bean) and their review of "STUFF THAT GIBBON" by The Goodies.

WHERE? WHEN?

On their 70's album "The Goodies Sing Songs From The Goodies", as a single (with The Goodies Theme on the other side) and in episode 3/4 (#25) "That Old Black Magic".

WHAT?

Lyrics: sung by Graeme on the album version and Bill on the episode version

Take that gibbon by the hand

Listen to the rhythm of the band

Slap him up and down upon the floor

Tickle his feet and hear him giggle

Then unzip him down the middle

Give that gibbon what he's hollerin' for

[CHORUS]

Ohh, stuff that gibbon, ohh, stuff that gibbon

Ohh, stuff that gibbon now!  (*)

Ohh, stuff that gibbon , ohh, stuff that gibbon

Ohh, stuff that gibbon now!  (*)

(* several different phrases - "Hey nonny no", "Fa-la-la-la" and "What for, riddle me" on the episode version and "Yeehaa", "Right on baby" and "Stuff it" on the album version)

Promenade the gibbon round the hall

Bounce him up and down like a rubber ball

Drop him on the floor and trample on his toes

Swing him by the tail from the chandelier

Happy with a hamster in his ear

All he needs is a ferret up his nose

[REPEAT CHORUS]

[Gibbon noises & INSTRUMENTAL BREAK]

Excuse me, can we stuff this one together?

Why surely sir, I'd be obliged

I think you probably will, yes!

[REPEAT SECOND VERSE]

[REPEAT CHORUS]

I.M.A. & Eammon: If your gibbon has stopped being funky, there's only one thing to do according to The Goodies - stuff it! Being the sort of chaps who like to be intensely cruel to animals, The Goodies start by putting on a country music track. Then their orgy of unrestrained, choreographed cruelty can really begin. First they take the gibbon by the hand, then they slap it up and down upon the floor, they tickle its feet and hear it giggle, unzip it down the middle and give it what it's hollering for. A rest perhaps? A cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit? NO WAY! They stuff it good and proper. Right on baby! Then it's time to promenade it around the hall, bounce it around like rubber ball, drop it on floor and trample on its toes, swing it by the tail from the chandelier and shove a hamster in its ear and a ferret up its nose for good measure! And as if that wasn't enough, they make the poor gibbon go through it all again in verse two. What a pack of Chelsea supporters!

WHY?

I.M.A.: Many years ago, when I was still at high school (which wasn't really that long ago now that I think about), I did work experience at one of Adelaide's not so leading advertising agencies. I say not so leading because the recession of the early 90s had been hard on the agency - they'd had to sell the company trandem for a tin of baked beans, their creative team consisted of some guy who'd dropped out of his Arts degree, changed his name to Daaavid, got a job at the agency and bought a succession of late 80s, Ben Elton-style, sparkly suits AND they were left with only one client - the makers of Chicken Cores. Chicken Cores were a short-lived pre-packaged innovation, consisting of small sausages of stuffing designed to make your roast chicken, proper roast chicken and Daaavid's assignment was to tactfully market them - a product that you shoved up an about-to-be-roasted chicken's arse!

And so, on my fourth day, the poor chap, near his wits end, his sweating brow combining with his sparkly suit to make him more like to a disco ball than a copywriter, decided to resort to seeking help from me, the work experience kid. I was happy for the distraction - like most work experience kids I'd spent all of the week photocopying, licking envelopes and making coffee and at this point, I was so close to falling asleep with boredom that a casual observer might have thought I'd been listening to Max Bygraves. Anyway, he explained the problem and behold, I instantly had a solution - change "Stuff That Gibbon" to "Stuff That Chicken". 'Imagine it', I exclaimed dramatically, 'rows and rows of cooks shoving those wretched stuffing sausages up rows and rows of chickens, singing "Ooooh stuff that chicken, ooooh stuff that chicken, ooooh stuff that chicken...NOW!!!".'

He froze, staring at me in horror; his expression told me that I had not single-handedly developed the marketing strategy to catapult the pre-prepared poultry stuffing industry into the limelight, in fact it looked as if he was ready to stuff me. Luckily he had an epileptic fit...and spent the rest of the year in hospital. But he recovered and several years later he managed to sell the concept to Andrew Lloyd Webber for a 7 figure sum. Bastard!!!

Anyway, that was a rather long-winded way of pointing out that 'Stuff That Gibbon' is a very stupid, but rather amusing country music spoof and the reason why Bill Oddie wrote it, was simply to amuse and that he has certainly achieved. Nothing more can be said on the topic, except...Oooooohhhh stuff that gibbon...NOW!!!

Eammon: True to their motto of "Anything, Anytime", these so-called Goodies even manage to run a pretty decent taxidermy service. Not content with carting around a motionless mule in Bunfight, maintaining a mansion full of snap frozen pets in Black And White Beauty and contemplating stuffing a shot Tony Blackburn in Scatty Safari (Tim: "The visitors would notice." Bill: "No they wouldn't. Hardly any difference!"), the lads are happy to sing about going one better and stuffing that gibbon while it's still alive and giggling.

A pair of stuffed gibbons might make a nice marmo-set of ornaments, but the Goodies really need to stop going bananas over primate packing and take up some new hobbies. Like (Graeme) gardening, where they can grow chim-pansies while still tying yellow gibbons round the old oak tree if they wish. Or how about laying on the beach getting an orang-u-tan while frying sausages on their gorilla? Anyway they had better act quickly, as the RSPCA inspectors would go ape over such terrible cruelty and just might find an even more painful place to "stuff that gibbon now" if the Goodies aren't careful! In a possible ba-boon for the Goodies though, the mere sound of this infectious country ditty accompanied by the footage of Tim and Bill dressed as long-haired, white robed virgins chasing Graeme the gibbon all over the countryside in "That Old Black Magic" just might cheer the inspectors up sufficiently for them to for gibbon forget such monkeying around!

HOW!

I.M.A. & Eammon:

MUSIC: III Goody Goody Yum Yum.

SINGING/LYRICS: IIIII Superstar.

HUMOUR: IIII Officially Amazing.

ALL TOGETHER NOW: IIII Officially Amazing.

THE BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM

IIIII - Superstar.

IIII  - Officially amazing.

III   - Goody goody yum yum.

II    - Fair-y punkmother.

I     - Tripe on t' pikelets.