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C&G 186 May 2011
May 2011 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 12/05/2011

Index

» May 2011

       **********************************************
       *   THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE   *
       **********************************************
 
 
    * THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
             (http://www.goodiesruleok.com )
 
 
Issue No. 186                   12th May 2011
 
 
E-MAIL ADDRESSES
****************
 
Newsletter enquiries: clarion@goodiesruleok.com
General enquiries: enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
POSTAL ADDRESS
**************
 
'The Goodies Rule - OK!'
P.O. Box 492
Rosanna VIC 3084, AUSTRALIA
 
 
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
******************************
 
EDITOR
- Brett Allender <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
 
ACE REPORTER:
- Lisa Manekofsky
 
C&G CONTRIBUTORS:
- Daniel Bowen, Kimba W Lion
 
CONTENTS
********
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #19: Bill & Graeme in Drag
6. GOODIES WORD FINDER
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
 
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
 
QUOTE: "But on a Saturday night, when I walk down the street with my flies open and a blob of Brylcreem on my hair ... everybody notices me!"
 
(a) Which Goodie says this quote?
(b) Which venue was he walking down the street to?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
 
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "The Goodies – Almost Live"
 
(d) Complete the following line from "Good Ole Country Music": "I love to hear a dog in pain …"
(e) What is the name of Tim's alter ego who sings "Cactus In My Y-fronts"?
(f) Which creature do the Goodies and Pan's Grannies do the "loony" dance for in "Poor Old Soul"?
(g) Which state of America does Tim claim to have thrown up in during "Sick Man Blues"?
(h) Which song do the Goodies sing with all three of them wearing Union Jack waistcoats?
 
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
 
 
2. BOFFO IDEAS
**************
 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
 
WEBSITE POLLS
 
Last month's poll produced a rare dead heat, with the Rolf option thankfully matched by people's desire to learn more about cream mining, which presumably includes instructions on the correct pronunciation of "scones" and what the "something else" in "Gold ore … or something else!" actually refers to!
 
In one episode The Goodies make a gender education film. What other educational film should they make?
- Training champion pantomime horses       8 votes
- Creative ways to combat pollution        1 vote
- Organizing a 3 person musical festival 10 votes
- How to clean museum antiquities          1 votes
- Identifying dinosaurs inside and out     4 votes
- Running your own film studio             5 votes
- The perils of mixed dancing              5 votes
- Cream mining for fun & profit           15 votes
- The Goodies guide to punk                5 votes
- The care & feeding of Rolf Harrises     15 votes
Total:                                    69 votes
 
This month we look at Tim's gender bender roles and which one of them makes you swoon and go weak at the knees like the health farm chappie did when the new slim Tim emerged from the fat farm in Chubby Chumps. 
There are plenty of stunning options to choose from, though if your favourite Tim drag-up is his one as Margaret Thatcher in "Politics" then we've got a nice little padded cell that we can put a ballet box inside, just for you. So vote for the Timita party instead … you know it makes sense (SPANK - ouch!)
 
Tim dressed up as a woman in many Goodies episodes. Which is your favorite of his female roles?
- Lady Macbeth (The Movies)
- Timbellina Tottywallop (Chubby Chumps)
- Mitzi (The Playgirl Club)
- Tour Hostess (Daylight Robbery)
- Penelope Fay dancer (Come Dancing)
- The [substitute] Queen (Royal Command)
- Timita (Politics)
- Fairy Godmother (Snow White 2)
- other
- Rolf's Granny (Bristo Gravy Mix mock ad)
 
 
3. SPOTTED!!!
*************
 
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
 
FOLLOWING ON FROM LAST MONTH'S MUSIC REVIEW ...
 
The Spiderbait music video for Run has just a tad of the Goodies influence...
(Daniel Bowen – 16th Apr)
 
 
TOP OF THE POPS
 
* Tues, 3 May - "TOTP 2" on Dave at 07:00 is a repeat of a special Comic Relief edition including clips from The Goodies and Monty Python.
(Lisa Manekofsky – 26th Apr)
 
 
WE ARE THE LADS OF THE MCC ...
 
The Roar, a website with sports opinion pieces, has an article titled "Why the ICC must bring back Test boredom" which not only mentions the Goodies episode "2001 and A Bit" but also quotes the Goodies Rule - OK! Fan Club website about that episode:
(Lisa Manekofsky – 13th May)
 
 
AT LAST ... THE GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES UPDATES!
 
After several years of procrastination, I've finally made a start on updating my Goodies Episode Summaries. These summaries were first written in 1997/1998 and were last revised in 2001; however I've been intending for a long time to go back through them and add in more quotes and storyline details, particularly to the episodes of the first three series which initially received a very basic writeup before I began to add considerably more detail to the reviews from Series 4 onwards.
 
In addition to the extra material and the use of half-puddings in some of the ratings (at the time of writing I ranked every episode by whole pudding, but we've been using half-puddings in the music reviews for years), I'll also update the accompanying photo gallery for all episodes that have been commercially released on DVD to provide better quality photos where possible.
 
The first revised episode summary – appropriately enough, the first Goodies episode, Beefeaters (Tower of London) – can be found at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=57  although I haven't quite got around to updating the photo gallery yet (perhaps over the weekend!)
I'm not sure what my output will be with the updates (especially given that I'm about to move house in a fortnight's time!) but I'm hoping to do at least two episode revisions each month. The revised summaries will be listed in the C&G each month in any case.
(Brett Allender)
 
 
THE GOODIES PODCAST
 
New Goodies Podcasts since last month's C&G:
 
#55: Commentary – South Africa
#56: The Meddling Monk (Graeme solo project)
 
Goodies Mastermind – Rounds 8 & 9
 
You can find these and other enjoyable commentaries and interviews at: http://goodiespodcast.libsyn.com/  
 
 
4. 2001 AND A BIT
*****************
 
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Large files (such as scans of articles or photos) for posting on the club's website can be sent to us at: groksite@gmail.com
Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
 
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
 
Please note: BBC RADIO SHOWS listed below can be heard online via each station's website (www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 or www.bbc.co.uk/radio4extra) and then for a week after broadcast from the BBC iPlayer (aka Listen Again), www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer . Radio shows on the iPlayer should be available for listening worldwide.
 
BILL SPOTTINGS
 
* Bill's written a blog for Saga at:
He's also scheduled to appear in the "Springwatch Easter Special" this Monday, 25 April, on BBC 2 at 8pm.
(23rd Apr)
 
 
* For those in the UK, the Springwatch Easter Special, which will include a contribution from Bill, will be available after its broadcast from http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b010tbjs/Springwatch_Easter_Special/  
(26th Apr)
 
 
* Thurs, 28 April - "Outtake TV" on Watch at 13:30 includes a clip of Bill.
(26th Apr)
 
 
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
 
* Via the ABC's twitter feed:
Goodies fans: Graeme Garden joins Mr Stephen Fry on #QI to talk divinity. #ABC1 9.30pm
(Daniel Bowen – 19th Apr)
 
 
* Thanks, Daniel!
Here's the ABC iview link, for viewers in Australia who may have missed it:
(Lisa Manekofsky – 20th Apr)
 
 
* The release date for Network DVD's "Astronauts: The Complete Series" (which was written by Graeme and Bill) has been pushed back to 4 July.
(24th Apr)
 
 
* Thurs, 28 April - "QI" with Graeme is repeated on Dave at 15:20 and 19:20.
(26th May)
 
 
* Mondays - The new series of "The Unbelievable Truth" on BBC Radio 4 at 18:30 (with each episode repeated at noon the following Sunday). Graeme will appear on the panel again in the 2nd May edition; the show is produced by his company, Random Entertainment.
(26th Apr)
 
 
* According to an article in the 13 May issue of the Sydney Morning Herald, Graeme was one of the guests at a trial series of Q&A evenings with members of The Chaser. The full article can be read at http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/comedy/the-queens-rejects-20110512-1ej92.html , here's the paragraph which mentions Graeme:
"The events, which Morrow says could make way for a series of live Chaser interview evenings, were trialled over three nights last month at a venue in Kings Cross. Guests included Graeme Garden from British comedy group The Goodies, and Jennifer Robinson, the Sydney lawyer acting for WikiLeak's Julian Assange in his extradition case. One highlight, Morrow says, was
Sol iciting offbeat anecdotes."
(13th May)
 
 
TIM SPOTTINGS
 
* Thurs, 5 May - "Little Howard's Big Question" on BBC 2 at 07:00 is a repeat of the episode "Why Do Things Have to Die?" in which Tim appears.
(26th Apr)
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
 
* These are the links for the restored ISIRTA episodes that have been uploaded to Rapidshare, with huge thanks to Kimba W Lion:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
* Mondays: "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" (Tim, Graeme, & Bill's 1960's sketch comedy radio series which also starred John Cleese, David Hatch, and Jo Kendall) is repeated on BBC Radio 4 Extra at 08:30 & 19:30.
(26th Apr)
 
 
* Mondays - "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" repeats on RTE Choice at 09:06.
(26th Apr)
 
 
* Wednesdays - 1980's episodes of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" on BBC Radio 4 Extra at 09:30, repeated the next morning at 01:30.
(26th Apr)
 
 
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #19
*************************************
(by Brett Allender)
 
BILL & GRAEME IN DRAG
 
While Tim became quite renowned for playing female characters right from the very first series of The Goodies (and playing them extremely convincingly for that matter!), Bill and Graeme also had the opportunity to drag up in a variety of episodes, particularly in the latter series. There was usually a somewhat ridiculous air about these characters with Graeme sporting his "fuzzy chops" sideburns and Bill having a fully-fledged beard, but the facial hair and lack of femininity gave their fellow Goodies ample opportunity to poke fun at them for it, adding to the enjoyment of the show.
 
Bill and Graeme's drag performances in the first couple of series are generally group efforts with Tim, with all three Goodies donning ballroom dancing gear as Peaches Stiletto's "girls" in the dance-off with Delia Capone's boys in 'Come Dancing' and then appearing as "Pan's Grannies" in the 'A Collection Of Goodies' special. In one of his interviews for the Clarion & Globe, Tim mentioned that "Some (of the segments initially recorded for Engelbert and later used in this special) were parodies. e.g. WE were Pan's Grannies'. The regular, all girl, 'coo er' dancers on Top of the Pops were called Pan's People and we did a Granny version."
 
However Series 3 contains the first proper drag roles for both Bill and Graeme, starting with Bill in 'That Old Black Magic'. Graeme has flipped out and is using his new-found magic powers for evil purposes by selling his soul to the Sunday papers. Tim and Bill go to a dark and rather creepy Clapham Common and interrupt Graeme's worship session, only for him to flee into a section of the woods that carries a large sign of "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here" and a small sign of "Virgins Required".
 
Tim and Bill soon return dressed as virgins in white robes and long flowing blonde hair, and prepare to enter Graeme's hideaway. Tim is concerned that his hair is a mess, prompting Bill to hiss: "For heavens sake, at this very moment Graeme's probably selling his soul to the devil, we're probably the only two people that can help him, and all you're worried about is your blasted hair!" T: "I'm sorry." B: "I should think so too! (changes tune and grabs at his own hair) Have you got a comb?" The two virgins then front up to Graeme who declares that they're "a bit ropey, but I s'pose you'll have to do", but his next remark to Tim of "Oh dear, can't you do something about that hair?!" starts Tim and Bill off arguing in their own voices, which really arouses Graeme's suspicions.
G: "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you sure you're virgins?"
T & B: "Yes, sir."
G: (looking at Bill, incredulously) "But she's got a beard!"
T: "That's why she's a virgin!"
G: "Fair enough!"
Tim and Bill then have to endure Graeme's awful magic tricks ("I've seen Sooty do better!") before revealing their true identities when Graeme prepares to behead them as a sacrifice for his imminent summoning of the devil – none other than David Frost!
 
Graeme's first main drag role comes in 'Way Outward Bound' where the Goodies dress as schoolchildren to attend the Loch Jaw school of outdoor education, having failed to round up any actual schoolchildren to participate in the program at 25 quid commission per kid. While Bill and Tim reappear as young schoolboys, Graeme emerges in a tunic with his hair in long plaits and a hockey stick in hand, and soon draws the attention of Sergeant-Major Bullcock upon inspection at the school.
SMB: "Hello hello, what's this boy doing wearing a skirt? Are you kinky or something?" G (in a high-pitched voice) "No." SMB: "Oh, pity!" T (interjecting): "Please Sir, he's not a boy, he's a girl, Sir." SMB (bombastically): "He's a girl?!" G: "I'm a girl." SMB: "Well don't worry, we'll soon make a man of you!"
 
Graeme goes on to say that he doesn't want to play any nasty rough games because he's a "sweet, fragile, innocent schoolgirl" which practically causes a riotous stampede among the Sergeant-Major's offsiders, forcing Bullcock to aim his rifle at his henchmen and telling them to back off as "I saw her first!" Graeme's pleas of "Save me!" to the Sergeant-Major draw the response that he'll save her alright – "for later!" – and when the Matron starts taking down the particulars of her new students, Graeme has to admit to having the name of Amazing Gracie, much to his disgust, so as not to give the game away. This also leads to a splendidly catty exchange where Tim and Bill give their ages as being 12 and 14 respectively, but "Gracie's" claim of being 17 is rubbished by the others, with them claiming that she's a "fibber" and "doesn't even wear a bra yet!"
 
Gracie's main attribute of extremely stretchable plaits come in very handy during the brutally challenging assault course, with Tim and Bill being able to hang onto them for dear life at various stages, although apparently Bill seriously dislocated a finger during the filming of this sequence.
 
In 'Royal Command', the Goodies have to step in as replacements for the Royal family after the real Windsors have come to grief in their new TV show, The Amazing Tumbling Royals equestrian on ice, and are laid up in hospital. Tim appears as the Queen, frocked up in a powder blue dress with matching sensible hat, and asks Graeme: "Which one are you going to be?" Graeme comes into view wearing a military-style navy jacket and tie with a pale-coloured skirt below, and says: "Well I can't make my mind up. I can either be him (doing a Prince Philip walk with his hands behind his back) … or her (doing a bow-legged, thigh-slapping Princess Anne walk as if he was riding a horse) … or I could be a bit of both … (doing a very amusing combination).
T (unimpressed): "Yeah I think you could. But I think you should be her as long as you don't wear that hat. G (indignantly): "But one always wears this hat!" T: "I know, I've never liked it. Why can't you wear nice neat trim little hats like me?"
 
Once Bill has made an appearance; initially disguised as a corgi, then as "Young Him" wearing a crown with a large pair of ears attached to it, Tim bossily tells him: "Mind you, you must have a shave … (looks across at "Princess Anne") … both of you!". Then a little later, Queen Tim is horrified and deeply displeased with the wooden dummy that is supposed to be 'her' husband; drawing the following haughty response from "Princess Anne" who is dressed in a rather hot-looking outfit: "Begging one's pardon, one does not seem to appreciate the logistical problem, Timbo me ol' sovereign. I mean, there's only three of us and four of them and I've been up all night knocking up that duke and I'd appreciate a little bit of gratitude!" which only gets an even more displeased bark of "Silence!" from a huffy Tim.
 
In readiness for the coronation rerun, Queen Tim is also unhappy with the riding gear-style outfit that Graeme is wearing, complaining that he won't be allowed into Westminster Abbey dressed like that. This brings out another haughty horsey response from Graeme that could well have come from Princess Anne herself with a little imagination: "See if one cares! Look, one's got an Olympic trial this afternoon at 3 o'clock and one is jolly well not going to miss it. One was not consulted when they they fixed up this beastly coronation, so stuff them!"
 
In "Earthanasia", Bill plays the role of Tim's Mum during Graeme's hypnotherapy session by simply wrapping his head in a shawl, with a more elaborate drag act not being necessary given the strength of the verbal script. Bill uses a semi-feminine northern-accented voice and demands: "When are you going to leave that posh school 'ey, and get yourself a proper man's job down t'pit!" only for Tim to wimpily reply that he want to "be a hair artiste and become a credit to Brooke-Taylors"." B (annoyed): "Taylors lad, Taylors! That's t' family name! Don't give me any of your Brooke hyphen airy-fairy airs and graces, I mean, honestly that a son of mine could have turned out to be such a flaxen-haired, namby-pamby, niminy-piminy … oooh!"
 
Far from this therapy helping to cure Tim's belly button phobia, it only makes matters even worse when "Tim's Mum" starts bawling when he reveals that he doesn't want her to attend the Belly Button Sunday parade because he's ashamed of her. Graeme feels some pangs of guilt and calls out: "Stop it, stop it! Tim, that's not really your mother, it's Bill playing an irresponsible prank. Wake up, Tim, Tim, is that anything like your real mother?" (Tim looks at Bill, who peeks out from the shawl with a silly look on his face) T (upset):"Yes it is, it's just like her!" B (shocked): "Eee!" T: "The voice, the clothes, but above all, the beard! It was the beard that really used to shame me. All the lads used to pass remarks like: 'Hey Curly Tops … whose Mum's got jowl-to-jowl carpeting!' My young life was misery." Despite Bill's profuse apologies, Tim still laments: "It's not my fault I didn't grow up big tough and hairy like my Mum!"
 
The episode 'Politics' is memorable for two superb drag performances by Tim as Margaret Thatcher and then Timita, but it also contains an amusing one by Bill as well. With ad man Graeme speaking to "Maggie" about having to shake hands with grotty, scruffy, common workers as an essential part of campaining, Bill enters Graeme's office right on cue in a long-haired wig, glasses, a brown jacket and dress, while having a great deal of trouble staying upright on a pair of stilts. G (puzzled): "Bill?!" B: "Oh no … Vanessa. Kindly address me as Vanessa." G (still puzzled): "Vanessa?!" B: "Yeah, that's right. I am the leader of The Worker's Revolutionary Party (points to the badge on his jacket) … not just *A* Worker's Revolutionary Party; but *THE* Worker's Revolutionary Party!" T (unimpressed with the acronym): "TWERP!" G: "Fair enough!" T: "You don't look a bit like Vanessa Redgrave!" B (indignantly): "Oh yes I do! A bit … that bit (bares his knee) and that bit (grabs his hair) … just haven't got the height for it, that's all!" G: "You're nothing like Vanessa. You don't make a very good woman!" B: "Well neither does she! (grins) G: "Vanessa Redgrave does *not* have a beard!" B: "She would if she could! Anyway the fact remains, I'm standing against you, with difficulty I admit (ad-libbing brilliantly as he almost topples off his stilts!), but still, I want you, Graeme, to sell me to the nation."
 
"Vanessa's" policies, as outlined to a thoroughly bored Graeme, include selling the Queen to Disneyland, disbanding the army and buying a white flag, abolishing all things posh (especially ties), making at least one film a year with Jane Fonda and getting the chance to turn down an Oscar. After Graeme wakes up again he refutes "Vanessa's" statement that "the whole point of planning a campaign is to talk politics!" with a wary "Well I don't think you've got that right! No, puts them right off. If you want to get into Parliament, I should steer well clear of politics!". Bill is appalled with this notion; grumbling "This cynical display of manipulative marketeering sickens and disgusts me! I'm going to retire from serious political life. I'm gonna burn my stilts!" and departs in a huff, only to reappear later as Leftist Loony Party candidate Che.
 
Graeme has two very different but quite stunning drag roles in 'Saturday Night Grease'; firstly after he makes the suggestion to Tim that they should all go out dancing together seeing as Tim keeps getting thrown out of discos when he tries to enter them on his own. Tim rocks up in a Travolta-like white suit and black shirt, but then starts complaining that Bill (dressed in a tux with massively long tails and wearing shoes with taps on them) isn't taking things seriously, only for Graeme to come striding out and chide "Bill, take it seriously!" Graeme's message is somewhat lost though as he is decked out in a fancy frilly pink dress and extravagant hat; prompting an incredulous Tim to utter: "Graeme, why are you dressed as a woman?!", to which the reply came: "What?! Three fellas going out dancing together! People would stare at us!"
 
The dolled-up Graeme takes some time to teach Tim how to dance while Bill goes out to start up a disco of his own, but not before a parting shot from Bill of "Woooah, whaddya wanna bother with Livvy for when you've got him, hey?! (spots Graeme's exposed legs) Look at those. Oh Bandy!" before Tim kicks him out the door. With Tim only knowing how to do the not-so-trendy Twist, Graeme expertly teaches him the imaginitive steps of the Disco Heave. When Graeme asks a now hyped-up and amorous Tim if he knows what to do next, Tim replies: "I hold her close, I gaze into her eyes and say 'Dinkum, dinkum, dinkum. Speak to me in Aussie, you cheeky little jumbuck!" G (horrified): You smutty pervert! Bill was right. Once and for all, I'm hear to teach you dancing, not snogging!" T (also horrified): "Don't use that word, it's ugly!" G: "So! Snogging. Snnnogging … with Aussie trrrollops! [eeeww, bleaah etc] You have no scruples. I am not teaching you!" T (suspiciously): "No you're not teaching me; you're sending me up, right?", to which Graeme flashes a rather cheeky grin in agreement.
 
Later in this episode, Bill's Mixed Dancing contest looks like being an inglorious flop as no couples are daring enough to take part and his own attempt to rustle up some mixed dancing with an unwilling lady participant comes to a painful and score-free end despite a wonderful Exploding Pasadoble / Boney M combination as the third sequence. However there is a late entry from Tim Revolta (fresh from the clink and complete with straightjacket and ball & chain!) and the ravishing Olivia Newton-Grayboots, whose rickety high heels and extra tight jeans ensure a long and tortured journey down the multi-layered dance floor to meet up with her man for a winning mixed dance to "You're The One That I Want". A disgusted Bill soon ensures that the prizemoney doesn't get distributed by dewigging Graeme, causing the distinguished panel of judges to faint in shock, but soon everyone in the room is indulging in mixed dancing until the boys in blue arrive and the dancing moves out onto the streets. This was also probably Graeme's most convincing drag role because the long permed wig covered up his otherwise prominent sideburns!
 
The final series on LWT contains a few instances where all three Goodies dragged up, such as an appearance in tutus for 'Football Crazy' and some wacky pantomime characters in 'Snow White 2', most notably Graeme as one of Cinderella's Ugly Sisters sporting an enormous pair of knockers in the opening sequence. The main instance of dragging up however is by Bill in 'Robot' where after being fired and replaced by a baby robot, he returns as a nanny when Tim and Graeme are looking for someone to take care of the demanding baby robot so that they can have a break.
 
Tim eagerly casts his eye over the bevy of beauties that have come to the office to apply for the au-pair position until he spots the hideous "Helga from Sweden" - Bill with beard intact and a blond wig, makeup, white fur stole, pink top, mini skirt, knee-length white boots and an enormous pair of cone-shaped knockers! Tim firstly goes "Ugghh! What's that!" (cracking Bill up with laughter in the process), then hastily comments "Oh don't worry dear, I'm sure you've got a beautiful mind!" Graeme is unimpressed with Tim having "naughty thoughts" over the hiring of a pretty girl and says "Well as you are now obviously so set on having an au-pair, I suggest you choose the ugliest one." T: "Why?" G: "Well it's a well-known rule of life – never have a pretty au-pair, it always causes trouble."
 
Tim takes heed of Graeme's advice and chooses of the "naff old tart on the end" - a pretty girl at the other end of the queue to Helga - and desperately tries to make out that she looks like a "duff old boiler" in a bid to get Graeme to hire her. However Graeme is having none of it, and grumbles: "All right, as you're obviously not to be trusted, I shall choose … (looks in Helga's direction) … and I choose THAT!"
 
Bill sees this nanny role of Helga as the ideal opportunity for taking revenge on Tim and Graeme for firing him by getting rid of the baby robot, however he is constantly thwarted because the baby robot not only gets the better of him in various playground situations, but Graeme has also secretly programmed the robot to always return home, despite Helga's best attempts to abandon it at the scrap metal yard. This leads to Tim repeatedly spanking Helga's frilly-clad bottom over his knee while uttering: "Helga you're a very, very naughty girl and must take greater care of the robot ... (smiles and continues spanking) ... botty, botty, botty ...!" Graeme then crossly intervenes: "Oh, stop that at once! Helga, I said stop that! You're wilfully arousing Mr Tim! Yes I know your type - coming over here breaking up respectable families, flaunting your frillies, tantalizing vulnerable old men who should be past that sort of thing!" By this stage Helga has lost her Swedish accent and replies "Don't worry, he is!" in Bill's voice, and she probably gets her ultimate revenge when the robot grows long hair and a beard and starts blaring "Funky Gibbon" through its speakers, causing a horrified Tim and Graeme to lament that it has turned out to be just like Bill!
 
Bill and Graeme's female characters may not have been glamourous, sexy or even particularly convincing given the amount of facial fungus they sported, but they were certainly good fun and added some laughs to each of the storylines.
 
Website article & photo gallery:
 
 
6. GOODIES WORD FINDER
**********************
(by Brett Allender)
 
This puzzle contains hidden words and phrases relating to The Goodies episode "Wacky Wales"
 
Try to find all the listed words in the puzzle. Words may be found horizontally, vertically, or diagonally. Upon completion, the 9 unused letters can be rearranged to form a solution of one word from this episode - clue: "He probably enjoys the end game of rugby the least of anyone"
 
There is a print-friendly copy of the puzzle on the website at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=92&page=14 and the solution is on a separate page accessible from the menu.
The solution will also be published in next month's newsletter.
 
 

M

O

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L

G

F

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V

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F

N

F

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K

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C

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W

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P

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A

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C

N

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W

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B

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R

R

D

N

W

L

M

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A

A

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F

G

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N

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B

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C

K

H

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L

L

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D

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B

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B

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WORD LIST
 
Babies
Ball
Ban
Bar
Bard
Beer
Bishop
Black Hat
Boat
Booze
Bottles
Boyos
Deadly Sins
Devout
Druids
Dying Race
Eisteddfod
Festival of Gloom
Folk Song
Foul Potion
Food
Hot Seat
Holy
Hymn
Ignatius
Inn
Lavatories
Leek
Llan Dlubber
Llewellyn
Orient
Reverend
Road
Rubbish
Rugby
Silence
Sinful
Tea
Train
Try
Virgins
Wales
Water
 
 
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
***********************
 
(a) Tim
(b) A disco
(c) Saturday Night Grease
(d) "Or a chicken being flattened by a train"
(e) The Midnight Cowperson
(f) Loony Moth
(g) California
(h) Bounce
 
YOUR SCORE:
8    Mastermind Of The Year
7    Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Goody Goody effort
1-2 Time to watch some more episodes
0    Are you sure you're not Rolf Harris?!
 
 
NEXT C&G EDITION:
- #187: 12th June 2011
 
UPCOMING ARTICLES:
- July: A Collection Of Goodies Themes – Sports & Games
 
C&G BACK ISSUES CONTENTS INDEX: http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=45  
Updated to C&G 185 (April 2011)
 
*******************************************************************************
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2011. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
 
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN WORD DOCUMENT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the Word mailing list.
******************************************************************************
 



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