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Back to JessPix's Journal
||That's it Stouffer, you help...
|I'm going to do a change from my last few journals and make this one at least a teensy bit interesting. I'm actually not in a overly good mood, I think it's third year blues or something, it's uncommon for me to be a bit glum, but never mind.
I've quit the gym after a whole two sessions. Hurrah! It's not that I didn't enjoy it, just that I get easily bored. Also I'm still eating chocolate and crisps like nobody's business, so it doesn't feel like I was making much of a difference anyway! Ah well.
Went out to an Italian restaurant on Saturday evening with family friends, which was nice. Naturally I managed to do something silly, I always say the wrong thing and instead of asking for a margarita pizza I asked for a mozzarella one (which was the name of the restaurant too, in case it couldn't sound anymore idiotic!) It got worse when the waitress couldn't hear me because I was at the far end of the table, so I put my head back so she could see me and I banged my head on the wall behind me. Worse still, no one had even seen that, they were laughing at my saying 'mozzarella', so when my dad asked what was so funny I pointed out that I'd hit my head on the wall, which I thought was what everyone was laughing at anyway. It turns out no one saw that, so they laughed some more. It can only happen to me.
I've been watching a bit more TV than usual, but the only thing worth watching is 'Harry Hill's TV Burp', which is absolutely hilarious. He's appeared on Clue a number of times and been similarly brilliant. I think I mentioned last time about my Harry trauma when I saw his live show - well I've since typed up my handwritten scribbles and will now relay it to you:
Date: April 1st 2005
Venue: Bradford St Georges Hall. Front row.
Harry pointed at my brother’s hair and said, “Dull lifeless hair!”
Harry got my brother to say ‘quack’ when he gestured. Harry gestured and my brother went quack each time until he was quacking constantly. Harry then got a bread loaf and started throwing pieces at my brother. My brother threw some of it back, which made Harry throw a whole slice at my brother (which missed by miles).
Harry got out a stabiliser wheel with various dolls heads attached to it. He asked me for my name and asked me what Jessica was short for. With each answer to the question he counted each of the doll’s heads once for each letter. He then asked me what I do for a living, I said I was a student and he mocked the way I said it (damn my stupid Yorkshire accent). He then asked me what I studied and when I said film he had a field day. He asked if I had to go in at all or if I just watch Richard & Judy and Wife Swap all day (I shook my head in shame). Finally he asked me what my favourite colour was (blue) and when he’d counted round the doll’s heads, going B-L-U-E, he landed on the one that looked like Harry Potter and said, “That’s what you look like!”
He later talked about Sudan 1 dye (news at the time) acting as a hallucinogenic in jumbo sausages and explained it all to me, concluding that me and fellow students can get off our faces for 55p. It was then time for the interval and he asked me how long the interval should be - “a month?”
After the interval he asked my dad whether he remembered the olden days and if he’d ever been murdered. It wasn’t long before I came back into the picture. Stouffer arrived and was sick (it was really shaving foam - sorry to shatter the illusion) - a tiny bit of which landed on me. He then proceeded to contact the dead - asking if there was a John in the audience (dad kept quiet), a Jack? A Bill? A Jessica? Everyone cheered. I sank into my seat. Stouffer asked if I’d lost a relative and told me a Victorian relative was watching over me and how lovely that was.
A little while later he started to sing The Killers song, ‘Somebody Told Me’ (“that you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend”) and stopped to ask me, “is that true Jessica, hmm? Is it?” He then sung, “I see you baby, shaking that ass” to me, wiggling his botty (with a lot of VPL) before turning to me and yelling, “You slut Jessica! You slut!” - But in a comical way (at least I hope it was!)
Later on he nearly got his dummy Gary to throw up (shaving foam again) all over me and my brother, but thankfully he was just teasing. Didn’t stop me from cowering though! He also said something (forgotten what) and stared at me really intensely for ages - it was terrifying - I still remember it now!
That was the end of it. What a great show. I was a bit miffed I didn’t get a free Stouffer but the people who did had to go on stage to do stuff. I’m glad I could stay where I was and die of embarrassment a little more privately!
Oh, happy days!
To end with, some 'Initial Responses' (although these are words, not initials, but it doesn’t matter). I should warn that they’re a bit naughty, but here goes...
I'd hit it:
And last but by no means least:
Feel free to try them yourself, they're fun!
All the best
Mood - Frustrated feeling to be in limbo
Music - T.Rex - 20th Century Boy
|Edited - Never