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**********************************************
* THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE *
**********************************************
* THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
Issue No. 102 12th May 2004
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
******************************
EDITOR
- Brett Allender .
ACE REPORTERS:
- Lisa Manekofsky
- David Piper-Balston
- Alison Bean
COOL COR COMIC REVIEWER:
- Linda Kay
C&G CONTRIBUTORS: Brian Labza, James Whittington, Marilyn Burge
CONTENTS
********
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
3. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY - Politics
5. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #29
6. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
Congratulations to our two winners of The Goodies Scavenger Hunt from
our special 100th C&G last month.
* the winner of the t-shirt is Amy Rixon
* the winner of the bonus competition for the Goodies cap is Alana
Read
Well done Amy and Alana; you've well and truly earnt your Wig Spotters
Badges!
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
QUOTE: "What, he's wearing one sock? On his what?! Oh that's pretty
unusual, I'm surprised it fits actually! Still, tell you something,
he's not coming in, no, no, no. He'd look absolutely ridiculous
dancing with a sock on his nose!"
(a) Which Goodie says this quote?
(b) Who is he talking about?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "Rome Antics"
(d) Which year is this episode set in?
(e) Why is the air in Cricklewood unfit to breathe at this time?
(according to Bill anyway!)
(f) What is Tim's response to the Roman Ambassador's statement of
"Legato sum."?
(g) Who does the Roman Emperor threaten to throw the Goodies to when
he realises that there are no lions left?
(h) Which group invades Rome, creating a crisis for new Emperor Tim?
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
2. SPOTTED!!!
*************
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the
Goodies recently, e-mail with the details.
Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
GOODIES CELEBRATED AT LAST
==========================
(by David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 15th April
http://www.chortle.co.uk/news/apr04/goodies.html
Hidden Goodies
Radio 4 to celebrate comedy trio
The BBC is to air a celebration of The Goodies next month.
The news will go some way to placating fans - and stars Graeme Garden,
Tim Brooke-Taylor and Bill Oddie - who have long berated the
corporation for refusing to repeat the classic Seventies comedy.
Outgoing BBC2 controller Jane Root is understood to dislike the
series, feeling it has aged badly over the last three decades.
Now, following the successful release of some classic episodes on DVD,
Radio 4 is to air a two-part profile of the team.
Phill Jupitus will presents the show, entitled No Fixed Abode,
Cricklewood , starting on Tuesday May 25 at 11.30am, which charts the
successful careers of the trio up to the Goodies launch in 1970.
Garden had written and acted alongside Ronnie Barker; Oddie had
starred in a film with Tommy Cooper and Eric Sykes and Brooke-Taylor's
history of acting and writing included masterminded Goodies forerunner
Broaden Your Mind in 1968.
HOLD THE FRONT PAGE...
======================
(by James Whittington - April 19th)
At the bbci news pages:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/3629569.stm
there's a small, predictable Goodies comment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BBC2
===================
(from information by David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 20th April
There is an article about BBC2's anniversary which has a contribution
by Tim on the BBC website referring to BBC2's Birthday. The
celebration of BBC2 "Happy Birthday BBC TWO" is broadcast at 8pm
tonight on BBC2, maybe we will get some Goodies content although
shockingly it wasn't mentioned in the 40 shows list at
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/3619543.stm even
though BBC1's 'Monty Python' and BBC3's 'Little Britain' were!!!!
This extract is taken from
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/3641455.stm
BBC Two has also gained a reputation for creating ground-breaking
comedies from the satirical Not the Nine O'Clock News in the 1970s, to
the Young Ones in the 1980s.
It also saw the debut of The Goodies in a late night slot.
Goodie Tim Brooke-Taylor told BBC News Online: "We had a very good
relationship with all the BBC Two controllers. They knew we were
slightly left of centre and that was what BBC Two was all about. They
took a chance on us.
"BBC Two allowed us time which meant we could take risks, develop them
and run with it."
But Brooke-Taylor acknowledged one of the best decisions made was to
move The Goodies to an earlier slot on BBC One, although he was
against it at the time.
TRANDEM FOR SALE
================
(by Lisa Manekofsky)
Late last year the blue trandem that was used in the Goodies LWT
series was auctioned on eBay. After a bit of checking around I was
put in touch with the person who won it; he kindly supplied the
following information.
In 1987 a private collector bought the bike at a Sotheby's sale; it
remained in that private collection until the 2003 eBay auction. The
buyer sent me copies of some documentation he was given when he won
the bike. This consisted of the back cover of the Sotheby's Catalogue
from 1987 plus the page with the auction listing, which said "The
Goodies 'Triandum' Bicycle, complete with cable brakes, five speed
derailleur gears and tubular steel frame finished in blue (qty). The
triandum was built in 1980 for the National T.V. Commercial Kleenex
Super 3 featuring the Goodies and later filmed for Goodies ITV 1981
series". This is followed by what I believe was the estimated sale
price of £800-1,200. Rather interestingly, the catalogue's back cover
simply shows a publicity photo of the Goodies from the Kleenix ad
(beneath which is written "Sotheby's, Founded 1744, Veteran * Vintage
Vehicles". If anyone knows the specific catalogue this appeared in
I'd be grateful for the info (feel free to contact me at
president@goodiesruleok.com).
I had a chance to ask Tim Brooke-Taylor about the Kleenex ad. He said
"I do remember doing it and the trandem being blue - but not much else
except the execs having a long lunch at a very expensive restaurant
(the Waterside at Bray) while we were pedaling furiously for a Kleenex
ad."
The person who won the trandem last year told me that he only intended
to keep it for a short period of time, as he'd bought it to use for
publicity and free advertising. He's just notified me that he's put
the trandem up on www.ebay.co.uk - the auction ends on 09-May-04
21:46:39 BST and can be found at
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4012208812&catego
ry=201&sspagename=STRK%3AMEBWA%3AIT&rd=1 under the listing "GOODIES
BLUE TRIANDUM FROM 1981 SERIES". Here's hoping that it goes to a
fan!
NO FIXED ABODE
==============
(by Lisa Manekofsky)
The following interview with Graeme Garden appears the BBC's Press
Office publication pi (Programme Information/Radio) for 22-28 May 2004
(which can be found at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/proginfo/pdfs/radio/week21/bbcradiowk
21_highs.pdf). This interview was printed to coincide with broadcast
of the show "No Fixed Abode, Cricklewood" (the first part of which is
scheduled to air on Tuesday, 25 May at 11.30am on BBC Radio 4).
Name: Graeme Garden
Born:Aberdeen
First radio broadcast?
"It was I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again in 1964."
Broadcasting heroes?
"My heroes are the people I used to listen to as a kid, such as
Kenneth Horne, The Goons, Tony Hancock, Kenneth Williams, Spike
Milligan, Al Read and Richard Murdoch."
Most memorable moment on air?
"Getting to work with some of my heroes has been really memorable for
me. I also did a play recently with Bill Nighy and I'm glad he's
getting the recognition he deserves now."
Which news story would you most like to announce?
"A complete re-run of The Goodies and I'm available to make the
announcement any time!"
On which other radio show would you most like to make a guest
appearance?
"I've been on quite a few radio programmes, so I can't think of
another particular one I'd like to guest on - I could think of one
that I wouldn't like to be on..!"
Ideal radio chat show line-up?
"Leonardo da Vinci, Shakespeare and Sandi Toksvig to add a touch of
humour!"
Fantasy DJ line-up?
"Bill Oddie because of his good knowledge of music . and I think he
would make a good line-up all by himself!"
Do you listen to digital radio?
"I listen to BBC 7, though not as much as I'd like to. I think it's a
perfect in-car listening channel."
Favourite TV show?
"Harry Hill's TV Burp really makes me laugh and I like watching Holby
City, mainly because I appear in it every now and then and I like to
keep tabs on my character!"
Favourite film?
"The Third Man scores top points in every department for me. I'm also
quite surprised that I liked Love Actually."
Favourite book?
"I read a lot of rubbish actually but I recently enjoyed a book called
English Passengers by Matthew Kneale."
Favourite song?
"At the moment I like The Scissor Sisters' Take Your Mama. My son is a
keyboard player and is currently touring with them."
Favourite musician?
"Randy Newman - he's musically very good and also witty."
Favourite place?
"I used to love going fishing on the River Spey in Scotland."
Describe your perfect day off:
"When I go on holiday, the bits I always look forward to are relaxing
by the pool and reading a good book."
Describe yourself in five words:
"Five words are not enough!"
Interview by Sarah Ward
In No Fixed Abode, Cricklewood, Phill Jupitus presents a two-part
profile of the comedy team behind Seventies hit The Goodies: Graeme
Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Bill Oddie. In the first episode this
Tuesday, Goodies fanatic Phill traces the journeys made by the trio to
the day in 1970 when the first series hit the small screen. Graeme
Garden is also a regular on the much-loved I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue,
Radio 4's long-running antidote to panel games.
Further information about "No Fixed Abode, Cricklewood" appears in the
programme listings of this publication:
No Fixed Abode, Cricklewood Ep 1/2
11.30am-12.00noon BBC RADIO 4
Comedian Phill Jupitus presents a two-part profile of the great comedy
team behind the hit Seventies TV series, The Goodies: Graeme
Garden,Tim Brooke-Taylor and Bill Oddie.
In the first episode, Phil, a self-confessed Goodies fanatic, traces
the journeys made by each member of The Goodies to the day in 1970
when the first series launched onto the small screen. All three actors
had a respectable track record - Graeme Garden had written and acted
alongside Ronnie Barker in Hark At Barker in 1969, Bill Oddie was a
writer on Doctor In The House in the same year and Derbyshire-born Tim
Brooke-Taylor had a long history of acting and writing, and had been a
driving force behind the forerunner to The Goodies, a series called
Broaden Your Mind, in 1968.
Presenter/Phil Jupitus, Producer/Libby Cross
3. 2001 AND A BIT
*****************
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail
so that we can tell everyone where to spot
a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between
issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing
list (more details available on the club website),as our crack
(cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the
information becomes available.
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
================
* On the website of Private Eye (London satirical magazine, formerly
owned by the late Peter Cook), there is a section called "Dumb
Britain", in which the most idiotic responses by dense members of the
public are reproduced (as sent in by readers).
In the current issue of the mag (online), Graeme Garden is the
questioner (and I have to say he receives a couple of very stupid
responses). The page can be found at:
http://www.private-eye.co.uk/content/showitem.cfm/issue.1104/section.d
umb
If that link doesn't work, just go to www.private-eye.co.uk and click
on the link for "Dumb Britain".
(Marilyn Burge - 21st April)
TIM SPOTTINGS
=============
* Spotted in the writing credits of an early episode of "The Two
Ronnies" was Tim Brooke-Taylor. I am unsure of the details but I do
recall that several early episodes of The Two Ronnies used jokes
adapted from various 1960's shows such as 'At Last The 1948 Show' and
various Cambridge Circus revue sketches. These sketches were
originally written by Tim Brooke-Taylor, John Cleese, Graham Chapman,
Michael Palin etc. The most famous examples is the "class difference"
sketch with short Ronnie Corbett, medium Ronnie Barker and tall John
Cleese standing in a row.
I think some of the "state of the party" sketches immediately
following the news intros were also written by these guys.
Details are in From Fringe to Flying Circus.
(from information by Alison Bean and Brian Labza - Goodies-l - 19th
April)
* Tim Brooke-Taylor appears as a panelist in tomorrow's (21st April)
edition of "Beat the Kids", the BBC Radio 4 comedy panel game chaired
by Graeme Garden. The show airs at 23:00 and can be heard on-line at
www.bbc.co.uk/radio4.
As with other editions of "Beat the Kids", it should also be available
for about a week after the broadcast from Radio 4's Listen Again
service.
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 20th April)
* Tim Brooke-Taylor appears in an old episode of "Trivia Test Match",
a radio show to be aired on BBC7 on Friday 14th May at 12:00 and 19:00
(then again at 5:30 on Saturday 15th May). Here's a listing:
"Trivia quiz based on the rules of cricket. Willy Rushton and Tim
Brooke-Taylor are joined by Stephen Fry and Rachel Heyhoe."
(Lisa Manekofsky - Goodies-l - 3rd May)
ISIHAC & ISIRTA
===============
* From Chortle http://www.chortle.co.uk/news/may04/sony.htm
'Clue' scoops Sony
Top radio award for festive special
The team behind I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue have won radio's top comedy
accolade.
Their Christmas Day special, I'm Sorry I Haven't A Christmas Carol,
was awarded the Comedy Award at the Sony Awards last night.
Humphrey Lyttleton, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor,
Stephen Fry, Andy Hamilton, Jeremy Hardy, Tom Hawks, Sandi Toksvig and
Linda Smith all took part in the festive edition.
Making their decision, judges said it was "a stunning cast performing
a blistering script - only really possible on radio.
"This show took a long established, very successful format to a higher
level - an excellent blend of the regular format and zany style of I'm
Sorry I Haven't A Clue with A Christmas Carol."
(David Piper-Balston - Goodies-l - 13th May)
From the BBC7 e-newsletter, 14th May:
On Wednesday it was the biggest and glitziest night of the year for
the radio industry: the 2004 Sony Awards were held in the Grosvenor
House Hotel, London. BBC Radio had a wonderful night, winning an
impressive 21 Gold, 15 Silver and 22 Bronze Awards. We were
particularly delighted that our "sister station" Radio 4 came away
with the highly prized Station of the Year Award.
Digital Station of the Year was awarded to Primetime Radio so my
congratulations go to them too. One of the most popular comedy series
on BBC 7 and Radio 4 is I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, so fans of this
consistently funny programme might be interested to know that the Clue
team picked up a Gold in the Comedy category. I hope we can broadcast
their winning entry at a later date. Ian Lavender (Private Pike, Dad's
Army) presented the award, and on accepting it, Graeme Garden, in
typical Clue style, announced "this award is the cherry in my
coffee..."
(Alison Bean - Goodies-l - 14th May)
4. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
**************************
(by Brett Allender)
POLITICS
========
Series 8, Episode 1
First screened: 14th January 1980
PLOT
----
Graeme's new advertising agency merrily churns out its wares (and
stomachs!), as Tim and Bill watch the commercial breaks on television,
then turn off before the programs ruin the ads. Bill laments that
Graeme has caught the disease of capitalist decadence while Tim sings
the praises of Margaret Thatcher and her policies and they have a
heated political discussion until the next commercial break is
interrupted by an important newsflash.
The Prime Minister has discovered a splendid loophole in the
government tax laws and has retired to the Bahamas, while the
remaining government and opposition members have voted themselves a
massive pay rise and have gone to join her, so Britain is without a
government. Bill answers the phone and tells the frantic caller to
"belt up, you old gasbag!" before he hands it over to Tim, who is
shocked to find the Queen on the other end and to avoid being
beheaded, he offers to find a new leader for the country.
Graeme is busily pinstriping his shirt (with a blue texta!) when Tim
enters his agency dressed like Margaret Thatcher. Graeme initially
thinks that Maggie has returned from abroad and tells 'her' that she
should aim to be Empress of the World (as he sticks a Hitler moustache
on the stunned and silent Tim) and insults her repeatedly, before he
eventually realises that it's really Tim and that he wants to be the
next Prime Minister. Tim's voice is quickly canned as being "too
human!", so he adopts Maggie's cold tones and cringes at the thought
of having to shake hands with grotty, scruffy common people like Bill,
who conveniently enters Graeme's office at this point dressed as a
suitably hideous Vanessa Redgrave (complete with beard and on stilts
for the necessary extra height). He now represents The Workers
Revolutionary Party (TWERP!) and wants Graeme to sell him to the
nation as the new Prime Minister too.
Tim and Bill both provide a vision of their campaign policies, as Tim
stands for nice people, shiny shoes, ties, smart tweeds, Union Jack
waistcoats and lots of spanking - "You know it makes sense!", while
Bill stands for workers rights, the abolition of all things posh, at
least one film per year with Jane Fonda and the chance to turn down an
Oscar. However their boring speeches send Graeme to sleep and he
reminds them that campaigns have nothing to do with politics, but
everything to do with image.
Bill retires from politics in disgust over this "cynical manipulation
of marketing" and threatens to burn his stilts in protest. However
half an hour later, he returns as the people's revolutionary Che (with
a variety of punny surnames like 'Kit all about!'), only to be
completely upstaged by Tim's graceful entry as the stunning Timita (or
the "tin transvestite" as Bill derisively calls him!). The
spectacularly entertaining campaign is on in earnest and it's soon
time for 'Election Night Special' with host David Dimblemblm, who
gradually demolishes a banquet on-camera as the Returning Officer (who
is dressed as a fairy) delivers the remarkable news that William Che
Oddie (Leftist Loony Party!) and Timita Brooke-Taylor (Timita Party)
have dead-heated with one vote each, as the campaign has been so
entertaining that nobody else has bothered to leave their tv sets and
cast a vote, apart from the two candidates themselves.
The coalition government doesn't run smoothly however, so the joint
Prime Ministers soon hassle Graeme, who comes up with the solution to
televise parliament (and gets them to sign a contract using a joint
quill.), then camps about as the host of a game show in which Tim and
Bill have to find jobs for new immigrants, while Sale Of The Century
(with a sickening close up of a photo of Nicholas Parsons for good
measure) offers a showcase of guns and ammunition and the U.N. general
assembly is turned into a giant game of Blankety Blanks. Tim's
undignified response to the question of what the French President
landed on when he fell off the Eiffel Tower causes a riot and mass
walkout by U.N. members, and Europe is plunged into war - to be
decided by a game of 'It's A Knockout' hosted by Eddie Waring (a
babbling Graeme) and Stuart (a hideously cackling spring-loaded
dummy).
Teams of politicians from Germany, France, Italy, Holland, Spain and
Britain compete for the ultimate prize of the domination of Europe by
carrying a large piece of cake through an obstacle course, with the
winners being the first team to burst all of the balloons at the
finish. Tim and Bill come to grief in the wine lake (but eventually
drink it dry with large straws) and although they scale the butter
mountain and drunkenly pop all of the balloons to the patriotic sounds
of 'Land Of Hope And Glory', they find that everyone else has long
finished. Britain receives just one point for finishing last, plus a
special booby prize - the return of Margaret Thatcher on an aeroplane,
to the hysterical chuckles of Stuart.
CLASSIC QUOTES
--------------
* Tim (about Margaret Thatcher): "She encourages the man with the
small firm."
Bill (suspiciously): "Oh yes, the small, firm what?!"
* Graeme (to Tim, who is dressed like Margaret Thatcher): "Rule number
one - never offend the client. Rule number two - never forget they're
idiots. And rule number three - never let them know that you know.
Know what I mean? Of course you don't, you're an idiot!"
* Tim: "I want you to do for me what you did for Margaret Thatcher."
Graeme (panicking): "How did you know about that?! Blasted News Of The
World. You haven't told Dennis, have you?!"
* Tim: "Oh I see. So you think that if you combine the features of
Heatley, Heath and Powell, you'd have a winner?"
Graeme: "Possibly, but only at Crufts!"
* Bill: "Hey, you ever heard of the Iron Maiden?" ... (looks at Tim)
... "The Tin Transvestite!"
* Timita: "But you know, it's high time people realised that there's
nothing a man can do that a woman can't."
Graeme: "Except perhaps for one thing."
Timita: (in a deep male voice): "Not in my case!"
* Timita (consoling two common factory workers worried that she
mightn't win the election):
"Don't cry for me Marge and Tina!"
CLASSIC SCENES
--------------
* Graeme's opening two ads for his new advertising agency, with him
firstly impersonating Willie Rushton and variously describing a candy
bar as "crunchy", "chewy", "gritty", "soggy" and finally "disgusting"
as he spews up in a rubbish bin in an ad for the 'Keep Britain Tidy'
campaign and then a flasher showing his wares to a previously
uncooperative female ticket officer who remarks "Oh, that'll do
nicely" and credits his 'American Excess' card.
* Tim describing his photo montage of Margaret Thatcher's head on Jane
Fonda's body as "just a harmless fantasy!" after he and Bill have been
arguing bitterly over politics between commercial breaks and also his
frenzied panic in hiding the photo before talking to the Queen on the
telephone (after Bill has answered it and told her to "shut up, you
old gasbag!")
* Graeme the ad man pinstriping his white shirt with the aid of a
thick blue texta and then treating 'Margaret Thatcher' with utter
contempt, putting a Hitler moustache on her, calling her an idiot and
telling her that she's no different to a box of washing powder as she
sits there expressionless before he finally realises that it's just
Tim dressed like Maggie (by looking under the table, presumably at
Tim's knobbly knees! ;) )
* Scenes from the respective campaign speeches, including Tim
promising that the nice people can hold a workers cull (with Bill
being clubbed like a seal pup), invoking the death penalty for people
who walk behind the bowlers arm at Lords (as Bill detonates in a huge
explosion for doing just that) and abolishing the National Health
Service (with Bill shown sawing his leg off, stuffing it into a bin
and then promptly fainting!) while Bill runs on a platform of selling
the Queen to Disneyland (as a crate is shipped off with a hand regally
waving from it), abolishing all things posh (like Tim facing a firing
squad for wearing a tie) and making at least one film per year with
Jane Fonda!
* Several cameos like Tim's stunning entrance as Timita (prompting
Bill to call him "Miss Piggy" which earns him a 'hy yah!' with Tim's
handbag for good measure), the "tin transvestite" and "Don't cry for
me Marge and Tina" lines, David Dimblemblm turning 'Election Night
Special' into a stylish banquet for one and then converting his desk
into a foldout bed, complete with lamp, clock and teddy bear when it
looks as though the recounts will go on all night, Graeme's lengthy
impersonation of Eddie Waring (though perhaps not his funniest
takeoff, as you can actually understand what he is saying!!) and a
purple-faced, 'pissed-as-a-newt' Timita having a real struggle popping
balloons, only to find that everyone else except Eddie has gone home
ages ago.
GUEST STARS
-----------
David Dimbleby, Corbet Woodall, Jo Kendall, Nicholas McArdle, Rosemary
Faith, Penny Irving, Maria Eldridge, Joan Blackham
MOCK ADVERTISEMENTS
-------------------
Keep Britain Tidy
American Excess
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
----------------
Memorable for Tim's scary resemblance to Margaret Thatcher and
unforgettable for his appallingly punny line of "Don't cry for me
Marge and Tina", political campaigning Goodies-style is certainly far
more interesting and entertaining than anything that our real
politicians have dished up to us in recent times.
RATING
------
III Goody goody yum yum
--------------------------------------------
June Episode Summary - Saturday Night Grease
--------------------------------------------
5. GOODIES COR!! COMICS SYNOPSIS #29
************************************
(by Linda Kay)
Issue 164
21st July, 1973 No. 52
The name "The Goodies" implies, as Tim says in episode one of the
television series, that their goal is "To do good to people"
(regardless of how wet Bill may think that concept is). But in the
course of the show there were times when the trio (or more accurately
one out of the three) would find themselves on the wrong side of the
law (if not legally at least ethically ... let's face it, trying to
take over the world is NOT a nice thing!). The Goodies remained good
in the Cor!! comics for the most part, except when they *accidentally*
find themselves breaking the law, as in the comic we'll be reviewing
this month.
Header: THE GOODIES TUNNELLED INTO A BANK - STERLING WORK!
We find The Goodies slumping around their office. Bill is stretched
back in a cobweb-covered chair, yawning, while Tim is perusing a Cor!!
Annual without much enthusiasm. Only Graeme is busy at work on a
strange contraption which looks like a giant drill with three seats.
BILL: I'm *bored!* Yawn!
GRAEME: You'll be even more bored soon ... we're about to try out my
*boring machine!*
Two huge thugs burst into the office (one of them smashes Bill against
the wall with his girth) and a third, shorter but sinister looking man
enters between them.
HEAD THUG: I gotta problem for you guys ... my friends and I are
*escapologists!*
BUGSY: Yeah! We *escape* from t'ings!
HEAD THUG: Shuddup, Bugsy! Right now our friend is lying trussed up
in the Cortown Bank vault ... and he *can't get out!*
The two thugs muscle to get through the front door at the same time,
their boss scrunched between them.
HEAD THUG: We made a bet that he could escape in one hour ... but the
door jammed and he's stuck ... it's up to *you* to get him out!
GRAEME: Leave it to us!
The Goodies head to the Cortown Bank on their trandem, towing the
drilling machine behind them on a wagon.
GRAEME: This is just the job for my boring machine!
Once they've reached the bank, the Goodies take their seats in the
machine and Graeme starts it up. Hydraulics lift it up so that it
bores straight down into the cement. A nearby policeman remains
oblivious to the drilling going on right behind him.
GRAEME: According to my plans, this is the spot where we should
drill!
The machine drills into the ground and makes some odd turns, actually
cutting through an Underground tunnel for a moment, before coming up
in the bank's vault.
GRAEME: This must be the place!
The machine stops inside the vault and the Goodies disembark, looking
around to see no one.
GRAEME: Hey! There's nobody here! Their mate must have escaped by
himself!
Graeme pulls out a handkerchief and cries while Bill pats his
shoulder. Tim turns to see the thugs coming up through the tunnel
their boring machine has made. The head thug is brandishing a gun
toward them.
GRAEME: WAAAAH! All that effort for nothing!
BILL: Cheer up! It wasn't our "vault"! Tee, hee!
HEAD THUG: Okay, wise guys ... stick 'em up!
The thugs tie the Goodies with rope and proceed to rob the bank
vault.
HEAD THUG: Truss 'em up while I snaffle the loot! Heh, heh!
TIM: We've been *bamboozled* into helping some *bank robbers!*
The thugs jump into the boring machine and take off back through the
tunnel.
HEAD THUG: Yep! And now we make our escape! So long, suckers!
The Goodies sit helpless, their arms and feet tied. However we see a
small mouse is in Graeme's pocket.
BILL: This is a fine fix ... if we're found like this folks will think
the *Goodies* are *baddies*!
GRAEME: Don't worry ... help is at hand! Come on, Jumbo ... do your
stuff!
Jumbo the mouse starts to nibble through Graeme's ropes. Bill,
thinking Graeme is talking to him, is trying to chew through his own
ropes.
GRAEME: Right, Jumbo ... *chew* through the ropes!
BILL: I'm trying ... but I can't reach!
GRAEME: Not you, you fool ... *my pet mouse*!
Free of the ropes (well, mostly free ... Bill is still pretty tangled
up), the Goodies run to the tunnel to make their escape.
TIM: Come on ... let's get out of here!
MEANWHILE ... THE CROOKS WERE ESCAPING IN THE BORING MACHINE ... OR SO
THEY THOUGHT!
The boring machine is making its way underground, but the thugs have
no idea they're coming up through the street just as the Cortown
Constables are driving by in their paddy wagon.
POLICE OFFICER: Step on it, Bert ... there's been a raid on Cortown
Bank!
THUG #2: Dis t'ing don't steer so good!
The boring machine comes up through the bottom of the paddy wagon,
delivering the crooks right into the hands of the police.
POLICE OFFICER: Erk ... *Bert*! We've nabbed the robbers without even
tryin'!
HEAD THUG: Drat! This rotten uncontrollable Goodies machine has got
us *pinched*!
POLICE OFFICER: The Goodies, eh? They'll be getting a *reward* for
this!
But the Goodies still think they're wanted by the police for aiding in
the bank robbery, and a big sign on a wall which reads "POLICE SEEK
GOODIES - BIG REWARD OFFERED" doesn't make them feel any better.
They're stealing down the street in disguise, Bill dressed as a German
military officer, Tim as a French Foreign Legion member and Graeme as
a Spanish matador.
BILL: Ooer ... look! Someone must have spotted us in the bank vaults
before we escaped! We're wanted men!
TIM: We'll have to keep these inconspicuous disguises on till the fuss
dies down.
GRAEME: You can "bank" on that! Things never turn out right for us!
Sign-Off Line: Our T.V. Chuckle Champs Return Next Week, Chums!
Additional material from this issue:
The Goodies were one of the answers on the puzzle page in a Circular
Motion puzzle in which readers were instructed to take every second
letter in a circle of letters to spell out the names of four Cor!!
stories.
RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):
IIII - Officially amazing.
Now this is more like it! A very entertaining and well-drawn comic
with lots of little jokes in the background, a fun plot and an ironic
ending. While the dialogue and action is oddly Graeme-heavy, the
action moves right along and the art is superb.
There are simply tons of little jokes in the margins of this one,
starting with panel one and Graeme's blueprints for his boring machine
on the wall. The plans include a "sherbert inductor feedback" valve
and an arrow indicates where the British Troops are to sit. A key in
the back is called the "Clockwork Transducer." The bottom of the
plans are even more confusing, saying it is a "detail of left hand
multipura soggermakers solids state whatsit."
The thugs barging into the office are very animated and when they
leave we see that not only did they press Bill into the wall, but
Bill's face imprint is pressed into the back of the thug's coat! A
man peers out of his window as the Goodies pass on their trandem with
the boring machine in tow. A very large battleship is chained to a
parking meter outside of the bank where the policeman is being so
oblivious. And the detail in the drawing where the Goodies are riding
the boring machine underground is a splendid multi-level study,
showing the policeman still standing outside the bank, a little old
lady with a moth-filled wallet (and yet some dollars float around her)
standing in the front of the bank with an old-fashioned bookkeeper,
while underground we see such things as a dinosaur skeleton, an odd
bone and a tin can, an un-detonated megaton bomb, a startled conductor
and passenger in the Underground station, and a convict slowly picking
his way to freedom.
Once inside the bank vault we see it holds not only money but prime
beef and cup final tickets (not to mention a piggy bank). The thieves
are prepared enough to have brought a large bag with the word "loot"
on it for their take. As the crooks make their escape in the boring
machine we get to see another underground shot which reveals a large
python wriggling up out of the sewer system near an unsuspecting
bystander. A parking meter also seems to have sprouted roots.
Inside the paddy wagon, a police dog cowers behind an officer as the
boring machine comes up through the floor, but his doggy dish of food
is left unscathed. And finally on the "wanted" poster in the last
panel the "latest identimug pictures" of the Goodies are all of the
same non-descriptive face.
This is a very fun installment in the Goodies Cor!! comics and
definitely a big improvement from the week before.
To view these strips online, you can visit this page:
http://members.aol.com/corcomics
We'll post the currently reviewed issue plus the two previous issues
for latecomers.
6. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
***********************
(a) Bill Oddie
(b) Rod Stewart, who is trying to get into Bill's disco
(c) Saturday Night Grease
(d) 55 AD
(e) Because of the conquering Romans and their garlic breath!
(f) "About a quarter to three?"
(g) The sheep
(h) The Vandals, led by Attilla The Hun
YOUR SCORE:
8 Goodies fan supreme
7 Mastermind of the year
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Reasonably Goodie
1-2 Thick as old boots
0 Rolf Harris!
NEXT C&G EDITION: #103: 12th June 2004.
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The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule -
OK! 2004. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form
must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail
.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or
'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail
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