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101 CLASSIC GOODIES QUOTES  # 28 - 52

WACKY WORDPLAY

28* Bill: "I've done a jingle!" (for Snooze bedtime drink)

Graeme (patronisingly): "There's a good boy!"

(1/2  Snooze)

29* Tim (at Ye Olde Shepherd's Restaurant): "Come on, we're leaving"

Waiter: "But, your sweet Sir..."

Tim (flattered): "Ooh, thank you very much!  But we're still leaving."

(to a look of bemused revulsion from the waiter)

(2/9  Food)

30* Tim: (horrified at the sight of Bill's vulture) "What's that on your shoulder?!"

Bill: (ruefully) "Oh, he hasn't done it again, has he!"

(3/5  For Those In Peril On The Sea)

31* Nasty Person: "Gerald, a word in your ear ..."

Gerald: "Oh, is dere boss?!"

(taps his head and sticks his finger into his ear!)

(3/5  For Those In Peril On The Sea)

32* Tim (as court jester, with backing from Bill): "Once a knight, always a knight.  Twice a night and you're doing all right!!"

(4/1  Camelot)

33* Bill (examining the hayfever-suffering Minister for Health's foot): "It's a corn."

Bill & Tim: "Oh, no!"

Minister for Health: "A corn!"

Tim: "Wheat!"

Graeme: "Barley!

Bill: "Rye!"

All in unison: "Hay ... YATCHOO!!"

(4/3  Hospital For Hire)

34* Graeme (preferring archaeology over modern-day entertainment):

"I'm off all this newfangled rubbish.  I am into neolithic man."

Bill (suspiciously): "Is that legal!?"

(4/4  The Stone Age)

35* Bill (supposedly shouting for help through the dinosaur's mouth): "She was only the caveman's daughter, but you don't know what Dina saw ... bu-boom!"

(and a bit later): "If you can't send help, then at least send us a good ventriloquist!"

(4/4  The Stone Age)

36* Graeme (giving Tim driving lessons): "First, the clutch is depressed."

Tim (sympathetically): "Ohh, cheer up little clutch!"

Graeme: "The gears are engaged"

Tim (excitedly): "Congratulations gears!"

(4/6  The Race)

37* Bill (about great silent comics): "Keaton, Chaplin, Harry Langdon, Lavatory Meadows ..."

Graeme (incredulously): "Lavatory Meadows?!"

Tim: "He means W.C.Fields."

(5/1  The Movies)

38* Major Cheeseburger (upon hearing that the Goodies ate the 'tomato soup'): "Well I'll be hornswaggled!"

Graeme (firmly): "Your personal life is no concern of ours!"

(5/2 The Clown Virus)

39* (Graeme and Bill are looking at a framed photo of Tim on the wall after he has left them)

Bill: "You know, I reckon I'll miss him."

Graeme: "Not if you aim carefully!"

(Bill then hurls a cricket ball at the photo, smashing the glass panel for a 'bullseye'!)

(5/3  Chubby Chumps)

40* Bill: "Allow me to elucidate"

Graeme: "You do and you clean it up yourself"

(starts cackling, almost cracking Bill up)

(5/7  Kung Fu Kapers)

41* Graeme (about the Goodies being stuck on the lighthouse for five years): "I admit, it's my fault.  I just misread the advert, that's all.  I thought it said a little light housekeeping!"

(5/8  Lighthouse Keeping Loonies)

42* Tim (reading sign): "South African Tourist Board.  Through door and turn white."

(5/11  South Africa)

43* Tim (about Bill being drunk): "Pay no attention to him.  He's pissed."

Graeme: "Has he?!"

Tim: "Yes!"

(5/13  The End)

44* Tim (pleading, while the Goodies are trapped): "I want a son.  I must have a son.  Graeme, you're a doctor!"

Graeme (looking stunned): "Sorry, it can't be done!"

Tim: "But a man isn't a man unless he exercises his right to fatherhood!"

Bill (chuckling): "You can exercise it all you like, but you won't find much use for it here!"

(5/13  The End)

45* Bill: "Is it anything to do with food, hey?  Am I getting warm?"

Tim (getting ready to cannibalise him): "You soon will be!"

(5/13  The End)

46* Tim (about the dodo at the pet shop): "Was it going cheap?"

Graeme: "No, it was going 'ERRRKKK!!'"

(7/2  Dodonuts)

47* Tim (reciting the boy scout oath): "He does not indulge in woggle jokes such as "Have you seen his woggle?  No, but it's a good trick if he can do it!""

(7/3  Scoutrageous)

48* Tim: "I'd be happy to be an OBE.  Best of all, an Earl and an OBE."

Graeme (wryly): "You'd be an earlobe!"

(7/5  Royal Command)

49* Tim, as Timita (consoling two common factory workers who are worried that she mightn't win the election):

"Don't cry for me Marge and Tina!"

(8/1  Politics)

50* Tim (shocked): "You've been gambling!"

Graeme (innocently): "No!"

Tim: "Bet you have."

Graeme: "How much you bet ... ooh what a giveaway!"

(8/3  A Kick In The Arts)

51* Graeme: "In fact, I could sell you a few dozen of these (EBGB robots).  You could open up a string of cafes up and down the country."

Tim: "Oh, like McDonalds hamburgers?"

Graeme: "Not much!"

Tim: "Neither do I."

(8/4  U-Friend Or UFO)

52* Bill (angrily, after Tim and Graeme have sacked him): "All right, I'm going. But I'm going to take industrial action. And I'll tell you, you've got right up my nose!"

Tim: "And what are you gonna do?"

Bill: "Picket!"

(9/1  Robot)