» #40 Apr 1999
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
Issue No. 40 12th April 1999
THE LADS AND LASS OF THE C&G
CONTRIBUTORS: James Bernie, Phil Wadey, Troy Johns, Ashley White, Darryl White
1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
3. PIRATE POST OFFICE - Your questions and opinions
4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - #16 Farm Fresh Food
5. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ - More Goodies brain teasers.
6: THE END
1. BOFFO IDEAS
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com with your comments, ideas or suggestions.
GOODIES T-SHIRTS FOR YOU AND YOU AND YOU ...
You can now order your very own Goodies T-shirt via The Goodies Rule OK. Visit one of the above websites for all of the ordering details.
THE GOODIES RULE - OK! AT MULTIVERSE
by Alison Bean
Several weekends ago Brett, Tracey and I hopped on the trandem and cycled down to Multiverse's 'Weekend With Richard Hatch' to plug the club, flog some t-shirts and books and generally do good to people. Despite the largely sci-fi crowd, we are happy to report that it was a successful weekend for the club, with many sales made and lots of flyers handed out to potential members, many of whom have now joined the club.
On the Sunday, people escaped the 'wee bit parky' conditions of the foyer to hear us babble on about our fave show for an hour and show some classic clips. Sadly this degenerated into an attempted two person Funky Gibbon dance off and as a result the participants are now recuperating at Dr Graeme Garden's Loony Farm. Several people who viewed the video evidence are understood to have run from their televisions screaming 'I'm A Teapot' and were last seen trying to tow Australia outside the five mile limit.
Oh and before I forget, on the Saturday we held...
THE FIRST OFFICIAL MEETING OF THE GOODIES RULE - OK!
In attendance at the meeting were 14 club members, who voted unanimously on the following motions:
1. That The Goodies Rule - OK! should become an incorporation, enabling us legally to hold events such as conventions.
2. That all future directions of The Goodies Rule - OK! Incorporated be decided by a committee, consisting of a President, Vice President, Treasurer, Secretary, Projects Officer and three General Committee Members, one of whom acts as the Public Officer.
3. That the first committee of The Goodies Rule - OK! was elected as follows:
PRESIDENT: Alison Bean,
VICE PRESIDENT - Brett Allender,
TREASURER - Richard Nolan,
SECRETARY- Liz Headland,
PROJECTS OFFICER - Tracey Baird,
PUBLIC OFFICER/GENERAL COMMITTEE MEMBER
- Tom Marwede,
GENERAL COMMITTEE MEMBER - Ben Evans,
GENERAL COMMITTEE MEMBER - Nick McCarthy
4. That the committee is re-elected every year at the Annual General Meeting, except for this year's AGM.
5. That a constitution be written to legally enable us to become incorporated which includes the fundamental points in our present constitution.
6. That two tiers of membership be established, Members, who receive all the benefits of the current club such as free membership and monthly newsletter and Financial Members, who have the right to vote for the committee, be elected to the committee and receive special things in return for an annual fee.
7. That the committee has the right to establish other non-committee positions in the club. So far the following positions have been established:
TECHNICAL OFFICER - Tim Aslat,
U.K. REPRESENTATIVE - David Balston,
U.S. REPRESENTATIVE - Marf Shopmyer,
In addition to the above, all those who attended the meeting discussed ideas for the upcoming convention - Kitten Kon. These ideas have been noted and will be used by the committee in the planning process. The evening was rounded off with pizza and drinkies, consumed whilst enjoying some classic Goodies episodes and other cult TV favourites.
Many thanks to all those who attended the meeting, especially Tracey who hosted the meeting and very kindly put me up and put up with me for the weekend.
'YUM YUM' CD'S APLENTY IN SYDNEY
by James Bernie
HMV in Sydney (Pitt St Mall) has a decent number of copies of "YUM YUM - The Very Best of the Goodies".
I'm not too sure if any of the other stores have copies, but it may be of use to those in Sydney at least who want to get a copy. It is about AUS$20 from memory.
THE SOUNDS OF GOODYNESS
For those of you who have sound cards on your computer and would like to download (or just listen to) lots of classic quotes and songs from a wide range of Goodies episodes, we highly recommend that you check out "The Goodies Unofficial Australian Site" at http://www.effect.net.au/SO . The site has also recently been updated to include even more Goodies classics like Wild Thing, Cactus In My Y-Fronts, Working The Line, "Turps for burps", Bill saying "Knickers" to Desiree Carthorse and heaps of other memorable clips.
Even if you don't have a sound card, there are also lots of excellent photos, song lyrics and an episode guide to check out as well. There is a link to the site from the Goodies Rule - OK site, and we congratulate Sean on the huge amount of effort that he has put into creating such a great resource of Goodies material.
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen a Goodie recently, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
TIM THE LADYKILLER
Tim's latest starring role is in a stage version of "The Ladykillers", in which he plays the character of Professor Marcus. The remaining tour dates for "The Ladykillers" are as follows:
12th April, Gordan Craig Theatre, Stevenage.
26th April to 1st May, Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, Guildford.
3rd May, Theatre Royal, Plymouth.
10th May, His Majesty's Theatre, Aberdeen.
17th May, Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne.
24th May, Marlowe Theatre, Canterbury.
31st May, Everyman Theatre, Cheltenham.
7th June, Richmond Theatre, Richmond.
14-19th June, The Hexagon, Reading.
22nd June, Grand Theatre, Blackpool.
At this point, Tim will be leaving the play, however there are further performances at the following venues:
28th June, Connaught Theatre, Worthing.
5th July, Lyceum Theatre, Crewe.
12th July, Civic Theatre, Parlington.
19th July, Cliffs Pavilion, Southend-On-Sea.
26th July, Theatre Royal, Bath.
IN CONVERSATION WITH ...... TIM AND GRAEME.
by David Balston
I went along to the recording of 'In Conversation With...." The bad news was that Dave Allen couldn't attend as he had to go to a funeral, but comedian Phil Jupitus saved the day by coming along at short notice to be the subject of the first interview. Then came Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor and the great news is that the web site got a mention. Interviewer Paul Jackson, talking about the huge Australian fan following, mentioned that there was a terrific web site devoted to The Goodies and Tim said that the internet fan club is run by very keen twenty-somethings (that's me missed out then - sob sob) but insisted that we're in no way anoraks, but very intelligent and interesting people. Paul wanted to mention the address on the show but none of them had it to hand so he said to look up 'The Goodies Rule OK'.
The other great thing to come out of the interview was when the issue of repeats came up. Paul mentioned that The Goodies gained new audiences when UK Gold launched with The Goodies but Tim replied that The Goodies always seems to get shown at the birth of new channels which have failed to get an significant audience share and what they really want is a BBC repeat to gain a new generation of fans like so many shows have done. Paul had already stated that The Goodies was a ground breaking series paving the way for a new style of comedy, he regrets that he never worked on The Goodies but was at the BBC when the series was in production and everyone knew because all the stops were pulled out for the special effects.
Paul definitely appears to be a fan and is seriously looking into the possibility of repeating the show, he's already found out that it would be "cheap" and is waiting for an anniversary or an excuse for a theme night. Paul Jackson suggests that anyone keen on repeats of The Goodies should write into the BBC and let them know and the studio audience were definitely very keen on that idea. Now the seeds have been planted in this man's head I'm sure he will follow through as he seems like a top bloke, after all he was involved in some of the best comedy of recent years and is now BBC controller of light entertainment - a job he claims he took purely so he could listen to 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' before transmission - so that show is assured of a healthy future too.
The show interviewed Tim and Graeme (it was mainly Tim who did the talking) about their start at Cambridge University and their involvement (or lack of it) in the Footlights. It looked at their careers onto I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again (which started life as Cambridge Circus) with Graeme coming on board to replace Graham Chapman who had professional commitments. The show moved onto their early TV shows such as 'Broaden Your Mind', which Tim and Graeme were most upset no longer exist because the tapes were wiped and reused to save the BBC a few pennies, but somehow the Australian fans have unearthed audio recordings. Due to the 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again' team's increasing commitments it was decided that maybe they could do a version of without a script, and that became 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue'. The show ended by charting the duo's career up to the present day with Graeme and Tim's appearance in 'If I Ruled The World' and they played that clip of Tim stating that it's time for The Goodies to be repeated.
The show will be broadcast in a 6.30pm time slot later this year!
DO GO ON GRAYBAGS
Graeme Garden featured in the first of a six part radio comedy series with Griff Rhys Jones. "Do Go On" is a spoof discussion series that proves that the media doesn't matter one jot. Graeme played Professor Wim Van Dyke and the show went out on Thursday 1st April at 11pm on Radio 4.
IF GRAEME RULED THE WORLD
The second series of 'If I Ruled The World' (starring Graeme Garden as a regular panelist) concluded on 26th March 1999.
There was a further Goodies reference in the episode recorded on March 19th, which was noted by both David Balston and Phil Wadey. In the question and answer round, Graeme was asked the question "Who was the star of the TV series 'The Goodies?" Graeme replied "I suppose that bloody kitten!" Clive Anderson replied "the answer I've got on the card is Bill Oddie." That's a bit tough, Clive - all three Goodies were undisputably the stars of the show (plus that "bloody kitten" and numerous other crazy creatures, of course!)
ISIHAC BACK SOON
The recording dates for the upcoming series of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' (starring Tim and Graeme) are as follows:
Sunday 25th April - The Yvonne Arnold Theatre, Guildford, Surrey - SOLD OUT ALREADY
Sunday 9th May - Theatre Royal, Plymouth - 01752 267222
Sunday 13th June - Theatre Royal, Nottingham - 0115 989 5555
GOODIES WEBPAGE AT THE BEEB
by Phil Wadey
Yes sorry, it's a long web address but that's the link the BBC have just put on www.comedyzone.beeb.com today for a Goodies page. On the page there's an audio and a video clip (from Goodies And The Beanstalk)
GRAEME CANNOT BE SERIOUS
On Monday 29th March for some strange reason known only to the BBC, they shelved their edition of the comedy compilation show 'You Cannot be Serious' looking at religion, maybe due to the Northern Ireland agreement nearing its deadline (strange, they had a show about war last week, and we are at war!) and replaced it with a show about politics, hosted by our very own Graeme Garden.- even better than that a couple of clips were shown of the episode 'Politics'. Graeme hosted it as a politician on the campaign trail. Graeme seems to be making a career out of being a politician. This was followed by the final episode of 'If I Ruled The World', no mention has been made of a third season yet so maybe we should start asking the appropriate people to ensure it comes back. It's been doing quite well in the ratings, it was number 8 in the BBC2 ratings for the week of 15-21st February getting 3.82 million viewers.
BILL ODDIE ON MERRICK AND ROSSO?
Bill Oddie was Merrick and Rosso's guest last week on their popular JJJ afternoon program. He did a three minute phone interview and mentioned us and the fact that The Goodies has not been repeated on British television for a disgracefully long time. Bill Oddie's appearance followed a previous segment on the show where the Aussie comedy duo gave a friend the challenge of finding Bill Oddie. Their friend began by ringing the BBC (as you do), who apparently gave him the number of "Tim Brooke-Taylor's stylist". "Tim Brooke-Taylor's stylist" then suggested he try a bird watching organisation, whereupon he rang the Royal Australiasian Ornithological Union, who gave him the number of the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds. Sadly the RSPB only had their answering machine on, so he left a message, which Bill appears to have got!
Many thanks to Ashley White, whose Goodies-L posting was very helpful in the preparation of this article, and to Darryl White for the following posting too:
"Further to that, I was speaking to a friend today and found out exactly why they were talking to him. Apparently on Good Friday they gave Peter Hellier the task of tracking down Bill Oddie (they give him a challenge every week), with the only clues being he's British, he's got a beard and is into birdwatching and that was it, obviously he did a good job in doing it!
Apparently Bill was talking about how someone literally died of laughter watching the Goodies once (I've heard that somewhere before, can't remember where now...) and talked about Eckythump. I usually listen to Merrick and Rosso driving home from work but I didn't leave until after it had been on Friday night, doh!"
3. PIRATE POST OFFICE
Following an excellent suggestion by Troy Johns, this section of the C&G in future issues will be devoted to readers comments, opinions and questions. So if you'd like to have something to say about the C&G, the fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, then drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com. Your contribution may be kept anonymous if preferred, however fans of ISIHAC (and particularly Mornington Crescent) are warned that any letters from a "Mrs Trellis of North Wales" will be duly fed to the sheep (or the hamsters!)
EDITOR'S NOTE: From this month onwards, the Episode Summaries and Music Reviews will appear in alternate issues of the C&G. The May edition will feature a music review of 'STUFF THAT GIBBON'
4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY no 16
by Brett Allender
FARM FRESH FOOD
Series 2 - Episode 9
First screened: 10th December 1971
Tim and Graeme arrive home famished from a hard day's work being a Goodie (as Graeme does a mini-Snooze routine with automated slippers, drink, pipe and paper ready in no time) and Bill has cooked them a healthy meal of completely brown food (including brown milk and lettuce!). The main course consists of one-third of a nutritious sultana each, seaweed salad and a pot of soil washed down with a glass of plankton, so not surprisingly they all decide to go out for some fine British cuisine instead.
Ye Olde Shepherds Cottage Restaurant supposedly serves the finest British farm produce, but instead dishes up all sorts of disgustingly tasteless canned, frozen and processed food which is the result of the latest production techniques. Tim suggests visiting his Uncle Tom's farm for some proper fresh farm food and they cycle out into the countryside dressed in frocks like simple country folk (much to the bemusement of the normally attired Uncle Tom when he eventually meets them).
They find that his 'farm' is mainly a room filled with computers and farm chores such as milking and shearing are done automatically by pushing a button on the control panel. The animals are all kept in battery pens and various experiments are being carried out to produce mutations such as square eggs and boneless chickens. The Goodies are given a list of chores to do and work hard as they blow up the hens, milk butter from the cows, turn pigs into sausages and herd duck pies.
After more than four days, they are absolutely starving, but are too revolted to eat any of the awful farm produce. Graeme sacrifices a good piece of steak by letting his 'yummy meter' computer eat it just to prove a bleedingly obvious scientific theory that the farm food is no good, which causes Bill to flip his wig and attempt to sink his teeth into a chicken in despair.
They decide to put an end to Uncle Tom's foul food by stopping the demand for it and get their chance when Ye Olde Shepherds Cottage requires some extra waiters. After changing the wiring to feed gunpowder to the hens, concrete to the cows and rubber to the bullocks, they serve up food which explodes, pies which run around on the plate and steaks which stretch to the size of a tablecloth. The customers all either faint or leave in disgust and both the Ye Olde Shepherd and Uncle Tom's battery farm are soon put out of business.
After ten days of famine, Bill is ready to sacrifice the first happy naturally grown chicken, but is stopped by Uncle Tom who has seen the light (and actually seen his animals, after having them in cages for 25 years). He had always wanted to be a zookeeper and now wants to look after 'Esmerelda' and his other animals by playing them music and feeding them fresh country produce, much to the horror of the ravenous Goodies. To placate their demands for food, Uncle Tom puts the Goodies in the battery enclosures and feeds them grain, which leads to loud clucking noises and three big eggs sliding out the chutes below.
* Waiter: "We at Ye Olde Shepherds Cottage do guarantee that the food we serve is prepared by experts."
Graeme: "Cordon bleu chefs ?" Waiter: "Nobel prize chemists!"
* Tim: "Come on, we're leaving" Waiter: "But, your sweet Sir..."
Tim (flattered): "Ooh, thank you very much! But we're still leaving." (look of bemused revulsion from the waiter)
* Uncle Tom (regarding the waiters jobs): "You'll get four quid a day and your meals thrown in."
Tim: "You mean thrown up!"
* The Goodies vigorously shaking one of Uncle Tom's wheeled cows above their heads before milking it to produce pre-wrapped butter, with the poor beast slowly keeling over sideways after its ordeal!
* Bill dressed in farm gear herding a flock of waddling duck pies
* Their stint as waiters at the restaurant after sabotaging feeding operations at the farm, with food blowing up in customers faces, a pie walking around on the plate causing an old dear to collapse with shock and various other disasters occuring, forcing diners to flee and Ye Olde Shepherd to go out of business
John Le Mesurier, Frank Thornton, Andrea Lawrence, Reg Turner
Needed, Down On The Farm
Gloscalp Dandruff Control, I Like The Men Who Like The Beer
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
A good offering with some funny visual scenes and quotes backed up by some very catchy music and fine guest star roles.
III Goody goody yum yum
BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM
IIII Officially amazing
III Goody goody yum yum
II Fair-y punkmother
I Tripe on t' pikelets
Whack the diddle-o blue! Pull up a jumbuck and take the weight off ya billabongs 'coz THE GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES book is hot off the presses! Even thicker than the SleepalongaMax volume 98 record collection and far easier to comprehend than Eddie Waring's rugby scores, THE GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES is jam packed with gibbon-loads of Goody things such as:
* detailed summaries for each of the 75 episodes of the show (including fully revised versions of the first 10 summaries printed in the newsletters)
* the lyrics of some classic Goodies songs.
* heaps of cool photos from actual episodes and publicity sessions.
* an episode guide/contents page and signed author's introduction.
* alphabetical indexes of guest stars, songs and mock advertisements.
Each book is spiral bound with a plastic cover and costs $20 plus postage.
More information can be obtained from
http://thegoodies.oztek.com.au/summary.html and details of how to place orders can be obtained by e-mailing Brett Allender at firstname.lastname@example.org All profits from the book will go towards the staging of Kitten Con, our Goodies Convention in 2000. So why not be a sport and do yourself and the club a favour by ordering your copy of THE GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES today. You know it makes sense!
5. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ
by quizmaster David McAnally
1: What succeeded in warming up the Goodies in "Winter Olympics" when they came inside the igloo shivering and complaining of the cold?
2: What was so unusual about the events in "Winter Olympics"?
3: Camelot had a dancing....?
4: Why was the archery contest so uneven in "Camelot"?
Answers in next month's edition; meanwhile here are the solutions to last month's quiz questions:
1: What were the Goodies put into, during "Camelot", when they had the fruit thrown at them?
2: How does the following utterance, by Graeme, in "Camelot" finish? 'But, sally forth, we must, my friends, an end to all your nagging, For I have spied a maiden fair, attacked by a ......'?
3: When Caroline Kook married the Goodies, in their punk episode, "Rock Goodies", which Goody got which part?
A: Tim got Caroline Kook's 'hand' in marriage; Graeme got her 'upper half'; and the 'rest of her' went to a delighted Bill.
4. The Loch Ness Monster has made appearances in two separate Goodies' episodes. "Scotland" was one - what was the other?
Well that's yet another C&G eckythumped with a black pudding, so again we'll finish with some material from I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue (ISIHAC), which features Tim and Graeme as regular panelists, along with Barry Cryer and various guest panelists since Willie Rushton sadly passed away.
These were some of the ideas from the panel a couple of years back for "songs likely to be popular with dog lovers":
(Barry) "If I was a bitch man ... poodle oodle oodle oodle ... that comes from Fiddler On The Woof!"
(Willie) "Pekinese up Mother Brown."
(Graeme) "Daydream Retriever ... by the Mongrels."
(Barry) "Favourite groups include the Pointer Sisters, Vet Vet Vet and There's A Good Boyzone!"
(Tim) "Making Whoopsy!"
(Willie) "Good Collie Miss Molly"
(Barry) "They're rushing out to buy the new Beagles Anthology featuring Hey Chewed ...!"
(Tim) "Are they going to do Oh Mr Postman?!"
(Graeme) "They're doing Labrador Rigby!"
(Barry) "A Little Whelp From My Friends by Joe Cocker. Tom Bones singing My My My Rottweiler!"
(Graeme) "Pitbulls ... pitbulls who need pitbulls"
(Barry) "I want to sit right down and breed myself a setter!"
And so in the words of ISIHAC chairman Humphrey Lyttelton: "As the loose bowelled pigeon of time swoops low over the tourist of destiny and the unlicensed minicab of fate gets lost in the one way system of eternity", we notice that it's the end of the C&G.
Oh, and if you've been looking for a copy of the slightly elusive CD "Yum Yum - The Very Best Of The Goodies" (and can't get to HMV in Sydney as mentioned earlier) we here at The Goodies Rule - OK! may be able to help. Next month you will be able to bid for this and other items, all of which have been autographed by Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden, in our VIRTUAL AUCTION. All will be revealed in next month's C&G, so do, do, do the funky gibbon until we return on May 12th
The C&G Team.
This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 1999). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com