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C&G 170 Jan 2010
Jan 2010 - Print Email PDF 
Posted by bretta 12/01/2010

Index

» Jan 2010

       **********************************************
       *   THE GOODIES FAN CLUB CLARION AND GLOBE   *
       **********************************************
 
 
    * THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF 'THE GOODIES RULE - OK!' *
             (http://www.goodiesruleok.com )
 
 
Issue No. 170                   12th January 2010
 
 
THE LADS AND LASSES OF THE C&G
******************************
 
EDITOR
- Brett Allender <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>
 
ACE REPORTER:
- Lisa Manekofsky
 
CONTENTS
********
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE - Goodies brainteasers for you and you and you
2. BOFFO IDEAS - The latest club news and happenings
3. SPOTTED!!! - The latest Goodies sightings
4. 2001 AND A BIT - Tim, Graeme and Bill sightings post-Goodies.
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #15 –
Goodies Targets – Mary Whitehouse & Vanessa Redgrave
6. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION from last month
7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
 
 
1. QUIZ & QUOTE
***************
(by "Magnus Magnesium")
 
QUOTE: "Ugly people are human too, you know! Horrible, I grant you, but human!"
 
(a) Which Goody says this quote?
(b) Who is he speaking on the phone to?
(c) Which episode is this quote from?
 
QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode "Politics"
 
(d) Where have the Prime Minister and the other MPs retired to?
(e) Who is encouraged to be "Empress of the World"?
(f) Which transgression does Tim want the death penalty to be invoked for as part of his campaign?
(g) Why does Bill stand on stilts in this episode?
(h) Which party does William "Che" Oddie represent at the election?
 
The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.
 
 
2. BOFFO IDEAS
**************
 
You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:
 
GOODIES GREETINGS!
(Lisa Manekofsky)
 
Graeme asked that I pass along this message:
Wishing all at GROK
 
A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
 
And all the very best to one and all for
 
A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
 
From Graeme
 
 
Tim has asked that I pass along the following message:
 
"A Happy New Year to all at GROK. Thanks for all the contributions and special praise for Lisa and Brett. Have a great 2010. Tim."
 
 
WEBSITE POLLS
 
Last month's poll was a rather evenly spread affair with five options polling at least 10 votes but none of them reaching the 20 vote mark. Plastic spaceguns every breakfast good enough to eat was a narrow winner (especially if you can brag to your Mum about finding a bonus cornflake!) though it might have to form a coalition government with the lifetime supply of string. At least Rolf was left trailing well behind although he could always form a coalition with the New Improved Snooze (he puts me to sleep at any rate!)
 
Which Goodies-themed gift is on your holiday wish list?
- New Improved Snooze                   10 votes
- Goodies Plastic Spacemen              19 votes
- Sparklipegs Toothpaste costumes        1 vote
- a Playgirl Club membership            10 votes
- Loch Ness Monster spotting trip        9 votes
- a Grow your Own Giant Beanstalk kit    8 votes
- a luxury weekend at Camelot castle     3 votes
- a lifetime supply of string           18 votes
- other                                  0 votes
- Painting lessons from Rolf Harris     14 votes
Total:                                  92 votes
 
This month's poll also promises to be an even vote with a number of good options for the dilemma of what to use as a defensive mechanism when you're under attack from a giant kitten, Frankenfido or a plague of Rolf Harrises. If you haven't got an illo handy to steal its armoured section and hide underneath or don't know how to turn yourself into a teapot so that your attacker will think you're a loony and leave you alone, you'd be well advised to commandeer Uncle Butcher's tank and take a short crash 'n bash through a few of your neighbour's fences and vegie gardens to the nearest polling booth right away before you accidentally blast a bunny and snuff it from the sheer excitement before casting a valid vote. You know it makes sense!
 
What is the best mode of defense?
- Ecky Thump!
- a giant cod and Max Bygraves records
- trandem jousting
- a Dodo with a fighter plane
- a Graeme-designed defense system
- other
- sic the Rolfs on them!
 
 
3. SPOTTED!!!
*************
 
More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:
 
GOODIES RESCREENINGS
(Lisa Manekofsky)
 
* Mondays, Thursdays & Sundays - SKY NZ's New Comedy Central channel is repeating "The Goodies". (Thanks for raymond for this info!)
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Weekdays - The Comedy Channel in Australia is repeating episodes of "The Goodies". Their website (http://www.comedychannel.com.au/WhatsOn/Detail.aspx?id=211 ) has details about episodes coming up in the next 7 days. 
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Friday, 25 Dec - SKY NZ's Comedy Central channel is airing the specials "The Goodies & The Beanstalk" and "The Goodies Rule - OK?" from 7:30-9:15 and again at 3:30pm-5:15pm.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Friday, 25 Dec - The Comedy Channel in Australia is showing "The Goodies & The Beanstalk" at 5:30pm.
(24th Dec)
 
 
SLAPSTICK 2010
(Lisa Manekofsky – 11th Jan)
 
Just a reminder that Bristol, England's Slapstick 2010 is coming up later this month. Tim and Graeme will be among the celebrity guests as Bristol's annual silent comedy festival, which will be held January 21-24. 
 
Details about individual events, including booking details, can be found at http://www.slapstick.org.uk/events.htm#  
 
Following is a brief summary of events involving Tim & Graeme. Please refer to the official website for more information about these and the other festival events.
 
* Thursday, 21 January: THIS MAY BE SOLD OUT
SLAPSTICK GALA WITH MICHAEL PALIN Something Almost Completely Different
THURS 21 JAN 1930hrs Venue: Colston Hall
This unique event presents comedy legend and national treasure Michael Palin onstage to discuss his illustrious career in comedy with fellow writer/performer Graeme Garden. On screen - in homage to Palin's traveling legacy - we present one of Buster Keaton's greatest comedies THE NAVIGATOR (1924), set to the world premiere live musical accompaniment by The European Silent Screen Virtuosi.
 
 
* Saturday, 23 January:
LAUREL & HARDY: CLASSICS & RARITIES
SAT 23 JAN 1400hrs Venue: Arnolfini
With an eclectic programme of classics & rarities from the 'two minds without a single thought', Graeme Garden (The Goodies) & silent comedy expert David Wyatt demonstrate why Stan and Ollie are now considered amongst the best comedy teams ever. They will divulge the duo's influence on other comedy teams including 'The Goodies', and introduce films and clips of the rarest of all L & H appearances in Charley Chase's 'Now I'll Tell One' (1927) and a complete screening of their classic silent short 'Putting Pants on Philip' (1927).
 
 
* Saturday, 23 January:
THE REAL FRED KARNO
SAT 23 JAN 1600hrs Venue: Watershed Cinema 1 Tim Brooke-Taylor and Tony Staveacre (author of 'Slapstick!') investigate the legacy of the Exeter-born showman and impresario, Fred Karno. Credited with discovering Chaplin, Stan Laurel and even the pie-in-the-face gag, he has pioneered a tradition of physical comedy which still flourishes today. Their presentation will include rare archive footage of the great man himself as well as clips of his alumni, including Sandy Powell, Flanagan & Allen, Will Hay, Denny Dennis, George Carl, Stan Laurel and Charlie Chaplin. A rare opportunity to discover the genius of this master showman.
 
 
* Sunday, 24 January:
DESERT ISLAND SLAPSTICK
Chaired by David Robinson
If you were stuck on a desert island with only one silent comedy to keep you company, which would you choose? The first act of Slapstick's hilarious double bill is our ever popular celebrity panel show Desert Island Slapstick. Join three of Britain's best loved television and radio personalities as they each in turn choose their favourite silent comedies for our viewing pleasure. This year's panel features three members of Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't Clue team including festival regulars Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden plus for the first time at Slapstick festival illustrious comedy writer and performer Barry Cryer. What will they choose?
 
 
4. 2001 AND A BIT
*****************
 
If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Large files (such as scans of articles or photos) for posting on the club's website can be sent to us at: groksite@gmail.com  
Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.
 
** (All items in this section contributed by Lisa Manekofsky, except where otherwise credited) **
 
Please note: BBC RADIO SHOWS listed below can be heard online via each station's website (www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 or www.bbc.co.uk/radio7 ) and then for a week after broadcast from the BBC iPlayer (aka Listen Again). Radio shows on the iPlayer can be heard worldwide.
 
BILL SPOTTINGS
 
* Mon, 28 Dec - "Who Do You Think You Are?" featuring Bill is repeated on Blighty at various times.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Thurs, 31 Dec - "Grumpy Old New Year" with Bill is repeated on BBC 2 at midnight.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Fri, 1 Jan - "Outtake TV" (with a clip from one of Bill's nature shows) is repeated on Watch at 19:20.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* In an article in today's Daily Mail, Bill talks about emerging from his latest battle with clinical depression and plans to speak with the BBC about work on future wildlife projects.
(8th Jan)
 
 
* On a related note, an October 2008 radio interview Bill gave to Radio New Zealand has been posted to http://www.spokenword.org/program/922219  
Look on the right side of the page under the "Source Links" heading to find the "Audio file" link.
(8th Jan)
 
 
* A BBC News item (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8448164.stm ) reprinted part of Bill's interview from the Ham & High (the same article as carried in the Daily Mail yesterday) but added this interesting comment: 'A BBC spokesman said: "We're very pleased that Bill is feeling better and we are looking forward to starting work with him on the programmes he was making for us before he fell ill last year.'
(9th Jan)
 
 
* BBC Radio 7 repeated Bill's episode of "Comedy Controller" yesterday. It can be heard through this coming Saturday from http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b007qz59/Comedy_Controller_Bill_Oddie/
(11th Jan)
 
 
GRAEME SPOTTINGS
 
* Tues, 29 Dec - "Agatha Christie's Marple" on ITV3 is a repeat of the episode "Nemesis" which includes a cameo from Graeme.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Saturday, 26 Dec - "The Story of Slapstick" on BBC 2 at 22:15 "featuring analysis from great physical gag practitioners including Vic Reeves, Mathew Horne, Reece Shearsmith, Ben Miller and Sally Phillips."
(25th Dec)
 
 
TIM SPOTTINGS
 
* Friday, 25 Dec - The "Hello Cheeky" Christmas edition "Cheeky Whittington and his Magic Ballpoint" (starring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, & John Junkin) is repeated on BBC Radio 7 at 11:15 and again later in the day.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Sat, 26 Dec - "Barry Cryer's Christmas Selection Box, Part 2" on BBC Radio 7 at 10:00 (repeated later in the day) includes an episode of "Hello Cheeky" (with Tim).
(24th Dec)
 
 
I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and
I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)
 
* Still available on Listen Again - the final episode in the current series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" can be heard from the BBC iPlayer (through Monday) at http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00pcb3d/Im_Sorry_I_Havent_A_Clue_Series_52_Episode_6/  The episode will also be repeated on BBC Radio 4 this coming Sunday at noon.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Thurs, 31 Dec - "Hamish & Dougal's Hogmanay Special" starring Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer, Jeremy Hardy, & Alison Steadman, is repeated on BBC Radio 7 at 23:00.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Tuesdays - "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" repeats on ABC Radio National at 5:30 (http://www.abc.net.au/rn/comedy/ )
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Thursdays - I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" on BBC Radio 7 is a run of Bill, Tim, & Graeme's 1960's radio series (which also starred John Cleese, David Hatch, and Jo Kendall). The first episode aired last week. This week (Dec. 24th) Radio 7 will air a Christmas episode from December 1969 before returning to series 1.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* Sundays - "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" on RTE Choice at 09:30.
(24th Dec)
 
 
* BBC Radio 7 aired "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" series 1, episode 3 for the first time this past Thursday. Like the previous week's episode, this show had been carefully reconstructed using material from multiple sources and, as a result, was making its debut on Radio 7.
(11th Jan)
 
 
5. A COLLECTION OF GOODIES THEMES #15
*************************************
(by Brett Allender)
 
GOODIES TARGETS – MARY WHITEHOUSE & VANESSA REDGRAVE
 
Although the majority of the Goodies favourite targets for sending up are male (like Max Bygraves, Nicholas Parsons and Tony Blackburn … not much!), some of the prominent ladies of the era aren't spared from the satire of the show by any means. This article looks at The Goodies stirring of two such ladies who both had very high public profiles at the time, were extremely passionate and highly opinionated about their chosen causes and didn't suffer fools gladly; especially fools who dared to hold an opposing viewpoint - Mary Whitehouse and Vanessa Redgrave.
 
Mary Whitehouse was born Constance Mary Hutcheson in Warwickshire, England, in 1910 and died in 2001. After completing school, she undertook teacher training and became an art teacher before marrying Ernest Whitehouse and raising her family of five sons, two of whom (twins) died in infancy. She later returned to teaching in the early 1960s, teaching sex education to her students (perhaps surprisingly), and it was at this point that she became shocked at the attitude of young people towards moral issues and at the role that the media played in fuelling this decline in moral standards by allowing programs containing excessive violence and sexual content to be screened during family viewing hours.
 
She first began her campaign against the British media, most notably the BBC, in 1963, becoming the founder and first president of the National Viewers' and Listeners' Association, which is now known as mediawatch-uk. With her strong Christian beliefs she was involved with the Nationwide Festival Of Light and she also invoked a number of litigations upon theatrical productions and publications that she found offensive, however it was her Clean Up TV campaign that gave her the greatest public prominence and forced the media bosses and the governments of the day to at least pay some heed to her views.
 
Whitehouse's main targets of outrage on the TV screen included Benny Hill, Dave Allen and Doctor Who, however strangely enough it was her approval of the first series of The Goodies in 1970 that made her into a target for the superchaps three. Tim Brooke-Taylor takes up the story in a past interview with the Goodies Clarion & Globe: "The most painful moments of our lives was when, at the party at the end of the first series, our producer stood up and read out a telegram from Mary Whitehouse congratulating us on making a good, clean show, or words to that effect. We were deeply ashamed and never made the same mistake again. She was a very bad influence on British TV and I certainly hope the episode upset her."
 
The episode which Tim is referring to is "Gender Education" (aka "Sex And Violence") from Series 2 in 1971 where guest star Beryl Reid does a brilliant job playing Mrs Desiree Carthorse; a wickedly funny send-up of Mary Whitehouse with extremely conservative and prudish views towards anything even remotely titillating on television, such as "close-ups of (BBC newsreader) Robert Dougall's lips!", and a propensity to spell out or gesture words and letters that she finds too offensive to use in polite conversation.
 
In "Gender Education", Tim and Graeme are relaxing in their office listening to the gramophone when they become aware that they are being spied on by a frumpy old lady. She introduces herself as Mrs Desiree Carthorse of the 'Keep Filth Off Television' campaign and offers them a job. Mrs.C: "I can only entrust this job to someone with a responsible attitude towards watching television." G (puzzled): "But we weren't watching television!" Mrs C (firmly): "That is what *I* call a responsible attitude!" … "I mean, I don't find you reading dirty books, looking at filthy television programs and playing around with girls. You are obviously ..."
Graeme (ruefully): "Unlucky!" Tim: " Unlucky ... (rapidly changes tune) no, no, we're pure, pure ...!"
 
Tim and Graeme make the claim that the Goodies are "as pure as the driven snow", but Bill enters the office at this point in a rather buoyant mood after an evening at the pictures. He is keen to tell the others about the racy film that he has just been watching ("Torrid Nudes Of Grope City!"), forcing Graeme and Tim to desperately attempt to shield the vivid details from Mrs Carthorse in case she becomes offended and withdraws her job offer to them. After they frantically clean up Bill's movie summary to make it sound like a "wildlife film" about "birds with big wings that nest in door knockers", a bemused Bill wonders what on earth they are talking about.
 
G: "Bill, this is Mrs Desiree Carthorse of the Keep Filth Off Television campaign." B (disbelievingly): "You're pulling my leg!" Mrs C: (gasps in horror) "I never thought I'd hear a gentleman like you use a disgusting word like l-e-g!" B (astonished): "You're right, it is her, isn't it?!" Mrs Carthorse tells them that she is appalled that the BBC have decided to make a sex education film for schoolchildren, "and as I can modestly claim to be the most powerful person in the field of television, if not the world, I've decided to make the beastly film myself!" Or more precisely, she wants the Goodies to make the film on her behalf using the script that she has written called "How To Make Babies By Doing Dirty Things"! Mrs Carthorse issues strict instructions there is to be no mention of the word "s-e-(hand gesture indicating an "x")", but immediately after she leaves the room, Bill grumbles "How are we supposed to make a film like that without mentioning sex!", only for an irate Mrs Carthorse to reappear and spray him with a mighty blast of air freshener before stalking out again.
 
The Goodies stick carefully to the script and produce the film which features all of the characters and props, including flowers, chocolates and even the birds and the bees, covered in sterile white sheets. Graeme has to cover his eyes and sheepishly point to the "rude bits" of a sheet-clad man and woman, with the ensuing narration of "Now we all know about the rude bits. Aren't they rude! And as we grow up, they get ruder and ruder!", and then even the image of the man and lady holding hands is covered with a 'censored' sign as they are sitting together on a bed.
 
Mrs Carthorse sits down to watch the film, but only gets as far as the opening credits before shrieking for it to be turned off and that she is "deeply deeply shocked", to Bill's incredulous riposte of "Already?! You can't be!". Because the credits label it as "A BBC Gender Education Film", Mrs Carthorse is outraged because "you know as well as I do that g-e-n-d-e-r and s-e-("x" hand gesture) mean the same thing!" … B: "You mean you're gonna condemn that film without even seeing it?!" Mrs C: "Why should I change the habit of a lifetime!" … B" We were only showing the facts of life." Mrs C: "If I had my way, nobody would know the facts of life until they were over sixty and by then it would be too late for them to do anything about it!" B: "Hey, Mrs Carthorse! It is *Mrs* Carthorse, isn't it ?" Mrs C: "Yes." B (inquisitively): "What does your husband do ?" Mrs C (huffily): "He keeps his distance!" (followed by a shot of Bill looking totally gobsmacked!)
 
In no time at all the Goodies name is mud with the general public but they eventually manage to redeem themselves by appearing on a BBC current affairs program disguised as outspoken backbench MP Sir Reginald Wheelbarrow (after clobbering the real Sir Reggie with a giant lollipop during the MP's school recess-like afternoon break). The current affairs presenter initially describes the Goodies gender education film (which he hasn't personally viewed either) as "Obscene, dirty, squalid, scabrous, salacious, lewd, randy, rude, outrageous, lubricious ... and a bit off!", but soon changes his tune after "Sir Reginald" has given it his personal seal of approval. The presenter is even quite happy when he realises that he has been tricked by the Goodies, offering them a job to make some really nasty violent TV shows that the BBC can sneakily screen while the Keep Filth Off TV brigade are looking out for sexy shows instead.
 
Bill is more than happy to oblige and soon becomes totally corrupted while churning out some of the most unbelievably brutal and gory TV shows imaginable. Mrs Carthorse returns to the Goodies office and threatens to "kick up a h-e-l-l of a s-t-i-n-k" over the TV violence that she thinks that all of the Goodies are responsible for, only to be told to "Belt up, you silly old c-o-w!" by a frustrated Tim. Mrs Carthorse accompanies Tim and Graeme on the trandem to Bill's filming set (with crosses of black tape on her glasses so that she can't see Bill's gory scenes and props), but her outrage at Bill ("Young man, you are wicked and evil! I never thought I'd …") is soon quelled when Bill says: "Shoosh, shoosh, come here, c'mon, come a bit closer, c'mon ... Knickers!" Mrs C: "Oooooh!" (collapses in shock) T (also shocked): "You've killed her!" B (dismissively): "Yes, good!!"
 
After Bill is eventually reined in (though not before managing to blow up the entire BBC first!), he sits in the Goodies office in a very bored state with white glasses on so that he doesn't see anything that might corrupt him again. Seeing as there is no BBC television coverage (and "ITV being so clean"), Tim is doing some knitting while Graeme is threatening to do his Rolf Harris impersonation on the banjo, as Mrs Carthorse calls in to congratulate them for "(striking) a mighty blow to rid this evil world of violence and dirty things!" She continues: "Well there is actually one other little thing you could do to help me." T&B (warily): "Oh, yes?!" Mrs C: "Well you see, normally I spend the whole evening switching off my television set and now I've got nothing to do and I'm rather bored. What do people do when they have nothing to watch?" B (incredulously): "Whaddya think they do? (produces a telescope) Have a look through there, go on, have a look!" Mrs Carthorse sees two lovebirds in red hot action through the telescope and produces a horrified shriek, then trots off down the street continually shaking her fist and yelling "Stop it! Stop it!", while the Goodies relieve their own boredom with the company of three very pretty girls – strictly for a game of chess though!
 
After this particular episode was broadcast, the Goodies fervently hoped that it would draw a complaint from Mary Whitehouse, however it must have aired on one of the nights that she was switching her TV off like Mrs Carthorse did (as indeed the eye-popping, jaw-dropping "Playgirl Club" episode in Series 1 surely must have as well!), for there was no public response from her at the time. Redemption for the Goodies would finally come almost a further decade down the track when they were promptly summoned to the BBC Program Manager's office and told that a furious telegram of complaint had been received from Mary Whitehouse regarding the "Saturday Night Grease" episode. Apparently she had blown a gasket over the large carrot motif on the front of Tim's undies in the opening sequence where he is getting dressed to head out disco dancing, describing it as a blatant phallic symbol!
 
The Goodies were quietly delighted that they had finally managed to attract an official complaint from her, although a little puzzled that it took so long given that they had deliberately set out to offend her several series beforehand and also that they had a number of other personal digs at her in various Goodies episodes in the years since then.
 
In "Goodies In The Nick", the Goodies have taken over their own courtroom trial with Bill replacing Justice Once as the presiding judge; however things go pear-shaped when Bill gets a little power-mad from his new-found status. After dishing out 10-year sentences to Tim and Graeme and 15 years for the former judge, Bill then engages in an auction-style bidding war until the closing credits intervene: "... 30 (years) for Edward Heath, 40 for Mary Whitehouse"
T: "50!"
B: "Any advance on 50 for Mary Whitehouse!"
G: "60!"
B: "I have 60 for Mary Whitehouse!"
T: "69! ... "
B: "69 for Mary Whitehouse!"
 
The ecclesiastical rugby tournament in "Wacky Wales" features a team representing the Festival Of Light which has Mary Whitehouse playing as the hooker and gently waddling the length of the field for a try, with none of the opposing Nasturcian Monks game enough to lay a tackle on her. Teammate Lord Longford then runs in and gives her a congratulatory hug and kiss, only to get his face firmly slapped for his trouble. Mary's stiff-armed tackle and subsequent kicking of Brother Ignatius causes him to break his vow of silence by mouthing what looks very much like "You f...ing old bitch!" in her direction, before she gets sent off for rough play and suspended for the semi-final.
 
At the start of the punk newsreader's obscenity-laced news broadcast in "Punky Business", he states: "Alright, here's the [bleep] news.(spits) At today's Festival Of Light rally, Lord Longford made a [bleep] statement on the moral decline of this [toot toot] country.  In support of this, Mary [honk] Whitehouse called for less [cuckoo/beep]. What a [squelch]! …" before going on to report about the futile campaign of "Mr Tim Brooke [cuckoo]" on behalf of the League Of Shiny Shoe Wearers to maintain standards and keep Britain's shoes shiny.
 
Vanessa Redgrave was born in London in 1937 and has been a prolific actress in stage, film and television productions over a fifty year period, winning Emmy and Tony awards and an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in "Julia" in 1977, along with multiple other Oscar nominations. Redgrave has also been a notable activist for various human rights causes and her Trotskyist political leanings have even seen her run for the UK parliament twice as a member of the Worker's Revolutionary Party. It was no doubt the combination of her ubiquitous presence in the public eye, prominent social activism and left-wing political agitating during the late 1970s that put her squarely in the sights of the Goodies as someone who was ripe for sending up in the latter series of the show.
 
In the Series 6 episode "Hype Pressure", loony film director Tim has decided to revive World War 2, and in Graeme's words: "He certainly goes for realism", cueing Lancaster bombers, doodlebugs and vast numbers of troops, including all of Britain's armed forces who have all been hired as extras. Amid the wreckage of the Goodies' office, Graeme decides that there's only one way to combat a loony director … and that's with another one, so he gets on the phone immediately: "Hello, get me Ken Russell ... He's doing what?! ... Oh, lucky old Vanessa, but what a waste of carrots!" Hmm, kinda kinky, but it's whatever turns you on, I guess! Then during the following action sequence, replacement loony director Bill (masquerading as Ken Russell) succeeds in scaring off the forces storming the beach by bellowing "Cue Vanessa Redgrave!", who appears wearing a nun's habit and lopes towards the terrified troops, promptly repelling them back out to sea again!
 
The very next episode "Daylight Robbery On The Orient Express" also takes a pot shot at Redgrave in the sequence where the Goodies imposters have hijacked the train and taken it to the Cannes Festival Of Le Boring. The announcer states that the French team including Charles Aznovoice, John Paul Satire and Sasha Disgrace will be hard to beat for the legendary Rose Bore, and then casts an eye over the British hopefuls: "Britain's hopes are pinned on their entries for the Men's Solo Boring, that's Clement Freud and John Peel; the Women's Solo Boring, Vanessa Redgrave, and in the Formation Event we've put in a male voice choir from Wales; Land of a Thousand Boyces and we should see some fine traditional Welsh boring from them … and from London, of course, the entire House Of Lords."
 
In "Punky Business", Bill decides that he's going to go punk (G: "Mind if I open a window?") and that the Little Laddies need a name change to suit their new image. Having changed his own name to Willie Snot and the group's name to "Willie Snot and the Bogies" (G (chuckling): "That'll get right up their noses!"), Bill asks Graeme what his own nasty new punk stage name will be. Graeme initially suggests "Sweaty Socks", but a less-than-impressed Bill exhorts "C'mon, think of something universally objectionable!" G: "Vanessa Redgrave?!" B (suitably impressed): "Perfect! Perfect! I'll be Willie Snot, you be Vanessa Redgrave …" and then it's on to the difficult task of finding a universally objectionable name for Tim, which turns out to be his own name anyway!
 
The "Politics" episode sees the Goodies (and Bill in particular) taking great delight in parodying Redgrave's leftist political leanings and her campaigns for Parliament as a member of the Workers Revolutionary Party (W.R.P). Tim has already entered ad-man Graeme's office dressed as Margaret Thatcher and has requested that Graeme sell his new image to the nation as the next Prime Minister, though he is revolted by the thought that he would have to shake hands with grotty, scruffy, common workers during his campaigning. Workers just like Bill, as a matter of fact, who enters Graeme's office at this point wearing a long-haired wig, glasses, a brown jacket and dress, and stumbling along on a pair of stilts. G (puzzled): "Bill?!" B: "Oh no … Vanessa. Kindly address me as Vanessa." G (still puzzled): "Vanessa?!" B: "Yeah, that's right. I am the leader of The Worker's Revolutionary Party (points to the badge on his jacket) … not just *A* Worker's Revolutionary Party; but *THE* Worker's Revolutionary Party!" T (unimpressed with the acronym): "TWERP!" G: "Fair enough!" T: "You don't look a bit like Vanessa Redgrave!" B (indignantly): "Oh yes I do! A bit … that bit (bares his knee) and that bit (grabs his hair) … just haven't got the height for it, that's all!" G: "You're nothing like Vanessa. You don't make a very good woman!" B: "Well neither does she! (grins) G: "Vanessa Redgrave does *not* have a beard!" B: "She would if she could! Anyway the fact remains, I'm standing against you, with difficulty I admit (ad-libbing brilliantly as he almost topples off his stilts!), but still, I want you, Graeme, to sell me to the nation."
 
After Tim (as Maggie) has presented his policies to Graeme for a nicer Britain with a cull of workers, abolition of the National Health Service, shiny shoes, Union Jack waistcoats and lots of spanking ("You know it makes sense!"), Bill (as Vanessa) outlines his own ideas for running the country which include selling the Queen to Disneyland, disbanding the army and buying a white flag, abolishing all things posh (especially ties), making at least one film a year with Jane Fonda and getting the chance to turn down an Oscar. Understandably Graeme nods off in boredom while listening to these campaign speeches and he replies to Bill's forceful point that "the whole point of planning a campaign is to talk politics!" with a wary "Well I don't think you've got that right! No, puts them right off.  If you want to get into Parliament, I should steer well clear of politics!". Tim soon catches on to Graeme's spiel that getting elected has everything to do with image and very little to do with actual policies, but Bill is appalled; grumbling "This cynical display of manipulative marketeering sickens and disgusts me! I'm going to retire from serious political life. I'm gonna burn my stilts!" Bill stalks out in a huff but is then back half an hour later in the guise of another notable left-winger Che, who has a veritable smorgasbord of possible punny surnames including Kitallabout and Monyou, causing Graeme to bluntly state "Che no more!" 
 
Che no more indeed! There's not too much else to "Che" actually, only that The Goodies had a good time making fun of both Vanessa Redgrave and Mary Whitehouse, and it was somewhat ironic that they finally managed to ruffle Mary's feathers unintentionally after not succeeding (at least publicly) with their deliberate attempt to rile her so many years and episodes beforehand.
 
Website article & photo gallery:
 
 
6. GOODIES CROSSWORD SOLUTION
*****************************
From C&G 169 – December 2009
 

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7. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS
***********************
 
(a) Graeme
(b) Terry the radio DJ
(c) Chubby Chumps
(d) The Bahamas
(e) Tim dressed as Margaret Thatcher
(f) Walking behind the bowlers arm at Lords
(g) He is trying to impersonate the much taller Vanessa Redgrave
(h) Leftist Loony Party
 
YOUR SCORE:
8    Mastermind Of The Year
7    Goodies fan supreme
5-6 Clever clogs
3-4 Goody Goody effort
1-2 Time to watch some more episodes
0    Are you sure you're not Rolf Harris?!
 
 
NEXT C&G EDITION:
- #171:    12th February 2010.
 
UPCOMING ARTICLES:
- Feb / Mar: Goodies Music Review – Melody Farm
- Mar / Apr: A Collection Of Goodies Themes – Goodies Relatives
 
C&G BACK ISSUES CONTENTS INDEX: http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=45
Updated to C&G 162 (May 2009)
 
*******************************************************************************
The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2010. All rights reserved.
Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.
 
For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.
For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail enquiries@goodiesruleok.com
 
TO OBTAIN THIS NEWSLETTER IN WORD DOCUMENT FORM:
E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> requesting transfer to the Word mailing list.
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