» #79 Jul 2002
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
Issue No. 79 15th July 2002
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'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 325
Chadstone VIC 3148, AUSTRALIA
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
- Brett Allender
- Lisa Manekofsky
- David Balston
- Alison Bean
COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER
- Linda Kay
- Daniel Bowen
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY – Kung Fu Kapers
6. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #8
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "That buckin' bronco broke my buckin' back!"
(a) Which Goodie made this quote?
(b) Which Goodies song is this quote from?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "The New Office"
(d) How long do the builders take to "renovate" the Goodies' old office?
(e) What is the name of the real estate agency that rips the Goodies off?
(f) What sort of building is their new office?
(g) Which of the Goodies' favourite targets appears on Bill's punching bag?
(h) What sort of creatures does the new office come under attack from?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
2. BOFFO IDEAS
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <firstname.lastname@example.org> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
Following last month's tale of trials and tribulations with Spamcop, I'd like to sincerely thank everyone who contacted me personally for your support - it is very much appreciated!
Also many thanks to everyone who took the time to cast a vote on the website poll about future distribution methods for the C&G. Seeing as Rolf Harris moves a bit too slowly, what with that extra leg and all, to deliver the C&G around the world (and we don't really want to set off another plague of the blighters!), it looks like website-based e-mail distribution is the way to go.
Tim is currently setting up just such a list so everything should be in readiness by the time that the August edition hits the presses and I'll send out further information about it shortly.
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <email@example.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
(by Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 19th June)
For those of you who can't get hold of Goodies videos I've spotted them for sale in two places this week:
London: Both videos are available from HMV, Oxford Street (between Oxford Circus and Tottenham Court Road tube stations) for £6.99.
Internet: Both videos are available from the ABC Shop Online (http://shop.abc.net.au/ ), the Kitten Kong video is $24.95 and the Beanstalk video is $29.95. The ABC Shop Online will ship from Australia to anywhere in the world, international customers do not have to pay the Goods and Services Tax (GST) which saves 10% (?) off the purchase price.
It's also worth trying your local ABC Shop, I've saw Goodies videos in the Adelaide ABC Shop several months ago. Borders in Adelaide had them too.
4. 2001 AND A BIT
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <firstname.lastname@example.org> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
* A new series of "The Motion Show", hosted by Graeme Garden, is scheduled to begin on Thursday 4th July at 18:30 on BBC Radio 4. Here's the listing from DigiGuide: "Graeme Garden hosts the comic debating series. Gyles Brandreth, Steve Punt, Gary Bushell and Gina Yashere meet in a titanic clash of words and wit."
Please remember that Radio 4 shows can be heard on-line by following the links at www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 . I don't know yet if the show will be available via Radio 4's "Listen Again" feature (which allows you to play audio on demand for a week after the original broadcast). The station has only recently begun adding comedy and drama shows to the Listen Again service so it's best not to assume that "The Motion Show" will be available in that format.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 24th June)
* On the repeat front, the episode of "Murder Most Horrid" with Graeme Garden is scheduled to air on the satellite station BBC Prime on Wednesday 26th June at 21:00. Also, Bill Oddie's episode of "Fun at the Funeral Parlour" is being repeated yet again, this time on BBC 2W (Digital) on Friday 28th June starting at 21:15.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 24th June)
* The following listing appears in DigiGuide:
Through the Keyhole
Time: 12:30 to 13:00 (30 minutes long).
When: Tuesday 9th July on BBC 1
David Frost challenges a panel of celebrities to identify two well-known personalities by peeping into their homes with the help of Lloyd Grossman, who lays a trail of convoluted clues. Panelists are Bill Oddie, Anna Walker and Ross Kelly.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 29th June)
* ITV1 is continuing its series looking at different aspects of TV personalities with a show focusing on Wildlife presenters in "It Shouldn't Happen to a Wildlife Presenter" and among those looking at the embarrassing and amusing side of TV wildlife is our Bill Oddie as well as Michaela Strachan, Chris Packham and Nigel Marven.
The show airs 8.20pm on Saturday 20th July on ITV1.
(David Balston - Goodies-l - 11th July)
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE
* The new "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Vol. 1" release is definitely a CD (despite the fact that amazon.co.uk is still claiming it's a cassette set). The double CD set (ISBN # 0563536799) is priced at £12.99 and it does contain the shows previously released on cassette.
A listing for the new set can be found on the BBC Shop's website at:
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 10th July)
* According to Amazon there is a CD containing a selection of Christmas episodes.
Audio CD (7 October, 2002)
BBC Audio (Spoken Word); ISBN: 0563535512
The celebrated antidote to panel games hangs its stocking under the tree and roasts its chestnuts by the fire, as you settle down to four seasonal editions of the programme. First broadcast in 1993, 1995, 1999 and 2000, all are chaired by Humphrey Lyttelton and feature the talents of Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and a host of special guests.
Whether this will turn out to be the same release as the other CD remains to be seen, the ISBN number is different so hopefully we have two CDs coming our way.
(David Balston - Goodies-l - 11th July)
* By the way, anybody ordering from Amazon UK for the first time should ask a current customer to send them a referral. It looks like both the person who does the referral and the new customer get a £5 gift certificate. Here's some info: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/subst/partners/friends/access.html/2 02-9794156-0955837
(from information by Daniel Bowen and Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 11th July)
5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
(by Brett Allender)
KUNG FU KAPERS
Series 5, Episode 7
First screened: 24th March 1975
Graeme and Tim unleash the deadly martial art of kung fu on each other (with expert assistance from page 3 of the instruction manual), but Graeme only succeeds in pulling a muscle, while Tim comes at Graeme so slowly that he has plenty of time to take a seat. Tim doesn't want to be hurt, but Graeme tells him that "the king of kung fu doesn't cry a lot" and attacks his nerve points, leaving him laying apparently lifeless on the floor.
Bill enters and quickly dismisses kung fu as a load of rubbish, especially compared to the infinitely more subtle Lancastrian martial art that he happens to be a master of. He tells them of his inspiring Grasshopper-style journey forth to Rochdale to become a Grand Master of Ecky Thump which requires a demanding ritual to control his limbs and movements and cleanse his imperfect body and soul; however he refuses to divulge the mystic secret of Ecky Thump (preferring to commit Harry Corbett instead!), much to the annoyance of Tim and Graeme.
Despite some physical and verbal tormenting, Bill still won't reveal the secret, but some bragging by Tim and Graeme about the superior martial arts of their foreign relatives (including Uncle Taffy from Wales with his "yach-y-daa" and Uncle Izzy, the Golders Green "oy vey" champion!) finally aggravates Bill sufficiently to issue a challenge to all of them tomorrow at dawn on Primrose Hill. Bill's deadly secret weapon of belting all comers (including the referee) with a black pudding not only puts Tim in plaster (in a menacing kung fu pose, except that he can't move!), but also puts kung fu in its place in no time and a stream of gratuitously violent and very badly dubbed movies rapidly spread the Ecky Thump craze all over the country.
Graeme and Tim venture to the Mystic East fish and chip shop in an attempt to put an end to the chaos being caused by Ecky Thump, but instead they find that Bill has become the High Priest Ee Bah Goom, released a Mao-like little red book of wise sayings and is planning to take over t' Parliament in "t' day of black puddings". After they discover orders for the march, Graeme and Tim break into Peckinpah's Perfect Puddings - None Blacker and Graeme pours ten million miniature electronic receivers into the black pudding mix (before he takes a dip in the foul black gunk himself!), so the factory soon churns out radio controlled puddings by the millions.
Bill and his army of flat capped, black belts and braces-clad revolutionaries march along the road (an Eisenstein film in black and white vision with dramatic music ) when their puddings start doing some rather strange things, thanks to Graeme's remote control box. Tim's kung fu against Bill partly works (due to the hardness of his plaster casts), but Bill soon despatches of him with some powerfully squirting teapots and also creates a sandwich out of Graeme's outstretched hand before he makes a quick getaway on the tea trolley. Tim and Graeme also jump on board and a struggle ensues before the tea trolley sails over a cliff and crashes into a rocky quarry below, which is followed by an eminently sensible warning about the dangers of the untrained using Ecky Thump for self defence.
* Graeme (reading from Kung Fu Book): "Now lets see, raise your left leg and kick, at the same time shouting hy yah ha zah!"
Tim: "What does that mean?"
Graeme: "That means" ... (reading)..."ouch I've pulled a flaming muscle! ... (in pain) ... hy yah ..."
* Bill: "What's for dinner Grae?"
Graeme: "We were doing kung fu"
Bill: "I'm not eating that! It's got noodles in it, hasn't it? Makes me throw up!"
* Bill (about kung fu being a load of rubbish): "There you are, you see, that proves it, doesn't it? You said he (Tim) was dead! It's like Chinese food, this is. Half an hour later you have to kill him again!"
* Bill: "Allow me to elucidate"
Graeme: "You do and you clean it up yourself" (starts cackling, almost cracking Bill up)
* Grand Master of Ecky Thump's wise saying: "There's nowt wrong wi' owt what mitherin' clutterbucks don't barley grummit!"
* Graeme: "And I shan't even allude..."
Tim: "Allude not!"
Graeme: " to my wee cousin Hamish who has a black sporran in the Scottish martial art of Hoots Toots Och Aye The Noo!"
* Narrator (about Bill's films): "The Classic Tokyo. Ecky Thump in ladies clothes ... Enter With Drag On"
* Tim (to Bill): "I'm not calling you Ee Bah Goom!"
Bill: "ECKY THUMP!!" (belts Tim with black pudding)
Tim: "Flippin heck!"
Bill: "Oh no no no. (points to flat-capped guard at door) That's Flippin' Heck, him over there!"
*Tim: "I've found the recipe (for black puddings), 500 gallons of pigs blood, three gross of calves stomachs, 400 ... ohh ... poor little tom kittens, monosodium glutamate ... ugghh, rats brains, dung... (turns to Graeme who is wallowing in the mixture) hey, get out of that ... you'll absolutely ruin the flavour!"
* Graeme and Tim practicing kung fu, including both of them repeatedly bowing to each other just as Graeme is about to knock Tim's block off, lots of extravagant kung fu manoeuvres before stopping to read page 3 of the instruction book and Graeme attacking Tim's nerve points, causing Tim to writhe around like a funky gibbon before collapsing flat on the floor, presumably dead.
* Bill effortlessly chopping the kung fu book in half, but not being able to make a dent in the horrible SleepalongaMax Volume 98 records, although he succeeds splendidly in busting Tim's Union Jack-covered table in half underneath.
* Bill's entire journey forth to seek t' true enlightenment at the Mystic East fish and chip shop in Rochdale, especially the ritual bath to cleanse his imperfect body with a big black pudding Bertha scrubbing him with a loo brush and Ajax powder then giving him a delicate massage with a mallet, the entry of t' grand master with his unforgettable wise saying, Bill's gruesome partaking of traditional delicacies like black puddings, chip butties and tripe which leads to a gang heave from all diners afterwards and the much needed stint in t' meditation room to purify his soul afterwards.
* The martial arts duel at dawn on Primrose Hill, with Bill using his lethal black pudding with great effect to defeat kung fu Tim (with his grotty feet), black boxer Graeme (who at least manages a quick "hello!" before he hits the deck), croissant-wielding Tim (who draws a hilariously pained look from Bill after shoving the croissant up his clacker!) and Aussie Graeme (who curses "Struth!" after missing with his boomerang). A bagpipe-wielding Scotsman Tim finally disarms Bill of his black pudding only to be KO'd by Graeme's boomerang, as Bill belts the indecipherable referee senseless in celebration.
* The Nationwide report on the craze of Ecky Thump sweeping the nation, including a little old lady creaming a newspaper seller, the Prime Minister leaning out the door of 10 Downing Street and clobbering a policeman and the presenter himself ecky thumping a guest psychiatrist before preparing his pudding for the arrival of the Archbishop of Canterbury.
* Graeme staging a few more expert falls, including his plunge into the revolting black pudding mixture and his stumble back through the fence after his flying kung fu leap has missed Bill. Also Bill's wail of "The puddings are coming. Errkk!" before being flattened by a shower of puddings, thanks to Graeme's remote control.
* Their out-of-control ride over the cliff face on the tea trolley followed by the narrators considerate warning that if Ecky Thump is practiced by the untrained, it could be dangerous!
Michael Barratt, Richard Pescud, William F. Sully
Tearing Me Apart
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
Definitely one of the all-time classic episodes of The Goodies and one that comes into most fan's memories almost immediately (much like Radio Goodies). A superb sendup of the martial arts craze sweeping the globe at the time with the northern England lifestyle, Eisenstein films and various other topics all combining with the humble black pudding to produce a truly great half hour of comedy.
BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III - Goody goody yum yum.
II - Fair-y punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.
August Episode Summary –
Lighthouse Keeping Loonies
6. GOODIES COR COMICS SYNOPSIS #8
(by Linda Kay)
24th February, 1973 No. 31
During the course of The Goodies television series the characters were seen as having fallen upon hard times on several occasions. The occupation of doing Anything, Anytime, Anywhere was often not a lucrative one and our heroes often derived much humor from being "down on their luck." So it is the Cor!! comics also touched upon this theme.
Some say any publicity is good publicity, but is that really the case? The Goodies might have some serious arguments with that concept in this month's comic outing.
Header: BILL'S IDEA FOR GAINING PUBLICITY "ADS" TO THE FUN OF THIS TALE!
The Goodies are seen destitute in their offices ... Bill is boiling an old boot in a pot (the boot is attached to a line like a miniature fishing pole), Tim sits nearby at a table with a small candle and a notice marked "Final Demand" while Graeme huddles nearby. All three are wearing tattered blankets.
TIM: Bah! One *boot* among the three of us for lunch on a freezing day like this!
BILL: We haven't had a job for ages! We need to ADVERTISE!
GRAEME: You're right - come on!
The three are seen riding down the street on their trandem, Graeme and Bill each holding a pole which stretches between them a banner that reads "We Do Anything Any Time." They have just crossed a bridge where we see a man fishing over the side in the background.
TIM: We'll ride into town and show the flag ... er ... sign!
But suddenly they find themselves going backwards, obviously the work of a strong wind catching their banner and pushing them back like a sail. A man, a woman and a small tree are also being adversely affected by this sudden gust.
TIM: Ooer! You might have tested the WIND DIRECTION first!
GRAEME: Oops! Another reverse!
The trandem hurls backwards onto the bridge and crashes with a C-R-U-N-C-H!, knocking the unsuspecting fisherman over the edge. After having gathered themselves together, Bill looks sadly out over the waterway, oblivious to the poor fisherman who is now barely hanging onto the underside of the span with a boat coming toward him.
BILL: If only we could get in the papers by doing something heroic - like rescuing someone from the river! But only an idiot would fall in on a cold day like this!
Bill does not noticed that Tim and Graeme are sharing "thumbs up" signs between themselves. But he catches on in the next panel when they start after him ominously. He backs away from them in desperation. (In the meantime the fisherman's coat has been caught on the front spear of the passing boat and he's now being carried upstream).
TIM: WE know just the idiot, don't we?
BILL: No, you rotters - you WOULDN'T!
Bill is hurled into the water by Graeme and Tim with a loud SPLASH!
TIM: Don't worry, Bill! We'll save you!
Bill is floundering in the water (with a hapless fish on top of his head), waving to Graeme and Tim, who have fetched a nearby life preserver (marked Sludgeham U.D.C.).
BILL: H-hurry, b-before I turn into an iceberg!
TIM: Throw him a life-belt! It'll save us diving in!
Graeme and Tim go to throw in the life preserver but haven't noticed its line has tangled around their legs, so they end up falling into the water with it. The preserver hits Bill on top of the head, but he's optimistic nonetheless.
BILL: I misjudged them - they ARE coming in for me!
All three Goodies are now struggling in the water, grasping onto one another as a police boat christened "Fair Cop" comes chugging toward them with two less than sympathetic cops standing on the bow and stern respectively.
TIM: Hey, who's supposed to be saving whom?
GRAEME: H .. HELP!
POLICEMAN: Suppose we'd better pull them out!
Back in their offices, The Goodies shiver and shake in blankets with their feet in tubs of warm water as they read a copy of the Daily Wail with the headline "Police Save Three Unknown Nits From River." A small photo shows them being led away with blankets over their heads.
TIM: We got our pictures in the paper all right - Ashoo! - BUT NOBODY CAN SEE WHO WE ARE!
Tim walks to the window holding a business card as a gust of wind once again comes up, blowing it out of his hand and out the window.
TIM: Supposing we put our card through people's letterboxes? Oops!
BILL: Get after that card - it's the only one we've got left!
Graeme rushes to the sink next to the window and places a finger under the faucet as Tim turns on the water, causing it to squirt in a stream out the window.
GRAEME: It's so cold out, this jet of water will FREEZE and we can slide down it!
They slide out the window on the frozen arch of ice (much to the surprise of their downstairs neighbor) but Tim is looking worriedly up at the sun.
TIM: Er ... have you noticed it's getting WARMER, pals?
The ice melts and crumbles, and they come crashing down onto the sidewalk on top of one another (and straight through the pavement!). Nevertheless a man is seen running toward them excitedly while a woman waits for him near a van.
BILL: Ouch! Another of Graeme's wet ideas!
FRED: Er . . .excuse me, are you The Goodies?
The Goodies have climbed out from the hole in the sidewalk (we see a man's hat and hand from within the hole, indicating they landed on someone when they fell) and look startled as Fred motions to the van marked Fred & Anna Purna Climbing Equipment. The back of the van is full of climbing gear.
FRED: I make climbing gear but I can't sell any! I wonder if you could advertise it for me?
TIM: You must be joking!
Just then a very large and expensive car is seen coming around the corner and The Goodies look worried as it approaches.
TIM: I'm glad he isn't! The landlord's coming for his rent so we need some way to dodge him!
The Goodies are next seen scaling the outside of their offices, struggling with hooks and lines in full mountain climbing gear. Their landlord waves a rent due notice angrily from below. A crowd has gathered and is cheering them on and a film crew has arrived to record their progress.
In the last panel all three Goodies are seen unhappily roasting boots and shoes in a fashion
similar to the way Bill had been doing so in the first panel.
GRAEME: One boot EACH for lunch - this is more like it!
Sign-Off Line: THE FUN REACHES A HIGH PEAK AGAIN IN NEXT WEEK'S GOODIES STORY!
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
II - Fair-y punkmother.
Not one of the stronger offerings from Cor!!, this story seems to go in too many directions without any clear direction and the conclusion, while cute, is not particularly satisfying (we have to assume they spent the money they might have made advertising the mountain climbing gear on the rent, leaving them with nothing left for food). Tim and Graeme ganging up on Bill to chuck him into the river is keeping very much in tune with their characters on the show, and the absurdity of the frozen water arch takes advantage of their cartoon entities nicely, but all in all a tighter story might have made these elements come together a bit better.
Additional material from this issue:
Cor!! offered a letters section to their readers called "Quick Cor*ments" in which fans could write in with comments, jokes, stories or suggestions. This issue saw the first of several letters from readers regarding The Goodies comic strip, followed by an editorial reply:
"The 6th January issue of COR!! was a real cracker. The new features were super ... especially
THE GOODIES. I think this is one of the funniest sets in the paper. MARK KNIGHT, HARLOW."
(What do other readers think of COR!!'s two new features ... FIVE-MINUTE WANDA and THE GOODIES? ... Ed.)
To view these strips online, you can now visit this page: http://members.aol.com/corcomics
We'll post the currently reviewed issue plus the two previous issues for latecomers.
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
(a) Tim Brooke-Taylor
(b) Cactus In My Y-Fronts
(c) Goodies - Almost Live
(d) Six months
(e) Gazump, Grasper, Meanie and Snatch
(f) A disused railway station
(g) Tony Blackburn
(h) Dinosaur-like bulldozers and other construction machines
8 Mastermind of the Year
7 Goodies Fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0 Rolf Harris!
NEXT C&G EDITION: #80: 12th August 2002.
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2002. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
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