» #36 Nov 1998
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
Issue No. 36 12th November 1998
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
EDITOR: Alison Bean.
CHIEF REVIEWER: Brett Allender.
(SADLY ABSENT) CHIEF SPOTTER:
QUIZMASTER: David McAnally.
Tracey Baird and Jamie Evangelista.
1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
3. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY #11 - The Lost Tribe.
4. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW - Spacehopper.
5. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ - More Goodies brain teasers.
1. BOFFO IDEAS
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. Mail email@example.com with your comments, ideas or suggestions.
Those of your have visited the homepages recently will have noticed that those annoying Geocities adverts aren't popping up on most of the pages. This is due to the new GeoGuides, located at the bottom of each page. The GeoGuides are worth a look as they connect to chat sites and all sorts of other things. In fact we are planning a Goodies chat-a-thon at some time in the near future.
Also coming soon to the homepages are those long awaited new pictures and those even longer awaited back issue C&Gs and with another person to help with homepage maintenance, this may be sooner rather than later.
NEW BIG BUNNIES
We here at the C&G are very pleased to announce the appointment of Brett Allender as Vice President of the club (and t' Grand Master of Ecky Thump) and Tracey Baird as Convention / T-Shirt Coordinator (and Official Legend).
Tracey brings to the role of Convention Coordinator a wealth of convention experience. She has attended many a Red Dwarf convention, including the most recent one, Dimension Jump. And when she wasn't belting out a karaoke version of "The Rimmer Song" and getting Chris Barrie to autograph semi-nude photographs of himself, she was taking notes so that our convention, planned for Easter 2000 (and tentatively titled "Kitten Con") will be "officially amazing". Tracey is also our T-shirt Coordinator and would like to assure those desperate for their very own Goodies tee, that it will be well worth the wait.
As for Brett, upon his recent appointment as the Vice President (and t' Grand Master Of Ecky Thump) of "The Goodies Rule - OK" Fan Club, his first stated aim is to lead a march on t'Parliament in Canberra in "t' day of black puddings" to ecky thump the Liberal Party into oblivion, then introduce his very own GST (the Goodies Summary Tax), along with "an annual government grant, free beer and all the nurses you can...way, hey, hey!".
However his second stated aim of towing his computer outside the five mile limit and setting up a pirate fan club and newsletter ("Today the episode summaries ... tomorrow the world!!", followed by lots of fiendish eye-rolling) has led to the following urgent Radio Goodies broadcast from Alison:
"This is your President speaking. Here is an important announcement. It has been put about by backsliding revisionary paper vice presidents that the Goodies Clarion And Globe is being pirated. This...is a lie! Our glorious newsletter gallantly continues to function! We will get your fan mail through. These are dark days and the black puddings gather around us. But never fear! I pledge that I, your leader, will see you safely through to next month's edition! And now ... A Walk In The "Spotted" section…
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen a Goodie recently, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
THE FURTHER STAGE FROLICS OF TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR
by Tim Brooke-Taylor
I'm doing panto in Guildford this year and next year, starting in March, I'm doing a 16 week tour of The Ladykillers, a new stage version of the film. Slightly oddly I'm doing the Alec Guinness part. It's great film, but I'm not quite sure what it will be like on stage.
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE
The new series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue", is expected to air sometime in the next month, we'll let you know when.
PLEASURE AT HER MAJESTY'S
by Jamie Evangelista
I just picked up a copy of Critic's Choice Video Magazine, and noticed that they've got copies of "At Her Majesty's Pleasure" for sale. This is good news for American members of the club, since I noticed that in the description of the show it's mentioned that besides "...Monty Python performing the infamous 'Parrot Sketch' and more of their priceless bits..." it's also got "...a musical performance by the Goodies and much more!" Something about the way it's phrased causes me to think that they mentioned that because they assumed The Goodies were a pop music group at one time...which they were, in a way.
This is a sort of breakthrough, because I've never seen The Goodies mentioned in a mainstream American video catalogue ever before.
American members can find the Critic's Choice video catalogue online at http://www.ccvideo.com. I'm specifying that this is a good source for American members of the club because I really don't know if CC video sells PAL format videos or not.
LAUGH FM - BACK FOR MORE
Those in Melbourne will be glad to hear that Laugh 89.9 FM is back from 23rd November to 13th December. Last time round the Laugh FM play-list included Goodies songs and clips from I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. Let's hope for more of the same.
THE GOODIES FACT FILE
Still available from the makers of Laugh Magazine (and Laugh FM) is The Goodies Fact File by Matthew K. Sharp. Featuring an episode guide, discography, videography and bibliography plus guides to I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again, Broaden Your Mind and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, it's a bargain at $6 or 3 pounds sterling.
To order your copy write to:
c/o P.O. Box 394
c/o 52 Pembury Avenue
Surrey KT4 8BT
c/o 143 Arlington Avenue
3. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY #11
For those of you unacquainted with Goodies-L, Brett Allender, email@example.com had been regularly posting to the list, summaries and reviews of each Goodies episode. And we thought they were so good that we decided to publish one each month. Here's this month's:
THE LOST TRIBE
Episode 4, Series 2.
First transmitted 22nd October 1971.
The Goodies are freezing inside their office, thanks to Graeme's failed attempts to get a nuclear reactor heater working and even the computer's solution of a nice hot cup of tea soon ices up as well. They are determined not to do any more charity jobs, but the next client is a rather broke (and very shapely) young lass named Hazel who is looking for her lost father; a Professor who vanished 20 years ago in search of the Lost Tribe Of The Orinoco (although she thought that he was in the potting shed until yesterday!).
His diary had been sent to her and was filled in up until the precise moment that he had disappeared, so the Goodies decide to follow his exact movements (right down to walking in the same circles and doing butterfly impressions before falling over and going mad!), lured by the promise of going to a warmer climate. Hazel is initially left behind, as women always sprain their ankles on explorations, but she soon catches up with them (as their tent in the wild is right beside a bus stop!). She takes the best sleeping quarters in Graeme's TARDIS-like expanding tent and leaves the Goodies to share a giant scout sleeping bag (complete with scout and young partner!).
Tim is quite disgusted with the thought of sharing a sleeping bag with Bill, but Graeme makes himself at home with a canvas table, clock and television.Their attempts to treat Hazel as 'one of the boys' soon come unstuck when she drifts by in her lingerie. Three heads come up and Graeme remarks "One of the boys just went through!" before they all collapse in a quivering mess (really sexist stuff indeed!)
When morning arrives early (thanks to Graeme's remarkable clock), they set off again and after they try a new route (through thick jungle right beside a busy motorway), survive a close encounter with a rogue sheep and take turns to carry each other (Bill just can't wipe the smug smirk off his face when being carried by Hazel!), they reach the point where the Professor disappeared. Rather than the South American jungle, they find themselves in deepest, darkest Sevenoaks in Kent, but the tribal souvenirs in the craft shop windows and the sound of the jungle drums from the bushes in the park point the way to the Professor and the lost Bu-boom tribe.
The Professor reveals that he is in fact Professor Nuts, the educated comic (hence Hazel keeping quiet about her surname!) and he had sought out the Bu-boom tribe because they were the only people left in the world who hadn't heard his rotten jokes (bu-boom!). Hazel wants to stay with her father, but the Goodies want to get out, especially as the tribe's witchdoctor wants to sacrifice them, offers a sip of firewater (petrol!), then even more worryingly makes a pass at Tim! The reason for the Lost Tribe Of The Orinoco being in Sevenoaks was that they got lost (bu-boom!), but Tim declares that they are illegal immigrants and should be reported to the authorities, which angers the witchdoctor sufficiently to demand that they be eaten!
Tim and Bill go into the cooking pot, but Graeme escapes by offering to compere a recipe session for human clear soup (to the cries of "two faced traitor" and "four eyes" from the others). As it is clear soup, the meat (Tim and Bill) is thrown out, so the Goodies escape and head for home, but wake up feeling even more frozen than ever. It was dark when they had pitched their tent and when the icy wind blows it away, they find that Bill's navigating has put them in the middle of the Himalayas.
* Graeme: "But the South American jungle is no place for a little gal"
Hazel : "I'm not a little girl. I'm a mature woman"
Graeme (eyeing her off with a fiendish cackle): "That's all right then!"
* Graeme unfolds a canvas television set out in the middle of nowhere and switches it onto a BBC program. Bill scornfully tells him that a canvas TV can't work, as it's scientifically impossible. Graeme replies "Oh yes. So it is. Damn!", turns it off in disgust and folds it away!
* Tim tries to lay a board across a creek, but does a bellywhacker into the water to the applause of a crowd of people on a nearby bridge. He defiantly motions to them to sod off, then wipes the tears from his eyes.
* The exploration party hears rustling sounds in the bushes, Hazel screams and Tim bravely goes to investigate. He is stomped upon by a high-leaping loony feral sheep, but after a mighty tussle he punches it in the head and flings it through the air, bowling over Bill and Graeme in the process. The sheep gets some measure of revenge shortly after when it swings from a rope Tarzan-style and shirtfronts an unsuspecting Bill.
* Graeme cooking human clear soup for the lost tribe, especially where he takes a huge gulp of red wine and leans on an imaginary wall, falling sideways to the ground in a drunken stupor.
Roy Kinnear, Bridget Armstrong, Olu Jacobs
Such A Long Way To Go
Beanz Meanz Heanz - "Tea Time"
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
A pretty thin episode padded out by a lot of rather sexist prattle with some racist stereotyping thrown in towards the end for good measure. Borderline 'tripe on t' pikelets' only saved in my opinion by Tim's hilarious battle with the loony feral sheep.
BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM
IIII Officially amazing
III Goody goody yum yum
II Fair-y punkmother
I Tripe on t' pikelets
4. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW
Hi there pop pickers and welcome to this month's music review.
Your royal pains from October, Cheeky Charlie Mini Mudflaps and Young Her, Annie "Naff Off" Windsor were invited to Southampton for the relaunch of the Goodies' Viking craft which is once again searching for the Lost Island Of Munga (or at least, what's left of it after the most recent series of French nuclear tests a couple of years ago!) and the latest word is that Young Her, Annie is still swinging drunkenly from the champagne magnum (a special 25th anniversary re-enactment event!) while Cheeky Charlie has been taken along for the ride so that his ears can be commissioned as outboard motor propellers if the Goodies get sick of rowing!
Meanwhile let's cue to studio two for this month's review by your dizzy DJ's Hopalong Charity (AKA Brett Allender) and Alanis "Fluffy" Freeperson (AKA Alison Bean) of "SPACEHOPPER" by The Goodies.
On their '70's album "The Goodies Sing Songs From The Goodies" and in episode 2/12 (#20) 'Charity Bounce'
Hopalong: The Goodies usually have an aversion to travelling very far outside their "Land Of Hope And Glory", especially Tim who frequently cans "wops, frogs, krauts and dagos" in his patriotic speeches. However the lure of the charity dollar is sufficient to send each of them bouncing their way around the world aboard a leisure and pleasure icon of the 70's - the humble spacehopper. While the episode itself hardly has any bounce at all, the Spacehopper song is a brilliant blast of lively lyrics, heavy strumming and ferally fruity brass which certainly would not have been out of place near the top of the mainstream hit parade as a high quality "serious" pop song.
Alanis: From the excitement capital of the world - Adelaide, er, Cricklewood - they came. Three men, with something to prove. Dressed as toothpaste tubes and bouncing up and down on orange rubber things. What a way to travel! What a way to see the world! What a way to fall off and injure yourself in the name of charity! But more importantly, what a song! This song is great - go out there people and allow at least two of your six senses to indulge in this rocky, hoppy, boppy ditty, combining the choicer elements of brass, electric guitar and Bill Oddie's vocal chords, with a side order of piano for good measure. You won't regret it, for this is the kind of song that makes you bop up and down with the anarchic grace of its subject and there ain't nothing wrong with that.
Hopalong: In the 'Charity Bounce' episode, the Goodies claim to be bouncing around the world on inflated chunks of orange rubber for the good of the 'Grieving Grannies' fund, but their real reason for getting the hell out of Britain pronto is a threat by Max Bygraves, Des O'Connor and Val Doonican to form 'The Three Tirers' and send the whole country to sleep quicker than 'New Improved Snooze'! However they find to their disgust that France is (dis)graced by the legendary Charles Aznovoice, the Australian outback is infested by a plague of heavy breathing, wobbleboard-playing Rolf Harrises and that the bright lights of America are positively dazzling due to the glow reflecting from the Osmond family's teeth! To make matters worse, because the earth is round rather than flat, they merely end up "coming back" home again to Max and Co, getting ripped off by the unscrupulous Mr Sparklypegs and suffering the worst cases of "numbus bummus" that their physician has ever seen, but at least they deliver us a superbly funky song along the way!
Alanis: People often associate drugs with the late 60s and early 70s and fair enough too, because a lot of people did take drugs then (or at least the press thought so). And when you consider the lyrics of Spacehopper at length, you would not be drawing to long a bow to wonder whether the lyricist (Bill Oddie, of course) had not indulged in a touch of the old "mind expanding sherbet" at some point during the writing process. The guy think he's a spacehopper for flip's sake! He explains, several times, that he is bouncing round the world, to do some things, see some stuff, have it smooth and have it rough, coz there's something on his mind and he's your spacehopper and he's gunna bounce right back to you, like a rubber ball. No doubt about, definite drug influence there and certainly a new spin on the phrase "tripped out", but hey, it's whatever turns you on, man.
Using the Black Pudding Ratings System:
MUSIC: Hopalong: IIIII Superstar; Alanis: IIIII Superstar.
SINGING: Hopalong: IIII Officially Amazing; IIIII Superstar.
HUMOUR: Hopalong and Alanis: Unfair to rate it, as it's sung as a serious pop song (well, as serious as a song about bouncing around the world on a spacehopper can be anyway!)
ALL TOGETHER NOW: Hopalong: IIIII Superstar; Alanis: IIIII Superstar.
* Next month we review "SHE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND" *
5. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ
by quizmaster David McAnally firstname.lastname@example.org
1. Where was the beanstalk planted in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk" and where did it grow to?
2. What famous radio show is commemorated on the wall of the BBC studio in "Chubbie Chumps"?
3. Tim was the belle of the Trendsetters' Ball in "Rock Goodies". Why was this so, and who did it to him?
4. Why were all three Goodies too tall in "Snow White 2"?
ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH'S QUESTIONS
1. Why did the Music Master arrange for the entertainers to be kidnapped in "The Music Lovers"?
A: He wanted to be the only person in the world to turn out 'hit' records.
2. In "Gender Education", what is Button's friend's name?
3. When the Goodies represented Britain in It's a Knockout in "The Goodies and the Beanstalk", what were the nationalities of the two rival three-man teams - and how were these opposing teams disposed of?
A: German and Italian. The Italians suffered a sad 'falling out' among themselves, at the very beginning of the competition - and shot one another - and, in so doing, took themselves out of the contest. This left only the German team to oppose the Goodies. Tim rectified this situation by causing the Germans to fall into a small-sized swimming pool full of piranha fish. Two of the Germans were eaten by the piranha fish (leaving only skeletons), while the third was knocked out when he was hit, on the head, by a coconut thrown at him by 'Man Friday', on 'Robinson Crusoe Island' - thereby effectively ending the Germans active participation in the competition.
4. What was the favourite musical instrument of the aliens in "U-Friend or UFO?"
A: The trombone.
Gawd we're knackered, still, there's time to do the ironing!
The C&G Team.
This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 1998). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com