|
**********************************************
* THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE *
**********************************************
* THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
Issue No. 79 15th July 2002
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
******************************
EDITOR
- Brett Allender .
ACE REPORTERS
- Lisa Manekofsky
- David Balston
- Alison Bean
COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER
- Linda Kay
C&G CONTRIBUTOR:
Daniel Bowen
CONTENTS
********
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - Kung Fu Kapers
6. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #8
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "That buckin' bronco broke my buckin' back!"
(a) Which Goodie made this quote?
(b) Which Goodies song is this quote from?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "The New Office"
(d) How long do the builders take to "renovate" the Goodies' old
office?
(e) What is the name of the real estate agency that rips the Goodies
off?
(f) What sort of building is their new office?
(g) Which of the Goodies' favourite targets appears on Bill's
punching bag?
(h) What sort of creatures does the new office come under attack
from?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
2. BOFFO IDEAS
**************
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for
bob-a-job
week. E-mail with your comments, ideas or
suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has
been
working on this month:
C&G DISTRIBUTION
================
Following last month's tale of trials and tribulations with Spamcop,
I'd like
to sincerely thank everyone who contacted me personally for your
support - it
is very much appreciated!
Also many thanks to everyone who took the time to cast a vote on the
website
poll about future distribution methods for the C&G. Seeing as Rolf
Harris
moves a bit too slowly, what with that extra leg and all, to deliver
the C&G
around the world (and we don't really want to set off another plague
of the
blighters!), it looks like website-based e-mail distribution is the
way to go.
Tim is currently setting up just such a list so everything should be
in
readiness by the time that the August edition hits the presses and
I'll send
out further information about it shortly.
3. SPOTTED!!!
*************
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen
the Goodies
recently, e-mail with the details. Here's
where
we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
GOODIES VIDEOS
==============
(by Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 19th June)
For those of you who can't get hold of Goodies videos I've spotted
them for
sale in two places this week:
London: Both videos are available from HMV, Oxford Street (between
Oxford
Circus and Tottenham Court Road tube stations) for £6.99.
Internet: Both videos are available from the ABC Shop Online
(http://shop.abc.net.au/), the Kitten Kong video is $24.95 and the
Beanstalk
video is $29.95. The ABC Shop Online will ship from Australia to
anywhere in
the world, international customers do not have to pay the Goods and
Services
Tax (GST) which saves 10% (?) off the purchase price.
It's also worth trying your local ABC Shop, I've saw Goodies videos
in the
Adelaide ABC Shop several months ago. Borders in Adelaide had them
too.
4. 2001 AND A BIT
*****************
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail
so that we can tell everyone where to spot
a Goodie
nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of
the C&G
should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more
details
available on the club website),as our crack (cracked?!) team of
reporters
attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
================
* A new series of "The Motion Show", hosted by Graeme Garden, is
scheduled to
begin on Thursday 4th July at 18:30 on BBC Radio 4. Here's the
listing from
DigiGuide: "Graeme Garden hosts the comic debating series. Gyles
Brandreth,
Steve Punt, Gary Bushell and Gina Yashere meet in a titanic clash of
words and
wit."
Please remember that Radio 4 shows can be heard on-line by following
the links
at www.bbc.co.uk/radio4. I don't know yet if the show will be
available via
Radio 4's "Listen Again" feature (which allows you to play audio on
demand for
a week after the original broadcast). The station has only recently
begun
adding comedy and drama shows to the Listen Again service so it's best
not to
assume that "The Motion Show" will be available in that format.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 24th June)
* On the repeat front, the episode of "Murder Most Horrid" with
Graeme Garden
is scheduled to air on the satellite station BBC Prime on Wednesday
26th June
at 21:00. Also, Bill Oddie's episode of "Fun at the Funeral Parlour"
is being
repeated yet again, this time on BBC 2W (Digital) on Friday 28th June
starting
at 21:15.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 24th June)
BILL SPOTTINGS
==============
* The following listing appears in DigiGuide:
Through the Keyhole
(Game Show)
Time: 12:30 to 13:00 (30 minutes long).
When: Tuesday 9th July on BBC 1
David Frost challenges a panel of celebrities to identify two
well-known
personalities by peeping into their homes with the help of Lloyd
Grossman, who
lays a trail of convoluted clues. Panelists are Bill Oddie, Anna
Walker and
Ross Kelly.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 29th June)
* ITV1 is continuing its series looking at different aspects of TV
personalities with a show focusing on Wildlife presenters in "It
Shouldn't
Happen to a Wildlife Presenter" and among those looking at the
embarrassing and
amusing side of TV wildlife is our Bill Oddie as well as Michaela
Strachan,
Chris Packham and Nigel Marven.
The show airs 8.20pm on Saturday 20th July on ITV1.
(David Balston - Goodies-l - 11th July)
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE
==========================
* The new "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Vol. 1" release is definitely a
CD
(despite the fact that amazon.co.uk is still claiming it's a cassette
set).
The double CD set (ISBN # 0563536799) is priced at £12.99 and it does
contain
the shows previously released on cassette.
A listing for the new set can be found on the BBC Shop's website at:
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 10th July)
* According to Amazon there is a CD containing a selection of
Christmas
episodes.
Audio CD (7 October, 2002)
BBC Audio (Spoken Word); ISBN: 0563535512
The celebrated antidote to panel games hangs its stocking under the
tree and
roasts its chestnuts by the fire, as you settle down to four seasonal
editions
of the programme. First broadcast in 1993, 1995, 1999 and 2000, all
are chaired
by Humphrey Lyttelton and feature the talents of Tim Brooke-Taylor,
Barry
Cryer, Graeme Garden and a host of special guests.
Whether this will turn out to be the same release as the other CD
remains to
be seen, the ISBN number is different so hopefully we have two CDs
coming our
way.
(David Balston - Goodies-l - 11th July)
* By the way, anybody ordering from Amazon UK for the first time
should ask a
current customer to send them a referral. It looks like both the
person who
does the referral and the new customer get a £5 gift certificate.
Here's some
info:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/subst/partners/friends/access.html
/2
02-9794156-0955837
(from information by Daniel Bowen and Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l -
11th July)
5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
**************************
(by Brett Allender)
KUNG FU KAPERS
==============
Series 5, Episode 7
First screened: 24th March 1975
PLOT
----
Graeme and Tim unleash the deadly martial art of kung fu on each
other (with
expert assistance from page 3 of the instruction manual), but Graeme
only
succeeds in pulling a muscle, while Tim comes at Graeme so slowly that
he has
plenty of time to take a seat. Tim doesn't want to be hurt, but Graeme
tells
him that "the king of kung fu doesn't cry a lot" and attacks his nerve
points,
leaving him laying apparently lifeless on the floor.
Bill enters and quickly dismisses kung fu as a load of rubbish,
especially
compared to the infinitely more subtle Lancastrian martial art that he
happens
to be a master of. He tells them of his inspiring Grasshopper-style
journey
forth to Rochdale to become a Grand Master of Ecky Thump which
requires a
demanding ritual to control his limbs and movements and cleanse his
imperfect
body and soul; however he refuses to divulge the mystic secret of Ecky
Thump
(preferring to commit Harry Corbett instead!), much to the annoyance
of Tim and
Graeme.
Despite some physical and verbal tormenting, Bill still won't reveal
the
secret, but some bragging by Tim and Graeme about the superior martial
arts of
their foreign relatives (including Uncle Taffy from Wales with his
"yach-y-daa"
and Uncle Izzy, the Golders Green "oy vey" champion!) finally
aggravates Bill
sufficiently to issue a challenge to all of them tomorrow at dawn on
Primrose
Hill. Bill's deadly secret weapon of belting all comers (including the
referee)
with a black pudding not only puts Tim in plaster (in a menacing kung
fu pose,
except that he can't move!), but also puts kung fu in its place in no
time and
a stream of gratuitously violent and very badly dubbed movies rapidly
spread
the Ecky Thump craze all over the country.
Graeme and Tim venture to the Mystic East fish and chip shop in an
attempt to
put an end to the chaos being caused by Ecky Thump, but instead they
find that
Bill has become the High Priest Ee Bah Goom, released a Mao-like
little red
book of wise sayings and is planning to take over t' Parliament in "t'
day of
black puddings". After they discover orders for the march, Graeme and
Tim break
into Peckinpah's Perfect Puddings - None Blacker and Graeme pours ten
million
miniature electronic receivers into the black pudding mix (before he
takes a
dip in the foul black gunk himself!), so the factory soon churns out
radio
controlled puddings by the millions.
Bill and his army of flat capped, black belts and braces-clad
revolutionaries
march along the road (an Eisenstein film in black and white vision
with
dramatic music ) when their puddings start doing some rather strange
things,
thanks to Graeme's remote control box. Tim's kung fu against Bill
partly works
(due to the hardness of his plaster casts), but Bill soon despatches
of him
with some powerfully squirting teapots and also creates a sandwich out
of
Graeme's outstretched hand before he makes a quick getaway on the tea
trolley.
Tim and Graeme also jump on board and a struggle ensues before the tea
trolley
sails over a cliff and crashes into a rocky quarry below, which is
followed by
an eminently sensible warning about the dangers of the untrained using
Ecky
Thump for self defence.
CLASSIC QUOTES
--------------
* Graeme (reading from Kung Fu Book): "Now lets see, raise your left
leg and
kick, at the same time shouting hy yah ha zah!"
Tim: "What does that mean?"
Graeme: "That means" ... (reading)..."ouch I've pulled a flaming
muscle! ...
(in pain) ... hy yah ..."
* Bill: "What's for dinner Grae?"
Graeme: "We were doing kung fu"
Bill: "I'm not eating that! It's got noodles in it, hasn't it? Makes
me throw
up!"
* Bill (about kung fu being a load of rubbish): "There you are, you
see, that
proves it, doesn't it? You said he (Tim) was dead! It's like Chinese
food, this
is. Half an hour later you have to kill him again!"
* Bill: "Allow me to elucidate"
Graeme: "You do and you clean it up yourself" (starts cackling,
almost
cracking Bill up)
* Grand Master of Ecky Thump's wise saying: "There's nowt wrong wi'
owt what
mitherin' clutterbucks don't barley grummit!"
* Graeme: "And I shan't even allude..."
Tim: "Allude not!"
Graeme: " to my wee cousin Hamish who has a black sporran in the
Scottish
martial art of Hoots Toots Och Aye The Noo!"
* Narrator (about Bill's films): "The Classic Tokyo. Ecky Thump in
ladies
clothes ... Enter With Drag On"
* Tim (to Bill): "I'm not calling you Ee Bah Goom!"
Bill: "ECKY THUMP!!" (belts Tim with black pudding)
Tim: "Flippin heck!"
Bill: "Oh no no no. (points to flat-capped guard at door) That's
Flippin'
Heck, him over there!"
*Tim: "I've found the recipe (for black puddings), 500 gallons of
pigs blood,
three gross of calves stomachs, 400 ... ohh ... poor little tom
kittens,
monosodium glutamate ... ugghh, rats brains, dung... (turns to Graeme
who is
wallowing in the mixture) hey, get out of that ... you'll absolutely
ruin the
flavour!"
CLASSIC SCENES
--------------
* Graeme and Tim practicing kung fu, including both of them
repeatedly bowing
to each other just as Graeme is about to knock Tim's block off, lots
of
extravagant kung fu manoeuvres before stopping to read page 3 of the
instruction book and Graeme attacking Tim's nerve points, causing Tim
to writhe
around like a funky gibbon before collapsing flat on the floor,
presumably
dead.
* Bill effortlessly chopping the kung fu book in half, but not being
able to
make a dent in the horrible SleepalongaMax Volume 98 records, although
he
succeeds splendidly in busting Tim's Union Jack-covered table in half
underneath.
* Bill's entire journey forth to seek t' true enlightenment at the
Mystic East
fish and chip shop in Rochdale, especially the ritual bath to cleanse
his
imperfect body with a big black pudding Bertha scrubbing him with a
loo brush
and Ajax powder then giving him a delicate massage with a mallet, the
entry of
t' grand master with his unforgettable wise saying, Bill's gruesome
partaking
of traditional delicacies like black puddings, chip butties and tripe
which
leads to a gang heave from all diners afterwards and the much needed
stint in
t' meditation room to purify his soul afterwards.
* The martial arts duel at dawn on Primrose Hill, with Bill using his
lethal
black pudding with great effect to defeat kung fu Tim (with his grotty
feet),
black boxer Graeme (who at least manages a quick "hello!" before he
hits the
deck), croissant-wielding Tim (who draws a hilariously pained look
from Bill
after shoving the croissant up his clacker!) and Aussie Graeme (who
curses
"Struth!" after missing with his boomerang). A bagpipe-wielding
Scotsman Tim
finally disarms Bill of his black pudding only to be KO'd by Graeme's
boomerang, as Bill belts the indecipherable referee senseless in
celebration.
* The Nationwide report on the craze of Ecky Thump sweeping the
nation,
including a little old lady creaming a newspaper seller, the Prime
Minister
leaning out the door of 10 Downing Street and clobbering a policeman
and the
presenter himself ecky thumping a guest psychiatrist before preparing
his
pudding for the arrival of the Archbishop of Canterbury.
* Graeme staging a few more expert falls, including his plunge into
the
revolting black pudding mixture and his stumble back through the fence
after
his flying kung fu leap has missed Bill. Also Bill's wail of "The
puddings are
coming. Errkk!" before being flattened by a shower of puddings, thanks
to
Graeme's remote control.
* Their out-of-control ride over the cliff face on the tea trolley
followed by
the narrators considerate warning that if Ecky Thump is practiced by
the
untrained, it could be dangerous!
GUEST STARS
-----------
Michael Barratt, Richard Pescud, William F. Sully
GOODIES SONGS
-------------
Tearing Me Apart
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
----------------
Definitely one of the all-time classic episodes of The Goodies and
one that
comes into most fan's memories almost immediately (much like Radio
Goodies). A
superb sendup of the martial arts craze sweeping the globe at the time
with the
northern England lifestyle, Eisenstein films and various other topics
all
combining with the humble black pudding to produce a truly great half
hour of
comedy.
RATING
------
IIIII Superstar
BLACK PUDDING RATINGS SYSTEM:
-----------------------------
IIIII - Superstar.
IIII - Officially amazing.
III - Goody goody yum yum.
II - Fair-y punkmother.
I - Tripe on t' pikelets.
---------------------------------------------------
August Episode Summary - Lighthouse Keeping Loonies
---------------------------------------------------
6. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #8
***********************************
(by Linda Kay)
Issue 143
24th February, 1973 No. 31
During the course of The Goodies television series the characters
were seen as
having fallen upon hard times on several occasions. The occupation of
doing
Anything, Anytime, Anywhere was often not a lucrative one and our
heroes often
derived much humor from being "down on their luck." So it is the
Cor!! comics
also touched upon this theme.
Some say any publicity is good publicity, but is that really the
case? The
Goodies might have some serious arguments with that concept in this
month's
comic outing.
Header: BILL'S IDEA FOR GAINING PUBLICITY "ADS" TO THE FUN OF THIS
TALE!
The Goodies are seen destitute in their offices ... Bill is boiling
an old
boot in a pot (the boot is attached to a line like a miniature fishing
pole),
Tim sits nearby at a table with a small candle and a notice marked
"Final
Demand" while Graeme huddles nearby. All three are wearing tattered
blankets.
TIM: Bah! One *boot* among the three of us for lunch on a freezing
day like
this!
BILL: We haven't had a job for ages! We need to ADVERTISE!
GRAEME: You're right - come on!
SO ...
The three are seen riding down the street on their trandem, Graeme
and Bill
each holding a pole which stretches between them a banner that reads
"We Do
Anything Any Time." They have just crossed a bridge where we see a
man fishing
over the side in the background.
TIM: We'll ride into town and show the flag ... er ... sign!
But suddenly they find themselves going backwards, obviously the work
of a
strong wind catching their banner and pushing them back like a sail.
A man, a
woman and a small tree are also being adversely affected by this
sudden gust.
TIM: Ooer! You might have tested the WIND DIRECTION first!
GRAEME: Oops! Another reverse!
The trandem hurls backwards onto the bridge and crashes with a
C-R-U-N-C-H!,
knocking the unsuspecting fisherman over the edge. After having
gathered
themselves together, Bill looks sadly out over the waterway, oblivious
to the
poor fisherman who is now barely hanging onto the underside of the
span with a
boat coming toward him.
BILL: If only we could get in the papers by doing something heroic -
like
rescuing someone from the river! But only an idiot would fall in on a
cold day
like this!
Bill does not noticed that Tim and Graeme are sharing "thumbs up"
signs
between themselves. But he catches on in the next panel when they
start after
him ominously. He backs away from them in desperation. (In the
meantime the
fisherman's coat has been caught on the front spear of the passing
boat and
he's now being carried upstream).
TIM: WE know just the idiot, don't we?
BILL: No, you rotters - you WOULDN'T!
Bill is hurled into the water by Graeme and Tim with a loud SPLASH!
TIM: Don't worry, Bill! We'll save you!
Bill is floundering in the water (with a hapless fish on top of his
head),
waving to Graeme and Tim, who have fetched a nearby life preserver
(marked
Sludgeham U.D.C.).
BILL: H-hurry, b-before I turn into an iceberg!
TIM: Throw him a life-belt! It'll save us diving in!
Graeme and Tim go to throw in the life preserver but haven't noticed
its line
has tangled around their legs, so they end up falling into the water
with it.
The preserver hits Bill on top of the head, but he's optimistic
nonetheless.
BILL: I misjudged them - they ARE coming in for me!
All three Goodies are now struggling in the water, grasping onto one
another
as a police boat christened "Fair Cop" comes chugging toward them with
two less
than sympathetic cops standing on the bow and stern respectively.
TIM: Hey, who's supposed to be saving whom?
GRAEME: H .. HELP!
POLICEMAN: Suppose we'd better pull them out!
Back in their offices, The Goodies shiver and shake in blankets with
their
feet in tubs of warm water as they read a copy of the Daily Wail with
the
headline "Police Save Three Unknown Nits From River." A small photo
shows them
being led away with blankets over their heads.
TIM: We got our pictures in the paper all right - Ashoo! - BUT NOBODY
CAN SEE
WHO WE ARE!
Tim walks to the window holding a business card as a gust of wind
once again
comes up, blowing it out of his hand and out the window.
TIM: Supposing we put our card through people's letterboxes? Oops!
BILL: Get after that card - it's the only one we've got left!
Graeme rushes to the sink next to the window and places a finger
under the
faucet as Tim turns on the water, causing it to squirt in a stream out
the
window.
GRAEME: It's so cold out, this jet of water will FREEZE and we can
slide down
it!
They slide out the window on the frozen arch of ice (much to the
surprise of
their downstairs neighbor) but Tim is looking worriedly up at the sun.
TIM: Er ... have you noticed it's getting WARMER, pals?
The ice melts and crumbles, and they come crashing down onto the
sidewalk on
top of one another (and straight through the pavement!). Nevertheless
a man is
seen running toward them excitedly while a woman waits for him near a
van.
BILL: Ouch! Another of Graeme's wet ideas!
FRED: Er . . .excuse me, are you The Goodies?
The Goodies have climbed out from the hole in the sidewalk (we see a
man's hat
and hand from within the hole, indicating they landed on someone when
they
fell) and look startled as Fred motions to the van marked Fred & Anna
Purna
Climbing Equipment. The back of the van is full of climbing gear.
FRED: I make climbing gear but I can't sell any! I wonder if you
could
advertise it for me?
TIM: You must be joking!
Just then a very large and expensive car is seen coming around the
corner and
The Goodies look worried as it approaches.
TIM: I'm glad he isn't! The landlord's coming for his rent so we
need some
way to dodge him!
The Goodies are next seen scaling the outside of their offices,
struggling
with hooks and lines in full mountain climbing gear. Their landlord
waves a
rent due notice angrily from below. A crowd has gathered and is
cheering them
on and a film crew has arrived to record their progress.
LANDLORD: BAH!
In the last panel all three Goodies are seen unhappily roasting boots
and
shoes in a fashion
similar to the way Bill had been doing so in the first panel.
GRAEME: One boot EACH for lunch - this is more like it!
Sign-Off Line: THE FUN REACHES A HIGH PEAK AGAIN IN NEXT WEEK'S
GOODIES STORY!
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
II - Fair-y punkmother.
Not one of the stronger offerings from Cor!!, this story seems to go
in too
many directions without any clear direction and the conclusion, while
cute, is
not particularly satisfying (we have to assume they spent the money
they might
have made advertising the mountain climbing gear on the rent, leaving
them with
nothing left for food). Tim and Graeme ganging up on Bill to chuck
him into
the river is keeping very much in tune with their characters on the
show, and
the absurdity of the frozen water arch takes advantage of their
cartoon
entities nicely, but all in all a tighter story might have made these
elements
come together a bit better.
Additional material from this issue:
Cor!! offered a letters section to their readers called "Quick
Cor*ments" in
which fans could write in with comments, jokes, stories or
suggestions. This
issue saw the first of several letters from readers regarding The
Goodies comic
strip, followed by an editorial reply:
"The 6th January issue of COR!! was a real cracker. The new features
were
super ... especially
THE GOODIES. I think this is one of the funniest sets in the paper.
MARK
KNIGHT, HARLOW."
(What do other readers think of COR!!'s two new features ...
FIVE-MINUTE WANDA
and THE GOODIES? ... Ed.)
To view these strips online, you can now visit this page:
http://members.aol.com/corcomics
We'll post the currently reviewed issue plus the two previous issues
for
latecomers.
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
***********************
(a) Tim Brooke-Taylor
(b) Cactus In My Y-Fronts
(c) Goodies - Almost Live
(d) Six months
(e) Gazump, Grasper, Meanie and Snatch
(f) A disused railway station
(g) Tony Blackburn
(h) Dinosaur-like bulldozers and other construction machines
YOUR SCORE:
8 Graeme's computer
7 Mastermind of the year
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0 Rolf Harris!
|
