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GRAEME GARDEN: QUESTIONNAIRE

(from C&G #28 March 1998) 

by David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net, Andy Williamson, andywilliamson@cableinet.co.uk and Steve Day, steveday@clara.net.

Yet again the Radio Times has come up trumps and has given us a Graeme Garden questionnaire:

                "Two decades on from earning a living dressing as a rabbit in The Goodies, the star of BBC2's political panel game yearns for the more peaceful world of Antiques Roadshow.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN ENJOYING RECENTLY ON TV?

                I was delighted to see Goodness Gracious Me (BBC2's Asian comedy sketch series), it's high time that wonderful sense of humour was properly exposed on TV.

WHAT IS YOUR FIRST MEMORY OF TV OR RADIO?

                My dad actually built our first TV and I was very impressed with this huge wardrobe with a tiny little hole in it. The first thing I saw was Tommy Cooper, upside down.

WHOSE TV JOB WOULD YOU LIKE?

                It's a toss-up between Hugh Scully on Antiques Roadshow and Richard Whitely on Countdown. On balance I would go for Hugh Scully because he gets out more.

WHO ON TV DO YOU FIND SEXY?

                Newsreader Zeinab Badawi is very nice.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING YOU'VE DONE IN YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

                I should think the answer to the last question.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE RADIO PROGRAMME?

                I'm listening to an awful lot of Radio 4 while I'm pretending to work, as background. I rarely miss Woman's Hour. Jenni Murray has the most wonderful radio voice.

WHICH ACTOR WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY YOU IN A FILM?

                Margaret Rutherford. At least it'll give people good reason to say, "No, it's nothing like him."

WHO WOULD YOU VOTE FOR AS THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF EARTH?

                Any of my children. I think they'd see me right.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WEREN'T ON TV?

                I started out as a doctor but I'm not sure I'd have ended up as a doctor, or at least a very happy doctor. Perhaps I would have gone into research.

WHAT WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?

                Nothing really. Anything that you can change has a chaos theory knock-on effect. I might wish I had more hair, but then it might look like Don King's.

WHAT'S THE MOST LUDICROUS PIECE OF GOSSIP YOU'VE READ ABOUT YOURSELF?

                Hang on, I'll find the book...it's from the Guinness Book of Classic British TV: "John Peel had given one of the Goodies' singles a slagging in a music magazine. He was beaten up by the group in the Marquee club in London. Peel commented dryly that he wouldn't have minded if it had been someone fashionable."

WHAT IS YOUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE TV PROGRAMME?

                The one I found pretty much unmissable was The Morecombe and Wise Show. They tend to be a bit disappointing as we've moved into so many new areas of comedy. But they're still very endearing - they pass the silly-grin test.

WHAT WORRIES YOU MOST ABOUT THE FUTURE?

                Bill Gates. Computers are running my life. I have to use one. I have to use one, but it sits there with a smirk on it's face, knowing that I don't really know how to use it. Gradually my resentment builds up.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MEMORY OF THE GOODIES?

                I enjoyed it very much being part of the team - not us three but everybody. That made up for standing in the middle of a field dressed as a rabbit, in the rain and freezing cold, having a discussion about whether you walked in from the right or left.

WHICH POLITICIAN DO YOU MOST ADMIRE?

                I find it impossible to accommodate the words "politician" and "admire" in the same sentence. The one who amuses me most, and who I quite like, is John Prescott. He's very difficult to understand but at least he's got fire in his belly.