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C&G 30 May 1998
#30 May 1998 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 26/09/2006

Index

» #30 May 1998

 
THE GOODIES CLARION AND GLOBE
 
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK' FAN CLUB
 
Issue No. 30                12th May 1998
 
 
CONTENTS
 
1. BOFFO IDEAS - Club happenings and ideas.
2. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings.
3. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY #4 & 5 - by Brett Allender.
4. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW - by Brett Allender and Alison Bean.
5. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ - More brain teasers from David McAnally.
 
 
1. BOFFO IDEAS
 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. Mail carrot@auslink.net with your comments, ideas or suggestions.
 
Drunk and Debauchery Promotions Presents...
MELBOURNE GOODIES VIDEO NIGHT,
 PART THE THIRDE!
 
WHERE: 20 Carlinga Drive, VERMONT, 3133 (Melways map reference 63 A4)
WHEN: Friday, June 5th from 7pm onwards.
WHY: To celebrate everything to do with the greatest TV show ever!
 
Yes, it's here again - another Goodies video night and this will be the biggest, best and most brilliantly bad ass vid night of them all! Anyone on mother Earth is welcome, but more so if you're a raving lunatic - that's a handy pre-requisite.
 
"Why the f*** should I give up my Friday night?" I hear many of you asking. Well, just for turning up, you get the following:
 
* A chance to view any and every Goodies episode you could possibly want to see uncut, including Christmas specials and many other hard to come by extras.
 
* A chance to see a whole plethora of other programs involving The Goodies trio, including At Last The 1948 Show, Tim in Paul Hogan's England, Birding With Bill Oddie, the entire uncut Goodies interview conducted for Where Are They Now? *AND* Graeme's latest fab game show, "If I Ruled The World"!
 
* Goodies books to cop a squiz at, as well as music to listen to.
 
* Mountains of fab food and drink. Beer and wine for alcos and lots of soft drink for those who prefer to remain in control of all faculties and bodily orifices.
 
* Additional wacky and self indulgent student films.
 
AND THEN THERE'S THE MAIN ATTRACTIONS
 
* The President of "The Goodies Rule OK!", Alison Bean (AKA The Beanster), will be making an appearance in the flesh to revel in the drunken debauchery! So people, come and meet Da Prez and find out what makes this remarkable woman tick. You've seen her brilliant newsletter and her esteemed homepages but what does she do in the company of other TV obsessed freaks?? Find out on the night!... (She intends to hide in a cupboard after failing to live up to this description - Ed)
 
* One Brett Allender will also rear his debatably hideous head! Meet the man who provides you with your monthly dose of fab Goodies episode and music summaries. Feel free to rigorously question him over why his lack of sanity allows for such offensive outbursts on Goodies-L!
 
* I (Nick McCarthy) will be locked and shackled in a dark cellar for the duration of the evening, so if that isn't incentive enough to attend, then I don't know what is!
 
So bring yourself and bring your friends, but don't bring your grandmother if she's incontinent. Urine stains are stubborn and difficult to remove. Those that came last time know of the brilliance of such gatherings. Those who didn't missed out big time! So don't miss out again - come ye!, come ye!
 
If you are interested in attending or have any queries, then please e-mail me, Nick McCarthy, mcarthyn@ocean.com.au
 
MELBOURNE GOODIES VIDEO NIGHT PART THE THIRDE - you know it makes sense! If it doesn't, then my cattle-prod comes out of storage! I know for a fact that many of you live in the Melbourne/metro area so attend or die! Nahahaha!
 
 
T-SHIRTS
 
            Many people have been e-mailing me regarding the Goodies t-shirts. At present I cannot tell you how much they will cost, but I will hopefully be able to do that in the next C&G. Meanwhile the t-shirt design is coming along very well. Again, more details next month.
 
 
HOMEPAGE UPDATES
 
            The homepages located at http://auslink.net/~abeanaaa/index.htm  are currently under reconstruction. Once they're done, the Geocities mirror site (http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/2934/index. ) will be updated. But for now you might like to check out our new Sounds page at http://auslink.net/~abeanaaa/sounds.htm . Donations of further sound files will be gratefully accepted by carrot@auslink.net.html
            Meanwhile our website has been listed in the BBC's Comedy Zone webguide http://www.comedyzone.beeb.com/webguide/ and we even get a funky little moving eye graphic thingy to stick on our page, since we're "one to watch". Anyway, here's what the Beeb said about us:
The Goodies Rule - OK! Keeping Their Memory Alive
            Goody Goody, Yum Yum! Tim, Graeme and Bill are alive and well and idolised by the fans who keep this international fan page going. Based in Australia, the website campaigns for the stars of the Seventies comedy series to be seen again on TV, plans to organise a Goodies convention in 2000, and lines you up with other like-minded individuals around the world who can't get enough "Eckythump". And if you really want to get intellectual, one fan argues "how the Goodies was unique in breaking the boundaries of traditional sitcoms through its combination of visual and spoken humour, its reflection of social issues and its parody of popular culture/authority figures." So there.
 
 
2. SPOTTED!!!
 
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen a Goodie recently, e-mail carrot@auslink.net with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE RETURNS
 
by David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net
 
BBC Radio 4 began broadcasting a new series of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' repeats on Mondays 27th April at 6.30pm (repeated Sundays at 12.30pm). Tim Brooke-Taylor's second guest partner for the series is Paul Merton. His episodes were recorded at the City Varieties Music Hall in Leeds and the first has already gone to air (on the 11th of May), but you can catch his second appearance on the 18th.
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE ON CASSETTE
 
by Mark Longmuir, longmuir@labyrinth.net.au
 
I found the I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue tape at the ABC shop in Chadstone (and bought it, of course). It sounds like If I Ruled the World isn't the only show taken over by Goodies, as amongst the references to cupboards, balls (of the dancing variety), Just a Minim, Mary Whitehouse and so on, Graeme and his partner, Barry Cryer, came out with this during their
Bedtime Story (with weird sound effects being played in) - Little Red Riding Hood: "One day, Little Red Riding Hood set off through the woods with a basket of goodies which she was taking to her granny. Suddenly as she rounded a corner in the path, through the trees she saw something which made her stop in her tracks. <horse noise> 'Winnie', she cried, 'My old chum! Accompany me through the forest, I am afraid. I am taking a basket of goodies, and I've got a hernia because Bill Oddie, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden weigh a hell of a lot...'"
 
 
BILL'S BACK WITH MORE BIRDING
 
by David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net
 
A new series of 'Birding with Bill Oddie' began on Monday 11th May at 8.00pm on BBC2. The Radio Times voted it a choice of the day and this is what they said about it:
 
*********************************************
 
Ask any bird-watcher where to go in Britain and Bill Oddie reckons most would plump for Shetland. "It's got everything - rare breeding birds, spectacular sea-bird cliffs, scare migrants," he says. And it proves an ideal destination for the first in his six part series. Oddie's an enthusiastic guide, blubbering with excitement at getting closer to puffins than he's ever been before, relishing the sight and sound of sea bird colonies and even enjoying being buzzed at by great skuas when he wandered around their nesting grounds. It adds up to a stroll through beautiful scenery, notching up some 18 different species en route, including a birder's dream sighting: a blue-cheeked bee eater that's a long way from it's home in eastern Turkey.
 
*********************************************
 
There is also a feature in Radio Times about Bill's birding antics, accompanied by a nice picture of Bill with a camera.
 
*********************************************
 
Where You Can Watch The Birdie by Gareth Huw Davies.
 
Why Bill Oddie is backing a campaign to get more people watching the skies for birds. Bill Oddie, Britain's best-known ornithologist, wants to demonstrate that you can ease your way into bird watching almost anywhere, from the inner cities to the Caribbean Islands. Presenting his second series of Birding With Bill Oddie, he flits from Birmingham, where he grew up and began bird-watching, to Norfolk, a hallowed haunt for birding. He travels from the Shetlands to the New Forest, and even takes wing to Trinidad and Tobago. These 'birding travelogues' are all in the cause of proving that bird-watching is quite simple really.
"No, you don't have to go far," says Oddie. "You would think there would be nothing in London, for example. Yet it's full of birds. Some very surprising ones like ringed-necked parakeets, which escaped from aviaries, are now accepted as settled down and living in London. "I want to get over to people that bird watching is one of those hobbies anyone in the family can take up at any level. All you need is a pair of good binoculars, £100 to £150 from the specialist companies: you can find them advertised in the bird magazines."
Oddie is very keen to debunk some misunderstandings. "We show that, to enjoy bird-watching, you do not have to hang about for hours in a hide. And we definitely don't join hundreds of twitchers, all staring at one often
very tedious-looking little bird." "Unfortunately newspapers and the media now describe any bird-watcher as a 'twitcher'. I have seen the word used so wrongly that it's comical. Twitching is a specific, and extreme kind of birding. But to apply it to all watchers, with the implication that they have to travel miles and spend lots of money really puts people off badly." To make beginners feel involved, he is backing the Neighbourhood Bird Watch, raising money for charity on the weekend of 16 May. "Just take a few hours to go around your local area, perhaps with your family. Set a target for the number of species you can see in a set time, and get yourself sponsored." Entry forms, including a list of birds likely to be seen, are available from RSPB, The Lodge, Sandy, SG19 2DL, or telephone (01767) 680551.
 
********************************************
 
Bill was also the subject of the Radio Times "My Kind Of Day" column.
 
********************************************
 
My Kind Of Day
 
Bill Oddie
 
I often start my day with an hour or two's birdwatching in London, up on Parliament hill, Hampstead Heath, quite near my home. I seem programmed to wake up very early. London is a better place to see birds than many people think. And this is the time to see them, when it's quiet.
My wife, Laura Beaumont, who is a broadcaster and writer (she reports on Channel 4's Collector's Lot) usually runs our daughter, Rosie, 12 down to her school in Harley Street. I have two daughters by my first marriage, Bonnie, 26, is a choreographer, dancer and dance teacher; Kate is an actress and the mother of my grandson Lyle. Afterwards, Laura and I generally meet up in a little cafe called Polly's, where we discuss our plans for the day.
My time is devoted between TV, charity and conservation work and voiceovers for promotional material. Yesterday was a typical day. I began with a voice over for a corporate video in which I had to speak like a robot insect. I had a sore throat, which seemed to give the right metallic quality to the whole thing.
Then off to a car showroom in Berkeley Square for a publicity event to save the nightingale, organised by the British Trust for Ornithology, one of the conservation groups I support. No time for lunch, so I had to make do with a few nightingales on sticks at the reception. Then across to BBC Television Centre to do some voiceovers for my birding series. Normally I try to do everything for these programmes in real time, out in the field, but sometimes bits have to be added on.
Birdwatching has been a lifetime passion. I came to it through egg collection, but I soon realised I was far more interested in the birds than their eggs. When I was 12 I began cycling all over to see them, and by 15 I
was keeping elaborate notebooks on birds. Wherever I go I try to make birdwatching part of my day, so when we were filming The Goodies in the seventies, I would take any chance to slip away. And when I travel around by train today I'm always looking out of the window to see how many birds I can spot. It's amazing what you can see. My evenings are a set routine and what keeps me sane. I usually pick up Rosie from school, then she does her thing, while Laura and I eat early.
Then I often listen to music, in our music room. My tastes are eclectic - jazz, folk, country and things you wouldn't recognise. It's easier to say what I don't like, such as opera. I often sit with my eyes closed for an hour, try not to fall asleep, and just listen. It's a kind of meditative thing.
Each of our room is themed. One room is a jungly bedroom. Laura did a big mural for the balcony, which is a seaside room. The hall is decorated with transport posters, while the kitchen has a Mickey Mouse theme done in his colours. We collect really useless things, anything that fits really. None of it is valuable.
I don't watch TV before nine, unless it's sport. I'm totally addicted to sport, especially football and rugby. Otherwise my nine o'clock rule means I usually miss the wildlife programmes, including my own. I rarely watch birds on summer evenings up on the heath. It's too noisy and dangerous, with those big kites that can mow you down. At this time of year my favourite birdwatching location is in the Shetlands, where I must spot a few corncrakes.
 
******************************************
 
Bill Oddie was talking to Gareth Huw Davies. The article was accompanied by a half page picture of Bill surrounded by his Mickey Mouse collection and a Simpsons chess set.
 
 
THE ODDIE'S ODD HOUSE
 
by Darryl White, dwhite@auslink.net
 
We were watching a show, on Foxtel's lifestyle channel, called Des Res (I guess an equivalent here would be Our House, though this show is geared more towards house fashion than actually building stuff, it's in that genre anyway) and it featured Bill Oddie, his wife Laura and their daughter Rosie talking about their very unusual house.
In Bill and Laura's room they have a jungle theme, there's plastic giraffes, rubber snakes, split bamboo picture rails, pictures of tigers in the jungle on their bed quilt and for wallpaper they have lots of green ferns. Down the stairs and around the landing there's a seaside theme park, with buckets and spades and the rest there. Rosie's room has purple and orange paintwork and a 70s feel to it. She then goes on to say the rest of the house was not her idea, like she's ashamed of it, which was pretty funny.
Then they showed Laura's work room which is cluttered with over 200 photos and newspaper clippings (only one lonesome photo of Bill though) and Bill's 'tidy' (I'd use that term very loosely) room, which is painted chocolate brown, which Rosie thinks is disgusting. Finally in the kitchen there's hundreds of Disney figurines and fridge magnets - the whole kitchen is filled up with the stuff.
The segment finished with all three sitting around the table with Bill saying how he found out a lot of truths today, like how Rosie hates how the place looks (which she denies), which was pretty funny. The segment lasted for about 5 minutes.
 
 
GRAEME AD LIBS OFF AIR
 
by Steve Day, steveday@clara.net
 
Recently, my parents attended a friend's birthday party. Here, they met a TV producer who had worked with Graeme on a programme. Anyway, this producer had a son who was at university studying philosophy. But he wasn't doing too well, because he spent all his time with loose women. Graeme's response to this was that he was "putting the whores before des cartes", which is pretty good for an ad lib.
 
 
THE GOODIES - PC
 
by David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net
 
On Easter Monday (13th April), as part of BBC2's Politically Incorrect Night, the documentary 'One Million Years PC' took a look at what was and is now not acceptable on TV. To illustrate the 'Black and White Minstrels' going out of favour, a thirty second clip was shown from the 'I have a dream' sequence, from 'Alternative Roots', with the trio obtaining equality for all minstrels. Just proves what a forward thinking show 'The Goodies' really was, pushing forward political correct values before its time, although I can think of a few less than PC clips they could have shown.
 
 
BILL ODDIE AND CRICKLEWOOD
 
by Eric Susan Desmond, spon@mailcity.com
 
I once met Bill Oddie. He was opening a nature reserve, in Lincolnshire, on Kids TV, which he often pops up in (such as BBC's 'Edd The Duck' video -urgh!).
Cricklewood is much like any other town in the UK. Exciting except to locals and visitors, I'm afraid to say.
 
 
SHOOTING STARS FLY AGAIN
 
by David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net
 
A compilation of the surreal game show 'Shooting Stars' was broadcast on Monday 20th April, with highlights from the 1996 series, which featured Tim Brooke-Taylor.
 
 
MORE MILE HIGH COMEDY ANTICS
 
by Kerrie Murphy, murphyk@ozemail.com.au
 
Another Goodies planespotting, I was on a QANTAS flight recently and the comedy channel on the plane was playing excerpts from I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again. The excerpts weren't from the ISIRTA tapes, although some of the jokes were, so it was either episodes spliced together or the program was recycling jokes.
The channel had two ISIRTA sessions, one which was about 2/3 of an episode. Unfortunately on the return flight, the in-flight entertainment wasn't working, so I didn't get to hear the second.
 
 
HOW TO IRRITATE PEOPLE
 
by John Jackson, jv.jackson@student.qut.edu.au
 
Recently I was watching a video called "How to Irritate People". It starred John Cleese and a number of other Python people and Tim Brooke-Taylor. This film (video) was made in 1968, so that makes it pre-Goodies and pre Monty Python too.
Tim first appears playing an old woman, with a few screws loose, as a game show contestant who is asked questions such as, "What animal makes the sound meow?", to which s/he replies, "Car, (with prompting from the game show host) ca.. ca.. bus, torpedo motor boat." Incidentally, this sketch appears to be the pre-cursor to the later Monty Python skit "Spot The Brain Cell".
Tim's second appearance is in a sketch about job interviews. Tim plays a poor sap trying for a job. Instead he is unknowingly put through a series of bizarre exercises, only to find out at the end that he was being led on for the amusement of the interviewer and that the job had been filled some weeks previously. I remember Monty Python also reworked this sketch later.
Most of the video is a bit dull, but the bits with Tim in them are worth watching, as is the Pilot sketch.
 
 
IF I RULED THE WORLD TO RETURN … EVENTUALLY
 
            According to the font of all comedy knowledge, Danny Wallace, from the BBC's Funny Talk website (http://www.comedyzone.beeb.com/funnytalk/ ), If I Ruled The World, the spoof political panel show, which features Graeme Garden as a regular panellist, will return for a second season. Danny doesn't know when, but his prediction is next spring (that's autumn for those in the southern hemisphere), which is an awful long time to wait.
 
 
3. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARIES no 4 and 5
 
            For those of you unacquainted with Goodies-L, Brett Allender, bretta@comcirc.com.au has been regularly posting to the list summaries and reviews of each Goodies episode. And we thought they were so good that we decided to publish one each month. This month we present two summaries. Why? Read on to find out…
 
CAUGHT IN THE ACT
(Episode 4, Series 1)
First transmitted 29th November 1970
 
PLOT
 
(Quoted from "The Goodies Episode Guide" by Matthew K. Sharp [1995])
(Originally from BBC Enterprises publicity material)
"The Goodies are involved with the government and a set of compromising photographs when the Minister for Trade and Domestic Affairs (Mollie Sugden) asks them to recover the pictures. In the course of their investigations, they come across guest star Liz Frazer, who runs the Playgirl club. And Wolves, the male equivalent of Bunnies."
 
GUEST STARS
 
Mollie Sugden, Liz Frazer, Queenie Watts, Pauline Devaney, Ericka Crowne, Bert Simms, Ernest Jenkins.
 
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
 
This is the only Goodies episode not screened on by Foxtel on UKTV, but apparently a black & white copy still exists in the BBC archives. Hopefully some day it will be screened like the other two black & white episodes (Commonwealth Games and Wicked Waltzing) so that we can see it at last.
 
********************************************
 
THE GREENIES
 (Episode 5, Series 1)
First transmitted 6th December 1970
 
PLOT
 
The Goodies pack their gear for a nice relaxing holiday, but Bill is having trouble deciding on a destination because of increasing military activities. Little Bridlingsea is six feet deep in oil and other pleasant seaside resorts are being used for atomic bomb testing and nuclear power stations. Tim remembers a quiet, unspoilt childhood holiday destination at Penrudden Cove in Cornwall, so he and Graeme cruise there on the trandem, as Bill runs feverishly behind carrying all of their luggage.
 
Upon reaching Penrudden Cove, they find it completely deserted, except for the local vicar who greets them by shooting Tim's sombrero off, then apologises when he recalls that Tim had been there before at the age of four ("You haven't changed a bit!"). He invites them back to the vicarage which, as he is the only resident left, doubles as the local post office, tearooms, dentist, police station and the Saucy Midwife massage and sauna!
 
Amid continual biblical quotes, he informs them that all of the other villagers have left following strange happenings and eerie noises from up on Penrudden Hill. The Goodies suspect that the secretive army barracks there are the cause of the problem and get Bill spaced out on lemon sherbet so that they can eavesdrop on a meeting at the War Office with a long range bugging device. The commander reveals several dastardly army activities including turning Carnarvon Castle into the world's biggest hole in the ground and ensuring there wasn't a dry eye in the house at King Lear by testing tear gas in the audience!
 
Plans are revealed for a guided missile testing range on the proposed site for a childrens playground at Penrudden Cove, so with the vicar diverting the attention of the guards with his 'Stop It' placard, the Goodies sneak into the barracks. They find that the locked door with the "horrible secrets" and "disgusting things" happening behind it is actually the bog! Mad scientist Graeme quite likes the look of the devilish experiments, but then discovers the 'ever so secret' plans (including several girlie magazines!) and makes a few alterations. The construction troops soon pour into the area and the missile range ends up looking remarkably like a childrens playground, presumably for camouflage purposes.
 
Construction experts from London are on their way to brief the army, but they get distracted by a well-constructed young lass who gradually reveals a few plans of her own and the Goodies disguise themselves as army experts instead. By various means including playing cricket with grenades, launching rockets with a see-saw, using a swing as a missile interceptor and playing hopscotch to crack a computer code, they demonstrate the facility to the army before telling the troops that they have all been sold off to the blacks in South Africa. A busload of new recruits are then brought in to test the playground equipment - kids at Reverend Roses Childrens Camp, much to the bemusement of the foreign military spies watching through binoculars in the trees!
 
CLASSIC QUOTES
 
* The Vicar: "Poor old Jed Treviddick climbed the hill to investigate, and gentlemen, he returned a mindless raving idiot."
Tim: "I remember old Jed Treviddick ... he always was a mindless raving idiot!"
 
CLASSIC SCENES
 
* After tripping on lemon sherbet to view the army base, Bill overheats, blowing his mind ("Wheee!") and the vicar's tv set, forcing Graeme to tip a jug of water over him to cool him off.
 
* Bill bobbing up as the crazy Fairy Puff demonstrator in the ad break, going berserk and completely wrecking a housewife's kitchen before she exterminates him with a Westminster sub-machine gun.
 
* The method of diverting the military experts from London away from the test site (it sure diverted my attention too!!) and the following scenes cleverly proving how the missile testing station works
 
GUEST STARS
 
George Benson, Richard Caldicott, Timothy Carlton, Pauline Devaney
 
GOODIES SONGS
 
Needed, I Don't Believe In You
 
MOCK ADVERTISEMENTS
 
Westminster Sub-Machine Gun, BBC News
 
MY 2 CENTS WORTH
 
A good solid episode with cleverly-made comparisons between the seemingly incompatible themes of an army testing facility and a children's playground. One of the better offerings from the first series.
 
RATING
 
III        Goody goody yum yum
 
BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM
IIIII                 Superstar
IIII                  Officially amazing
III                    Goody goody yum yum
II                     Fair-y punkmother
I                       Tripe on t' pikelets
 
 
4. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW
 
            Hi there pop pickers and welcome to this month's music review.
 
WHO?
 
The Goodies with "BLOWING OFF" as reviewed by your distasteful DJ's Nicholarse Fartsounds (AKA Brett Allender) and Mrs. Oh-Deary Fartsnoise, of the Keep Filth On Television Campaign (AKA Alison Bean). Last month's hosts Jimmy Babble and Empress Caligula were just leaving the studio when they were ambushed by the Lone Scout and his sidekick, brandishing Nicholas Parsons masks and they are now undergoing emergency hair replacement (along with some very annoyed fish!)
 
WHERE? WHEN?
 
On their '70's "Nothing To Do With Us" album and as a single (with Elizabeth Rules-UK on the flip side), but not on their 1997 CD.
 
WHAT?
 
Nicholarse: Normally a shy and modest loony scientist, Graeme the methane man finally blows his own trumpet (in several keys with perfect pitch too) about how a ton of sprouts and a barrel of beans made him a jazz star in New Orleans. Presumably he'd be a shooting star if anyone in the audience lit a match, especially with his stinking...er thinking in the chorus:
"Blowing off, it's a gas. Blowing off, it's a trip
It's a sin to hold it in, so ... LET IT RIP! <fart fx>
Some folk like to hiccup, some folk like to cough
But me, <fart fx>, I blow off!"
 
Oh-Deary: Graeme shows his true coprophilic colours (presumably brown), in this autobiographical tune. Apparently his birth brought tears to his mother's eyes, for after 18 days of pushing, she ended up giving birth to, as Ben Elton might say, a farty. Little Graeme apparently caused a right stink as he shot around the delivery room, like a burst balloon and not even a cork up the derriere could keep him down. As his life went on, Graeme grew from blowing off on his mother's knee to pooping his way to pooberty, until, eventually, his mother suggested that he join a band and make her rich. And so Graeme cracked off down to New Orleans, playing with the jazz saxophonists on his in-built trumpet. Reportedly he has breezed through every performance ever since.
 
WHY?
 
Nicholarse:
This is Graeme's ode to those odourous souls
Who imitate brass bands through their arseholes
Their tight cheeks and loose lips are in perfect tune
But their gasping audience quickly clears the room!
Other than that, it must have been the after-effect of Tim's pong-packed performance as an advertising man in "It Might As Well Be String" that drove Graeme to sing the praises of his warbling woofa valve. Some pop pickers might find it 'on the nose' (and as for 'nose pickers'...who knows whose nose!?) but it's sure to appeal to toilet humourists, especially the fanfare of 'bugles' at the finish!
 
Oh-Deary:
"It's a sin to hold it in", says Graeme
And with his fart power, he can slay 'em.
So he chose, in this delightful song,
To purge his mind and drop the bomb.
And that's it in a nutshell; this song was Graeme admitting his emitting and considering this song's popularity amongst filthy minded undergraduates*, it was a jolly good idea to release it (pun intended). And why not? Everyone loves a good fart gag, right? To quote Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody "Any way the wind blows" or Shakespeare's King Lear "Blow wind and crack your cheeks". However we can only hope that Graeme has not done a Princess Diana and lived his life like a candle in the wind - not with his frequent eruptions in the downstairs department. Now that really would be Blowing Off!
(* "filthy minded undergraduates" is a tautology in my book - Ed.)
 
HOW!
 
Using The Black Pudding Ratings System:
 
MUSIC: Nicholarse: III Goody Goody Yum Yum; Oh-Deary: III Goody Goody Yum Yum
 
SINGING: Nicholarse: III Goody Goody Yum Yum; Oh-Deary: III Goody Goody Yum Yum
 
HUMOUR: Nicholarse: IIII Officially Amazing; Oh-Deary: III Goody Goody Yum Yum
 
ALL TOGETHER NOW: Nicholarse: III Goody Goody Yum Yum; Oh-Deary: III Goody Goody Yum Yum
 
* Next month's music review will be "BLACK PUDDING BERTHA". If you have a copy of this song you are invited to contribute to this section, under your own silly pseudonym. *
 
 
5. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ
 
by quizmaster David McAnally dsm@maths.uq.edu.au
 
1. What game did Camelot's drawbridge advertise?
 
2. In "The Goodies and the Beanstalk", what was the prize for winning "It's a Knockout" and who won the prize?
 
3. Tim learnt to drive in "The Race". Why was this surprising?
 
4. Who performed Tim's, Bill's and Graeme's stunts in the various Goodies episodes?
 
ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH'S QUESTIONS
 
1. What held the sun lamp aloft in "Winter Olympics"?
 
A: A butterfly
 
2. What sport did Tim play on the moon in "Invasion Of The Moon Creatures"?
 
A: Golf.
 
3. Where did the lighthouse come to rest in "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies"?
 
A: On Nelson's Column.
 
4. What are the names of the Goodies' triplet sons in "2001 and a Bit"? And which Goody does each of the triplets resemble physically and temperamentally?
 
A: Bill Brooke-Taylor resembles Bill Oddie in appearance - but is like Tim Brooke-Taylor in temperament. He loves making patriotic speeches to the music of "Land of Hope and Glory". Tim Garden resembles Tim Brooke-Taylor
in appearance - but like Graeme Garden in temperament. He is scientific, thoughtful and unable to speak when excited. He absolutely loathes hearing his half-brother, Bill Brooke-Taylor, make patriotic speeches to the music of "Land of Hope and Glory". Graeme Oddie resembles Graeme Garden in appearance - but is like Bill Oddie in temperament. He is a real violent rough nut who has violent friends and likes playing violent sports - such
as 'Roller-Egg', which can be a lethal game and an equally violent version of cricket, also quite lethal.
 
 
THE END
 
            The other day I saw a poster for Prosh Week (a week when students at Adelaide University do weird things like assemble Volkswagon Beetles on the tops of ten story buildings). The authors of the poster (some mob called The Crud Corporation) stated that they accepted no responsibility for anything that happened during the week by swearing on the facial hair of Bill Oddie.
 
This reminded me of a strange e-mail I received several years ago from a representative of the Tasmanian University Union Sideburn Appreciation Society who claimed that Graeme Garden was the God of facial hair growth. So my question to you, dear readers, is why are Australian male university students and indeed, many others, obsessed with Bill and Graeme's facial hair? Your thoughts to carrot@auslink.net. Let it not be said that the C&G doesn't discuss the important issues!
 
Till next month,
 
Alison Bean
carrot@auslink.net
 
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DISCLAIMER
This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 1998). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com
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